Being catholic sucks- Have faith, but no joy

[Still_Trying]

Still_Trying,

I haven’t gone back too far in catching up, but I saw something in there about not believing in confession so much anymore. I know what you’re talking about from my core belief about for many years. Only recently have I really found good reason and understanding for the necessity of outwardly confessing to another person, which I got from doing small group fellowships with some non-denominational buddies. Only then did I realize how helpful and necessary it is in the process of repentance. I thought that was enough, until I just didn’t feel a sense of forgiveness, because after all they were just friends. I took that same openness I found with them to my next confession, and it was just amazing! I didn’t know I could be so open and honest with my priest. I’ve been going to confession every 3 months since then (about 2 years or so), and wouldn’t give it up for anything, now.

Have faith, brother, there is so much good in your heart. Continue to strive to be a soldier for God, I know He will shine his light on you when you truly need Him to. You have some great supporters here, which is something I am thankful for on your behalf.

Peace and Blessings. May your foot be healed quickly and completely.

Thank you for your prayers!! And kind words!

I’ve gotten to the point where I am constantly keeping tabs on myself to avoid mortal sin at all cost because I dislike going to confession SO much. Which is probably not healthy?? It’s funny, but I’m VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable talking to men alone. I think that’s why I have such a strong aversion to it. I do believe it’s valid sacrament…and I’m thankful it’s available. But I sure don’t like it!! Any suggestions to work past that?

Between reading the encouraging messages here, having some prayer time and such…I’ve got a much better outlook on things! Even listened to some Gregorian Chant today! So pretty!

Still Trying,
I forgot to tell you that I will be praying for you and your husband!
We have Eucharistic Adoration each Friday at my parish and
I will remember you then as well. You may not have Catholic
friends that you can see, but we are here.

Thank you SO much!

Still Trying,
Keep your chin up. It took us a while to find an orthodox church in a very liberal diocese. However it was worth the wait!
Please, whatever you do, don’t lose your faith in God and his One Holy Church.
I am praying for you!

I’m so thankful for the prayers!!

 

[po18guy]

This is the Mysterious Lord’s way of letting you know that He expects YOU to lead the strays back to the fold. Every parish you’ve visited is filled with unorthodox, cafeteria Catholics? Look what Christ put up with: a rag-tag bunch of disparate personalities that didn’t get His teaching until He spelled it out plainly; who pushed Him aside to argue over who was the best; two of whom conspired with their mother, asking to be at His side in the Kingdom; one of whom sold Him out, then committed suicide; His personal choice for leader washed his hands of him (3 times) even before Pilate did; and all of whom scattered when Jesus suffered the desolation of His soul. This was a recipe for failure, had not Christ been Divine.

It is stalwarts like you whom the Lord is personally calling on to help. Notice that He closed off every escape route you have tried. There is a message there. Get involved. Don’t blame others for mis-leading, blame only yourself if you do not lead. Take over the DRE spot (or assist). Will others speak ill of you? YES! Again, look at Christ - condemned for healing, restoring hope and promising eternal life, in perfection. You’ll catch a few arrows, but the Lord takes note of that, to your benefit.

Easter Blessings.

 

[4blessings]

While you may think your heart is in the right place and your search is sincere, and it is the Church and her stumbling ministers that have failed you, in fact it sounds as if you have turned the practice of your faith on its head and made it all about you instead of selflessly giving of yourself, your talents and your will over to God’s purposes.

You are not in church to be patted on the back, entertained, fulfilled or “made” joyful by virtue of participation in a technically perfect rendition of the mass–Latin or NO. You are there to give praise, thanks, seek forgiveness and grace and to share in the great sacrifice and ritual that is the eucharist. If the church you attend provides an environment that unreasonably distracts you from your purpose of worship, you are free to try another. But if *every *parish you try is a “failure” perhaps the problem lies elsewhere.

The focus, spirituality and connection with God must come from prayerful and reverent reflection and self-sacrifice that leaves your will open to God’s stirring in your heart. Frankly, you both sound like stubborn, tempermental children pouting and crying when things don’t go your way. Grow up. The Church is not now nor will it ever be a perfect institution. The connection and fulfillment you seek is not going to be found from without. Be still and reflective and you may discover the peace and presence of God is not so far removed as you have imagined. If you can also work on letting go of some of your hostility you might be pleasantly surprised at the fellowship you can attract.

