P
- Status
E
EphelDuath
Guest
During my friends’ wedding, I had to try my hardest not to laugh at this girl in the pew in front of me, couldn’t have been more than 2, who was crawling underneath peoples’ legs to check every single missal in the pew pockets.
God bless her.
God bless her.
K
Karoline
Guest
This happened last Sunday:
We had a visiting Priest from Tanzania, who hadn’t encountered our microphones on his last visit.
(I’m new to all of this I don’t know all of the technical terms… sorry!)
They were all filing out of the Church and we were singing the final hymn he didn’t realise that he had to turn the microphone off at the power-pack for it to stop working, so he wandered into the side Chapel and stopped, and started to have a little bit of a chinwag and a joke with the altar servers, only to realise that the entire thing was being broadcast to the Church. I was in fits of giggles, as were most of the congregation but several elderly members of the congregation turned round and stared at us crossly, which only served to make it even worse, and I was in absolute fits (as were the friends I attended Mass with) by the end of it. No one knew whether to not to stop singing or just carry on, hoping to block it all out, eventually one of them had the gumption to run up to him and tell him to turn it off. He eventually came out and apologised but to make matters worse, there was a funeral that evening right after Mass and several members of the congregation were attending, not to mention the fact that several members of the family were already in the Church (we didn’t know this though), I felt awful afterwards!
We had a visiting Priest from Tanzania, who hadn’t encountered our microphones on his last visit.
(I’m new to all of this I don’t know all of the technical terms… sorry!)
They were all filing out of the Church and we were singing the final hymn he didn’t realise that he had to turn the microphone off at the power-pack for it to stop working, so he wandered into the side Chapel and stopped, and started to have a little bit of a chinwag and a joke with the altar servers, only to realise that the entire thing was being broadcast to the Church. I was in fits of giggles, as were most of the congregation but several elderly members of the congregation turned round and stared at us crossly, which only served to make it even worse, and I was in absolute fits (as were the friends I attended Mass with) by the end of it. No one knew whether to not to stop singing or just carry on, hoping to block it all out, eventually one of them had the gumption to run up to him and tell him to turn it off. He eventually came out and apologised but to make matters worse, there was a funeral that evening right after Mass and several members of the congregation were attending, not to mention the fact that several members of the family were already in the Church (we didn’t know this though), I felt awful afterwards!
H
hopefull
Guest
We’ve had some extraordinary moments of pronounciation too…like “flaming brassieres” instead of “flaming braziers,” and “in mourning” becoming “in the morning” when a lector thought he’d clarify, and several about obeying God’s statues, instead of statutes.
But the one that really puzzled me was oy-freights. It was at a daily mass, and I didn’t have the missalette to help me out, so I puzzled for the rest of the reading and then through the psalm. The little old lady who did the reading just went right through the word as if she knew perfectly how to pronounce it.
I just didn’t get it; not until the priest patched it up in his homily. He was very gentle, but somehow managed to weave in the right term. What was it? Give up? The word she was misprounouncing was the Euphrates River. I don’t think her feelings were hurt because I figure she thought he was speaking of something entirely different from what she read.
But the one that really puzzled me was oy-freights. It was at a daily mass, and I didn’t have the missalette to help me out, so I puzzled for the rest of the reading and then through the psalm. The little old lady who did the reading just went right through the word as if she knew perfectly how to pronounce it.
I just didn’t get it; not until the priest patched it up in his homily. He was very gentle, but somehow managed to weave in the right term. What was it? Give up? The word she was misprounouncing was the Euphrates River. I don’t think her feelings were hurt because I figure she thought he was speaking of something entirely different from what she read.
Z
zab
Guest
…which reminds me of another Lector at daily Mass who reads the Responsorial , “You are a priest forever in the line of ** (Mel cheese a deck)**.”
P
Phemie
Guest
My own ‘awkward moment’ was Advent when I had to read about the shoot sprouting from the stump of Jesse and to my horror I read “a shoot will sprout from the rump of Jesse”. I almost lost it but maintained my composure and went on. Then, during the Eucharistic Prayer a visual of what I had read popped into my head and I started to giggle. Not my most shining moment.
M
mwscott
Guest
I almost don’t want to share all of mine so that everyone doesn’t wonder haha…
In the first year that I was an altar server I arrived before Mass and got ready. I waited and waited for other servers to arrive but no one did. This was probably only my third or fourth time serving and I was very nervous. After Mass begun the priest realized that no one had lit the altar candles and he called me over to instruct me to do so during the Gloria. I went into the sacristy and retrieved some very poor matches and began to attempt to lit the candles. Being very young and short I had a lot of difficulty and by the end of the Gloria the sacristician finally came to my aid. Being so young I was very embarrased.
Many years later in eighth grade I fainted during the Eucharistic Prayer and had to be carried out of Mass.
Sometime around then I was attending Mass at our Diocesan Cathedral and during the opening prayers a mentally unstable woman walked down the aisle and laid down in front of the altar in the sanctuary. The sacristician politely escorted her to a pew and sat with her for the remainder of the Mass.
