AWESOME response to "enjoy these days they go by so fast"

[mommy_k]

No matter what stage in parenting or life you are in-someone always says this…
Kindergarten, goes fast-enjoy it while u can…
Elementary school goes fast-enjoy it…
High school goes fast-enjoy it…
College goes fast-enjoy it…

Then it flips to the adult child—newlyweds before kids…enjoy it.
And so on-
I just smile and say yes I know.

 

[Xantippe]

When this sentiment is delivered by misty-eyed older folks at the grocery store, I smile and agree; snark wouldn’t really feel right. When it’s a post showing up on my Facebook feed, though, it’s annoying.

Again, I don’t know that it ever comes from people that actually roll up their sleeves and HELP.

 

[heidi_storage]

Again, I don’t know that it ever comes from people that actually roll up their sleeves and HELP.

No, it doesn’t, but I think older people saying it are thinking of their own now-grown children and remembering the preciousness of them. Memory is so often rose-colored, which is nice, and it just doesn’t seem right to “smack down” our seniors for their sentimentality.

 

[Xantippe]

No, it doesn’t, but I think older people saying it are thinking of their own now-grown children and remembering the preciousness of them. Memory is so often rose-colored, which is nice, and it just doesn’t seem right to “smack down” our seniors for their sentimentality.

Right.

One of my grandmas found a little diary she’d had when her kids were tiny and there was an episode recorded in the diary of one of the kids breaking a window accidentally (they were awfully poor, so it would have been TRAGIC at the time). Grandma said, I don’t remember that, and tossed out the diary.

I love my grandma, but typical!

 

[wild_thing]

Please don’t think that I don’t understand how hard it is for you. I babysit for a living, child care is hard work, and very unpleasant at times. Some days I’m all to happy to see the parents come home! I didn’t mean it to be a competition. I was simply giving something to think about during the rough times. Forgive me if it came out wrong. :hug3: They are equally heavy crosses. If I had to choose though, of course I’d pick the house full of youngins. That’s my choice though.

Totally off topic, but have you ever read My Sisters, the Saints by Colleen Carroll Campbell, Convert in 99? I just finished reading it and thought of you. The author went through a terrible time of infertility and had some really good insight of what God was trying to do in her soul during that suffering. It’s a quick read and a different perspective on some well known women saints.

 

[Xantippe]

Someone wise once told me, you know when your children are very young you are exhausted, but once you get a really good night’s sleep you feel a lot better. The problem is that once your children are older and making certain life choices sometimes you can’t even sleep.
**
Right. I know some parents of an adult child in exactly that situation. When the phone rings, it’s something BAD.**

I remember feeling the pressure too when my children were younger to enjoy every last minute it is crazy! However every once in a while I would take time to deliberately do just that. I would take my little one (at whatever age they were) and sneak away just a few minutes to gaze at them and love them or hug them or play with them. I knew I would only have a few minutes but I wanted to make sure I dedicated those few minutes 100%. To this day I still remember those moments and recommend that to parents of young ones. Maybe you can only do it every few weeks? It’s crazy to think you can do it every day but once in a while can bring great joy to the soul.

Yes! That’s realistic.

 

[white_sheep]

They do go by fast. Sometimes slowly and miserably fast. I inject a couple of meanings into that phrase. 1. You only get one chance to raise them right and set a good example. 2. While you’re in the midst of what is sometimes a nightmare, try to take a moment now and again to appreciate them. They are cute sometimes. Especially when you steal a peak at them when they finally went to sleep. Take a moment here and there to just play with them and be happy.

 

[February]

Please don’t think that I don’t understand how hard it is for you. I babysit for a living, child care is hard work, and very unpleasant at times. Some days I’m all to happy to see the parents come home! I didn’t mean it to be a competition. I was simply giving something to think about during the rough times. Forgive me if it came out wrong. :hug3: They are equally heavy crosses. If I had to choose though, of course I’d pick the house full of youngins. That’s my choice though.

Yes exactly. I too have worked in daycare, and have been an infant mental health therapist for years (just switched jobs due to it being a bit too triggering after our daughter died); I’ve seen how hard it can be!

With my grief process I have been truly trying to do the same thing…to take up my cross and appreciate the little things in life. For instance, I have a great husband, but often have no trouble finding things to complain about! But I also know people who have lost their husbands, or who have military husbands whom they don’t see, etc. I have been working on enjoying the “little things” and appreciating what I have right now, because I know all too well the people we love can be taken away in an instant (I have also lost my mother). So just as I remember these grieving wives during my difficult times, it may help to think about those who would give anything to hear their baby scream and cry

p.s. I would gladly be someone to help when one’s kids are becoming a bit too difficult…I’ve done it for many years! So if any of you moms are near Detroit…

 

[jlc2k2]

Yes exactly. I too have worked in daycare, and have been an infant mental health therapist for years (just switched jobs due to it being a bit too triggering after our daughter died); I’ve seen how hard it can be!

