Baby shower for unwed mother

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you’re reaction is why so many christian women feel alone and abort their babies…we are all sinners and fallen short…but so many of us “Christian Women” fail to realize this…I pray for y’all
 
LumineDiei said:
Maybe nowadays, a baby shower means you bring things for the mom, as though it’s a birthday party for her or something…
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Nope.

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heidi_storage said:
Would the posters accusing you of lack of charity say the same about the shower for the woman on another thread, who was having a baby with a married man? Because the same arguments apply–At least she’s not killing her baby! The innocent baby needs stuff! But the thought of this shower (held by the adulterous husband’s sister, in a church facility) made me nauseated.
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In the OP’s case, these are presumably people close to the expectant mom who are going to support her and cherish her and the baby.

I’m not sure about the baby-mama-to-married-guy example, but I think a baby shower actually is appropriate in that case–if it is people who are close to the mom and who are going to support her and the baby.

It might not be appropriate to invite particular individuals (like the married guy’s wife, for example) or to keep it limited to close friends and relatives, but it is appropriate for friends and relatives to pull together (no matter what the circumstances) and show support and love for the imminent arrival.
 
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Xantippe said:
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Cecilia_Dympna:
My baby shower was all essential items for my baby. Apart from a bunch of (beautiful) flowers for me, it was all for my baby.
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Moms of more than one sometimes have diaper showers, where the only gift asked for is diapers.
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My SIL did this. She had a girl and her friend wanted to throw her a shower to get all new “boy” things. Rather than have people duplicate what she already had, she had a diaper party. I’m hundreds of miles away but I sent a big box of wipes. It was a great idea in my opinion. Too many second babies (and so on) come with no help.
 
heidi_storage said:
OP, I agree with you. “Yay baby shower!” is a celebration, and I think it’s okay not to want to celebrate pregnancy apart from marriage. Stuff for the baby can be given in other contexts.

Would the posters accusing you of lack of charity say the same about the shower for the woman on another thread, who was having a baby with a married man? Because the same arguments apply–At least she’s not killing her baby! The innocent baby needs stuff! But the thought of this shower (held by the adulterous husband’s sister, in a church facility) made me nauseated.

The OP’s daughter is not in a similar situation, of course. (Right, OP?) Nevertheless, I don’t think it’s unkind of her to be embarrassed that her daughter conceived a baby with someone outside of marriage.
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Again, there is quite a difference between having sinned and still being in sin.

Once one has repented of sin, it’s not up to us to keep laying on punishment.
 
Do you love your daughter?

You don’t need to answer, but seriously, we;re talking about a person, not a problem.
I hope you can see your way clear to go and not consider it “flaunting”.

This baby needs a loving family.
 
Xantippe said:
Moms of more than one sometimes have diaper showers, where the only gift asked for is diapers.
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I had a “baby sprinkle” for this baby, which is similar. I got some diapers, nursing pads, and a few new baby blankets and outfits (some things do reach their limit after three babies!) Last year we had a sprinkle for a friend expecting her fifth, and we all pitched in to buy a new baby carrier.

Most of the showers and sprinkles I’ve been to (and by now it’s a lot) have been very, very practical.
 
It’s also possible to mention on the invitation that gently used items are welcome.
 
At what point is the child worth celebrating? When it’s born? When it takes its first steps? When it goes to school? When is this a person worthy of joy and love instead of a source of shame? This will ALWAYS be a person who was born outside of marriage, so this distinction of not celebrating the pregnancy seems a bit arbitrary, and yeah, especially from the pro-life crowd.
 
Worthy? This is the wrong question, to my mind. Many people conceived and born in horrible circumstances have brought joy to the world; many conceived and born in great circumstances have not. Certainly this makes no difference to the worth of the person.

Nevertheless, some circumstances are more desirable than others, and some should not be celebrated. Would you react with joy and congratulations to a pregnancy announcement from an alcoholic whose other children had been removed from her care? I would not.

And the reason I keep bringing in these other circumstances is that I don’t think the Catholic posters on these boards are considering that sex out of marriage is wrong. Ah, well, there was a little slipup, teehee, but hey these things happen! You, of course, may not consider extramarital sex to be sinful, but the Catholics on the board don’t seem to think that it ought to be discouraged. They say they do, but look at how they jump on the grandmother who is embarrassed that her daughter committed a serious sin that is going to have far-reaching consequences for the baby.

Do I think the daughter ought to be forced to walk around with a scarlet letter? No. Do I think that friends and relatives are wrong to support the baby with gifts? No. Heck, I’m not even saying that I wouldn’t go to a shower for a baby conceived in sinful circumstances; but the grandmother should not be castigated for not wishing to celebrate her daughter’s pregnancy.
 
heidi_storage said:
They say they do, but look at how they jump on the grandmother who is embarrassed that her daughter committed a serious sin that is going to have far-reaching consequences for the baby.
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Well, is she embarrassed more by the sex or by the out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

As BEL was pointing out, at some point the OP is going to need to (just by virtue of being grandma and a decent human being) welcome this little person into the world, and now is a good time.
 
