Aunt wants to move in! I don’t like her

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Lilimo67 said:
Would I be forgiven for not taking her in ?
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Forgiven by whom?
Lilimo67 said:
I’m really seeking advice about the consequences of my Faith for going against my word
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Again, your aunt does not have to live with you in order for you to take care of her.

OTOH, it would be egregious for you to take your aunt in at the detriment of your spouse and children.
 
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Some years ago my dad died leaving my mother in a flat alone and a little abused by her neighbour who saw her as an easy target being alone. What we did was rent out her flat and with that income she rented near us in the same town. She was quite elderly too and she’d visit us daily at first which was a strain for us in many ways I can tell you.
Over time she made friends here and there and visited us less which was good. Of course she died too after a few years even though she was a very robust woman.
The main point here is that she lived close but not with us and this was paid for by renting out her owned property and using this money to rent nearby.
 
Hi Angel…I told her I would take her in my home but I didn’t tell my uncle those words… you brought me some clarity… I don’t have a problem not honouring my word with her…
 
Thank you LL…
I saw a comment on your exact words by Angel and I never looked at it that way …I told my aunt I would take care of her in my home but not my uncle.
Thank you 😊
 
Basically my aunt is a narcissist…living with other seniors is out of the question …she’s 88 and doesn’t see herself as a senior .
But I thank you for replying ,
 
LumineDiei…I so neeeded to hear that. it is ok to put families need first.
It is ok to put my needs ahead of hers. I never felt appreciated by my aunt or loved. I’m only struggling with this because I want to be a good catholic and take care of her because she is alone and lonely,
 
When my mom lost her husband, she was told by professionals that she shouldn’t make any major decisions for at least a year–especially decisions regarding her house. I think your aunt may need to grieve and let her emotions settle before embarking on this life changing decision that will affect not only her, but your whole family.
 
My aunt receives 6 hrs a day 7 days a week of personal workers .
she falls apart when the workers leave at 6. She cries all evening long.
She is also afraid living alone but mostly she want to live with me so she is not spending the winter by herself.
I call her evernignt since may. I went to see her 4 times since May and stayed 3 days each time,.
2 nights ago she announces she will stay in her home and not move in with me. I said ok aunty ,if that’s what you want . The next night she announces that I was not a good niece for not encouraging her to come live with me.
Go figure .
 
Thank you for that.
Tonite when I call her ,and if she answers …I’ll have to let her know .
 
Everyone who replied and shared their stories or thoughts on my issue , I thank you …seeking answers here was the best thing I did today.
I will let my aunt know tonite that I am sorry for changing my mind and hopefully she will forgive me.
Thanks to you all
 
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Lilimo67 said:
LumineDiei…I so neeeded to hear that. it is ok to put families need first.
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Bless your heart. Not only is it okay, it’s actually the priority. You are doing a good thing by putting the needs of your spouse and children first.
Lilimo67 said:
It is ok to put my needs ahead of hers.
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We cannot help others, at least not effectively and/or sustainably, if we don’t first take care of ourselves. So not only is this okay, it’s common sense.

Praying for you and your family 🙏
 
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angel12 said:
You promised to take care of her, not to take her into your home. You could look into arranging a place at an assisted living facility near you, for example. Or some help to come in and assist her in her own home.
It doesn’t sound like having her with you would be good for either of you, nor for your work, since you work from home and having her there could be disruptive.
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Yup. this works for me.
 
Everyone behave when they only see friends and family for a few days/year. 😁

Ask the senior citizens in your parish what they can recommend for your aunt if/when she moves to your area. Good housing facilities like elevator in the apartment complex, garden area, nice and safe area for the elderly who might have difficulties walking or being in need of using a walker or wheelchair. Dining area if they don’t want to cook for themselves. Common room with activities they can take part in some days/week. Near grocery shop, church etc. To rent or to buy?

