Baby gender bummer

  • Thread starter Thread starter JLCecilia
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

JLCecilia

Guest
Anyone else willing to be honest enough to fess up being genuinely disappointed over your baby’s gender? Found out today that we’re having boy #4 and I am all kinds of emotions. The thing I’m looking least forward to is everyone’s ‘consolation,’ co-workers, family.

I’ll be honest, if any of our family has baby girls in the future, I will be bitterly jealous. All of our cousins have little boys, till last year we got a girl cousin and we were hoping to both give her a playmate and get all of her cute hand-me-downs.

Till now I’d played games in my head to convince myself my hopes were a possibility. I’ve even gotten back into the sewing mood and I’ve been making all sorts of cute little girl things I’ll have to give away now, not to mention the couple of things I bought w/ my baby girl name on them. My mother gave me my baptismal gown and communion dress awhile back (before I got pregnant, before we even thought we’d have any more). Now what am I going to do w/ them?

On top of all that, DH has decided for sure this time that he will be having a vasectomy. God’s will be done, but basically this was my last shot. I’ve already lied to my co-workers and I’ve been vague w/ everyone but my closest friends about when the ultrasound is (today). My biggest hurdle will be keeping DH’s mouth shut. He works with his mother and one of her brothers. I will have to face them all eventually. Maybe if I wasn’t such a damn baby and it wasn’t so obvious it wouldn’t be such a big deal. I just don’t like others knowing my disappointment, to me, it’s personal.
 
Been there… For a minute 🙂 It’s okay that you wanted a daughter! It doesn’t mean you don’t want a son. I really wanted my daughter to have a sister (sharing clothes, being on varsity tennis together, raising familes at the same time…) It happened, but several boys later and they are so far apart in age they will not have that special bond for a long time. If I am honest, I still regret that my oldest did not have the sister relationship that I did, but she is FINE and adored her little brothers. You will be fine, too. You know that. It’s okay to be a little bummed and overwhelemed by the idea of four boys. Whoever said boys were easier is nuts in my book! You know you’ll fall in love the moment the little guy is born, you know it will be okay - so wallow today and celebrate tomorrow. Healthy baby! Yay!
 
Yep…I admit to having a bit of baby gender bummer. When we found out our 4th was going to be our 4th girl, I was disappointed. I certainly didn’t outwardly show it, but I was pretty bummed.

Fast forward 8 years now and the disappointment has faded I still have just 4 girls, but I am happy with my family–and frankly, wouldn’t know what to do with a boy at this point. My girls are not super girly, so I still get to enjoy some of the typical father/son type things with them–sports, fishing, etc. It is all good.
 
With my oldest I wanted a son (actually I wanted all sons my husband wanted all daughters). Well, when we found out she was a girl my husband cried with joy whereas I was okay with it. When I was pregnant with #2 I was hoping the baby was a girl (for our oldest to have a sister since they were going to be 4 years apart) and well, my #2 is a son. #3 I just wanted to know what clothes to dig out of the basement, and well, #3 is a boy. Now, with #4 on the way I decided to not guess nor hope and well #4 is a girl (since I am always wrong).

I have two cousins who have only sons and both are vocal about how they wish they had a daughter. Neither cousin, I believe, would have the patience required. Girls come with a lot more drama. I do have to say that my relationship as a mother is different with my sons than daughters. Then again, I think that is the same with a lot of parents. After all, “daddy’s girl” and “mama’s boy” are terms for a reason, even if not the case with all families, they are based on some reality.
 
I do have to say that my relationship as a mother is different with my sons than daughters. QUOTE]

When I found out that our 3rd was a boy and I cried and cried for days and weeks, one of the things I kicked myself with was that I didn’t deserve a girl b/c I never had good relationships with other girls. Till just a couple of years ago, I really never had any close girlfriends and my relationships w/ my mother and sister aren’t that great.