But the source of this problem won’t go away. This child will never have been conceived without sin. If the unborn are as significant as the rest of us, how is this any different than refusing to celebrate the child’s birth? Or milestones? Or anything, really? When does the switch flip from grandma seeing the baby as shameful and embarrassing to a person to celebrate, love, and rally around? None of her complaints will ever be solved - the circumstances of conception can never be changed. So yeah, her choice is to either get on board or not.

But in choosing not, she will damage her relationship with her daughter and grandchild, possibly forever.
 
Unborn babies don’t experience baby showers. One-year-olds do experience birthdays.

I haven’t any idea what the relationship between grandmother and mother is like, and wouldn’t offer advice on it. Maybe it’s warm, loving, and supportive, as well it could be without grandmother being happy about throwing a party for her daughter. Maybe it’s stiff and strained. I do hope, Xantippe, that the grandmother and mother can have a good relationship that ensures the child will have loving, supportive relatives, and I think that does not necessitate the grandmother happily bringing gifts to a baby shower.
 
heidi_storage said:
Unborn babies don’t experience baby showers. One-year-olds do experience birthdays.

I haven’t any idea what the relationship between grandmother and mother is like, and wouldn’t offer advice on it. Maybe it’s warm, loving, and supportive, as well it could be without grandmother being happy about throwing a party for her daughter. Maybe it’s stiff and strained. I do hope, Xantippe, that the grandmother and mother can have a good relationship that ensures the child will have loving, supportive relatives, and I think that does not necessitate the grandmother happily bringing gifts to a baby shower.
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The OP said, " My niece, her cousin, has always been very close with her and is planning a surprise baby shower for her." So the grandma is not “throwing” the party–all she has to do is show up as a guest with a gift. And yes, hopefully, she would be giving some sort of gift to welcome the baby. If the grandma is in economic distress or if the daughter were likely to redirect gifts for personal use, it would be different, but if it’s just a run of the mill unwed mother and grandma is not destitute, at least a small gift is in order. She’s planning on doing something for the baby, hopefully.

There’s also the potential of the grandma/OP looking bad to her extended family and alienating them if she doesn’t show up.

(By the book, a relative throwing a shower is an etiquette violation. Throwing a shower is supposed to be a friend thing–otherwise it looks like a gift grab by the family.)
 
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heidi_storage said:
Unborn babies don’t experience baby showers. One-year-olds do experience birthdays.

I haven’t any idea what the relationship between grandmother and mother is like, and wouldn’t offer advice on it. Maybe it’s warm, loving, and supportive, as well it could be without grandmother being happy about throwing a party for her daughter. Maybe it’s stiff and strained. I do hope, Xantippe, that the grandmother and mother can have a good relationship that ensures the child will have loving, supportive relatives, and I think that does not necessitate the grandmother happily bringing gifts to a baby shower.
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Actually, if you go by hormones, emotions and simple understanding, an unborn baby may actually experiance recieve more benefit by having a happy and less-stressed mother than a one year old would benefit by being at their own birthday party.
 
I agree. I have no issues buying baby stuff however a baby shower does imply a party to celebrate the pregnancy which does seem wrong.
 
Elf01 said:
I agree. I have no issues buying baby stuff however a baby shower does imply a party to celebrate the pregnancy which does seem wrong.
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You’re celebrating the new life set to arrive, not the sin.

If she was bragging how good pregnancy sex was, that’d be a different story.

Continually shaming the mother is stressful to her, and there’s really no reason to do so. Outcomes for children of stress mothers are worse than those born to prepared mothers and welcomed with love. Giving a party is welcoming and a way for the new mother to know that she is supported and loved during a very nerve-wracking time.
 
All you have proof of is that she sinned once unless you caught her in the act other times. You may have a pretty good idea what was going on behind closed doors but how many of us sin behind closed doors? She got caught that is all and she will deal with the consequences for the rest of her life.
You are now going to be a grandparent. Not the way you imagined but still a grandparent. How wonderful.
 
Mi_Rose said:
All you have proof of is that she sinned once unless you caught her in the act other times. You may have a pretty good idea what was going on behind closed doors but how many of us sin behind closed doors? She got caught that is all and she will deal with the consequences for the rest of her life.
You are now going to be a grandparent. Not the way you imagined but still a grandparent. How wonderful.
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Which is why I was highlighting the silliness of not allowing a baby shower. Another poster brought up the case of the woman who’s husband was having a baby with another woman who received a shower whilst it was very well known that the husband was still supporting and having “alone time” with the woman who was not his wife and being publically affectionate (in a sexual way) towards her.

In that case, the women need not be alone with him under any circumstances. He should be kind, but not affectionate. A baby shower, in that case, is inappropriate because the woman and man are choosing to act sinfully and make it obvious. Sending gifts would be appropriate, but a public welcome is not…again because it’s been made painfully clear that the “sin” is continuing.
 
I wonder would the OP’s niece be throwing the shower if the baby had been conceived through rape instead of fornication?
 
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