Going to visit once or twice/week is still looking after your aunt especially if there are other people around who will also keep an eye on her.

First your aunt needs to accept that she is now a widow and that grieving has its place in life. Life is not going to be the same but very different. This could also mean new living arrangements and new traditions for family celebrations that she hasn’t thought of before.
 
No. She should roommate with women of her own age and temperament.
She has to overcome her pride and stubbornness.

Also, a woman of faith - do not have such qualities -
such as entitlement, no compassion, money oriented ( to a fault ),
racist, disrespectful - and has depression.
Sounds like - she’ll rule the roost - in no time !
 
She’s a bitter old woman from what I hear who looks very negatively on herself; pretty much everything nasty she does comes from that place. There’s not much you are going to be able to do with this hard shell of resentment she has around herself. She’d have to be open to discussing the root of this self shame, otherwise nothing is going to change for her.
 
Lilimo67 said:
In May my aunt lost her husband …they were together 45 years. She goes back and forth about staying in her home or moving in with my family. We took her in 2 weeks in July to see how we all fit together.
After 3 days I wanted her to leave. But she stayed the 2 wks
If i wasn’t a catholic the decision would be easy and I would not take her in.
So I struggle with my conscience…l love her but I don’t like my aunt as a person she is racist ,judgmental,unkind with her words, unappreciative, lacks sympathy for others, entitlement behaviour, disrespectful, values money and not people and last she criticizes everything . The funny thing she is a woman of faith .
Is my faith being tested ? Do I ignore my own thoughts on this and let her move in ? After all she’s old,alone, and mourning .
One thing is for sure , my life and my families life will be miserable .
Thoughts on what you would do?
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How do you know this? Can you foresee the future like God?

I understand that at the present, having your aunt live with you is causing misery among you and your family, but you shouldn’t be so pessimistic to think that this will always be the case.

You state that you love your aunt, yet your seem to harbor a very negative attitude towards her. You’ve stated the many shortcomings that you think your aunt possesses. Now would be a good time to pray daily that she sees the errors of her ways and reforms her views. You could set a good daily example of this by your own behavior.

What would I do? Does she have any surviving children? I would talk to them to see what would be the best option for their mother. If not, I would then discuss among her cousins to see what could be the best option for long term option for her.

Currently my 92-year-old mother lives with me and my family and we take care of all of her needs. Some days she can be difficult to deal with since the elderly can be very obstinate at times. But she’s my mother and overall it’s a great blessing that we’re able to take care of her needs even though it can take a lot of our time and emotionally it can be very draining during days when she’s in a bad and sulky mood for whatever reason.

But each family situation is different. You need to talk to your spouse, your aunt’s children (if any) and the other cousins about this and also to your aunt. Relatives can be very difficult to deal with but that doesn’t mean you should not help them in times of need. Of course, you should be praying daily to our Lord for His guidance and wisdom in regards to your aunt. First and foremost, seek and follow His advice.
 
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sort of depends on what “take care of her” means. If having her move in to your house, means you and your family would be miserable, then I would say don’t do it. Find another alternative, retirement complex perhaps?
 
I agree with your response, angel. The promise was to take care of her; it is not necessary to take her into your home. Visiting her would at an assisted living facility can work out well. There would be others there for her to socialize with.
 
Her family will be miserable without doubt. Terrible mistake to let her move in. If the poster doesn’t like her now, how much less will she like her after a few months of listening to her?

The mother of one of my sons in law lived in Florida, in a nice duplex. But she got too old to really take care of it or herself by herself. So, finally accepting the inevitable, she demanded to move in with her son and my daughter. My daughter was very opposed to that. My grandchildren were even more so. The old lady isn’t a very nice person. Anyway, she absolutely refused to live in a place “full of old people”. But they just took her there with her stuff, went to dinner with her there, took her around, and so on. It’s a really nice place. Now she’s content to live there, and her disposition has actually improved.
 
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