Awkward moments during mass

[palmas85]

I was about 13 or so and had been serving for quite a while. I was really cool and very good at what I did

That summer I had grown quite a bit and had totally outgrown my old cassock. We had been in away for June and July and upon returning was issued a new one. It was about two feet two long, it seemed so I pinned it up. Or at least I thought I did.

If I remember correctly it was the Feast of the Assumption and the ladies from the Altar Siciety had placed a magnificent statute of the Blessed Mother near the communion rail. It was very beautiful, very big and very heavy,

Mass went fine with no problems. I naturally was in complete sync with Father, being one of the best, heck I’ll say it, the best Altar Boy in the program. I was inspirational to behold yes I was.

We were deep into communion and in my best silent stealth movement mode was shuffling along beside Father holding my trusty paten in one hand and gripping my surplice with the other… There were three Sisters at the rail, including my soon to be principal and teacher. They were kneeling right beside and slightly in front of the magnificent statue of the Blessed Mother, which was sitting on a pedastal of some sort…

As Father started to place the Host on my soon to be principals tongue, I realized that I was too far away and took a half step so I could properly place the paten.

BIG MISTAKE

My foot got caught the cassock and… I tripped, fell over the rail and stabbed Sister right in the forehead, gashing her pretty good. As I continued falling, somersaulting would be a better word for it I took out the Sister to her right, my new teacher, who was just staring to stand up, and landed right on top of my soon to be principal… The second sister lost her footing and crashed into the magnificent statue of the Blessed Virgin, She, the statue, tottered precariously for a few seconds and then fell, landing on top of me. ) and partially on the second Sister. my new teacher.

You haven’t experienced anything until you are lying on top of an elderly Sister, did I mention she was going to be my prinicipal in the upcoming year?:bigyikes: , on the floor in front of the Communion Rail, with a two hundred pound statue of the Blessed Mother pinning you down on top of her.

I didn’t live that one down for a longtime.

And yes, it was a long school year.

 

[Frosty]

During my first year in High School, back in the ealy 1960’s, the nun who was my piano teacher and also the Church organist and choir director assigned me the job of playing the organ for one of the Sunday Masses. It wasn’t very difficult because it was a Low Mass and I only had to play whichever four hymns that were to be sung for any particular Sunday. As the year went on, she also had me stand in a few times for Sunday evening Benediction.
Around about May of that year, she asked me if I would be willing to play the Daily Mass as well during the summer while she was on retreat. I thought it was a great honour to be asked so of course I agreed. The Daily Mass was at 7:30 am and was a sung Mass which meant I had to learn to play the whole Mass. Each day after school, I diligently trooped over to the church and practiced on the organ for at least an hour. I was assured that I would only have to play the organ and that there would always be members of the choir to sing the responses. Now, this Mass was always celebrated by the pastor of the parish, never by one of the curates. The pastor was a tall, absurdely handsome man in his fifties who went around dressed in a black homburg and long black cape with a red silk lining. All of us kids were terrified of him and it was with no small amount of trepidation that I arrived on the first Monday of July to begin my new task.
I got to the church half an hour early and it took me most of that time to get my hands to stop shaking. As 7:30 approached, I was still the only one up in the choir loft and I realized that it was going to be all up to just me. I could sing half way decently but I didn’t have a strong voice and the church was as large as a small cathedral. Besides, trying to remember the Latin wording and read the music at the same time was not something I was prepared for.
Right on the dot of 7:30, the Monsignor came out and began Mass. At the first “Domine non sum dignus” I gamely sang out the response, then turned on my bench so I could watch the altar. The Monsignor was still standing there with his arms up and in a louder voice, again sang " Domine non sum dignus". I turned back to the organ and played and sang my response once more. Again I turned around and he was still standing there. This time he basically yelled “Domine non sum dignus”. It dawned on me that perhaps he couldn’t hear me so I tried to sing as loud as I could. Again I turned and sure enough he still hadn’t moved. Even though he was at least a hundred feet away from me, I could feel his eyes burning a hole right through me. All the people in the pews were also turned staring up at me. That moment seemed to last forever but in reality was probably only seconds. I had no idea what to do next and was pretty much a quivering mass of nerves. Finally. one of the elderly nuns in the front pew waved with both arms at the pastor as if to shoo him on and he did turn back to the altar and continue with the Mass.
The “Gloria” started out as a real disaster because I was concentrating so hard on singing loudly enough with no mistakes that my fingers couldn’t find the right notes on the organ and it sounded ghastly. About three quarters of the way through, two of the parishoners from below took pity on me and came up into the loft to do the singing. Shortly after, five more came up and they all were surprisingly good. Although by that point, I was in such a state that even if none of them could carry a tune to save their lives, it wouldn’t have mattered as long as I didn’t have to sing!
For the rest of that summer, there always was at least one person in the “choir”. After that first Mass, one of the young curates found me bawling my eyes out in the loft. He promised to see that I would not have to go through that same experience again even if he had to be the choir. He might not have made that promise if he had known how often that would be the case.

