I’m happy to know that some people were better catechized and actually had an experience of the Holy Spirit in their lives without going through a Charismatic community. As for me, I was born a cradle Catholic, like most people in Latin America countries. For my family, religion and Sacraments where just an opportunity (or rather an excuse) for partying, socializing and gathering with friends, nothing about the Sacrament per se.
I drifted away from the faith when I was 12 and started to deep dive in New Age, I was confirmed when I was 16 years old because my parents insisted. It is not because they were concerned about me being a “soldier for Christ” and I gave in not because I was convinced about practicing the Catholic religion, it was just another opportunity for my family to get together and have a party, and I was Ok with that.
I’m sad to remember that I slept through all the celebration and barely remember when I was standing in front of the Bishop. I didn’t feel anything particular that day. I was more involved in filling the need for God in my life with New Age stuff that trying to live my own faith.
This lasted until 2 days before my 20th birthday, when I went to a 2 day retreat with a Charismatic community in my hometown.
I didn’t know much about my faith. Was it because I had a poor catechesis? Was it because I was not living with the most practicing/church going family? Whatever it was, I know that participating in that 2-day retreat saved my life.
I was so empty prior to that experience, I was so thirsty for God and was looking for Him in the wrong places. One day in March of 1993 I felt I couldn’t take anymore the emptiness, the lonesomeness inside of me and I thought about taking my own life by throwing myself to the subway rails. I was going to materialize this wish of mine. I remember that I though “whether I live or die does not make any difference. Nobody will care”. When I saw the subway approaching and I was ready to jump, a sudden fear got a hold of me and left me shaky. Instead of going to class as I was supposed to, I went to visit a friend of mine. I never told her why I was crying so desperately, I cried until I had no more tears. Poor thing was so preoccupied that she did the only thing she knew could help me: she took me to my first Mass in a Charismatic community that day.
I was hooked! The music, the praising, the joy of the people around me. I started going to Mass several times during the week and by August I was attending my first 2-day retreat. On August 15th, 1993 (the last day of the retreat), at 4:30PM my life changed dramatically.
Before that day I had been kind of getting back in touch with the faith of my childhood. But that day! Oh boy! It was the real deal!
It was the time for prayer for the “renewal” in the Spirit. I was prayed over by two lay people from the community. I felt a breeze sweeping through me from above and all of a sudden my body felt weightless. I cried, I prayed, I laughed. I had never ever felt like that before.
I noticed immediately a change in my personal prayer, I started reading and praying with my Bible, I learned the Rosary, I got me a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church to start learning more about my faith, I got involved in the community, I was bold to explain and defend my faith.
Almost 18 years had passed since that glorious day, and I can testify the good fruits this experience has brought into my life. I no longer participate in a Charismatic community. Actually I’m more on the conservative side now and prefer more solemn celebrations, but this experience allowed me to value my Catholic faith even more, and I don’t need to be in a Charismatic meeting or Mass to feel the Holy Spirit working in my life. But, let’s say it, hadn’t been for that experience of renewal in the Holy Spirit, I don’t know where would I be now.