More recently, I was attending Mass with my family and I was sitting with my dad who thinks just like me. Unfortunately we have the same sense of humor. We were sitting behind another family who lives down the street from us. Their daughter grabbed a hymnal from the pew in front of her but only by a few pages. As she picked it up she tore about 15 pages out of the middle of the hymnal including the hymn that we were singing. I knew immediately that I shouldn’t look at my father because he was finding it hilarious too. We tried for the entire remainder of the Mass to stop laughing. We thought we were successful but apparently the rest of my family and the family in front of us could here us snickering. I felt terrible for laughing during Mass!
Unfortunately there are two stories that are even more awkward:
First, at the Christmas Midnight Mass (which I was serving at) right after the Liturgy of the Word, an extremely loud bang, resembling a gun shot rang out in the back of church. It was enough to make many men (several firefighters and police officers) leave the pews to go investigate. It was actually very scary. A few rather tense moments later one of the police officers approached the altar and whispered to the presider that everything was okay. At the end of Mass I heard the whole story: A disturbed man who was attending Mass with his mother got angry. They were sitting in the Narthex which has a very large glass wall separating it from the worship space. This makes the Narthex both a gathering space and a cry room. Apparently the man picked up his chair and violently threw it at the glass. It did not break but created the extremely loud bang.
And lastly the most embarrassing altar server moment in my history. I was serving at my mom’s best friend’s brother’s funeral. Before Mass I lit three charcoals in the room next to the sacristy where the thuribles are kept in a fireproof locker. Evidently, a spark fell into a basket of bulletins for the next weekend and slowly burned until it finally caught the wall on fire. A maintenance staff member noticed smoke coming out of from under the door and I just happened to look into the narthex to see him open the door and see a plume of smoke rush out of the room. The cantor must have noticed to and he ran out of the church to find a fire extinguisher. I watched in horror as the fire deptartment came with their sirens politely off and the congregation didn’t even notice! The fire was put out and the burnt drywall and ceiling replaced. Naturally, I have never lived it down.
In the first year that I was an altar server I arrived before Mass and got ready. I waited and waited for other servers to arrive but no one did. This was probably only my third or fourth time serving and I was very nervous. After Mass begun the priest realized that no one had lit the altar candles and he called me over to instruct me to do so during the Gloria. I went into the sacristy and retrieved some very poor matches and began to attempt to lit the candles. Being very young and short I had a lot of difficulty and by the end of the Gloria the sacristician finally came to my aid. Being so young I was very embarrased.
Many years later in eighth grade I fainted during the Eucharistic Prayer and had to be carried out of Mass.
Sometime around then I was attending Mass at our Diocesan Cathedral and during the opening prayers a mentally unstable woman walked down the aisle and laid down in front of the altar in the sanctuary. The sacristician politely escorted her to a pew and sat with her for the remainder of the Mass.
More recently, I was attending Mass with my family and I was sitting with my dad who thinks just like me. Unfortunately we have the same sense of humor. We were sitting behind another family who lives down the street from us. Their daughter grabbed a hymnal from the pew in front of her but only by a few pages. As she picked it up she tore about 15 pages out of the middle of the hymnal including the hymn that we were singing. I knew immediately that I shouldn’t look at my father because he was finding it hilarious too. We tried for the entire remainder of the Mass to stop laughing. We thought we were successful but apparently the rest of my family and the family in front of us could here us snickering. I felt terrible for laughing during Mass!
Unfortunately there are two stories that are even more awkward:
First, at the Christmas Midnight Mass (which I was serving at) right after the Liturgy of the Word, an extremely loud bang, resembling a gun shot rang out in the back of church. It was enough to make many men (several firefighters and police officers) leave the pews to go investigate. It was actually very scary. A few rather tense moments later one of the police officers approached the altar and whispered to the presider that everything was okay. At the end of Mass I heard the whole story: A disturbed man who was attending Mass with his mother got angry. They were sitting in the Narthex which has a very large glass wall separating it from the worship space. This makes the Narthex both a gathering space and a cry room. Apparently the man picked up his chair and violently threw it at the glass. It did not break but created the extremely loud bang.
And lastly the most embarrassing altar server moment in my history. I was serving at my mom’s best friend’s brother’s funeral. Before Mass I lit three charcoals in the room next to the sacristy where the thuribles are kept in a fireproof locker. Evidently, a spark fell into a basket of bulletins for the next weekend and slowly burned until it finally caught the wall on fire. A maintenance staff member noticed smoke coming out of from under the door and I just happened to look into the narthex to see him open the door and see a plume of smoke rush out of the room. The cantor must have noticed to and he ran out of the church to find a fire extinguisher. I watched in horror as the fire deptartment came with their sirens politely off and the congregation didn’t even notice! The fire was put out and the burnt drywall and ceiling replaced. Naturally, I have never lived it down.