AMEN!!!

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

We tried joining the various groups…volunteering, etc. Got “cold shoulders” and the occasional curt nod. But, at least we tried!

Yes, Christ loves us all…thankfully! But in the same breath, just because He loves us, we are not excused from being responsible for our actions.

I haven’t heard of a Cursillo…can you tell me more about it?

Thanks for your prayers!!

P.S. I’m not a dude…I’m a Mrs. hehehe

P.P.S. Congrats on your conversion!

You might still need to switch churches, Not religions, mind you.

We ourselves did a bit of ‘church-shopping’ before settling on the one we currently belong to. We felt a bit like Goldilocks. This one was too cold, this one too big… finally we found one that was ‘just right.’

And they wanted US. They made that really clear.

Prayin’ for you.

 

[fellowChristian]

Still_Trying ----

I have not been “judging” everything you say.

But I have noticed how you have been judging all the churches that you have been to. How many altogether?

What was wrong with these?

1.Holy Family

geocities.com/~technocrath/

click on the “Holy Family Ministries” for a list.

2.St. Benedict’s

stbenedictsak.com/bulletin2.pdf

wow what a list of things to do.

3.Our Lady of Guadalupe

home.catholicweb.com/olgalaska/index.cfm/NewsItem?ID=217164&From=home

they have a SOCIAL COMMITTEE !

4.Holy Cross

holycrossalaska.net/ministry.html

did you know they have a Coffee & Donut Committee?

5.St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

akseas.net/akseas/akseas2.html

6.St. Patrick

st.patsak.org/

So out of all those churches and all the people who make up those churches no one was nice to you? And theres no fellowship?

archdioceseofanchorage.org/about/parishes/index.html

 

[nick_aksureh]

Thank you for your prayers!! And kind words!

I’ve gotten to the point where I am constantly keeping tabs on myself to avoid mortal sin at all cost because I dislike going to confession SO much. Which is probably not healthy?? It’s funny, but I’m VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable talking to men alone. I think that’s why I have such a strong aversion to it. I do believe it’s valid sacrament…and I’m thankful it’s available. But I sure don’t like it!! Any suggestions to work past that?

Well, I know my mother, my fiancee, and my sisters all struggle with confession. I am no woman, and can’t even remotely claim to understand how you think for so many things. I imagine this is no different. I could explain why it helps me as a young man, but that probably won’t help.

Here are some suggestions nonetheless:

1. Find at least one other relatively devout Catholic woman friend in a similar life situation to you (married, age-range, female), and see if they would be willing to join you in starting a small group or partnership (depending on how many you find. Treat the meetings as a bit of social time, some Bible or Catholic study time, and some “confession” time. The “confession” time is your chance to vent everything you feel you can’t vent to your husband or feel scared to vent to a priest. These people are women like you, and can empathize with you. They’re also of similar faith and will not judge you, as many of them probably have similar issues.
2. Use your husband. Talk to him about your fear/uneasiness with confession. Again, I’m just guessing here — but I have an analogy that might fit here. ----- For men, how we treat are mother is a very good indication of our outlook on women, and also how we will probably treat our wives. ------ For women, think of your relationship with your husband and/or father. Do you feel comfortable with them? Was there a distinct distance between you and your father growing up? Could you confess your sins to your husband, even if they are against him? These are “opening up” steps that I’ve experienced (from the reverse perspective) that really opened a doorway to be able to receive the some of the graces intended through confession and penance.
3. If you don’t know what I’m talking about by these “small group,” let me know ---- I have a great female contact in our archdiocese that helped me set up Catholic small groups from the powerful model that I saw present in a non-denom church in my area. I may even invite her to this forum to help you on this if you think it would be helpful.

Grace and Peace.

 

[JRKH]

I haven’t read through everything here, but thought I would post this link.
It might help in getting a TLM in anchorage.

The Bishop may feel that there is no need for the TLM, but:
I saw that there is an SSPX chapel in anchorage once a month. Of course this wouldn’t fill you obligation, but it certainly indicates that there is some interest in the more traditional rites.

Also, if you are sure about the abuses in the mass, you should not stop with the bishop. You can contact Rome via e-mail. Not sure of the e-mail address, but I bet the folks at the link above could help.

If you are angry enough to consider leaving the church, you should be strong enough to defend her from the abuses.