 

[sskelly]

I was once at a crowded Sunday mass on a hot summer day when a toddler actually started yelling - during the homily —“shut up, shut up, shut up”!!!

 

[BSHoop96]

My wife e-mailed me that at Mass this wkend my 3 yr old kept asking her which one (priest or deacon) was God. He kept repeating himself getting louder and louder. I guess I have my work cut out for me when I get back home.

Oh my gosh…how sweet it that?

 

[spellinggirl]

Wow… so many for me!!! I’m an altar server (the head, actually) and I have to fix all the mistakes our new servers make, among others!

A few weeks ago, I was assisting during a baptism. The baby’s name was Grace Catherine Last name. Well, Father kept referring to her as Catherine, not Grace! Finally, I had to lean over and whisper “Father, her first name is Grace. Catherine is her MIDDLE name.”

He was so embarrassed, but the parents looked relieved!

 

[zab]

Wow… so many for me!!! I’m an altar server (the head, actually) and I have to fix all the mistakes our new servers make, among others!

A few weeks ago, I was assisting during a baptism. The baby’s name was Grace Catherine Last name. Well, Father kept referring to her as Catherine, not Grace! Finally, I had to lean over and whisper “Father, her first name is Grace. Catherine is her MIDDLE name.”

He was so embarrassed, but the parents looked relieved!

I don’t know why he would be embarrassed. The middle name is usually the baptismal name.

 

[acadian]

When my boys were young, we did not go to Mass often. One Saturday afternoon, I decided to brave it. I took both of them (they were probably about 4 and 5) to a church I had only been to once before several years earlier. I was armed with things to keep them occupied (probably a couple of books), and we sat about half way between the front and back (so they could see). Things were going along just fine until the Gospel. Towards then end, one wanted a book that the other had.

The homily began. Thing 1 grabs the book from Thing 1. “NOOOOOOOOO” screams Thing 2. Father makes some remark about his homilies generally being better accepted than that. More screaming and thrashing around follows. Father stops. Everyone in the church is looking at us.

The doors in the back were a long way away, and I had no idea how I would get both of them out screaming and kicking without a major disturbance. Peace eventually ensued, and although I wanted to crawl out of the church under the pews, I think we made it to the end of Mass.

We did not attend Mass again for a long time. We NEVER took items into Mass again. This parish eventually became our parish. My boys eventually became altar servers and have not screamed at each other or fought during Mass. We have become friends with this priest (he was transferred to another parish last year) and in his kindness, he has not ever brought up this incident.

 

[anon52328184]

I’m in process of converting, but was an Episcopalian. As such, I was very excited when business took me to San Francisco on a Sunday and I had a chance to attend mass at a very famous, Anglican, cathedral. It being San Fran, I was only mildly flustered by the large, hairy man, in a sun dress, seated next to me. What did cause me great embarrassment came when we all went up to the rail to kneel and receive communion.

This was BIG church, with pews facing the front at a variety of angles, and a maze of “side passages”. Being on the aisle, I led the line of communicants to the front and then we were expected to perform almost a choreography to return to our seats. So awestruck was I by everything, I forgot which row I was in and then managed to lead us down a dead end, side passage. After several minutes, the hairy man in the sun dress swept pass me with a mighty sigh and led us back to the promised land.

Paul

was that grace cathedral by any chance?

 

[T700]

was that grace cathedral by any chance?

You’re exactly right!

 

[anon52328184]

i have a feeling for traditional episcopalians, there are many awkward moments there!! LOL

don’t get me wrong, it is a beautiful cathedral, i have seen pictures.

they just do some things differently there.

 

[SarahR]

A few months ago, I took my 4 kids to Mass. Right around the “Our Father”, the people behind me were chuckling. I glanced down at my 4 year old son and saw him with his hand down the back of his pants, scratching away! The church was packed, I was in the middle of the pew and no one to help watch the kids, so I scooped him up, grabbed out my mini bottle of hand sanitizer, and whispered a very threatening “don’t shake anyone’s hand during peace!” I held him in my arms the rest of the Mass and afterwards headed straight to the restrooms with him.

 

[hopefull]

Well this one was after Mass. I had just become assistant sacristan working with a sacristan who didn’t seem to want any help. After getting my training, I am sure something got switched. Anyway, it seems I watered all the plants accidentally using the recently blessed Easter Vigil Water and almost used it all up (it was only a gallon, which in our little church is a year supply)… I felt terrible. I think the plants died too. Well they weren’t in good shape to start with, which is why I watered them. I think the pastor was horrified, but tried not to discourage me. The following week the right water was back in the right bottles again. Hmmmm…

 

[Jennifer_G]

Mass went fine with no problems. I naturally was in complete sync with Father, being one of the best, heck I’ll say it, the best Altar Boy in the program. I was inspirational to behold yes I was.

