Bad behavior when left with Dad

  • Thread starter Thread starter Giggly_Giraffe
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

Giggly_Giraffe

Guest
My children seem to have bad behavior when left alone with their Dad. Tonight, I left them with their Dad and went grocery shopping. When I came home I was greeted by my husband who asked, “Are you ready for this?” Anyways, in the 45 minutes I was gone, they broke a irreplaceable keepsake of my husband’s given to him by his deceased mom. Further, they decided to pee on the floor and my pillow. My husband dealt with the situation by cleaning, and repairing. He is frustrated that they don’t respect anything, and probably doesn’t want to be left with them again. Further, they are in constant friction. My seven year old is always rolling her eyes at him; this leaves him unhinged.

The other day, he told the oldest to come home and she said, “I won’t come unless Mom asks me!” To this I had her follow her Dad around the back yard doing anything he asked of her so that she could learn obedience to her Dad. However, he didn’t like this idea and ignored her.

What am I missing?
 
It is very important that your children hear you supporting and backing up your husband. "You are not to roll your eyes at your father, is that clear? " “Do not speak to your father like that.”

It sounds like your husband is not doling out any consequences when your children act up either. He needs to discipline them himself and not leave it up to you.
 
How does he develop his parenting style when he has so much less time with them?
 
A seven year old urinate on the floor and a pillow on purpose?
Okay–that level of behavior needs to be evaluated by a psychiatrist sooner than later
 
I would give them serious consequences for rudeness and disrespect. What works for us is taking away something they value: in my grandson’s case, it’s his Kindle he plays games on.
You could consider not taking them to an outing that was planned, or taking away a favorite toy or game for a specific period of time.

Get some of Dr Ray Guarendi’s books. He recommends, in certain cases. going into full disciplinary mode – taking away access to TV, phone calls, foods they like, favorite clothes, depending on how serious the problem is.
Assuming that your husband helps provide for the family, everything the children have comes at least partly from his hard work. They need to know that they shouldn’t take it for granted.
 
Last edited:
Giggly_Giraffe said:
To this I had her follow her Dad around the back yard doing anything he asked of her so that she could learn obedience to her Dad. However, he didn’t like this idea and ignored her.
Click to expand...
This, right here, is your problem. You punished her disobedience, he did not, and didn’t even follow through with your determined punishment. I think a better approach is that when he is wronged, you two discuss an appropriate punishment which he will enact (although you may need to be present at first when he announces the punishment, so that they know you support it).

Another thing to consider: he may need some counseling on how to deal with daughters. A soft approach and allowing you to be the only source of discipline or direction hasn’t worked here, and he may need some coaching on how to be a more assertive parent to girls (this is something a lot of men struggle with). The bottom line, though, is that he’s not doing them any favors by failing to teach them proper behavior that society will expect from them.
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
Anyways, in the 45 minutes I was gone, they broke a irreplaceable keepsake of my husband’s given to him by his deceased mom. Further, they decided to pee on the floor and my pillow
Click to expand...
So what came first, the peeing or the breaking.

As delicately as possible I would like to ask if your 7yo son or daughter has developmental issues or perhaps a urinary tract infection. Did you see the pee
 
You need consistent punishments that both you and your husband will follow through with. You need to back up your husband and drill into their heads that they need to respect him, possessions and the house. Punish your 7 year old every time she rolls her eyes and every time she dismisses what your husband has said. It sounds as though she’s used to playing you both off against each other. You need to be a team.

Get your children evaluated by a psychiatrist. It isn’t normal to “decide to pee” - why did they decide to?
 
You can’t build respect for the Dad that is contingent on respect that you’ve maintained with your parenting. I say maintained. The respect for parental authority for most kids is built in as long as it is a reality to the parent and exercised. The kids will recognize it as authority from above and be obedient. Your husband didn’t do that apparently? It has to happen or it never will. I do suggest some professional help to salvage what is still there and build on it…
 
What’s YOUR relationship like with the hubs?
Do you speak ill of him when he is not around?
Perhaps he is far stricter than you?
Perhaps they are afraid of him and believe that if they act up terribly you won’t leave them with him?
Perhaps they don’t respect him for some reason?

Something odd is going on here.
Have your pediatrician speak with the children.
Something more is going on than just naughty behavior.
Kids that are “just fine” with one parent, don’t suddenly turn into monsters when that parent is out of earshot.
 
I’m agreed with everyone who has said to go to a professional.

This is way beyond internet forum help.
 
I respect and love him. I speak very well of him always, even in my thoughts. Stricter than me? Yes and no. He might expect more than me, but they jump when I think, “jump”.

The oldest is upset that he is constantly drawn away from us due to work, family (his parents, uncles, aunts, brother, ect). To add to that the brief time he has with us he seems always upset and disappointed in what we are able to do; house work, homework, thank you calls, ect. In addition, his saintly dementor sometimes is replaced with cursing and undertalk (my parents would … if I ever did this). I think this undertalk may make my oldest feel like she is not respected. Maybe it’s a respect standoff?
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
I respect and love him. I speak very well of him always, even in my thoughts. Stricter than me? Yes and no. He might expect more than me, but they jump when I think, “jump”.

The oldest is upset that he is constantly drawn away from us due to work, family (his parents, uncles, aunts, brother, ect). To add to that the brief time he has with us he seems always upset and disappointed in what we are able to do; house work, homework, thank you calls, ect. In addition, his saintly dementor sometimes is replaced with cursing and undertalk (my parents would … if I ever did this). I think this undertalk may make my oldest feel like she is not respected. Maybe it’s a respect standoff?
Click to expand...
A disrespected 7yo does not pee on bedding. That’s beyond just simply feeling disrespected.

Inappropriate urination is typically a sign of severe mental illness or being abused.
 
Was it only the 7yr old who peed or both of them? You said “they” in your OP.

Did you ask them why they did it?
 
If I were in your shoes I’d try to talk to a family therapist. God bless your family.
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
The other day, he told the oldest to come home and she said, “I won’t come unless Mom asks me!” T
Click to expand...
Where was the 7yo on her own that you guys had to ask her to come home? What had happened?
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top