Bad confession---need help

[baltobetsy]

Here i edited my post, how is that?
Sorry i meant are they a grave matter.

Thanks

Much better. I would say that things like disobeying your parents and lying would be grave matter or not depending on what you lied about or in what you disobeyed. There are trivial matters and important matters which would affect the gravity of the sin.

Lying about whether you left the toilet seat up is very different from lying about where you are going when you leave the house, for example.

Betsy

 

[BibleReader700]

You guys think that the times i put for the amount of times that i committed the sin would be ok. And that the confession would not be too long?

 

[baltobetsy]

You guys think that the times i put for the amount of times that i committed the sin would be ok. And that the confession would not be too long?

Time yourself reading it out loud. It won’t take long at all Your estimates seem fine, but then, we don’t know you in person!

Betsy

 

[jmcrae]

You’d let a seven-year-old child bike or walk goodness knows how long through neighbourhoods neither they nor you are probably familiar with???

He’s a teenage boy; not a seven year old - I really don’t think he has much to worry about.

Times (and public crime in most neighbourhoods) have changed drastically since your own childhood, sad but true.

The streets were pretty scary when I was a kid, too - but you can’t lock yourself up in the house all the time - I’m sure he gets himself to school, and over to his friend’s place - this is no different.

 

[BibleReader700]

Ok thanks so much guys. Maybe it was a good thing that i messed up my confession because i was able to realize how hard it is to confess this stuff. I won’t be doing that stuff again. I hope.

So masturbation i would say i abused myself right? Thanks guys (and ladies).

 

[netmilsmom]

No you can’t just say you lied - omitting to tell a mortal sin in confession is something all on its own. Lying could mean something as trivial as that you told your kid brother that you didn’t have any chocolate to share when you actually did. A lot less serious than omitting a sin in confession, you’ll agree.

Why do you have to be specific at all?
The priest will lead you. I would need a reference to giving details.
Here is the CCC on confession…
The confession of sins
1455 The confession (or disclosure) of sins, even from a simply human point of view, frees us and facilitates our reconciliation with others. Through such an admission man looks squarely at the sins he is guilty of, takes responsibility for them, and thereby opens himself again to God and to the communion of the Church in order to make a new future possible.
1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly."54

When Christ’s faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest, "for if the sick person is too ashamed to show his wound to the doctor, the medicine cannot heal what it does not know."55 1457 According to the Church’s command, "after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year."56 Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession.57 Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.58
1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church.59 Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful:60

 

[Fr.Joe]

Here is a good routine to follow folks:

-Do a thorough examination of conscious before coming to the sacrament. Try to identify specifically what sins you’ve committed and how frequently. You don’t have to have exact numbers (if you can’t recall), but be honest.

-Some find that writing down their sins helps, and yes it’s fine to bring “notes” into the confessional.

-When actually confessing your sins, again, be honest and as specific as you can. Believe me, we’ve heard it all…and then some! There is NOTHING anyone could say that would scandalize or shock us, so just spit it out and get it off your chest. There is great freedom in actually being able to name the sin instead of dancing around it and trying to disguise it with verbal manipulation.

-At the end of your confession, if you can’t think of anything else, but think you might be forgetting something, be sure to simply say, “For these and all my sins I am truly sorry.” And if in fact you are truly sorry, then you have officially made a good confession and all your sins are forgiven. When you walk out the door, you have a clean slate, so rejoice in the mercy and love of God. (and of course…don’t forget to do your penance.)

 

[BrooklynBoy200]

I have a question:

I’ve never done a real in-the-confessional confession. My only one was a general confession a while ago. So i’m not quite sure what to do. Do i just say Bless me Father, for i have sinned, and then list my sins, what do i do next? Say ok, i’m done now? Or do i just launch right into the Act of Contrition?

 

[RichSpidizzy]

…
One more question: Can anyone give me a website or something with a step by step on how to confess. I think if i studied the process it would feel a bit better…

How to Make a Good Confession
One of THE BEST “how to’s” I’ve ever read about Confession. Not only covers the practical points on the step-by-step process, but also covers the spiritual dimension on making a good confession.

 

[LilyM]

I have a question:

I’ve never done a real in-the-confessional confession. My only one was a general confession a while ago. So i’m not quite sure what to do. Do i just say Bless me Father, for i have sinned, and then list my sins, what do i do next? Say ok, i’m done now? Or do i just launch right into the Act of Contrition?

Yeah the normal procedure for me is 'Bless me father, I have sinned, it has been x amount of time since my last confession, and these are my sins … (list them) … and for these and any sins I may have forgotten (or all my sins, known and unknown) I am truly sorry."