With my grief process I have been truly trying to do the same thing…to take up my cross and appreciate the little things in life. For instance, I have a great husband, but often have no trouble finding things to complain about! But I also know people who have lost their husbands, or who have military husbands whom they don’t see, etc. I have been working on enjoying the “little things” and appreciating what I have right now, because I know all too well the people we love can be taken away in an instant (I have also lost my mother). So just as I remember these grieving wives during my difficult times, it may help to think about those who would give anything to hear their baby scream and cry

p.s. I would gladly be someone to help when one’s kids are becoming a bit too difficult…I’ve done it for many years! So if any of you moms are near Detroit…

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.

Secondly, it’s wonderful that you have found a way to appreciate the little things. But your way doesn’t work for everyone. For me, thinking about the fact that my husband or my children could be gone at any time (a fact I absolutely realize) doesn’t actually reduce my frustrations. For me, it only serves to increase my anxiety and guilt - which feeds the frustration.

That was my point. It may help some mothers to hear “it goes by so fast” and that’s great. But it may hurt others. And it doesn’t make them a bad mother in either case. This is also a point made by the original blog post that started the thread.

 

[Xantippe]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.

Secondly, it’s wonderful that you have found a way to appreciate the little things. But your way doesn’t work for everyone. For me, thinking about the fact that my husband or my children could be gone at any time (a fact I absolutely realize) doesn’t actually reduce my frustrations. For me, it only serves to increase my anxiety and guilt - which feeds the frustration.

That was my point. It may help some mothers to hear “it goes by so fast” and that’s great. But it may hurt others. And it doesn’t make them a bad mother in either case. This is also a point made by the original blog post that started the thread.

Right.

 

[Allegra]

This is me too. Moms and Dads I’m not underestimating your struggle at all, but those precious Angels of yours could not be here. And that is a far worse pain than anyone without severe infertility or reoccurant miscarriage could imagine.

Having spent time in the NICU with my girl, I feel more or less the same. I am keenly aware that lots of parents have much worse struggles than I do and I will always remember the NICU mothers I met who were there for months, had to leave their other precious children at home, and didn’t know if they would ever get to take their babies home. Also, I’m generally too busy in other people’s homes, trying to keep my girl from upsetting their beverages or dismantling their extensive knick-knack collections, to have the time to ponder their decorative plaques… much less, take them personally.

 

[Allegra]

No matter what stage in parenting or life you are in-someone always says this…
Kindergarten, goes fast-enjoy it while u can…
Elementary school goes fast-enjoy it…
High school goes fast-enjoy it…
College goes fast-enjoy it…

Then it flips to the adult child—newlyweds before kids…enjoy it.
And so on-
I just smile and say yes I know.

I never heard anyone say that about high school. Usually they say something like, “Hang in there, it’ll end someday!”

 

[kptrs]

I love everything about babies. Newborns are awesome. The baby phase is awesome. The sleep deprivation is not awesome. Breastfeeding is awesome. I miss it terribly. I don’t miss getting bitten when the baby starts getting teeth. Toddlers are awesome. The fact that they are able to tell you what they want, to a certain extent, so you are not left wondering is awesome. Tantrums are not awesome.

I enjoyed my newborn son. While I enjoyed him, I also looked forward to when he would sleep through the night. I miss breastfeeding, but I don’t miss the biting. I’m currently enjoying my toddler, but I’m looking forward to the time when he doesn’t scream and run into the corner every time he gets told “no.” He starts school in the fall, and yes, I’m looking forward to having two mornings a week to get stuff done around the house and just plain relax a bit.

I think parents’ feelings about their children are often paradoxical. We love them tremendously and are grateful for them and want them in our lives and we do enjoy them. But parenting is hard. Really hard. It’s exhausting, frustrating, draining, rewarding, and wonderful. That’s why experts suggest weekly date nights and generally time away from the kids. It doesn’t mean parents don’t love/don’t want/don’t enjoy/aren’t savoring/aren’t grateful for their children. If anything, that time away from them makes parents enjoy their kids more because they have a clearer head and are refreshed.

So, those signs don’t offend me. Because I do want to savor every moment with my son. And I do. And at the same time that I’m savoring him, I do look forward to the day when certain things will be over. You can have both at the same time.

But that’s just me. Everyone is different and entitled to their feelings.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Or…last night at the grocery store…my 3 year old needs to use the potty NOW and can’t wait until we go home and the bathroom is at the back of the store and my 18 month old needs to be carried because she can’t walk that fast but she screams because she wants to walk and then looses one of her sandals and I bend down to get it and she looses the other sandal and my 3 year old is getting upset because she needs to go pee…and I’m 8 months pregnant.

If anyone said something like that to me while the above was happening…well, if looks could kill is all I can say.
.

