Beauty carries a heavy cross too

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runwaymodel

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I’m just a little discouraged, friends. I know some people consider beauty a blessing (probably the same that think money solves all problems) but I just feel like it attracts all sorts of weird people. I’m really involved in community service and with my church so my resolve is very strong but some men here see it as a challenge, and even get insulted when I won’t give them what so many women do so easily. It seriously feels like the more focused on God I am, the more I am tempted to get corrupted. And yes. I know: It is MY choice to be in the industry but like a Sister of the Church once told me: “God needs people in every field to act as pillars or role models even when it’s rough. Maybe that’s your cross”. Maybe, but it’s very hard.
For those of you who don’t know, I work in the fashion/entertainment industry so it’s been a challenge, but by Gods grace I have remained on the good path. Still in my 20s so the shortage of men in line for marriage isn’t the problem, it’s substance. I’m very traditional despite my outward appearance and I just cannot seem to find husband material. I’ve mentioned before, I refuse to be just a trophy wife. I’ve hesitated in posting because I know there are bigger problems out there but I don’t really have Catholic friends my age in whom I can express my feelings with…so here I am. :sad_bye:
 
Hey I don’t know what that’s like to be where you’re at. But I mean I do understand being alone. So I’ll give you a brotherly hug and hope that helps.

:hug3:

And I mean you’ll never guess what song just came on. I’ll give you a hint. It’s an old one from Roy Orbison.

Peace.

-Trident
 
I wish to be very gentle here. My fatherly instincts suggest a harsher post, but it is not my place. Sometimes we can get easily absorbed in our occupation whatever that is. Sometimes that occupation can draw you to yourself both in your skills and your presentation. As a barrister I know how persona is vital in the advocacy at court. Thus I can appreciate how any work, especially as a model, can draw you back into yourself.
It is wonderful that you have chosen the hard road in an “easy” world.
In reality, you will find difficulty in that environs to find a good man who sees behind the eyes.
In an environment where temptation to self absorption is very easy; perhaps you should endeavour to extend yourself outside into areas of personal service say, in visits to the hospitals; old aged care etc. Many old women would love to get a bit of attention from a bright young thing. Indeed, some of my friends just go to give hand massages to those for whom any personal touch is rarely felt.
Beauty fades so quickly, it is a glory too soon forgotten. Enjoy it, for this is the joy of youth. However, trade up. Use it to find fulfillment in your soul; and look to what you will do in 10 years. You may wish to look at your own entrepreneurial possibilities.
You will have a greater likelihood of falling over the right man in the right context. Not in the fashion industry. But if you do meet one, don’t judge with the same criteria you may use to judge yourself. Look for values; charity, personal kindness and that glance you will recognise, away from the world, towards Christ. Men don’t often show it to everyone. He may show you.
 
OP, I was a model too and I know exactly how you feel. I always desired to be a girlfriend who became a wife but it never happened. The reason it never happened was because I was so pretty and add in that I was shy so these men thought I was conceited. So basically all that asked me out were losers. Many tried to screw me financially or use me in many ways. I’ve been treated miserably by most men I dated so I ended up quitting dating for many years. I asked a few decent men why they weren’t interested in me and they told me they were but just assumed I’d say no.
 
I don’t know if it helps, but this isn’t happening purely because you’re in the fashion industry. I know women who are in science who still run into this problem. Of course their looks ought to be irrelevant, but they often aren’t treated that way. People either want to give them preferential treatment that they do not deserve and don’t want, they don’t want to take them seriously, or they are jealous of how everyone else slobbers around them. (I don’t think I need to say which problems are more prevalent among men and which are more prevalent among women.) An ebullient personality brings the same problem. Yes, it does attract people like flies, and some of them buzz around in an annoying sort of way. It is as if you can be attractive in a shallow, easy-to-appreciate way or you can be attractive in a intellectual or “deep” way, but not both. You can be pretty or spiritual, but not both.

You are actually in the same boat as a woman who cannot get men to look at her because her looks don’t meet the typical “ideal.” The truth is, men run into the same thing, being given far more or far less attention than everyone else for reasons that are really unimportant in the big picture. You need to put up with people making the same trite mistakes about you over and over and over, but the chances are that you will eventually meet the person you are looking for. Hang in there, be faithful, and if you put the kingdom first you will be OK. Being a beautiful soul is all that matters. If you get more annoyance than everyone else but stay patient through it all, you will not go without your reward! 👍
 