BIG MISTAKE
.
.
.
I didn’t live that one down for a longtime.

And yes, it was a long school year.

Well, pride does come before the fall!

 

[applejuice]

My husband and I have had a few awkward moments at mass individually growing up.

For me - When I was child, I would attend a tiny country church on the weekends at our mountain home. There was a parishioner there who was very large - a nice, middle-aged, dairy farmer who would attend mass every week. During the consecration one morning, everything was quiet, then suddenly this nice farmer let out a huge belch. Of course being a child having two other siblings next to me, we were trying with all our might to control our laughter. It was a small church and everyone knew each other, so it was hard to hide yourself. I looked up at the altar boys and they were also trying not to laugh. So, I bowed my head, closed my eyes and prayed to God not to make me laugh.

My gosh, I know what you mean. There was the cutest little toddler boy in the pew before my family and I, and he was chattering and being noisy Lol, and my sister and I were trying to concentrate, then the mother tried to control her son and I know I shouldnt have laughed but he smacked her in the face, it was so unexpected, I looked at my sister and had to bite my lip from giggling out aloud, my parents were giving us disapproving looks, but really it’s so hard to keep quiet when something funny happens, cuz you try and concentrate, but the event plays over and over in your mind…

 

[applejuice]

ooh i have one more, My family (which included my extended family) were attending some family friends baptism, and my aunt who is 30 something cooed to me “ooh I have dibbs( is that correct spelling??) on the Priest if he’s cute” I rolled my eyes and said " Yeah but im 17, so the youngest get first dibs" I know it’s really immature and inappropriate, anyhow, when the mass was starting i was sitting 3 people away from my aunty and when the priest came out, tall, thin and bald (i dont mean to be rude or discriminate against appearances) my aunty went “pssh…” and waggled her eyebrows at me, I instantly burst into a fit of giggles and had to tightly hold my hand over my mouth to shush…I’m not always that immature, but I do have a serious case of the giggles being a teen and all… x1000

 

[Et_Cetera]

One time someone’s cellphone went off during mass, and the ringtone was to the song “Oxford Comma” by Vampire Weekend. I think Ezra’s pretty attractive in his hipster, Ivy League way. I began to laugh, which was mildly embarrassing.

 

[dixieagle]

I don’t know why he would be embarrassed. The middle name is usually the baptismal name.

Are you perhaps thinking of “confirmation name”? I’ve never heard of the middle name as the baptismal name…

 

[Glorfindel]

Not a Mass but a 1928 High-Church Service, prior to the service I was in Bible study, I get migraines and was having a pre-migraine (those who get them know what they are), anyway, I was rubbing my temples and this elderly lady asked me what was wrong: she said “Poor dear! Here!” and dropped two caps into my hand I thanked her, swallowed (thinking it was tylenol or something), anyway as we were leaving for service I felt…“strange”, what were those I asked? She handed me the bottle saying she could never read prescription bottles! Well my friends, they were Vicodin 7.5 I had had 2 on an empty tummy! The climax of the story is this , I went to service, and “nodded out” the gentleman beside me was giving me the elbow and his wife glared and hissed, “You were SLEEPING, you SNORED!” Well, in my groggy haze I responded “Oh no! The drugs!” They slid away from me a bit, and me, well I never went to that service again!

 

[sseason]

A.

I just thought of something else that was kinda awkward. A few Sundays ago, a Jesuit missionary said Mass and in his homily I think he said something like he didn’t agree with the priests who preach about sin and hell and how everyone isn’t that bad. For the very next Mass, a conservative priest said exactly the opposite and the Jesuit (who was being introduced) chuckled a bit. Same Gospel reading, opposite interpretations, hah.

To neglect teaching about sin and hell is to neglect the fact that satan exists. I would imagine that satans favorite lie (being the father of lies) is the fact that he doesn’t exist. If we don’t believe that sin, hell and satan are very real, then satan has us in his back pocket.

Now, do I think we should ONLY preach about sin and hell? Of course not. We need to take scripture and the Church as a whole. An entire package. And Love and Mercy is the center of that package…Christ on the cross…Love and Mercy itself.

 

[applejuice]

Oh, I have three more:

Lastly, another time I was subbing, this same deacon was having trouble with his mike just before the processional, and indicated to me to test my mike to make sure the sound system was on. My mike was working fine, and I said (into the mike), “I’m turned on, Deacon Pete!” I was completely mortified when I realized what I’d said. *

'thann*

Now that…my friend is awkward