Before you became a parent

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TheLittleLady said:
The most frustrated parents I meet are those who have carved their schedules in stone. The most joyfilled parents I know are those who have the “all we need is a clean diaper and an extra onesie - let’s go” mindset.
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Yeahhhhhhhh

Nap schedule in my house is NOT to be messed with. Nor is bedtime. Tough with older and more active kids, but 1000000% necessary.

My friends with “whatever” schedules when it comes to sleep…maybe they do more but their kids are high holy terrors randomly.

Now, overscheduling is a different issue, but kids need structure and routine for healthy development.
 
My mother’s group visits the nursing home.

Kids LOVE IT!!! They have a dozen or two people who just shower them with attention and affection. Even my shy one warms up quickly.

If you can’t find a parent’s group that does it, do it yourself.
 
Indeed, computers are a tool. However, children should be taught to use “youtube” for kids’ reactions to things so they understand being socially appropriate with less trial and error. Interactive game consoles are better instead of Xbox (unless with Kinect) and Playstation because they don’t give a false sense of body orientation by hand-only.

Lose your arms and legs, lose a lot more in life.
 
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CatholicSpirit said:
Indeed, computers are a tool. However, children should be taught to use “youtube” for kids’ reactions to things so they understand being socially appropriate with less trial and error. Interactive game consoles are better instead of Xbox (unless with Kinect) and Playstation because they don’t give a false sense of body orientation by hand-only.

Lose your arms and legs, lose a lot more in life.
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🤨

Ummm.

I’m not really following the Youtube commentary unless you plan to shelter your kids from other kids. I don’t find the kid-geared stuff on youtube appropriate at ALL. Not even for adults. Especially the “unboxing” stuff.

I do like people like “Captian sparkles” because he keeps it clean and real…and “Russian Hacker” because he has child-like joy at EVERYTHING. Quality Youtubers are few and far between.

All games are “interactive” I think you are speaking of motion control interaction. Which is silly because they’ve found that gamers have more hand dexterity than most. A good portion of the motion control games are incredibly imprecise and pretty much worthless for gross motor skills. Now, in the next decade with VR it’ll likely get better but currently you’re pretty far off.

That said, teaching kids to enjoy games like DDR, Just Dance and “Mario Olympics” and other games that are based around physical activity if they choose to play a game for entertainment is better than, say, a FPS…but that’s teaching them to make the healthy choice as to what they do.
 
This was before “unboxing” which is a horrible thing. My child liked Playdough toys and seeing how many types they were because we started her on Legos. Her interest in creative toy videos was natural after that (thank God).

Now we have a child that likes exercising as an activity because of the video game choice. Mario Kart for the “I want to drive someday” the Wii Fit for the balance and coordination.

In my past I had dead end jobs with people who were in their 30’s without a drivers license and no criminal record. Hence, I tried to use Mario Kart to bridge the gap. As her sibling would have been very different in age, and we wanted only play-days with both parents available, she became a little sheltered. We had an alert of a suspicious van so playing outside was out of the question because I didn’t want to keep a gun in the house. That’s when we turned to kids bring social on youtube until the smoke cleared.

The best thing about my daughter was that she was crazy about running all around the living room while playing Mario Kart. If you child does this, TOTALLY EMBRACE IT!! No couch potato training for her ever.
 
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If she looks good by being easy to teach, skilled in all she does, and so forth it has nothing whatsoever to do with the new guy and I know God is aware. I taught her to be exceptional from age 4 on. By age 9 I got her to Freshman in college reading levels.

Age 13 at a distance I taught her Harvard style outlines in 1/2 an hour. If she gave me an hour we could cover computer programming basics.
 
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Years later people would say to me how they loved seeing my children at mass:)
As a young parent the children’s noise sounded so loud in my ears because I was stressed trying to keep them quiet for other people…but others hardly noticed 🙂 Now when someone’s baby cries or children are a bit noisy it doesn’t sound annoying for me,I’m just so glad they are there.Theres always the foyer to be able to walk out with them and distract and soothe them in.
 
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If you learn how to teach a child to discipline themselves, it’s lifelong… If you discipline them, you have a lifelong problem.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
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stupidisasstupiddoes:
What’s the logic behind this?
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Musical training exercizes a large portion of the brain…many neuro connections that are formed by musical theory and practice cannot be “regrown” or formed in adulthood.
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And really, learning to read music is almost like learning another language.

I’m so glad I learned piano when I was little, even though I have never done it even semi-professionally. I love playing the piano for myself, and it helps relax me when I’m stressed.
 
It isn’t easy to build an architecture for a child to thrive, and if you are a man, people are idiots when you do everything right out of jealousy. To my credit, my techniques saved at least 1 marriage. The ones who listen to me do exceptionally, the ones who don’t are raising tomorrow’s thieves.

