Bachelor Party

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OldStNick

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One of my best friends is getting married in a few weeks. I am standing up in the wedding.

Next weekend, is the “bachelor party.” The other guys in the wedding as well as the groom’s father are taking the groom to a local Gentleman’s Club.

I feel that since I am in the wedding and he has been my good friend for 15 years, I am obligated to go to this bachelor party. And although my intentions are good, I know I might see things at this club that may be unwholesome.

My main dilemma is this: If someone else pays for me to have a private dance with one of the exotic dancers at this club—am I obligated to take it? If I do is this wrong? Am I committing sin by putting in money toward my friend the groom having private dances with women who are not his wife? Where do I draw the line?
 
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OldStNick:
One of my best friends is getting married in a few weeks. I am standing up in the wedding.

Next weekend, is the “bachelor party.” The other guys in the wedding as well as the groom’s father are taking the groom to a local Gentleman’s Club.

I feel that since I am in the wedding and he has been my good friend for 15 years, I am obligated to go to this bachelor party. And although my intentions are good, I know I might see things at this club that may be unwholesome.

My main dilemma is this: If someone else pays for me to have a private dance with one of the exotic dancers at this club—am I obligated to take it? If I do is this wrong? Am I committing sin by putting in money toward my friend the groom having private dances with women who are not his wife? Where do I draw the line?
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as a woman i am shocked and offended that you would even consider going to this party. obviously you must not be married or i am sure your wife would not tolerate such behaviour. these clubs are not only a sin against god but also against women. womens bodies are a creation of god and he did not intend for them to be ogled by sinful, lustful men who want nothing more than a cheap thrill in dark smoke filled rooms.
 
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OldStNick:
One of my best friends is getting married in a few weeks. I am standing up in the wedding.

Next weekend, is the “bachelor party.” The other guys in the wedding as well as the groom’s father are taking the groom to a local Gentleman’s Club.

I feel that since I am in the wedding and he has been my good friend for 15 years, I am obligated to go to this bachelor party. And although my intentions are good, I know I might see things at this club that may be unwholesome.

My main dilemma is this: If someone else pays for me to have a private dance with one of the exotic dancers at this club—am I obligated to take it? If I do is this wrong? Am I committing sin by putting in money toward my friend the groom having private dances with women who are not his wife? Where do I draw the line?
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DO NOT GO!!! Just explain to your friends that it is against your religious beliefs to attend. If they cannot understand this, they are not good friends after all.
 
As one who struggled with pornography, I say you need to not attend the “gentleman’s club”. Is the entire party at the club? You could certainly attend other functions. You also have an obligation (however unpopular it might make you) to warn your friend it is wrong. The only thing that should enter any man’s mind when confronted with pornography or stripping is that these girls are someone’s daughters whose lives have taken a seriously wrong turn. 😦

Scott
 
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OldStNick:
One of my best friends is getting married in a few weeks. I am standing up in the wedding.

Next weekend, is the “bachelor party.” The other guys in the wedding as well as the groom’s father are taking the groom to a local Gentleman’s Club.

I feel that since I am in the wedding and he has been my good friend for 15 years, I am obligated to go to this bachelor party. And although my intentions are good, I know I might see things at this club that may be unwholesome.

My main dilemma is this: If someone else pays for me to have a private dance with one of the exotic dancers at this club—am I obligated to take it? If I do is this wrong? Am I committing sin by putting in money toward my friend the groom having private dances with women who are not his wife? Where do I draw the line?
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It would not be poor manors to refuse to attend. Tell your friend the truth.

-D
 
Scott Waddell:
As one who struggled with pornography, I say you need to not attend the “gentleman’s club”. Is the entire party at the club? You could certainly attend other functions. You also have an obligation (however unpopular it might make you) to warn your friend it is wrong. The only thing that should enter any man’s mind when confronted with pornography or stripping is that these girls are someone’s daughters whose lives have taken a seriously wrong turn. 😦

Scott
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I totally agree. Plus, I would imagine if he truly loved his wife he wouldn’t be wanting to get his “last hurrah” in before he gets married and can’t do this anymore. It shows a small bit of regret on his part that he will only be able to see one woman naked the rest of his life. Just a thought.
 
What type of a party would you want your wife, or wife to be, to attend?
 
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OldStNick:
One of my best friends is getting married in a few weeks. I am standing up in the wedding.

Next weekend, is the “bachelor party.” The other guys in the wedding as well as the groom’s father are taking the groom to a local Gentleman’s Club.

I feel that since I am in the wedding and he has been my good friend for 15 years, I am obligated to go to this bachelor party. And although my intentions are good, I know I might see things at this club that may be unwholesome.

My main dilemma is this: If someone else pays for me to have a private dance with one of the exotic dancers at this club—am I obligated to take it? If I do is this wrong? Am I committing sin by putting in money toward my friend the groom having private dances with women who are not his wife? Where do I draw the line?
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Perhaps you could suggest to your friend that he have the party somewhere less offensive. Maybe you could come to some kind of a compromise such as Hooters Restaurant. They have good food there.
 
Joe Kelley:
What type of a party would you want your wife, or wife to be, to attend?
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That’s another thing—my friend’s wife-to-be is probably going to come along–she’s OK with him doing this. In fact she says it would be fun to watch some of these girls and “learn some things.”
 
You absolutely cannot go to the strip club. Nothing could justify going to such a place for a bachelor’s party, even if the silly bride is okay with it.

Furthermore, I cannot understand how someone could stand up in a wedding like this. This couple is making a mockery of sacred vows.
 
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OldStNick:
That’s another thing—my friend’s wife-to-be is probably going to come along–she’s OK with him doing this. In fact she says it would be fun to watch some of these girls and “learn some things.”
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Well, if she wants to learn how to be totally disrespected by men (including her husband, who seems to be disrespecting her just fine on his own) then this is a great oppurtunity for her. You still don’t participate.
 
