Before you became a parent

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Yes it’s hard not to take a step back then. At one point my son would only eat vegemite sandwiches, at another, only rabbit his dad and he went hunting for.

The Doctor said to me, don’t stress, it’s a phase, it will pass, the bigger you make the issue, the bigger it will grow. My son hated pumpkin as a kid, now he loves it. And hunts his own rabbits 🐇

One of the biggest advices is teach your kids to swim when they are very young.
 
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It? You might want to adjust the way you refer to a child before you have one of your own.

On the junk food, I vowed before having my first child that I would never allow my children to eat a certain snack item. Four years later and my son eats said snack item just about every day. He has since he was not quite two years old. It’s actually not that bad health wise and he enjoys it. As others have said, try not to set things in stone. Some things are nonnegotiable but some things are negotiable. Being able to adjust to situations and pick battles is crucial to healthy parenting.
 
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stupidisasstupiddoes said:
It’s not one thing, just lot’s of tension between parents who have different ideas about the best way to raise their child.

Wife: "she won’t eat insert healthy food (get her some junk food)

Husband: “she will when she’s hungry”

Wife: “so you want me to starve our daughter?”

Husband: “it’s a battle of will, she’ll give in your we do”
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One thing my wife and I decided was that we’d always be on the same page, as far as the children are concerned. If we have a difference of opinion on something, we don’t discuss it in front of them.
 
I really appreciate this thread. My husband and I are expecting our first.

One day, I was feeling emotional (hormones, and all), and annoyed by some slight from my husband. It really was something minor, but without really being able to control it, I started getting more upset. Then my husband noticed my distress and asked what was wrong. I tried to explain, but he didn’t really understand. The look on his face was one of incredulity, and my husband just laughed because he didn’t know what else to do. Then I started laughing. Poor guy. He gently suggested lighting a candle and taking a relaxing shower, which helped a lot.
 
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Little children.Would you like an apple or orange?..“orange”
Would you like an orange or Apple?.."apple’
Often they go with the last choice given no matter what it is,sometimes less choice is better at a certain age.
I knew very little about babies before they came along ,we learned together in a sense.My husband and I were both happy to have them in the same bed.No cot,no pacifiers.No sleep problems,early speech .
Everybody is different ,children included.
 
To be fair, they don’t argue in front of the child. But every time the child starts screaming and the wife whips out the junk food then i can see the look on the fathers face. They’ve discussed it privately, but they can’t agree.
 
One of the things that people must understand fully is that children are NOT STUPID.
If screaming gets you what you want, scream! They LEARN this behavior.
My kids never screamed, I kid you not. That came much later (during the teen years, LOL).

I gave them things in moderation. There’s a time for good nutrition, and also a time for enjoying a bit of candy. If things are not forbidden, they lose their appeal. But the bottom line is that you control those decisions as a parent.
 
I think many parents take a look at their values and lifestyle before babies come along…it’s a great time to reassess all of that…not so good friends as well that could be a negative influence.
We didn’t introduce junk food for a long time,ironically it came in the form of a voucher from our little athletics group…some fries at the big Mc" place …i couldn’t really take it away as it was a reward given for winning a race .
 
pianistclare said:
One of the things that people must understand fully is that children are NOT STUPID.

If screaming gets you what you want, scream! They LEARN this behavior.
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I see this a lot. Child gets told ‘no’. Child proceeds to scream and cry. Child is given what they asked for. Instantly stops crying. Now if the children was genuinely emotionally upset then they simply couldn’t calm down that quickly, we can’t even do it as adults.
 
Yes, very true. Keep in mind that parents who “cave” tend to be exhausted. This is probably the best case for taking care of yourselves, getting enough rest, and not allowing stress of family life take the wheel. If you feel tempted to just give up and give in, then YOU need a nap. LOL
This goes along with what CajunJoy said about not worrying about the small stuff.

Calm parents have calm children.
 
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stupidisasstupiddoes said:
It’s not one thing, just lot’s of tension between parents who have different ideas about the best way to raise their child.

Wife: "she won’t eat insert healthy food (get her some junk food)
Husband: “she will when she’s hungry”
Wife: “so you want me to starve our daughter?”
Husband: “it’s a battle of will, she’ll give in your we do”

And so on…
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Get on the same page, fast. This battle will come quicker than you think.

My first was a tender 9 months old when she figured out that rejecting her dinner got her yougart.
 
I was trying to explain to my friend that on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the adult getting everything they want and 10 being the child getting they want, it’s far easier to go from 3 to 5 than it is from 7 to 5.
 
Funnily enough you’ve reminded me of part of the conversation we had with some of the friends. One of the parents rebuked me for saying “at some point the child needs to learn that it’s not the center of the universe”. The parent felt that was an excuse for 'not putting the child first", which now that you’ve said it seems to be “not letting the child exhaust you with constant demands”.
 
Does anyone have any advice about getting through mass with an infant? I’m loathed to ruin mass for everyone else with baby screams but it would be convenient if we didn’t have to go separately…
 
And it’s important safety! My dad never learned to swim and to this day doesn’t know how. My husband never learned to swim either and is nervous around deep water.

I hated swimming lessons my first year, cried and cried, but my mom wouldn’t budge. Now I love swimming. I’m glad she did that for us.
 
stupidisasstupiddoes said:
I was trying to explain to my friend that on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the adult getting everything they want and 10 being the child getting they want, it’s far easier to go from 3 to 5 than it is from 7 to 5.
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This is one thought process you need to correct.

While you are the parent…you do not want to teach your child that they are on the opposite team. Yes, like any other human they will have their own opinion but if you and your wife are on the same page, the kids often will be, especially when they are little.

For instance, when kiddo was about 16 months we realized she was leaving things AT TOTAL MESS with toys skewed everywhere and just general chaos. So one night hubby and I taught her to “clean”. She now knows that before naps, before bed and before leaving she is to clean. Before she was 2 knew that it had to be done and often initiated it herself.

She “helps” me cook and she hands me the dishes from the bottom of the dishwasher–has been doing that since she was about a year old. She would never dream of not participating in the care of the home.

She also knows our rules around food, and sleep and so we rarely have issues, even with her growing independence.

Your child is not your advisary, and for most of their childhood–until their teenage years, even the most rebellious children can be taught how to work as a family unit by both parents normalizing family care behavior.
 
stupidisasstupiddoes said:
Does anyone have any advice about getting through mass with an infant? I’m loathed to ruin mass for everyone else with baby screams but it would be convenient if we didn’t have to go separately…
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Infants are easy, especially if mom breastfeeds.

It’s toddlers that are hard. 🤣
 
That works for some things but when it comes to “child wants to eat something unhealthy” and “adult doesn’t want them to eat it” then we aren’t on the same team. Advertisers are very good at manipulating the emotions of children and parents; 40% of children and 63% of adults in the UK are overweight.
 
There is the notion of age-appropriate independence.
Children can be very pleased and proud to help out in the home. When you have two, one will naturally become the warden of the other, but each has to learn their own limitations and have their own freedoms and identities.
In loving and non-neurotic families, these things happen organically. 😉
We didn’t CHOOSE to act in certain ways, for the most part, ee used common sense, with a sense of “what are we really teaching the girls?”
 
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