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Mike_Dye
Guest
No I thing all other women are ugly, especially models and such. Yuk! I hate it when I think about all of those ugly women out there.
Mike
Mike
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FightingFat
Guest
Teelynn
I think he’s having an affair with her. You know it, he knows it, you’re just arguing about level of proof.
I think he’s having an affair with her. You know it, he knows it, you’re just arguing about level of proof.
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Princess_Abby
Guest
Even if HE doesn’t go to counseling, or STOPS going to counseling when the questions get tough and the solutions seem hard, YOU keep going.
My prayers are with you.
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bapcathluth
Guest
If somebody still has a pulse, I am sure they have attractions to people who are not their spouses. This doesn’t mean they must act on them. As Jimmy Carter said, " I lust in my heart," or something like that.
I certainly see men whom I find to be attractive, but I would never act upon it. I love my husband and also find him to be attractive. I also don’t gawk and make a big deal out of it.
I know of men whose eyeballs almost leave their sockets when they see a sexy woman. This is rude to their wives and the strange women. On the other hand, a surreptitious peek is harmless in my opinion.
I certainly see men whom I find to be attractive, but I would never act upon it. I love my husband and also find him to be attractive. I also don’t gawk and make a big deal out of it.
I know of men whose eyeballs almost leave their sockets when they see a sexy woman. This is rude to their wives and the strange women. On the other hand, a surreptitious peek is harmless in my opinion.
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wcknight
Guest
TeeLynn,
Having any sort of relationship even just a “friendly” one is inappropriate for a married person. Having someone else’s phone number especially your cell phone is just plain ridiculous. He has no business calling her up under any circumstances unless she happens to be the league secretary. Even if she is, you should be the one making the calls.
IF it’s not your mother, sister, or daughter or grand mother, it has absolutely no business being on your cell phone, or in your wallet or on your rolladex.
It is NOT okay to develop ‘close’ friendships with the opposite sex who are not your spouse. They should never be alone together, and married folks who think dating is okay are out of their mind.
It may be time to find another team in another league on another day. It’s your husband who is all wet, he probably needs a ice cold shower to wake him up. The mere fact that you feel uncomfortable with the current set up should be enough incentive for him to change the situation.
Tell him to take up golf, or next time join his bowling team. My wife is on our team. We have a great time even when she struugles to break a hundred.
Having any sort of relationship even just a “friendly” one is inappropriate for a married person. Having someone else’s phone number especially your cell phone is just plain ridiculous. He has no business calling her up under any circumstances unless she happens to be the league secretary. Even if she is, you should be the one making the calls.
IF it’s not your mother, sister, or daughter or grand mother, it has absolutely no business being on your cell phone, or in your wallet or on your rolladex.
It is NOT okay to develop ‘close’ friendships with the opposite sex who are not your spouse. They should never be alone together, and married folks who think dating is okay are out of their mind.
It may be time to find another team in another league on another day. It’s your husband who is all wet, he probably needs a ice cold shower to wake him up. The mere fact that you feel uncomfortable with the current set up should be enough incentive for him to change the situation.
Tell him to take up golf, or next time join his bowling team. My wife is on our team. We have a great time even when she struugles to break a hundred.
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space_ghost
Guest
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justice
Guest
Not really sure. I do stare at her a LOT just admiring how beautiful she looks but when she catches me doing it, she tells me to stop because it annoys her to be stared at.
I do give her compliments but I can tell that it embarasses her and makes her feel uncomfortable so I try not to over do it.
While her physical beauty may have lessen over the years as she’s gotten older, in my eyes she has grown beautiful beyond belief. Even little things that she considers to be imperfections, I now find attractive on her.
Sir Knight
I’m glad to hear that there are still guys out there that feel that about their wives as you do. I married my husband because he
made me feel special, he told me I was beautiful, he didn’t put
me down or degrade me and his good looks came along with
the package. Somebody must have opened a window, all the
good traits flew out with the exception of his looks. If I even think
I might be attracted to another man, I will definitely need to go
see our priest. In action, thought etc, it’s still adultrey. I commend
you Sir Knight and God Bless to you and your wife.
Justice
I do give her compliments but I can tell that it embarasses her and makes her feel uncomfortable so I try not to over do it.
- … My husband always says I’m beautiful, but it’s kind of hard to believe that he really does think it, and isn’t just saying it to be nice … *
While her physical beauty may have lessen over the years as she’s gotten older, in my eyes she has grown beautiful beyond belief. Even little things that she considers to be imperfections, I now find attractive on her.
