Baby shower for unwed mother

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Elf01 said:
I wonder would the OP’s niece be throwing the shower if the baby had been conceived through rape instead of fornication?
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Why not? That doesn’t change anything. If anything, I’d think people would go more out of their way to celebrate and welcome the child and support the victim.
 
Support yes, but I don’t think they would be as keen to throw a party.
 
Elf01 said:
Support yes, but I don’t think they would be as keen to throw a party.
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Why? This is about the girl and not the conception of the child. She’s having a baby. If anything I think the “ashamed” grandmother might actually be supportive.
 
I’m sure she would be but I doubt the niece would be throwing a party. In fact she may be asking why the OPs daughter is not aborting the child.
 
Elf01 said:
I’m sure she would be but I doubt the niece would be throwing a party. In fact she may be asking why the OPs daughter is not aborting the child.
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That’s a pretty bold supposition and accusation…and not one founded in reality.
 
As I explained it seems like a celebration to me and I doubt many would celebrate a baby conceived through rape. Support the mother yes, but I doubt there would be a party.
 
Elf01 said:
As I explained it seems like a celebration to me and I doubt many would celebrate a baby conceived through rape. Support the mother yes, but I doubt there would be a party.
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Why? Even the most harden pro-choice people I know support a woman’s right to choose to have the baby. I was in an office full of extreme liberals who worshiped Obama and woman’s rights…and not one would have thought twice about creating or attending a baby shower for a woman who was raped.

I guess maybe a group of Evangelicals or other hard-lined protestants might feel different?
 
If I was a woman who was pregnant as a result of rape I’m not sure I’d want one and I suppose that’s influencing me. As the organizer I’d be afraid she wouldn’t appreciate it but if the mother seemed happy about the pregnancy it would likely be different.
 
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My issue is not with gifts for the baby. I have bought baby gifts for a child conceived in an invalid marriage. I am uncomfortable with the party aspect.
 
Elf01 said:
If I was a woman who was pregnant as a result of rape I’m not sure I’d want one and I suppose that’s influencing me. As the organizer I’d be afraid she wouldn’t appreciate it but if the mother seemed happy about the pregnancy it would likely be different.
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Some mothers of very much wanted children don’t want showers. In fact in some cultures showers before the baby is born is absolute taboo.Your opinion on the matter is not a reason not to have or offer one. Showers aren’t typically surprises and are done by good friends. If this was the case, a person close to the woman should know her feelings on the matter.

You also might feel different when carrying a child, regardless of conception. I would think that feeling forced to have no celebrations (for someone who liked to celebrate) would be really mentally taxing.
 
I also don’t come from a baby shower culture, another possible influence.

I find it much easier to separate the child from their conception once born, although in the scenario I mentioned a congrats card and possibly a parent centered gift would have been given had the marriage been valid.
 
Elf01 said:
I also don’t come from a baby shower culture, another possible influence.

I find it much easier to separate the child from their conception once born, although in the scenario I mentioned a congrats card and possibly a parent centered gift would have been given had the marriage been valid.
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That would explain some of it.

Have you ever had a child? Your experiance sounds like that of an outsider, which may explain your feeligns even more.
 
No I haven’t had a child.

I suppose the party seems like a congrats on the pregnancy to me, which does seem wrong. Post birth it’s easier to focus things on the child.
 
Yeah, I think you perspective is very much not understanding. Mothers often bond deeply with unborn children when they begin moving (around 20 weeks). Some do not, but as one gets bigger and more uncomfortable it IS all about the kid.

And again, I think perhaps you need to amend your thinking. There is nothing wrong with congratulating someone on a pregnancy…even one that was from rape. The woman may not be pleased with how it happened but denying her joy because of conception is cruel.
 
That reminds me: it would be really great to set up a meal train for this mom once she’s had her baby. Or even ask for freezer meals already portioned she can stash away and thaw as needed. I’m better at it now, but when I had my first I found it very, very difficult to prepare food around newborn care.
 
The one I’m most familiar with we were told the parents didn’t want anything until the child was born. Dad was in the picture though, and if they had wanted stuff before the birth I would have no issue with dropping stuff over. It’s the throwing a party that I would be uncomfortable with until after the birth.
 
Why are you sooo concerned with the details of this child’s conception? Leave that to God.

The only difference between this mom’s sin and your sin or my sin, is the knowledge of this mom’s sin became public because she chose not to have an abortion.

Of course we have baby showers for sinners. We are all sinners.

However, in the other instance, having a baby shower in a church for a child produced in an affair while the injured spouse of the person who cheated is in attendance of that church, AND her husband and mistress seem to be continuing their relationship, is in incredibly poor taste. Any shower for THAT child should not be in the church, where it is sincerely causing scandal and injury to another person, and best held quietly in the home of a friend, somewhere else. However, that baby, too, is a human being, and symbols that the baby is innocent, and was welcomed and loved are not out of line. Baby will appreciate when older that the community did not turn its back on the child in horror.
 
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I agree with this and understand the embarrassment the op is feeling. This is a difficult thing you’re facing and you have my prayers.
 
I think congrats on pregnancy is fine – we WANT the mama to be happy about her child. We DO NOT want the mom to have negative feelings about her baby.

There are consequences for this sin that the mama will not be able to escape. This is not how God intended family, and that will be evident as a single parent. It will be evident WITHOUT HELP from us as she faces life as a singe parent, and has to deal with an ongoing relationship, and try to get child support from, the father of the baby.

The message I’m hearing is you sinned, you don’t deserve to have your child welcomed in the same way as others, you don’t deserve to have anyone happy for you or your pregnancy or your child. None of us “deserve” anything. It is not about what is deserved. It is about celebrating a life, a woman who decided to carry and nurture this life despite the details of conception and the judgement she would surely face from people, and despite hardships of a single parent.

God loves, welcomes and has plans for this child.
 
Gwendolen said:
I think congrats on pregnancy is fine – we WANT the mama to be happy about her child. We DO NOT want the mom to have negative feelings about her baby.
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I liked your whole post, but especially this.

And that’s one of the functions of baby showers generally–to provide support and encouragement to somebody who is about to face an ordeal.
 
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