Australian church says women are “too choosy,” should wed earlier

[PaulinVA]

Men of my generation (late baby boomer) where taught, either implicitly or explicitly, that our “fate”, our “destiny” in life is to have a job and support a family. If you like your job, great, but it’s not required. You are the provider and protector of your wife and kids.

It is now “patriarchal” and “overbearing” to hold that view. Women are off on their quest to find themselves, using their sexual freedom and birth control to be just as loose as men without consequences of pregnancy.

When you add that society has rejected who men are (as patriarchal pigs) and women just want to have jobs and consider kids a bad thing, there is a great confusion among young people. The natural law/natural order that God has imprinted upon our hearts is at odds with what society is telling us.

Some people have an easy time following the more traditional route, but many others are confused and alone and not very happy.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

The Church teaches that we get but one shot at marriage - no do-overs. And now the Church is saying not to be “too picky” when making this supposedly life-long choice?

This is just absurd.

Proper formation of young people’s ideals and goals would help quite a bit. If teens and young adults thought more seriously of marriage and didn’t think they had forever to date, pick and choose, potentially live with several different people first, than marriages would be stronger.

I know several couples who married “young” - early 20s as opposed to early 30s. They talk about forming their likes and dislikes together as a couple. In that way, they had less to be “choosy” about when they were younger because they didn’t have as much life experience to try and match up with a spouse.

 

[LilyM]

Men have known for a long time that work is work, and family is family. They also know we are supposed to work so we can live, we are not supposed to be living so we can work. In other words, men have for a very long intuitively understood that their jobs provide a living, and that it is why men are far more willing to do the dirtier jobs so long as they pay a reasonable wage.

On the other, women, imo, have fallen under the spell of thinking that their career defines them, and they pursue careers perhaps even with more ghusto, then do men, today. Yet, unlike men who have generally pursued jobs and careers to make a good living, women often pursue a career as a means to find something “they love to do.”

Men generally ask themselves, “what am I good at?”

Women generally ask themselves, “what job can I do that I will really love?”

Woman, again imo, have also been convinced that they have somehow missed out on life during the times that they were largely stay-home-home moms and wives–to they try to fill that so-called gap by pursuing careers and men with genuine intensity. Ironically, men today are learning in increasing numbers that being home with their kids is a huge blessing as we see many more stay-at-home Dads.

Way over-generalised. I know plenty of men who have just the same attitude of ‘my work is my love and my passion’. And whose families and friendships suffer as a result.

And plenty of women, being that they are more likely than men to be the in the lower-prestige lower-paid jobs that are not and will never be a source of fabulous wealth or enhanced status for them, who work to live rather than living to work.

 

[lerapt78]

I’m reminded of a line I heard in a movie decades ago, to the effect that many women are so intent on finding Mr. Right that they aren’t doing anything about becoming some man’s Ms Right.

Of course, the same thing could be said about some men.

Somewhat true, unfortunately. Many of the women of my generation focus incessantly on which attributes their potential mates need to bring to the table, while often neglecting to identify and nurture those feminine qualities and expectations that will earn respect and devotion from their men.

The Church teaches that we get but one shot at marriage - no do-overs. And now the Church is saying not to be “too picky” when making this supposedly life-long choice?

This is just absurd.

Yes, the proclamation is a bit misleading; I don’t think the problem lies with being “too picky” - I think the problem is that people are too picky about the wrong things. It is extremely important to be discerning when it comes to choosing a mate; as you stated, it is a life-long choice, and it would be fool-hardy to enter into a commitment with someone if you did not weigh the other’s attributes and values against your own to be sure of compatibility. The article should have stressed that it is important for the “prerequisite list” to contain a desire for qualities of a moral and responsible nature, and to cross off the requirements that are shallow and superficial.

Have you ever watched the show “House Hunters”? When I listen to those spoiled young couples go on about how “the kitchen isn’t big enough to entertain” or “I must have granite countertops” or “What??? No double sinks in the bathrooms?” I’m surprised that any of them are married LOL!!!

I always laugh at the desire for the large kitchen with granite countertops as well, mainly because all the women I’ve known who think it is so important don’t even know how to cook! To them, it’s more about appearance than actual function.

 

[GraceSofia]

I think this has to do with your philosophy of how God affects your everyday life.

If you believe that God has picked a spouse for you and it’s your job to find him/her, you have to be extremely picky.

If you believe that you could actually live quite well with any number of people in your immediate area, then you will pick one of them and start your life.

This is interesting. Are both these views compatible with Catholicism?
Do many people believe that God has picked one specific person for them?

Australian church says women are “too choosy,”

I can remember my great-grandmother saying about one of her daughters, “She picked through the woods until she found a crooked stick.” And this was a while back.

 

[7_Sorrows]

in my mid 20’s i sought the help of a psychologist to try to get my life straightened out.
i was living in a small midwestern town at the time. i had a college degree. he accused me of being “too choosy” and i went into a guilt trip. i guess i felt i had done good things in my life and deserved to have someone treat me well. there was not a lot to choose from in this small town. most of the men my age abused alcohol and drugs. anyhow, i lowered my standards and my life went into a downward spiral. i lost my self respect.
so ladies, if anyone accuses you of being too choosy, ignore them. i am shocked that someone from the Australian Catholic church would make this statement. in my mid-twenties, i was hoping to meet the man who would be my husband for the rest of my life.
i wasn’t raised in the Catholic church, but i did have Catholic values. i never wanted to be divorced.

 

[Captain_America]

Women don’t become “too picky” in a vacuum. Men need to step it up. Women have every right to be picky, especially when you consider that in the traditional model of marriage where women are primarily responsible for child-rearing, the man can leave her and the children homeless and destitute on a whim. And that can happen even when you are very picky, because the bottom line is that no one knows for sure what choices people will make in the future.