Sir Knight
I’m glad to hear that there are still guys out there that feel that about their wives as you do. I married my husband because he
made me feel special, he told me I was beautiful, he didn’t put
me down or degrade me and his good looks came along with
the package. Somebody must have opened a window, all the
good traits flew out with the exception of his looks. If I even think
I might be attracted to another man, I will definitely need to go
see our priest. In action, thought etc, it’s still adultrey. I commend
you Sir Knight and God Bless to you and your wife.
Justice
K
Katie1723
Guest
No Tee, you are not all wet. Trust your instincts. I will pray for you.
~ Kathy ~
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Mystophilus
Guest
I answered “No” without thinking, and I feel that I ought to qualify that.
Since I started dating my Beloved, I have never met anyone with whom I would rather spend five minutes, let alone a lifetime. Going out with friends only reinforces how fortunate I am; great people that they are, none of them is even on the same scale.
However, I am attracted to others every day. I work in a language school. The average age of our students is about 23, the majority are university educated, and they come from some 25 countries around the world. There are a lot of different types of beauty there, and I cannot help but notice. Some of them, especially the Colombians, can be quite distracting. My Beloved knows this, having worked in the same place and experienced the same situation, albeit more with Tahitians and Koreans. We are both aware of, and completely comfortable with, the fact that we find other people attractive, because we are utterly secure in the knowledge that we belong together.
Marital status: happy.
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migurl
Guest
I can’t really answer this because I am not married, but I’m engaged. I go to a University so there are a lot of different guys around, ranging from 18 and Up. I admit I notice that they have attractiive qualities, but its as if I am looking at paintings. I admire God’s handywork, but I end up picking things out that remind me of my fiance. (Blue eyes or thin lips) but it feels to me as if someone saw my fiance and chose their favorite attribute and put into someone else. I love him very much and no one holds a candle to him in my eyes!
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Mystophilus
Guest
Unfaithfulness can start in a whole host of ways, and many of them have to do with how the person feels about their marriage. If the marriage is “fine”, but someone else makes them feel “special”, they will naturally want to spend more time with that someone else. Such a desire is easily mistaken for love.
I realise that this definitely constitutes barging right into your personal life, but I would just like to that you definitely go to counselling, not just “probably”. From the sounds of things such as “confrontation” and “mixed answers”, the two of you are having trouble communicating. This is the value of trained counsellors: they are experts in helping people to communicate.
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frogman80
Guest
I believe a married man can be attracted to another woman on the basic level of attraction. Heck, even most priest will admit attraction to women. BUT there is a difference between simple attraction to another person, and how you act on it… and even false love (aka “false sanction of Eros”) towards another person.
I am happily married, but do have attraction towards women in general. I do my best not to stare at another attractive woman, and do my best not put myself in a situation that could build on that surface attraction. When I see an attractive woman that causes rise in my emotions, I try to make it habit that I pray for my wife, and then pray for that woman.
I also do my best to not compare other women to my wife… that includes “rationalizing” why some other attractive woman really is not suitable for me. If I were to do this, it may be problematic if I were ever to run into a woman who did appear to be suitable. (Enter stage right: FSE “false sanction of Eros”)
An example of FSE:
Man and woman are married, and truly in love with one another. Many and woman have been married for some time, and truly do have a stable marriage and family. Man and Woman attend a party with some friends. Man is talking with some people, and strikes up a very good conversation with “Woman B.” Woman B is attractive not only physically, but because she has a personality very much like his wife’s. Woman B is very interested in the conversation, and “obviously” attracted to Man. Woman B causes emotions to stir in Man that remind him (maybe even sub-consciously) of the same emotions he had when he first met his wife. A small seed is planted in Mans imagination about the possibility that this Woman B should truly be his beloved.
Man needs to recognize the situation for what it is. His intellect needs to kick in and tell him that he is married to Woman, and that only she is his beloved. He needs to fight his emotions and recognize that they are not correctly ordered. He also needs to separate himself from Woman B, and tell his wife about the situation. Unfortunately… what commonly happens is Man gets pulled in, and divorce is the next thought to enter his mind. He immediately starts to focus on his wife’s imperfections and starts looking for excuses… etc.
(Note… I just used “Man” and “Woman” as names… gender can be switched here. I have also seen something similar happen to seminarians who have left the seminary after 6 years to date a “perfect” Catholic woman they meet at some parish function.)
I am happily married, but do have attraction towards women in general. I do my best not to stare at another attractive woman, and do my best not put myself in a situation that could build on that surface attraction. When I see an attractive woman that causes rise in my emotions, I try to make it habit that I pray for my wife, and then pray for that woman.
