Aunt wants to move in! I don’t like her

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lilimo67
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Lilimo67 said:
Thoughts on what you would do?
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If she has a home of her own in which to stay then it’s not a matter of saving her from homelessness or starvation.
She has no right to ruin your family’s lives, which is what your description sounds like.
Lilimo67 said:
my life and my families life will be miserable
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No. You have no duty to take her in as long as she still has a place of her own. You do have a duty to protect your own family.
 
Taking care of someone doesn’t necessarily mean taking her into your own home. In this case, it means finding another place for her to live like assisted living or independent living.

Has she been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Dementia or clinical depression? (Depression after losing her husband is normal.) Each of these factor into the type of place that would accept your aunt.

Regardless of where your aunt resides, she’s going to have to be able to afford it. The more things she needs help with, the higher her rent. No need for you to foot the bill each month.
 
My uncle’s niece offered to build an addition for my aunt …my aunt doesn’t want to give her money to do that even though out govt would assist with the cost.
It would cost my aunt less then 10k. She has that without having to sell her house,
And she really likes her husbands niece.they live in the same area.
My aunt told me many times that she doesn’t want that option because when she’s passed on ,her husband’s niece would rent it out for futur income.
 
Ever thought of it that way …I would be saving her from loneliness .
 
In a lovely, upscale town in Fountain Hills, AZ, a 92 year old woman shot and killed her son because she did not want to be placed in assisted living. She is in prison. This happened during the summer. I guess older people can be pretty rough to deal with at times.
 
Hire a carer for overnights. Live in help.

Remember, if your kids are older than 8 or so, they are learning how to care for you when you are old and maybe cross or difficult or depressed.

It sounds like making a visit and both you and your sister sitting down with a counselor is a good idea. Can you find a grief/family counselor through her parish?

The idea of building an apartment at your sister’s place sounds perfect. Now it is a matter of finding out why she fears your sister using it as an income source when she is gone (to me, that may be simply a way she is fearing her own death, that she will be forgotten after she dies).

Perhaps, does your sis have kids? Does auntie like those kids? Maybe a promise that any money made from the unit after auntie passes will go toward the kids’ education? Or that they will make a donation every month in her name to the parish?

My gut says this is about being forgotten. Realizing that she has no children and that when she is gone, that is all to her branch of the family. Heck, we have an only child and he will never have children. I often feel sad that we will have no heritage, I have no one to pass things on to except to grand nieces and nephews and I don’t know that they will even want them. I could easily BE your Auntie in another 30 years.
 
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Lilimo67 said:
My aunt told me many times that she doesn’t want that option because when she’s passed on ,her husband’s niece would rent it out for futur income.
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And she objects to this?

So she refuses help because she’d have to pay part of the cost although she can afford it and other people would share the cost.

She objects because one of the people helping her might get some money back after she no longer needs what was provided.

Do .not. let. this. woman. into. your. home.
 
You ARE looking after her - that doesn’t mean she has to live with you. You can help her as much as you can, but she should stay in her own home or move into a smaller place.

Don’t take her into your home. There is no obligation for you to have her live with you. She’s not a nice person at all. I wouldn’t take a racist into my home, let alone all the other personality traits you describe. Your primary responsibility is to your own family, your husband and kids - not an aunt who’s alienated everyone throughout her long life.
 
I wish I could hire someone to be with her overnight. There are no one in her town of less then 1500 that would spend the evenings with her even if they were paid. …it’s not my sister that would build an addition it’s my aunts niece on her husbands side. My sister is 4 hrs from my aunt and I’m 6 hrs away. This is not about my aunt fearing to be forgotten …this is about her husbands niece renting out the addition once my aunt passes away.
My aunt is the type of woman that when she eats at a restaurant ,which is 3-4 times a week, she will order everything she feels like having ,knowing that she won’t eat all of it, and instead letting the server take her full plate away ,she will bring it home so she can throw the food out and not the server. When she came for 2 weeks in July at my place I told her she is not bringing her left over food to throw it out in my home …she says to me I paid for it so I can do what I want with it.
I’m dodging a bullet by changing my mind this week in taking her in.
Thank for your thoughts on this LL
 
You and many others here Got it. I’m dodging a bullet by changing my mind a few days ago about taking her in . If it wasn’t for our conversation on Wednesday evening and how sour it went, I would have been picking her on thanksgiving in 2 weeks for us in Canada,
I appreciate your thoughts in this , thank you
 
Thank you … now the courage to tell her … I’ve been delaying telling her .
I must tell her tonite .
 
I would have put my work on hold to take care of her.
She’s very high maintenance.
 
Thanks Lilimo67: I wasn’t suggesting a senior home. I was thinking of a regular apartment with shopping within walking distance or something like that, although I’m not sure of her health condition. My take is that a lot of elderly people can do a lot more than they think they can.
 
Prayers offered for your task, that you may find the right words and find a compassionate alternative solution.
 
I agree… I couldn’t keep up with her in July when she spent 2 weeks with me. Everyday for 2 weeks i would take her shopping and she had to eat lunch and dinner out each time. And
I’m 37 yrs younger then she is.
 
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