God Bless
James

 

[David_Poem]

Where to begin on this rant?

I’m a revert, my wife a convert (back in '04). We’ve tried every parish within driving distance and have come to the same conclusion at all of them. It sucks to be Catholic.

We believe all that the Church teaches, but have found that the people in our diocese are completely uncaring. The laity don’t know their faith, and our diocese is dominated by liberals who teach BS in both RCIA & CCD.

Anyway, I’m sick of my diocese. When I go to Mass, I can’t see past the blatent disregard for the rubrics of the Mass…You know…Say the black, do the red? The disregard of the GIRM. The political (Edited)(liberal drivel) that gets spewed from the pulpit…the Archbishop isn’t quite as bad as some of the priests, but he lets them do & say what they want. God our mother and all that (Edited). But he seems to have plenty of time to write letters about why we can’t have a TLM in our diocese or why we have to stand instead of kneel after the Agnus Dei…

We’ve quickly lost all desire to go to Mass. We go now because we are obligated. I no longer receive the Eucharist except on Easter & Christmas, because I get so enraged by the (Edited) that goes on at Mass that I am no longer in a worthy state. My wife is tired of the people that ask for your money & your time, but don’t give a (Edited) about you if you’re hurt or sick.

My wife is from a predominantly Baptist background, and craves some form of fellowship…she has volunteered many, many times to help out in a variety of groups, and always gets the same treatment. As long as she is the one giving her time or money, she’s welcome…but the second that she needs help she gets the cold shoulder.

An example, she’s been helping with the youth group at our new parish, and broke her foot over this last weekend. When she let the head lady know that she couldn’t help she didn’t even get a ‘Hope you feel better’…nobody cares. Same thing has happened in the past at different parishes with different groups.

What can be done…? I’m about to tell my wife to start going to her old Baptist services, where at least people cared about you, and wanted to be there. Not this apathy that you encounter at Mass…we would, of course, still attend Mass as well, but there is just nothing there for either of us.

I don’t have the strength to endure bad 70’s music, apathetic parishoners, & liberal/progressive priests any longer. I can read the Church documents, the history, the writings of the Saint’s and believe it all…and then go to the local parish and see something that just doesn’t mesh with what I think should be there…

We want to leave, but can’t…we know that the Catholic Church is the True Church…I don’t really know what to do. The depression that hits us every weekend is unbearable. We’re so tired of it…my wife says she feels like her faith in God is slowly dying…why would His church be so miserable? She knows firsthand how much people in Protestant churches care about each other…its hard…

…we just don’t know what to do anymore…:nope:

Thanks for listening.

Wow you are a very angery person.You might try this .Try parying for who evvr, what ever that makes you upset.It might take a while.We have no control over a person place or thing just our reaction to it .If you would like to be happy try doin what God wants you to do.Pary.If it does get you any where pary harder and longer.If you got the time to be angery when you have time to pray.God Bless

 

[EasterJoy]

Isadore AK, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this suffering.

I am a little surprised, though, since the Dominicans staff the cathedral at Anchorage, do they not? They also staff Holy Rosary here in Portland, Oregon, a parish with an outstanding reputation on these forums. You probably also know that one of CA’s own apologists, Fr. Vincent Serpa, is a Dominican. I have known very many faithful priests and brothers in that order.

I can only offer a few suggestions, realizing that you may have tried them or that they might not offer a solution.

The first has been suggested, which is that the nucleus of what you thirst for may have to begin with you…along the lines of “Ask not what your parish can do for you…”

If you have ever read CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters, you know why the devil hates the parochial organization. By bringing together people of differing views and levels of spiritual advancement, it forces people to learn real charity in a way that church shopping does not. (He speaks, in fact, of Christians who argue about genuflecting not seeing the connection between their case and what Paul said in 1 Cor. 8!)

This is not to say that there are not very good reasons to seek out a parish that meets one’s spiritual needs for truth and reverent worship. It is only to say that your salvation may very well lie in learning to love your fellow parishioners’ faults and foibles. There may be a reason that God has left you with no one to turn to except those other Catholics you find the hardest to love. Alas, some of us get to Heaven via a harder road than others! (You can look at it as less time in purgatory.)