That said, I already have a little buddy who’s a morning person like me and LOVES to help fix breakfast. None of them may ever show any interest in sewing (a passion of mine), and there aren’t near as many cute things to make for boys as there are for girls, but maybe it’s time for momma to get some new hobbies. I would love to learn carpentry and renovation to get some work done on our home and it’d be fun to have my little dudes sporting their toolbelt and tool boxes to help momma.

I’ll still have to figure out what to do with that baptismal gown and communion dress and my bedding from when I was a little girl. I have 2 nieces on my side of the family, but sadly, their parents don’t follow the faith anymore, much less raise them in it.
 
JLCecilia said:
I do have to say that my relationship as a mother is different with my sons than daughters. QUOTE]

When I found out that our 3rd was a boy and I cried and cried for days and weeks, one of the things I kicked myself with was that I didn’t deserve a girl b/c I never had good relationships with other girls. Till just a couple of years ago, I really never had any close girlfriends and my relationships w/ my mother and sister aren’t that great.

That said, I already have a little buddy who’s a morning person like me and LOVES to help fix breakfast. None of them may ever show any interest in sewing (a passion of mine), and there aren’t near as many cute things to make for boys as there are for girls, but maybe it’s time for momma to get some new hobbies. I would love to learn carpentry and renovation to get some work done on our home and it’d be fun to have my little dudes sporting their toolbelt and tool boxes to help momma.

I’ll still have to figure out what to do with that baptismal gown and communion dress and my bedding from when I was a little girl. I have 2 nieces on my side of the family, but sadly, their parents don’t follow the faith anymore, much less raise them in it.
Click to expand...
How about saving the baptismal gown and clothes for your sons if they end up having daughters? Also, I LOVE the boy clothing they sell at the local store for farmers. Teach your sons how to sew buttons and patches. Just some ideas. I’m not a girly girl and my daughter is so I really have a difficult time doing some of the things she wants to do (she was able to paint her own nails by the age of 2 and has always been better with fashion than I am).
 
My wife was very excited about the prospect of #3 being a boy and was certain we would follow the boy/girl pattern. She even picked out the baby’s name and started calling “him” by that name.

Guess what the ultrasound discovered two months ago?!

Truthfully, we all have various disappointments and this one is totally fine. And I’m sure that you’ll end up loving this child just as much as all your other kids and, once he’s born, you’ll think he’s perfect.
 
🙂 I think it is perfectly ok and normal. It doesn’t mean that you don’t want a son, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t want THIS son. Go ahead and feel your disappointment, and take it to God. You and I both know that when the child is born, everything will be exactly as it should be. 🙂
 
Inego_de_Loyola said:
Is there a morally valid reason to get a vasectomy that I’m unaware of?
Click to expand...
DH is not a person of faith, this is really a moot point to him. Believe me, I feel the weight of his decision on my shoulders, but he’s going to do it and spend our money doing it whether I approve or not.
 
JLCecilia said:
DH is not a person of faith, this is really a moot point to him. Believe me, I feel the weight of his decision on my shoulders, but he’s going to do it and spend our money doing it whether I approve or not.
Click to expand...
😦 Sorry to hear that. I’ll pray for y’all.
 
JLCecilia said:
DH is not a person of faith, this is really a moot point to him. Believe me, I feel the weight of his decision on my shoulders, but he’s going to do it and spend our money doing it whether I approve or not.
Click to expand...
My goodness… I am so deeply sorry to hear this. 😦
 
JLCecilia said:
Anyone else willing to be honest enough to fess up being genuinely disappointed over your baby’s gender? Found out today that we’re having boy #4 and I am all kinds of emotions. The thing I’m looking least forward to is everyone’s ‘consolation,’ co-workers, family.

I’ll be honest, if any of our family has baby girls in the future, I will be bitterly jealous. All of our cousins have little boys, till last year we got a girl cousin and we were hoping to both give her a playmate and get all of her cute hand-me-downs.

