Baby gender bummer

[Morwenna]

True story!

I know a couple who had at least 2 ultrasounds done (don’t remember how many total, but I know that at least two were done).

At each ultrasound, they were told it was “definitely” a boy. :yup:

This was their first child, so many of their shower gifts and the things they bought themselves for their baby were “boy-themed”. :ballspin:

They were so sure it was a boy … right up until the moment their beautiful little daughter was born. :curtsey:

May God bless your family no matter which gender child He decides to send you

 

[Morwenna]

If I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t. While I do think it’s okay and perfectly understandable that you want a daughter, I’d be thrilled to have a loving husband like you have and your beautiful sons. I’m forty, and I’m having to read The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years. I WANT A HUSBAND AND AM IN TEARS AS I TYPE THIS!! Would you like to help me find one?

I met my husband-to-be when I was 40, Jen … I had pretty much given up, but it still happened!

I’ll keep you in my prayers … I can totally relate to what you described above.

Don’t give up … if there’s hope for a shy, bookish girl like me, there’s hope for anyone!

 

[lizaanne]

If I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t.

She wasn’t asking for your pity. Get over yourself, and act like a grown up for goodness sake, your embarrassing yourself.

No one ever said we get what we want in this life. We get what we get and we learn to live with it. But why in the world would you come to someone’s thread who is having a difficult time and make them feel even worse because YOU aren’t getting what YOU want out of life?

I’m sorry, but if I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t.

See how that works? It doesn’t. It’s mean and nasty, and not helpful to this woman who is trying to make sense of her own situation, while full of raging pregnancy hormones. And even I, who could never have my own children, am at least sensitive to that.

I hate HATE seeing people picked on. It cuts me to the very core. If you need to start a thread to discuss how life has not been fair to you, then do that. But don’t rain on someone else’s parade.

~Liza

 

[28562]

Hey, look at the bright side. When they get married, you’ll have daughters then. And you didn’t have to do all the hard work!

My parents have 5 boys and my mom makes it known that she is bummed about not having a daughter. Sure makes her sons feel great…

 

[Ophelia23]

She wasn’t asking for your pity. Get over yourself, and act like a grown up for goodness sake, your embarrassing yourself.

No one ever said we get what we want in this life. We get what we get and we learn to live with it. But why in the world would you come to someone’s thread who is having a difficult time and make them feel even worse because YOU aren’t getting what YOU want out of life?

I’m sorry, but if I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t.

See how that works? It doesn’t. It’s mean and nasty, and not helpful to this woman who is trying to make sense of her own situation, while full of raging pregnancy hormones. And even I, who could never have my own children, am at least sensitive to that.

I hate HATE seeing people picked on. It cuts me to the very core. If you need to start a thread to discuss how life has not been fair to you, then do that. But don’t rain on someone else’s parade.

~Liza

 

[Morwenna]

I hate HATE seeing people picked on. It cuts me to the very core. If you need to start a thread to discuss how life has not been fair to you, then do that. But don’t rain on someone else’s parade.

~Liza

Liza, FWIW … I didn’t read Jen’s post as “picking on” Cecilia. I read it as a cry of anguish that came from the depths of her soul.

Let me present an analogy that comes to mind.

Two ladies are standing at the bus stop chatting. One mentions that her family is struggling financially and can only afford inexpensive foods such as beans and rice, because of the economy, and how she misses going out on Saturday evening for a meal at her favorite restaurant, as she and her family had done in the past. The second woman says she feels the pinch of the economy as well; she had dreamed for years of moving to a larger house with more room for her growing family, but they’re stuck in a modest two-bedroom home, with one bedroom for the parents, and all 5 kids in the second bedroom.

Nearby stands a homeless woman who not only has no home or family of any kind, but struggles even to find food on a daily basis.

Overhearing these two kind and perfectly well-meaning ladies, she cries out in anguish, “Oh, if only I could have a tiny house and a family of my own, and beans and rice every single day! How blessed you both are, and you don’t even realize it!”

If we overheard this whole conversation, would we really accuse the homeless, hungry woman of picking on these two good women, who meant her no harm? Or would we understand that she was simply crying out in anguish from the overwhelming pain she felt at that moment?

 

[lizaanne]

This is not a bus stop conversation with a homeless woman. Let’s keep it real, shall we?

I’ve made my point, so now I’m done here.

~Liza

 

[Chantal25]

I pray for you to have peace with this, to have a very healthy little boy and a great child.

Blessings and love!

 

[Jennifoo]

Have you considered a call to the religious life?

I already explored that years ago. My spiritual director helped me a lot and didn’t think I was called to Religious Life. I trust him and am content about it.

Sad to say that there is very little help and support for single Catholics nowadays. We’re pretty much left on our own, internet matchmaking sites are far from perfect and married women don’t always want us as friends. These wome may express sympathy from time to time but do almost nothing to help us meet men.

Sometimes I’m surprised at how many suggest this when one is having trouble finding a spouse. I don’t know if it’s right to enter Religious Life just because of this, and when people suggest this it feels like a kick in the stomach. I know most don’t intend this comment to be rude but it actually makes it hurt more.