Rather harsh. One could also say women have been taught, perhaps excessively, to be “consumers” and now are “consumers” of male product!

 

[Captain_America]

Men of my generation (late baby boomer) where taught, either implicitly or explicitly, that our “fate”, our “destiny” in life is to have a job and support a family. If you like your job, great, but it’s not required. You are the provider and protector of your wife and kids.

It is now “patriarchal” and “overbearing” to hold that view. Women are off on their quest to find themselves, using their sexual freedom and birth control to be just as loose as men without consequences of pregnancy.

When you add that society has rejected who men are (as patriarchal pigs) and women just want to have jobs and consider kids a bad thing, there is a great confusion among young people. The natural law/natural order that God has imprinted upon our hearts is at odds with what society is telling us.

Some people have an easy time following the more traditional route, but many others are confused and alone and not very happy.

Great post; solid thinking. And how many women became disillusioned or unsatisfied in their Quest for Self-Worth through Employment?

 

[PaulinVA]

*I think this has to do with your philosophy of how God affects your everyday life.

If you believe that God has picked a spouse for you and it’s your job to find him/her, you have to be extremely picky.

If you believe that you could actually live quite well with any number of people in your immediate area, then you will pick one of them and start your life.*
This is interesting. Are both these views compatible with Catholicism?
Do many people believe that God has picked one specific person for them?

This is interesting. Are both these views compatible with Catholicism?
Do many people believe that God has picked one specific person for them?

I can remember my great-grandmother saying about one of her daughters, “She picked through the woods until she found a crooked stick.” And this was a while back.

 

[PaulinVA]

This is interesting. Are both these views compatible with Catholicism?
Do many people believe that God has picked one specific person for them?

Well, I do believe that my wife and I should be together, that somehow we are meant for each other.

BUT, I’m not sure that is a theologically-sound idea. I guess maybe it’s that the graces conveyed by marriage make it possible to live a good, holy life with your spouse if you cooperate with the graces.

 

[Phemie]

**The Church teaches that we get but one shot at marriage - no do-overs. **And now the Church is saying not to be “too picky” when making this supposedly life-long choice?

This is just absurd.

Well, not quite. We might get many shots at marriage – unfortunately, that means someone died.

I know one woman who was married at 19. Widowed after two children, she re-married at 27; widowed again after two more children, she married for a third time at the age of 30, had a 40 year marriage and 7 children with this third husband, whom she outlived by 25 years.

 

[AthenaC]

Rather harsh. One could also say women have been taught, perhaps excessively, to be “consumers” and now are “consumers” of male product!

Well, yes. Being abandoned by one’s husband in the winter in Fairbanks, AK (with a baby!) is certainly a harsh reality. Great diet plan though. I found some pics of myself from back then the other day - never been thinner!

Anyway, yes of course there are women who don’t appreciate a good man when they find him. I made this mistake when I was younger, but it didn’t have anything to do with being “choosy.” It had to do with not having a good concept of what a loving relationship looked like, which I think is a failing of the culture at large … but that’s another thread.

 

[AthenaC]

Great post; solid thinking. And how many women became disillusioned or unsatisfied in their Quest for Self-Worth through Employment?

Not just about women. If anything, in my profession I see more dissatisfied men than women. The women I work with are more practical and understand exactly the nature of work - it’s great if it’s at least reasonably satisfying, but the primary reason one works is to support one’s family. You see the evidence of this in the way they structure their projects, including working from home a few hours a week. Also, in general the women are more supportive and great to work with. I’d say this is true with about 80% of the women, with the remaining 20% more like the men (below).

On the flip side, I hear a lot of men complaining about stupid stuff that they really should just not worry about. In general, the men are opportunistic and unreasonable, with some undercurrents of misogyny. They are not concerned with quality work; they just pressure their teams to get things done “under budget” and are generally miserable to work with. I would say this is true with about 65% of the men, with the remaining 35% more like the women (above).

But that’s just been my experience.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I honestly keep coming back to this article again and again because I found it, through my personal experience, to be overwhelmingly true. It breaks my heart personally and in a more broad sense, too, because I’m just an average guy who apparently (at least based on my interactions with Catholic women) isn’t good enough for the lot of them.

I wish Catholic women would be more reasonable in their demands.

 

[Tenofovir]

Sadly, it’s not just a Western problem. Even here in the Far East, it’s a very serious problem. D:

On the other hand more unmarried young men and women are turning off sex in the Far East. That’s a good thing. Now maybe they could realise a husband/wife need not just be a sex doll ^_^.

 

[Crescentinus]

On the other hand more unmarried young men and women are turning off sex in the Far East. That’s a good thing. Now maybe they could realise a husband/wife need not just be a sex doll ^_^.

Really? O:

 

[sulkow82]

Hello,
I don’t think (personally) that this was phrased correctly. Sometimes the person doesn’t marry because there are no quality choices around? I, also, married late because due to self esteem issues when I was younger. So, I think statement in the article over simplifies the issue to much.

 

[ringil]

What a weird and unsophisticated comment by a Bishop.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I find fault with both MEN AND WOMEN for this situation. There is NOTHING wrong with being choosy. A lot of people just settled in the past. However, make sure you are being choosy about the right things.

Your primary focus should be, “Would this person raise our children properly if something happened to me?” The answer to that question will tell you A LOT about how likely the person is as marriage material.

 

[lerapt78]

I find fault with both MEN AND WOMEN for this situation. There is NOTHING wrong with being choosy. A lot of people just settled in the past. However, make sure you are being choosy about the right things.

Your primary focus should be, “Would this person raise our children properly if something happened to me?” The answer to that question will tell you A LOT about how likely the person is as marriage material.