 

[Fr.Joe]

I have a question:

I’ve never done a real in-the-confessional confession. My only one was a general confession a while ago. So i’m not quite sure what to do. Do i just say Bless me Father, for i have sinned, and then list my sins, what do i do next? Say ok, i’m done now? Or do i just launch right into the Act of Contrition?

After the “Bless me Father” statement, tell the priest how long it’s been since your last confession (approximately), then confess your sins. The priest will usually offer a word of advice or encouragement, and then give you a penance and ask you to recite an act of contrition. Some priests give absolution while the act of contrition is being recited, others wait until afterwards to do so. After that, you may, “go in peace.”

 

[CatholicMC]

This is what I do. Write down your sins before you come in. You will be able to remember alot more than if you come in and try to remember them without writing them down.

Also, by yourself, just say masturbation outloud a few times. Or, perhaps you could say something like wasted my seed?

The sins you did not confess are still not absolved until you say them, especially because you had knowledge of them. Most of this has probably been said already because I didn’t take the time to read all of the replies. I doubt anything you tell the priest he has not heard already, or has committed himself.

It may suck, but let it out and let it go. It’ll feel great!

 

[Unfinished]

I only read about half the thread, but here is my two cents.

Do NOT say “I have sinned against the 6th commandment.” That is WAY to vague, the priest will have no idea what you did.

Everyone walks in there ashamed, no matter what they did. Write everything down. On a list. Read it over once before you go in.

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession. Since that time I accuse myself of…”

At this point, read every word on your list. Quickly, but say it clearly. I usually try and get it all out in one breath so that I don’t even have to think about it. Don’t have a panic attack over it. Just read the list quickly and spit it out. You will find that when you are done, the priest isn’t going to say “REALLY?” In fact, I bet he will sense your nerves and calmly give you advice.

If you stall and have to think about saying something, SAY IT QUICKLY before that thought takes root in your head.

“Confess your sins and shame the devil.” (Who said that?)

PS. Instead of masturbation, perhaps try something like “unchaste actions with myself.”

 

[Nan_S]

Is it possible that since i was so nervous/embarassed, that the grave matter of not telling the priest all my sins was not a mortal sin?

I know i must be annoying asking all these questions, but thanks for taking the time to answer them all.

Being so nervous that you went brain-dead and completely forgot to mention something you sincerely intended to confess is not a mortal sin and does not invalidate a confession. Good heavens, how many times have I gone to the store intending to get ten items and only walked out with nine? God understands if you unintentionally neglect to mention one sin under the pressure of being in the confessional. For your own peace of mind, however, try to include that sin in your next confession.

Deliberately withholding a grave sin, on the other hand, is much more serious. That probably would invalidate the confession. That act shows either a lack of repentance, or a conscious refusal to open yourself to God’s mercy, or both.

Now, as to understanding mortal sin, let me explain it this way: Fire has three necessary elements: oxygen, heat, and fuel. Take one of them away and there is no fire.

Mortal sin has three necessary elements: grave matter, full knowledge, and free will. If one of them is missing it could still be a serious sin, but not a mortal sin.

If I was a pregnant sixteen-year-old girl and my mother forced me to get an abortion, that might not be a mortal sin. It is grave, I probably would have known it was grave, but I might legitimately say I did not act of my own free will. Tell the details to the priest and he will be able to say for sure.

If everyone on my street took things from a certain neighbor, and I did too because I nobody seemed to care and I thought that made it OK, that might not be a mortal sin. It is grave, I did it freely, but I might be able to legitimately say I didn’t know it was wrong. Once again, the priest is trained in evaluating the specific circumstances and telling you for sure whether the sin is mortal.

If I believed chewing gum in class was a mortal sin, and chose to do it anyway, the act of chewing gum would not in itself be a mortal sin. It is not of grave matter. However, the act of freely doing anything I believed was a grave sin would in itself be a mortal sin.

-missing Mass on Sundays and Holy days of Obligation ( about once a week for the past 3 years)

You really need to ask the priest about this one. From your previous posts, you have said you can’t easily get to a priest for confession because you have to persuade your mom to drive you there. Are you also missing Mass every week because you can’t drive and your parents won’t cooperate and take you? Or because they are forcing you to go with them to some other church at the same time Catholic masses are being held :crying: ? Or, on the other hand are you missing Mass because you just don’t like to get out of bed on Sundays :tsktsk: ?

Depending on the circumstances, for you this might not be a mortal sin. One way to resolve this could be to ask the priest or youth director to put you in touch with someone else who could drive you.

You’ll do fine. God Bless. Your serious concern speaks very highly of you.

Nan

 

[Sir_Knight]

BibleReader700;1723797:

One more question: Can anyone give me a website or something with a step by step on how to confess. I think if i studied the process it would feel a bit better.