 

[Jennifoo]

She wasn’t asking for your pity. Get over yourself, and act like a grown up for goodness sake, your embarrassing yourself.

No one ever said we get what we want in this life. We get what we get and we learn to live with it. But why in the world would you come to someone’s thread who is having a difficult time and make them feel even worse because YOU aren’t getting what YOU want out of life?

I’m sorry, but if I’m supposed to feel sorry for you, I don’t.

See how that works? It doesn’t. It’s mean and nasty, and not helpful to this woman who is trying to make sense of her own situation, while full of raging pregnancy hormones. And even I, who could never have my own children, am at least sensitive to that.

I hate HATE seeing people picked on. It cuts me to the very core. If you need to start a thread to discuss how life has not been fair to you, then do that. But don’t rain on someone else’s parade.

I’ll forgive you for that. Interesting that you assume I was picking on her when I wasn’t. I stated that her desire for a daughter was perfectly valid, did I not?

Why is it okay for a married person to complain about their baby’s gender but a single person can’t complain about not having a spouse?

I’ll forgive you for that.

~Liza

 

[Jennifoo]

To lizaanne: I’ll forgive your mean post. I wasn’t at all trying to be mean or nasty to the OP. I Stated that her desire for a daughter is valid. How is it okay for her to complain about baby gender but not okay for a single woman like myself to complain about not having a child at all?

To morwenna: Thank you SO MUCH for your understanding, encouragement and prayers. It means more than you know. Thanks, too, for coming to my defense. So good to know you met your spouse at a later age.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

JLCecilia, There are a lot of things going on for you! Your husband’s threat of vasectomy is probably contributing to your feelings here, and it is something to mourn, it doesn’t mean you are awful or anything.
I knew my dh was on the same page with me regarding accepting kiddos, so I wasn’t worried about what sex/when God would send us kids. I haven’t had your feelings, but I have not been in your position either!
That being said, when I got pregnant with our first I thought a boy would be neat. I did not have any strong inclination, my heart wasn’t set on it, but I had always thought it would be cool to have an older brother… Our first ended up being a girl, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Then I figured, since we started off with a girl, a sister might be a good 2nd child… we had a wonderful boy that I would not trade for anything . Then I figured a sister would be good for our third, since the spacing was getting bigger… a handsome little boy came along that we were so blessed to receive. Then I figured, well, now that the oldest is the only granddaughter on both sides and the spacing was a little larger, might as well have a boy now… we had our second little princess that is cute as a button. With our fifth, I knew that if I came up with a reason to have one sex we would end up with the other, so I didn’t try to come up with anything lol, and we had a sweet little boy. Now, people seem to be rooting for a girl so we can have 3 and 3. I like the idea of not having to figure out if to say brothers and sisters or brothers and sister (if I am talking to one of my daughters it is sister, if talking to my sons it is sisters)… but if the pattern follows as it has been going, we will be having a boy, and I’ll be just as happy (once again, I am in a different position JLCecilia). I just pray for my little one’s health, I’m so sorry for your loss BillyT926.

Since the beginning of time God had you picked out as the mother for this sweet little child in your womb, JLCecilia. We don’t know if God had plans of ever blessing you with a little girl, but we do know that His plans included this child that you are nurturing with your body and that in a few months will come out to meet the mommy and daddy and sweet brothers that God picked out for him. God bless you and little baby boy!

 

[gmarie21]

I already explored that years ago. My spiritual director helped me a lot and didn’t think I was called to Religious Life. I trust him and am content about it.

Sad to say that there is very little help and support for single Catholics nowadays. We’re pretty much left on our own, internet matchmaking sites are far from perfect and married women don’t always want us as friends. These wome may express sympathy from time to time but do almost nothing to help us meet men.

Sometimes I’m surprised at how many suggest this when one is having trouble finding a spouse. I don’t know if it’s right to enter Religious Life just because of this, and when people suggest this it feels like a kick in the stomach. I know most don’t intend this comment to be rude but it actually makes it hurt more.

Jennifoo, I know quite a number of single men in the 40 - 50s range, not many, unfortunately of the ones I know, are quite as advanced in their spiritual lives as you. Have you though of discussing your desire with some of the older (70+ in age) parishioners? Believe it or not, they usually have a great network of singles they know who are also looking for a holy spouse. And at the very least, you’ll have some great prayer warriors praying for you!

 

[JLCecilia]

lifeisbeautiful, thank you for the thoughtful post. I know a gal from my parish who just welcomed her 9th child at the age of 40. Her family’s living testimony is just beautiful. She had a girl, 5 boys, 2 girls and another boy. I know, chances are, there won’t be any more chances for me after DH’s vasectomy, but honestly, I don’t know if I’d want to do this all over again for another boy. One of the mind tricks I played on myself was scoping out and committing to memory every family I knew who’d had 3 of one kind before getting 1 of the other. Oh well. Not to get my hopes up, but who knows if God wouldn’t allow another surprise on down the road; not all surgical intervention is 100%.

I will mourn the loss of seeing my boys love on a little sister and all of the little life lessons that come from that, esp. my oldest - he says the most beautiful things to me. At least he sets the example for his brothers where DH fails, and his little bros mimic his doting on me.