Petaro said:
I wish to be very gentle here. My fatherly instincts suggest a harsher post, but it is not my place. Sometimes we can get easily absorbed in our occupation whatever that is. Sometimes that occupation can draw you to yourself both in your skills and your presentation. As a barrister I know how persona is vital in the advocacy at court. Thus I can appreciate how any work, especially as a model, can draw you back into yourself.
It is wonderful that you have chosen the hard road in an “easy” world.
In reality, you will find difficulty in that environs to find a good man who sees behind the eyes.
In an environment where temptation to self absorption is very easy; perhaps you should endeavour to extend yourself outside into areas of personal service say, in visits to the hospitals; old aged care etc. Many old women would love to get a bit of attention from a bright young thing. Indeed, some of my friends just go to give hand massages to those for whom any personal touch is rarely felt.
Beauty fades so quickly, it is a glory too soon forgotten. Enjoy it, for this is the joy of youth. However, trade up. Use it to find fulfillment in your soul; and look to what you will do in 10 years. You may wish to look at your own entrepreneurial possibilities.
You will have a greater likelihood of falling over the right man in the right context. Not in the fashion industry. But if you do meet one, don’t judge with the same criteria you may use to judge yourself. Look for values; charity, personal kindness and that glance you will recognise, away from the world, towards Christ. Men don’t often show it to everyone. He may show you.
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I am actual not opposed to harsh advise. Some people have issues with their spouse, marriage or their children. I’m in that singles group so I’m aware the majority won’t relate with my “problems”.
I don’t date anybody in the industry. Not to say I won’t find anyone of substance (I’m in that mix too, right?) but mostly likely not. I suppose I just want prayers. Idk. Sometimes I feel so lost but feel silly saying that or asking for guidance because outwardly others just wouldn’t understand why.

Thank you, Trident H, for that virtual hug. :o
 
runwaymodel said:
I am actual not opposed to harsh advise. Some people have issues with their spouse, marriage or their children. I’m in that singles group so I’m aware the majority won’t relate with my “problems”.
I don’t date anybody in the industry. Not to say I won’t find anyone of substance (I’m in that mix too, right?) but mostly likely not. I suppose I just want prayers. Idk. Sometimes I feel so lost but feel silly saying that or asking for guidance because outwardly others just wouldn’t understand why.
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runwaymodel, like Petaro, I feel like I’ve gone into parent mode here and would be giving advice to a daughter. You are in a bit of a unique position as far as choosing a spouse in the spirit of Catholicism. You need discernment in spades. I would suggest developing your spiritual life in some way such as a retreat or two and getting into a habit of some weekday Masses and developing a counselling or spiritual advice relationship with an older Catholic women in your life. Develop a spiritual life outside of the modelling industry and see where that takes you. You do have my prayers.
 
runwaymodel said:
I am actual not opposed to harsh advise. Some people have issues with their spouse, marriage or their children. I’m in that singles group so I’m aware the majority won’t relate with my “problems”.
I don’t date anybody in the industry. Not to say I won’t find anyone of substance (I’m in that mix too, right?) but mostly likely not. I suppose I just want prayers. Idk. Sometimes I feel so lost but feel silly saying that or asking for guidance because outwardly others just wouldn’t understand why.

Thank you, Trident H, for that virtual hug. :o
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I am sorry if you felt I was being harsh in any way. I am full of admiration of your present discernment of the dichotomy of a spiritual lifestyle in the raucous and raw lights of your industry. Other model posters have expressed the same frustration. I was impressed with the post that suggested an increase in spiritual exercise. I was always too much of the world to find time in this area of improvement. However, simple exercises like a morning offering to Christ of your day is a good start. A short prayer before every runway walk or photo shoot. I can understand your frustration at advice from old fogies who know nothing of your world. Men are such cowards before a beautiful woman. If you find a really good one, you basically have to hit him hard to make him realise he can ask you out. If necessary, it is permissible. LOL
 
Maybe try a more traditional parish, not necessarily one that has Latin mass. There could be some single men there you’d like.
 
Yes I know what it is like. I have a mom who has been jealous of me and is still tortuing me over it, I have been made to feel guilty for something I have had no control over. I was not allowed to be around when sis had a boyfriend over and so on.

Now, as a mom, at the kids schools or at work, if I am not immediately friendly to people, I am labeled stuck up for women that don’t know me. I am never given the priveledge of being in a quiet mood-and forget ever talking to their husbands…even though I am married for over 20 years. But when they see how much religion means to me, that it is a genuine faith, they soften.

To find a spiritually deep husband is not easy for anyone-- but I did-and you can too. Use your gifts to open yourself to letting others see what you are spiritually made of, show them, pray with them, bless God in their presence-- right from the beginning. That way, they will realize-you are a woman of deep faith.

I told you a few months ago-the world needs beautiful people. You can be an example to others.
 
Maybe you need to stop thinking about beauty so much if you want others to do the same.
People that are not good looking face the same challenge. They are not chosen just because of their looks too. I know there are people that can be mean because of another’s looks. They are jealous, or they are insecure about their own looks.

So maybe in a way, it doesn’t have anything to do with looks. Maybe it has to do with timing, or even something as simple as whether one smiles or seems approachable. Or sometimes, we need to be open to just not looking, because sometimes that is when someone comes along, when we are off thinking of or doing something else.

If you have a strong faith, you know that God sends us who we need in His time, not ours. It may be the person you are meant to meet hasn’t been polished up enough for you yet, or it may mean we need to look within and see what we can work in our own heart before we can allow someone else into it.
 