OK, Father likes to spit the collection up so that children in attendence can take their gifts up to a basket at the front of the alter themselves rather then dropping the cash into the collection basket as it passes around.
My six year old helps the little sister up there holding her hand as the go to the front of the church.
They each drop their money into the basket.
Then the 2 year old sister proceeds to collect change and bring it back.
My six year old helps the little sister up there holding her hand as the go to the front of the church.
They each drop their money into the basket.
Then the 2 year old sister proceeds to collect change and bring it back.
Z
zab
Guest
K
kristie_m
Guest
During the prayers of the faithful this past week one of the petitions ended with the phrase “the word of the Lord”. And our well trained congregation dutifully responded “Thanks be to God”, before the commentator could get the “we pray to the Lord” part out.
B
benedictgal
Guest
Actually, what your boyfriend told you was the wrong advice. The Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments issued five observations as to why this is not to be done:
The last one pertains especially to those who are in RCIA and cannot yet receive Holy Communion. That is why you experienced what you did in the parish. I hope this helps.
M
MrZetterlund
Guest
Oh, AWSOME>
I’m going to love this thread. My pastor is awsomely funny.
Once my pastor was met with this crazy liberal bra-burner and she kept on babling about abortion. She said “But the population of the human race is too high! We’re going to have food shortages! And over population if we don’t allow abortion!” He just replied,
“You know, I agree with you. Someone should DIE.”
She’s like, “ok…”
And he continued, “I believe that we should kill the PARENTS.”
She’s like, “What!
Brother Denis! :tsktsk:”
He’s like, “what? Kill the one’s responsible! The kid isn’t overpopulating the earth, they are!”
I’m going to love this thread. My pastor is awsomely funny.
Once my pastor was met with this crazy liberal bra-burner and she kept on babling about abortion. She said “But the population of the human race is too high! We’re going to have food shortages! And over population if we don’t allow abortion!” He just replied,
“You know, I agree with you. Someone should DIE.”
She’s like, “ok…”
And he continued, “I believe that we should kill the PARENTS.”
She’s like, “What!
Brother Denis! :tsktsk:”He’s like, “what? Kill the one’s responsible! The kid isn’t overpopulating the earth, they are!”
D
DJJG
Guest
Every year I function as the master of ceremomies at the Easter vigil mass, in my local parish. One year, about 12 years ago, Father began to proclaim the Exultet; after the 2nd stanza, he pushed the sacramentary over to me and signaled for me to finish it (yes it can be proclaimed by a layman). I seamlessly took over, without being prepaired, continued proclaiming it, as prayerfully as possible.
After mass several people came up to me and said that it was the most solemn they had ever heard it proclaimed. I was quite nervous and no one realized that Father mad that decision on the spot.
After mass several people came up to me and said that it was the most solemn they had ever heard it proclaimed. I was quite nervous and no one realized that Father mad that decision on the spot.
S
Sugabee43
Guest
Yet another reason I’d rather receive from a priest or deacon…I had an awkward moment last week. I decided not to receive communion because, well, the because isn’t important. Everyone goes up for a blessing though, so out I went with everyone. The EMHC was intent on giving me the Eucharist. I had my hands in the ‘blessing’ position, just like my children. I shook my head no when he tried to give it to me and mouthed, “No, not today” Then he tried to shove it in my mouth!
So, as nice as I think everyone going forward is, either for communion or blessing, I think I will opt out if I do not feel like I should be receiving.
M
mozier
Guest
At a recent mass, we had this visiting priest, an older man who was quite the Kumbaya Liberal. At this same mass, my good friend was sitting a few rows away. I personally have a reputation of being quite the orthodox traditionalist in my parish, but compared to my friend I am a guitar-strumming hippie women-priest supporting liberal!
Anyway, the priest gets up to do the gospel. He says, with his arms outstretched and a smile, “The Lord IS with you!” and of course the congregation responds, “And also with you.” The priest smiles and says, “Why thank you!” Some in the congregation giggle, and the priests tries to prompt everyone to say, “You’re welcome!”
Just then, my good friend shouts out, “WILL YOU JUST READ THE GOSPEL!!!” The priest, completely flustered, immediately launches into it!
Pure gold, I tell you. Gold!
Anyway, the priest gets up to do the gospel. He says, with his arms outstretched and a smile, “The Lord IS with you!” and of course the congregation responds, “And also with you.” The priest smiles and says, “Why thank you!” Some in the congregation giggle, and the priests tries to prompt everyone to say, “You’re welcome!”
Just then, my good friend shouts out, “WILL YOU JUST READ THE GOSPEL!!!” The priest, completely flustered, immediately launches into it!
Pure gold, I tell you. Gold!
2
244Rocket
Guest
LOL!
Well, it is certainly awkward.
S
SuscipeMeDomine
Guest
But not the innocent kind of anecdotes that this thread started with.
Let’s not let it get hijacked…
How about this picture.
Visiting priest, is not used to the height of the altar.
Comes time to bow at the altar…WHAM.
We could hear his head hit the marble slab from 3 pews back.
- Status