Jenifoo, I will pray for you to trust in the the Lord in your situation as I’m praying for trust in Him in mine. I have a single friend who I LOVE b/c she is spunky and fun and makes me lighten up but also calls me to grow deeper in my faith life. There are many things I have a hard time relating w/ her on and I envy her even b/c I married outside of my faith and I live the consequences every day to one degree or another, whereas she is holding out for nothing less than a Godly man. While she’s waiting, she POURS herself out in ministry to our youth, the elderly shut-ins from our parish, babysitting, and volunteers in just about every group in our parish. As nuts as my life is, I cannot imagine how she does it all. Not just all the work, but the absolute self-denial and boundless joy she lives out.

I pray that both of us will be satisfied with God’s will for us now and on down the road. Jesus, be my everything, be sufficient for me. Help me to want nothing more than you and to desire what you give me.

 

[JLCecilia]

I thought I had decided on a name last night which really helped me over my emotional hurdle, but having second thoughts now. Still feeling better about everything, but I’m gonna be restless till I have a name! I have some prayer and studying to do.

I told DH he could go ahead and tell his mom and brother at work, but just the gender. And I don’t know if he’ll tell either of them or not, but I let him know I wouldn’t be taking his mom’s calls or welcoming any unscheduled visitors. Right now I still just need a little space, I’m not ready for everyone’s patronizing consolation and all of the ‘I’m sorries’ and ‘as long as the baby’s healthy.’ I know that people truly just don’t know what to say in this situation, but I’m grateful to my girlfriends (who know my true feelings better than DH) who just tell me congratulations and are all hugs and smiles. No matter how ‘prepared’ I get for the onslaught of reactions, it’s still going to be hard to hear ‘maybe next time’ or ‘do you think you’ll try again?’ Even though DH has already told his parents and one brother about his ‘decision’ I feel very strongly that it’s none of their business and little will others know that, no, there won’t be any ‘next times’ or ‘try agains.’

I told DH, we’ll see your family when we see them, I don’t need a special visit for them to guage my feelings and report their findings to extended family. Right now, just relishing the peace my closest friend has helped me find, by the grace of God.

Thank you for the thoughtful replies and listening to my gripes. I’m sure there will more as news spreads.

 

[HoosMommie]

Well, here’s a hug :console: for you. I don’t have any glorious words of comfort for you so all I can do is say you are loved.

 

[KCT]

The thing is, is that you have the exact family that God wants you to have. For whatever reason it is perfect for you to have four boys, it is exactly what you need and exactly what God wants for you. Keep in mind these things are all for our sanctification!

So true.

And don’t stop praying for your husband’s heart to change about the vasectomy. God can do great things. He changed my husband’s heart about something HUGE.

 

[JLCecilia]

Thank you Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie, sometimes the simplest response is best.

I know DH thinks I’m being difficult by refusing to TT his mother, which only makes it harder for me to have to defend myself against the one person who I expect the most comfort and understanding from (him). I think a lot of the feelings I’m projecting towards his family right now stem from our relationship status - it’s been pretty cold and stale. I think on some level I’m punishing his family as a way of punishing him and he probably doesn’t have a clue why b/c we don’t talk about any of it.

Ah well, I’m just a fussy lass who makes everyone walk on eggshells around me. DH’s grandpa is having a birthday party in a few weeks and his grandparents don’t even know we’re expecting. We tend to avoid that side of the family, which we’ll take enough hits for, but I’d rather just hide under a rock till then and take everyone on at once. At least when there’s a crowd, there’s less room to get personal. I’ll save that for here and my closest friends.

 

[Jennifoo]

Jennifoo, I know quite a number of single men in the 40 - 50s range, not many, unfortunately of the ones I know, are quite as advanced in their spiritual lives as you. Have you though of discussing your desire with some of the older (70+ in age) parishioners? Believe it or not, they usually have a great network of singles they know who are also looking for a holy spouse. And at the very least, you’ll have some great prayer warriors praying for you!

:blushing: Really? Do tell! And you’re not that far away from me- I’m in the Peora Diocese. I don’t mind if they’re not as advanced spiritually, although I myself don’t feel that advanced.

 

[mommamaree]

I think it is more difficult for you than most, because you know that your husband is closing the door on any future children if he goes through with his vasectomy. I feel your heartache, JLCecilia.
I just had my fourth baby last week. I was just SO sure that it was going to be a little boy, so when SHE was born, I was really shocked. I guess I was just so rooting for a boy because my son wanted a brother, and my two daughters already had each other. But then, this new little person just stole our hearts right away.
I had been ready to have two girls and two boys, but instead I have three girls and one boy. It made me even more thankful that God had already sent me a son.
So yeah, it is normal to experience surprise or disappointment over the baby’s gender. Our imaginations cannot easily hold two potentialities in mind at the same time. Our minds typically go more toward one than the other. But then when the baby is born, they just steal your heart and it is obvious that God’s gift to you was exactly the one you needed.
But wow! A mom of four sons! I can only imagine the energy in your household! Good luck! And congratulations.