I couldn’t help but notice that you’re located in Los Angeles, CA. It may not just be about your looks or your industry–it could be related to your location. Now, there are millions of people in L.A., so I’m sure that there are some very nice young gentlemen there too. However, the polite gentlemen, may just get lost in the crowd while the rude jerks stand out and encourage other men to act like jerks.

Have you ever considered taking a trip to the Midwest?
 
Do you ever come south into Orange County? Things are a bit more laid back here. I imagine you must find a lot of work in LA, but maybe you could come to a traditional parish in the OC where you might find people who are devout and who won’t make snap judgements about you. I know you said you are highly involved in your parish, but if you are called to marriage and you are not meeting any devout, Catholic gentlemen, you might want to visit other parishes. I can PM you the names of a couple that seem to have a lot going on.
 
Where are you meeting men currently? In my young days, I met a few men at bars. You can guess how those relationships turned out.

Find a Catholic group. My parish has a young adult group. You could even join the church’s prolife group, music ministry, etc. You’ll never know who has a son or grandson who may be perfect for you.
 
runwaymodel said:
I’m just a little discouraged, friends. I know some people consider beauty a blessing (probably the same that think money solves all problems) but I just feel like it attracts all sorts of weird people. I’m really involved in community service and with my church so my resolve is very strong but some men here see it as a challenge, and even get insulted when I won’t give them what so many women do so easily. It seriously feels like the more focused on God I am, the more I am tempted to get corrupted. And yes. I know: It is MY choice to be in the industry but like a Sister of the Church once told me: “God needs people in every field to act as pillars or role models even when it’s rough. Maybe that’s your cross”. Maybe, but it’s very hard.
For those of you who don’t know, I work in the fashion/entertainment industry so it’s been a challenge, but by Gods grace I have remained on the good path. Still in my 20s so the shortage of men in line for marriage isn’t the problem, it’s substance. I’m very traditional despite my outward appearance and I just cannot seem to find husband material. I’ve mentioned before, I refuse to be just a trophy wife. I’ve hesitated in posting because I know there are bigger problems out there but I don’t really have Catholic friends my age in whom I can express my feelings with…so here I am. :sad_bye:
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:hug3:

Beauty can be a double edged sword as it attracts attention both good and bad.
Please do not discount the possibility of having friends that are necessarily in your age group. Older or younger people may be more sympathetic than you think.
 
Maybe you don’t want to get into more detail, but what do you want a guy to do? As a Catholic, single guy myself, if I was to meet you, I’m not sure what I would do. I get the impression you would think I’d be only interested in you because of your looks and while that would be the initial driving factor because obviously, I wouldn’t know anything else about you other than what I think of your appearance. Of course I’m talking from an odd perspective due to having Aspergers and no real dating experience so hopefully this makes sense.
 
As a man in his late twenties I can relate to being frustrated and discouraged when it comes to marital prospects, albeit from the opposite side of the equation. Don’t let yourself get too discouraged, because you really do have a lot going for you. I realize that your beauty may not seem like a blessing right now, but when you find the right man (and I do mean when) I think you will feel differently about it. Right now the only question is finding a real man who appreciates your inner beauty as well. Personally, I believe that it’s only a matter of time. God bless.
 
runwaymodel said:
I’m just a little discouraged, friends. I know some people consider beauty a blessing (probably the same that think money solves all problems) but I just feel like it attracts all sorts of weird people. I’m really involved in community service and with my church so my resolve is very strong but some men here see it as a challenge, and even get insulted when I won’t give them what so many women do so easily. It seriously feels like the more focused on God I am, the more I am tempted to get corrupted. And yes. I know: It is MY choice to be in the industry but like a Sister of the Church once told me: “God needs people in every field to act as pillars or role models even when it’s rough. Maybe that’s your cross”. Maybe, but it’s very hard.
For those of you who don’t know, I work in the fashion/entertainment industry so it’s been a challenge, but by Gods grace I have remained on the good path. Still in my 20s so the shortage of men in line for marriage isn’t the problem, it’s substance. I’m very traditional despite my outward appearance and I just cannot seem to find husband material. I’ve mentioned before, I refuse to be just a trophy wife. I’ve hesitated in posting because I know there are bigger problems out there but I don’t really have Catholic friends my age in whom I can express my feelings with…so here I am. :sad_bye:
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Get involved in youth ministry. There are lots of groups where 20 somethings minister to teens. Focus on the kids and the work you are doing, but also, take note of the kinds of guys involved in the ministry. Are they constantly flirting with other girls? Are they focused on the work and the kids? Do they show signs of an active prayer life? Do they have integrity? Also, use your involvement in youth ministry to expand your social network. Get involved in a variety of things.Prayer groups, for example. Apostolic works.

This was how I met my wife (who is a bomb shell, by the way). I was teaching an apologetics class to the teens and another youth minister invited my wife to attend. I remember looking at her and thinking how much I would like to talk to her and get to know her, but I didn’t. I said to myself, if God wants me to know her and date her, he will make it happen. So I returned to my work. Around a year later, in a completely unrelated way, I met her again, and three months after that we were engaged. She is now the mother of six kids, and I find her more beautiful every day.

God bless,
Ut
 
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