I also do my best to not compare other women to my wife… that includes “rationalizing” why some other attractive woman really is not suitable for me. If I were to do this, it may be problematic if I were ever to run into a woman who did appear to be suitable. (Enter stage right: FSE “false sanction of Eros”)
An example of FSE:
Man and woman are married, and truly in love with one another. Many and woman have been married for some time, and truly do have a stable marriage and family. Man and Woman attend a party with some friends. Man is talking with some people, and strikes up a very good conversation with “Woman B.” Woman B is attractive not only physically, but because she has a personality very much like his wife’s. Woman B is very interested in the conversation, and “obviously” attracted to Man. Woman B causes emotions to stir in Man that remind him (maybe even sub-consciously) of the same emotions he had when he first met his wife. A small seed is planted in Mans imagination about the possibility that this Woman B should truly be his beloved.
Man needs to recognize the situation for what it is. His intellect needs to kick in and tell him that he is married to Woman, and that only she is his beloved. He needs to fight his emotions and recognize that they are not correctly ordered. He also needs to separate himself from Woman B, and tell his wife about the situation. Unfortunately… what commonly happens is Man gets pulled in, and divorce is the next thought to enter his mind. He immediately starts to focus on his wife’s imperfections and starts looking for excuses… etc.
(Note… I just used “Man” and “Woman” as names… gender can be switched here. I have also seen something similar happen to seminarians who have left the seminary after 6 years to date a “perfect” Catholic woman they meet at some parish function.)
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LynnieLew
Guest
Sir Knight:
You rock! I hope my husband can say the same in 10 more years!
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StCsDavid
Guest
Attracted, yes…tempted, no.
If you’re in a sacramental marriage, the option of being with someone other than your wife is just not there. I truly cannot fathom the situation that would cause me to believe that it was okay to be with someone else. For 18 years, my wife and I have been together…we’ve seen Hell and touched Heaven. She knows me better than I know myself and vice versa. What woman could possibly compete…no matter how attractive she was?
Having said that, it would be impossible not to notice a beautiful person. They are God’s creation. Now, one shouldn’t gawk, objectify, fantasize, or pursue…but to notice? How can you not? And why wouldn’t you?
If you’re in a sacramental marriage, the option of being with someone other than your wife is just not there. I truly cannot fathom the situation that would cause me to believe that it was okay to be with someone else. For 18 years, my wife and I have been together…we’ve seen Hell and touched Heaven. She knows me better than I know myself and vice versa. What woman could possibly compete…no matter how attractive she was?
Having said that, it would be impossible not to notice a beautiful person. They are God’s creation. Now, one shouldn’t gawk, objectify, fantasize, or pursue…but to notice? How can you not? And why wouldn’t you?
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John_of_Woking
Guest
I get scrupulous and paranoid. Did I consent to my…movement down below
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John_of_Woking
Guest
. It is wrong objectively. If the peek snowballs into a temptation and God forbid…solitray sin then you are in trouble
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Prometheum_x
Guest
I am not married, but I hope to be someday. My hope is that throughout my life I will be able to be attracted to other women. . .
. . . and other men. . .
. . . and little children . . .
. . . and flowers, butterflies, mountains, clouds, beautiful music – anything and anyone in this created world.
The issue then becomes whether my attraction is a holy attraction or an attraction rooted in the desires of the flesh. My prayer is not that God will rid me of my desires, but that he would redeem them and sanctify them, such that my attraction towards another flows from and towards the heart of God.
Thus I could say (although I probably wouldn’t because I would most likely be misunderstood) to a woman not my wife, “You are beautiful.” Not because of Eros, but because of Agape – I can say “beautiful” because she is created by God, created in his image.
Since my flesh is rather clever, however, prudence will require me to err on the side of caution in my dealings with women. Thus, while ideally I should be able to have great freedom in that area, I will probably need to restrict myself in a serious way, lest I give sin too much opportunity.
Perhaps I am showing my youthful naivety.
. . . and other men. . .
. . . and little children . . .
. . . and flowers, butterflies, mountains, clouds, beautiful music – anything and anyone in this created world.
The issue then becomes whether my attraction is a holy attraction or an attraction rooted in the desires of the flesh. My prayer is not that God will rid me of my desires, but that he would redeem them and sanctify them, such that my attraction towards another flows from and towards the heart of God.
Thus I could say (although I probably wouldn’t because I would most likely be misunderstood) to a woman not my wife, “You are beautiful.” Not because of Eros, but because of Agape – I can say “beautiful” because she is created by God, created in his image.
Since my flesh is rather clever, however, prudence will require me to err on the side of caution in my dealings with women. Thus, while ideally I should be able to have great freedom in that area, I will probably need to restrict myself in a serious way, lest I give sin too much opportunity.
Perhaps I am showing my youthful naivety.
T
Topher
Guest
Perhaps you are showing wisdom
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