Till now I’d played games in my head to convince myself my hopes were a possibility. I’ve even gotten back into the sewing mood and I’ve been making all sorts of cute little girl things I’ll have to give away now, not to mention the couple of things I bought w/ my baby girl name on them. My mother gave me my baptismal gown and communion dress awhile back (before I got pregnant, before we even thought we’d have any more). Now what am I going to do w/ them?

On top of all that, DH has decided for sure this time that he will be having a vasectomy. God’s will be done, but basically this was my last shot. I’ve already lied to my co-workers and I’ve been vague w/ everyone but my closest friends about when the ultrasound is (today). My biggest hurdle will be keeping DH’s mouth shut. He works with his mother and one of her brothers. I will have to face them all eventually. Maybe if I wasn’t such a damn baby and it wasn’t so obvious it wouldn’t be such a big deal. I just don’t like others knowing my disappointment, to me, it’s personal.
Click to expand...
My wife told me the baby was going to be a girl. I really don’t care what sex the baby is as long as the baby is healthy. But I thought this one would be a boy so I was prepared for a boy. So I was taken aback after the previous sonogram implied girl. I was taken aback for a couple of hours, and then I was ecstatic. Who cares what sex the baby is? We lost our first child (a girl). So to have a healthy one was all that mattered.

I was all excited about having a little girl and we had our 18 week ultrasound. We’re having a boy.
 
BillyT926 said:
My wife told me the baby was going to be a girl. I really don’t care what sex the baby is as long as the baby is healthy. But I thought this one would be a boy so I was prepared for a boy. So I was taken aback after the previous sonogram implied girl. I was taken aback for a couple of hours, and then I was ecstatic. Who cares what sex the baby is? We lost our first child (a girl). So to have a healthy one was all that mattered.

I was all excited about having a little girl and we had our 18 week ultrasound. We’re having a boy.
Click to expand...
That’s one serious roller coaster.
 
JLCecilia said:
That’s one serious roller coaster.
Click to expand...
big time

I understand having a preference, but, believe me, getting a healthy child is ALL that matters. Not having my daughter is a pain that doesn’t go away.
 
JLCecilia said:
I’ll still have to figure out what to do with that baptismal gown and communion dress and my bedding from when I was a little girl. I have 2 nieces on my side of the family, but sadly, their parents don’t follow the faith anymore, much less raise them in it.
Click to expand...
Why do you have to make these decisions right now, when everything is raw and emotional?

Don’t worry about these little things. Tuck it all away in a box and forget about it. You don’t have to deal with it right now, it will all be there when you are ready to address it.

For now, just keep yourself healthy, love you boys, and pray for your husband to change his mind.

I’m sorry I don’t have any other practical advice I don’t (can’t) have children. But I do have a box of baby things tucked away that I’ve never been able to use, and now probably never will use. Including a beautiful christening gown. It’s still tucked away in boxes. Some of it I’ve gotten rid of, but some I may just keep forever. All I know is, it’s too hard to make that decision, so I’ve decided not to. And that seems to be working pretty well for me so far.

God bless you and your growing family!

~Liza
 
Feeling disappointed is definitely normal, so don’t worry!

I really wanted our 4th to be a girl and did not hide the fact that I was disappointed when we found out that it would be our third boy. About a week later, my daughter started acting like a girl and suddenly, I was pretty excited about another stinky ol boy!(as my daughter put it) Now, he is here and I am as happy as I can be to be a daddy to a girl and 3 boys.
 
If I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t. While I do think it’s okay and perfectly understandable that you want a daughter, I’d be thrilled to have a loving husband like you have and your beautiful sons. I’m forty, and I’m having to read The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years. I WANT A HUSBAND AND AM IN TEARS AS I TYPE THIS!! Would you like to help me find one?
 
Jennifoo said:
If I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t. While I do think it’s okay and perfectly understandable that you want a daughter, I’d be thrilled to have a loving husband like you have and your beautiful sons. I’m forty, and I’m having to read The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years. I WANT A HUSBAND AND AM IN TEARS AS I TYPE THIS!! Would you like to help me find one?
Click to expand...
Have you considered a call to the religious life?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top