How to Make a Good Confession
One of THE BEST “how to’s” I’ve ever read about Confession. Not only covers the practical points on the step-by-step process, but also covers the spiritual dimension on making a good confession.

Please don’t take this the wrong way but is that a Catholic website? They seem to have the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th & 10th commandments all confused.

I would recommend www.StJoseph-OrefieldPA.org … click on “Church”, then using the left menu, click on “Sacraments”, then click on “Penance”. That will bring you to an Examination of Conscience using the Catholic version of the 10 Commandments. Towards the bottom, it will outline the steps to a good confession as well as explain a bad confession.

Following the Examination of Conscience, it also contains a link to sins which MUST be confessed.

Hope that helps.

 

[LilyM]

Please don’t take this the wrong way but is that a Catholic website? They seem to have the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th & 10th commandments all confused.

I would recommend www.StJoseph-OrefieldPA.org … click on “Church”, then using the left menu, click on “Sacraments”, then click on “Penance”. That will bring you to an Examination of Conscience using the Catholic version of the 10 Commandments. Towards the bottom, it will outline the steps to a good confession as well as explain a bad confession.

Following the Examination of Conscience, it also contains a link to sins which MUST be confessed.

Hope that helps.

I don’t know - not praying every day is NOT a mortal sin by any other resource I’ve read - and to simply say ‘pride’ is a mortal sin and needs to be confessed - it’s a bit too vague.

I much prefer Fr Z’s here - it’s much more detailed and precise.

 

[Sir_Knight]

According to Father Larry Richards (one of our top Catholic speakers) all of those things need to be confessed.

 

[Belfarmer]

Been there – Done that! Being nervous, embarrassed, and overly scrupulous are some of the best weapons the devil uses to keep us from taking advantage of the great sacrament of Confession. My best advice, first of all smile and be happy.

Then, just do it! Go to confession often, enjoy the peace it brings, and praise God for such a great gift. Do your best and if a mistake is made smile, laugh it off, praise God for a good conscience, and go to confession again if needed.

Being a Catholic Christian is the greatest!

 

[netmilsmom]

Do NOT say “I have sinned against the 6th commandment.” That is WAY to vague, the priest will have no idea what you did.

PS. Instead of masturbation, perhaps try something like “unchaste actions with myself.”

You are not confessing to a Priest, you are confessing to Our Lord himself. The priest is just the go between, so to say.
If Our Lord needs to know more details, the priest will ask. If not, you have no need to add them just to make it even more uncomfortable than it already is.
Coming up with different words is great, but if it is so difficult that you can’t even say it, better to be vague and let the Priest lead the way than to skip confession or some sins altogether.

Trust me, I’ve done it many times. The Priest will normally take over and say the words that I can’t say. All I have to do is say, “Yes, that’s it.” Done deal.

 

[Unfinished]

You are not confessing to a Priest, you are confessing to Our Lord himself. The priest is just the go between, so to say.
If Our Lord needs to know more details, the priest will ask. If not, you have no need to add them just to make it even more uncomfortable than it already is.
Coming up with different words is great, but if it is so difficult that you can’t even say it, better to be vague and let the Priest lead the way than to skip confession or some sins altogether.

Trust me, I’ve done it many times. The Priest will normally take over and say the words that I can’t say. All I have to do is say, “Yes, that’s it.” Done deal.

Right, you are confessings to Christ. But the priest is there to guide you. And though Christ will know what you did, the priest has no way to offer guidence, or even penance, if you use something as vague as “the 6th commandment.” When I have been vague, he often says “What do you mean?” or “what did you do?” Then I have to end up saying whatever I did anyway.

Besides, I have been detered from commiting sin more than once because I did not wish to have to mention it in confession. (“Man, I do NOT want to have to confess that. I better avoid it.”)

Shame is an effect of sin. Understand that, and realize that you would feel no shame without sin, then just state your sins, by name, without trying to get around it. Anxiety attacks in the confessional are normal. Even I get them from time to time.

Who am I to stand before God and tell Him what wrongs I have commited? In His justice he should strike us all down every time we go in there. That is enough to make anyone freak out. But I always remember, right after that, that in His mercy he will make us white as snow if we only “man up” and tell Him what we did. You will find, when you are kneeling there freaking out, that after you spit the words out of your mouth, it is over. It wasn’t that horrible, and you are one step closer to eliminating that particular sin from your life. And that is FAR better then concealing a sin then having to do it all over again.

Don’t let the effects of sin (shame, for one) consume you. Purge yourself of it. State that shameful act that you have commited clearly and realize that every time you do, Satan’s grip on you become weaker.