Hello Oldstnick,

I think it would be good for you to ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” Would Jesus stop in at a gentelmen’s club and order up a table dancer for Himself and His Apostles after a hard day preaching about the Kingdom of God? Obviously He would not do such a thing. I think you could answer this question, and questions like it, for yourself if you just asked yourself, “What would Jesus do?”

NAB MATTHEW 5:27

“You have heard the commandment, 'You shall not commit adultery.’ What I say to you is: anyone who looks lustfully at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his thoughts.”

NAB MARK 10:17

"Good Teacher, what must I do to share in everlasting life? Jesus answered, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not kill; You shall not commit adultery;’” Peace in Christ, Steven Merten
www.ILOVEYOUGOD.com
 
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OldStNick:
That’s another thing—my friend’s wife-to-be is probably going to come along–she’s OK with him doing this. In fact she says it would be fun to watch some of these girls and “learn some things.”
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disgusting. extremely disgusting. how can this woman degrade herself and other women by going to such a place. perhaps her fiance is abusing her somehow that he has this sort of power over her. this marriage will certainly be over before it begins. hopefully then this woman will be able to get away from this abusive relationship.
 
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cutecathchic:
disgusting. extremely disgusting. how can this woman degrade herself and other women by going to such a place. perhaps her fiance is abusing her somehow that he has this sort of power over her. this marriage will certainly be over before it begins. hopefully then this woman will be able to get away from this abusive relationship.
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Actually I don’t think he’s abusing her but they do have an unusual relationship. From things they have said before, I get the feeling that she is attracted to women as well and that he gets some kind of kick out of that. In fact, he has once boasted about how at a party while she was drunk, she “made out” with another woman.

You think it would be right to just tell them I can’t be in the wedding at this point?
 
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OldStNick:
Actually I don’t think he’s abusing her but they do have an unusual relationship. From things they have said before, I get the feeling that she is attracted to women as well and that he gets some kind of kick out of that. In fact, he has once boasted about how at a party while she was drunk, she “made out” with another woman.

You think it would be right to just tell them I can’t be in the wedding at this point?
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well i can certainly sympathize with her attraction to other women. i too have felt an attraction to women and have resisted the temptation to lay down with another woman for a long time now. but her attraction to women is a reason she should not go to this club. she must resist her temptations and strive to be a good christian as must we all.
 
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OldStNick:
One of my best friends is getting married in a few weeks. I am standing up in the wedding.

Next weekend, is the “bachelor party.” The other guys in the wedding as well as the groom’s father are taking the groom to a local Gentleman’s Club.

I feel that since I am in the wedding and he has been my good friend for 15 years, I am obligated to go to this bachelor party. And although my intentions are good, I know I might see things at this club that may be unwholesome.

My main dilemma is this: If someone else pays for me to have a private dance with one of the exotic dancers at this club—am I obligated to take it? If I do is this wrong? Am I committing sin by putting in money toward my friend the groom having private dances with women who are not his wife? Where do I draw the line?
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I think you would be committing a sin by simply going to that club and seeing the dancers. Their dancing is pornographic and pornography is a sin. Their dancing will very likely cause you to lust, and that is a sin. You may end up committing adultery in the heart that Jesus spoke about.

Why risk it? Jesus didn’t suffer and die so that we could watch people undress and shake their private parts for money.
 
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OldStNick:
Actually I don’t think he’s abusing her but they do have an unusual relationship. From things they have said before, I get the feeling that she is attracted to women as well and that he gets some kind of kick out of that. In fact, he has once boasted about how at a party while she was drunk, she “made out” with another woman.

You think it would be right to just tell them I can’t be in the wedding at this point?
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The issue at this point seems more to be dealing with the bachelor party than whether you should be in this couple’s wedding. If you go to this party, you will see and hear things that will do nothing to help you grow closer to Christ and the person he’s calling you to be. It’s as simple as that. Though you may take some flack from your friends and they may not understand, it’s a simple sacrifice you can make for the kingdom.
 
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cutecathchic:
well i can certainly sympathize with her attraction to other women. i too have felt an attraction to women and have resisted the temptation to lay down with another woman for a long time now. but her attraction to women is a reason she should not go to this club. she must resist her temptations and strive to be a good christian as must we all.
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wow.
 
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bjorn:
wow.
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that ambiguous response might not be the best way to show gratitude for her honesty and openness about her temptations and struggle.

as far as this party goes, this is not about committing a sin, it’s about committing one sin after another, all night long, until you barely recognize yourself. unless you have the fortitude of Jesus Himself, you will get sucked in to the debauchery. you need to respect and protect yourself too.

if i were you, i’d address my friend and tell him that you can’t be involved. you need to tell him that you don’t respect that kind of behavior. if you set yourself up to witness some crazy antics between your friend and his wife, you will never be able to see them in the same light again. at the very least, you can anticipate creating an attitude of suspicion of sin in their relationship. it will damage your relationship with them.

if by voicing your belief to them, you alter your friendship, you have to accept that. this kind of thing will damage the friendship anyway. i didn’t allow this when my best friend got married. he understood and when the subject came up that night, we both just shrugged, said “whatever” and kept having fun. he knew that he would have degraded himself, if we went to some club or showed some movie. his wife also trusted us to protect her in her absence. you may not have that option. they are both messed up.

i won’t abandon him though. you might be the only image of Christ present on his wedding day. when your friend runs into trouble later, he’ll remember that you know what’s up, and turn to you in the future.
 
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bjorn:
wow.
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I agree with JustSomeGuy on this, a short ambiguous comment like this could make someone feel a little self conscious or feel bad. She was being honest, and that is very admirable.
 
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