Aunt wants to move in! I don’t like her

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Oh she knows how she is., truly ,I am afraid of her …so no. I’m not telling her what I told here…
my motivation for coming here was to seek advice from other Catholics .
I am going against my word taking care of her.
I knew my aunt was difficult all my life…but it was only the 2 weeks she spent with me in July I realized incredulity selfish and entitled and spoiled she is.
 
She is cognitively intact. She just wants someone to continue pampering her and loving her and taking care of her like a baby…
Her personal care worker has been doing that since May and now the doctor put her off work for a month due to my aunt burning her out.
Her worker found it to hard to care for a woman who behaves like a little child,
 
Once I tell her she can’t move in , probably this weekend…I will be at peace with my decision …thank you for your thoughts on this,
 
My husband ,13 yr old daughter were a big reason for me to change my mind …not to mention my own physicle and mental health .
Thank you
 
My husband and I are both people of Faith and want to do the right thing by taking her in …but not at the expense of or sanity …
Thank you
 
She doesn’t know…Most everybody that’s in her life past and present were /are afraid of her.
 
I have a small book by the National Council on Aging, and for your information I thought I would let you know that the median national cost of services (latest 2014) is if your aunt needs assisted living, it could cost $3,500 per month. To get nursing home assistance would be $212 to $240 per day. Some people are able to get assistance, but some must pay out of their own pocket. I often wondered how people manage.
 
She receives that now. They leave at 6 pm and that’s when she falls apart. The evenings are hard on her.
That’s why I offered my home …she would have loved ones around .
 
woolycaterpillar said:
To get nursing home assistance would be $212 to $240 per day. Some people are able to get assistance, but some must pay out of their own pocket. I often wondered how people manage.
Click to expand...
There is a cautionary tale here about long term care insurance which, by the way, is offered through KofC. As with most insurance like this, the earlier you get it, the cheaper it is.
 
As you didn’t tell your uncle that by taking care of her you meant her moving in with you, taking care of doesn’t necessarily have to mean live with unless of course she had Dementia or was otherwise ill in a different way or disabled.
Even your Auntie herself seems herself to be in two minds about whether to live with you or stay in her own home.

As she has depression do you think it is hard to tell whether her lack of sympathy,judgmentalness etc is from her personality or from the Depression?
Has she always had depression even when young?

Have you considered the option of building her a granny flat to live in?
 
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Harsh.
Even if the OP doesn’t have her Aunty living with her I don’t think she should word it so harshly to an elderly person.
 
If you work from home don’t count on getting a lot of work done.
 
If she burned out someone looking after her as a job (someone who can go home from it at the end of the day) imagine how destructive she will be for you. Her personality and behaviour aren’t going to change now.

Ensure she is receiving appropriate care and you are keeping your promise.
 
If the person is cognitively intact and a manipulative bully I think it’s appropriate to say “Here are your choices”.

I’ve worked as a nurse in long term care and I’ve been physically and verbally abused by older adults. Some were intact, some weren’t.

It sounds as if the aunt is a bit of a whiner and very entitled.
 
Blessings
Well, you won’t be able to change her overnight. Before you move her in, spend more time w her. Get her to the churches Bible study. She might like RCIA classes just for educational purposes. Get her active, out of the house. As she experiences living, her issues may change. She may become friends w a black person…
Ask her to write down things that she liked or didn’t like at your house. You do the same. It’s to see where we may have unhappy moments.
Her residence will be sold? You can take her to active socializing senior apts. program. The ones w Bingo, hair dressers, etc. if the house is sold, she could afford that nice living.
OR
YOU TAKE MONEY AND BUILD A MOTHER IN LAW ADDITION TO THE HOUSE.
Uber taxis can take her all over. I like the Addition myself. It gets annoying to me, to have to leave,to get relative here or there. “Aunty, I’m a little cranky today, could you stay in your rooms today x for dinner? “
Our old ppl, were raised in prejudice. It’s a shame. They were raised to be respected as elders! ENTITLEMENT. The dowager duchess. It can be funny. Humor gets you through a lot. Store her furniture. Bring what will fit into her areas.
I have this personality where I enjoy ppl where they are. Like the statue of liberty-give me your homeless…CHUCKLE!
Being old and lonely is scary.
I hope you know what I mean.

[Leviticus19:32]
“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.
[1 Timothy 5:16]
If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.
 
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Love, treat this woman with love and compassion, whatever you perceive her faults to be.
 
She’s 88 but nothing elderly about her,
She owns that she’s a racist and judgmental ,spoiled and entitled and better then everyone else. I wanted to be transparent about her to explain why I’m now changing my mind about her moving in.
She’s been dealing with depression since her father died in 1966 . she’s been on meds ever since…
thank you for your thoughts on this,
 
Unfortunately no one else is in the cast. She never had children. Only my sister and I are in her life of all her nieces and nephews,
She’s been very indecisive since her husband died ,with good reason ; she’s still mourning him.
so leaving her house , her town is an option because she knows I would take care of her and she wouldn’t have to deal with the loneliness and isolation of being alone in her house .
She does receive personal care workers 6 hrs a day
It’s not enough on one hand a d she doesn’t like most of them on the other hand and fires them.
Thank you for replying
 
I have been treating her with love and compassion …
I’m 6 hours away so I do my best and call her every night .
I spent from May to August going back and forth to be with her …12 hour drives. Each time, I took her in 2 weeks in July and stopped working to give her all my attention. I’m self employed .
She doesn’t know how I feel and she will never know…
I will tell her I can’t take her in anymore, I changed my mind and hope we can still have a relationship.
Thank you for your words,
 
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