If I was in that store, I would have felt I need to do something to help you. Usually, I just step aside since I don’t want to get in the way. Is that an appropriate response? It has been my experience if I offered to hold your 18 months old so you could focus on your 3 year old, most mom’s would just see that as one more interruption. Am I correct?

 

[Xantippe]

If I was in that store, I would have felt I need to do something to help you. Usually, I just step aside since I don’t want to get in the way. Is that an appropriate response? It has been my experience if I offered to hold your 18 months old so you could focus on your 3 year old, most mom’s would just see that as one more interruption. Am I correct?

I think a lot of moms would be freaked out by a strange lady offering to hold their baby. But if you offered to watch their cart? That might be more helpful.

 

[D0UBTFIRE]

Being a parent is brutal. Like really hard. But notice the people who tell you to cherish every moment are older, they’ve experienced it, they’re probably reminiscing, and probably wiser. No need to take offense or get upset. And they don’t owe you help. I can’t understand why I so often I hear moms complain that strangers don’t offer help.

I’m a mom of three and I’m 30, by the way.

 

[jlc2k2]

Being a parent is brutal. Like really hard. But notice the people who tell you to cherish every moment are older, they’ve experienced it, they’re probably reminiscing, and probably wiser. No need to take offense or get upset. And they don’t owe you help. I can’t understand why I so often I hear moms complain that strangers don’t offer help.

I’m a mom of three and I’m 30, by the way.

Yes they have “been there” so they are looking back - often through rose colored glasses. Example: I remember my twins’ infancy as a lot easier than my husband remembers me talking about it back then. Just because I have forgotten about some of the difficulties doesn’t mean that I wasn’t absolutely justified in feeling what I felt at the time.

If I can basically do that with myself, it is often worse when it comes from someone who doesn’t actually know what’s going on in my life. The time it was hardest to hear that phrase was while I was dealing with a miscarriage that almost no one knew about. I was not emotionally capable of savoring every day with my tantrum-prone 3 yo and mischievous 1 yos at that time. No matter how many little old ladies at church thought I should.

 

[D0UBTFIRE]

Yes they have “been there” so they are looking back - often through rose colored glasses. Example: I remember my twins’ infancy as a lot easier than my husband remembers me talking about it back then. Just because I have forgotten about some of the difficulties doesn’t mean that I wasn’t absolutely justified in feeling what I felt at the time.

If I can basically do that with myself, it is often worse when it comes from someone who doesn’t actually know what’s going on in my life. The time it was hardest to hear that phrase was while I was dealing with a miscarriage that almost no one knew about. I was not emotionally capable of savoring every day with my tantrum-prone 3 yo and mischievous 1 yos at that time. No matter how many little old ladies at church thought I should.

You don’t have to do what they say. Why get upset about it? They’re not saying your feelings at the experience aren’t justified. I get really frustrated and overwhelmed too, and most the time I vent and complain about how hard it is. That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t cherish every moment - does it? Of course not! Especially considering I chose this type of life. I think if we think about God’s will on the matter we would probably conclude the He does want us to cherish every moment and that He understands our hardship.

 

[Book_Worm]

Well, it may be especially annoying coming from people that are doing nothing to help.

I never expected anyone to help. With some very few exceptions, like trading child care with other friends, DH and I felt raising our child was our responsibility.

 

[EasterJoy]

You don’t have to do what they say. Why get upset about it? They’re not saying your feelings at the experience aren’t justified. I get really frustrated and overwhelmed too, and most the time I vent and complain about how hard it is. That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t cherish every moment - does it? Of course not! Especially considering I chose this type of life. I think if we think about God’s will on the matter we would probably conclude the He does want us to cherish every moment and that He understands our hardship.

You don’t have to do what these “cherish this moment!” people say, but you also don’t have to listen to unsolicited advice as if you welcome it. Any time you wade into someone’s life and spout out the equivalent of “switch your noodle!” as if they were going to thank you for it, you are on dangerous ground. You have rushed in where angels will not tread.

It is not the sentiment of cherishing one’s children or feeling grateful to have them that anyone has a quarrel with. It is hovering over someone who has troubles you don’t have and telling them that they ought to feel grateful and implying that you wish you were back in the same boat they are struggling so mightily to keep on course. Is it any surprise when the first thought that comes to their head is this: Oh…If You’re Not Going to Cheer, Help Paddle or Bail Water, At Least Shut Up! If someone fights off the temptation to resentment and manages to say, “oh…gee, thanks,” I think they ought to get a medal, frankly!

The truth is that most people who are well past their baby-raising years either couldn’t survive it again or would try to get out of it as quickly as possible if they were to be put into the position again. How do I know this? I know this because friends of mine who are grandparents put into the position of having to parent their grandchildren because of the incapacitation of their child say that they cannot wait for the day they can stop parenting and start being grandparents again. They don’t feel grateful to be in the “cherish” years again. They’ve tried both, and* grandparenting* is the gig they want!!

If those grandparents who were plunged back into the day-to-day pleasures of parenting all say that, then who can argue with them?