I hope my (name removed by moderator)ut has helped families raise a good generation of kids. Just be careful about trying to teach the whole bible because it’s 1500+ pages and spiritual things may happen to you at times while reading. People that don’t let parents go through this process are complete idiots.
 
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CatholicSpirit said:
Just be careful about trying to teach the whole bible because it’s 1500+ pages and spiritual things may happen to you at times while reading. People that don’t let parents go through this process are complete idiots.
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Yeah, there’s a lot of filler 😉
 
Haha. I have some very basic approaches but there are dozens more tricks to raise a child properly. It isn’t easy and takes a lot of thinking. The holy bible is the same way. A parent can begin with basic principles but should expect to be needed to field hundreds of questions. The Sunday schools are fine, but with the internet and all these days, you REALLY have to know what you are talking about, and I say this very seriously. Go to Church and know who Jesus and God are fine. Just in that statement the “wait, isn’t Jesus God too?” Arises. It is so very in depth. Very very in depth. Demons and Exorcists fighting and what is mental illness. It really becomes part of everything and everything a part of it also. To ensure secondary sources which are a hoax and there’s thousands of them, one must be careful not to represent themselves as God but to be knowing and informed OF God.

Fortunately in one example, I was best friends with a Muslim at age 5. We agreed on Saint Gabriel being totally valid. Today if I spoke to my parents concerning Islam there would be incredible bias. So much, that I would challenge it after being educated in school regarding proper sources. Then, perhaps become a Muslim myself based on leading facts and arguments which are completely valid. One day our child might say, “please compare Jihad and Crusade and tell me which is righteous.” My daughter was highly intelligent and I could forsee these complications which is why the Books of Kings I and II are necessary. Historically and spiritually we have merits in the Old Testament. But what of the losses in Maccabees and now we re-settle “Israel” in the 60s? What of that? It all matters, truly it does, and freshening up can do amazing things but a good father or mother is willing to take that spiritual journey for the one they love most (besides who created guide and died for them)
 
A very good Christian, and mentor once told me “by the time you have the parenting thing figured out, you are out of a job”. Lots of wisdom there.

Slightly different take, maybe. BOTH parents need to be on the same page. Remember, IF you accept it, you will be given sufficient grace to handle what is required.
 
stupidisasstupiddoes said:
Wife: "she won’t eat insert healthy food (get her some junk food)

Husband: “she will when she’s hungry”

Wife: “so you want me to starve our daughter?”

Husband: “it’s a battle of will, she’ll give in your we do”
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I would be more sympathetic to the husband if I thought he was actually feeding the kid. It’s tacky to dictate how something is going to be done when you never do it yourself and won’t have to deal with the consequences. (That also applies to sleep issues.)

The longer a little kid goes without eating, the worse their behavior is likely to get. One of the best behavior management techniques I know of with little kids is just to make sure that their basic needs are taken care of–eat, drink, potty, sleep as needed.

My husband and I have no qualms about starting dinner with a small cookie for our preschooler. You probably wouldn’t be impressed with her diet, but we also have a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old who eat a beautifully balanced and adventurous diet (fried mushrooms! onions! curry!) and I have every hope that the 5-year-old will continue to broaden her diet. There is a developmental aspect to what foods children at different ages will accept–toddlers and preschoolers are notoriously suspicious of anything outside their food “circle of trust”.

Also, there are children with special needs where trying to starve the kid out just isn’t going to work. They just won’t eat.
 
stupidisasstupiddoes said:
But every time the child starts screaming and the wife whips out the junk food then i can see the look on the fathers face. They’ve discussed it privately, but they can’t agree.
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Maybe mom needs to go take a walk around the block and dad can do it his way.
 
My wife and I raised two fine girls in the Church, who are now in their early 30’s. Neither got into serious trouble growing up. One is an assistant attorney general who is married to a great guy, who is also a lawyer. The other is a PhD in Developmental Psychology who is married to a great guy who is an orthodontist. They really care about people and they both do a lot of community outreach.

I read a book about raising kids that was really influential on me and seemed to work. It is a two-part formula and both parts are mandatory. Doing one doesn’t get it: 1) You let them know you always love them no matter what. and 2) You have certain well-defined expectations of them that must be met. Easy to say, not so easy to do.

The love part cannot temper the expectations part. The expectations part cannot be too rigid or extensive. It is a very few fundamental things that if your child does them, they will find their way. Those few fundamental things are the things you and your wife must be in lock step on. That is the part we did not do perfectly, but I guess we did well enough.

The areas of expectations I would recommend are:
  1. Religion
  2. Academics
  3. Sports
  4. Charity
  5. Respect
Each needs specific, measurable and reasonable expectations.
 
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