I’m also thinking of a story told about a man asked the secret to his 50 years of marriage. He said, “I get up every morning, look in the mirror, and say to myself, 'Well, you’re no prize, either.” I don’t mean beating yourself up. I mean having a bit of the sense of humor about this that perhaps the Lord must have. How can even God have a sense of humor about such a state of affairs? God sees from the point of view of eternity. It is God’s will you and every person who drives you nuts become so perfected that you will all find bliss in spending eternity together praising Him. God can do that! It is a delicious thought, isn’t it? It is a joyful thought, in fact. After all, it is not other parishioners who are going to bring you joy. It is the realization of God’s incredible compassion and mercy for every one of you. Again, a book such as The Screwtape Letters, which so cleverly uncovers the wiles of the evil one, might be a good resource for you.

It may be, though, that this is far too simplistic an answer at present. If you truly are spiritually depressed, if even the joy and reconciliation that are in the Mass and sacraments cannot reach you, this is most likely a question that requires some more serious counseling or spiritual direction than what you have had, far more than what we can offer here. Certainly, if you have a long-term problem that is keeping you from receiving the Eucharist on a regular basis, you should not be attempting to face it alone. This is doubly true if you are recently returned to the Church. There is nothing the evil one would like better than to keep you from this new source of grace in your life. I would also not expect to have it cleared up in one meeting. Graces like that are not unknown, but accepting the healing of a long-suffered wound may also be a long-term cross to bear.

The evil one is a liar, and has been lying to you. You case is not hopeless. The Catholic Church in Anchorage is not without devotion, nor without joy. It has more to offer than the perfection of faith on paper. It has the Body of Christ, the one with skin on (which can be the hardest presence of Christ to accept!) With God’s help, you can find joy, grace, and peace of heart, even at an unusually imperfect parish.

Go talk to a priest, with the resolution that you will at least try what he advises. I will tell you that I myself have stayed away from such counselling, because I held a recalcitrant attitude that was afraid I might hear advice I didn’t like. Go get that advice, anyway. Only the evil one will want you to stay away from the advice of a good priest in deciding how to bear your crosses with joy.

I would encourage you to go and talk to one of the Dominicans at the Cathedral about your trials. You might contact Fr. Serpa about this, since he might have one in particular who he thinks would be most likely to be of help. He might even have some useful advice for you, himself!

 

[Joey1976]

The Baptist church I went to was very pro “Jesus didn’t come to earth to start a religion, he came to start a way of life.”

There you go, right there. That is what i am talking about. The error they teach. And it looks as though you may be buying into that, just as i said. Jesus DID come to start a Church. That was part of his mission, it is very very clear throughout scripture. This is a huge and dangerous teaching!!! Protestants use it all the time to draw people out of their Church and to join theirs. They want people to believe the Church you attend doesn’t matter, basically go to the one you like the most. They are hoping people like theirs the most and join their Church. I can’t stress enough how dangerous this teaching is.

 

[Joey1976]

The Baptist church I went to was very pro “Jesus didn’t come to earth to start a religion, he came to start a way of life.” So they were happy to have Catholics, or other denominations participating in their worship services and bible study.

There you go, right there. That is what i am talking about. The error they teach. And it looks as though you may be buying into that, just as i said. Jesus DID come to start a Church. That was part of his mission, it is very very clear throughout scripture. This is a huge and dangerous teaching!!! Protestants use it all the time to draw people out of their Church and to join theirs. They want people to believe the Church you attend doesn’t matter, basically go to the one you like the most. They are hoping people like theirs the most and join their Church.That is why they are happy to see Catholics and others their like you said. I can’t stress enough how dangerous this teaching is.

You may want to take this Scott Hahn Bible study to show you how Jesus came to start his CHURCH and not just a way of life like your Baptist friends claim.
salvationhistory.com/Online/Advanced/advcourse2_home.cfm

 

[Ardent_Fire]

I’m not crazy about some of the lousy liturgy in my area either. And I’ve moved around so much I haven’t had a “home parish” in years. I guess I will say what helps me – the music may suck, and I may not feel connected to the parish community, and I may not be crazy about the priest’s sermons. But the mass is the only way you can get the Eucharist. And as I see it, no community life, ambience or bells and smells can take the place of that.

Really, it’s only an hour or so out of our entire week that God asks of us. There’s a lot that we can do spiritually outside of mass, in the home, throughout the week to help us out when we feel our parish community is lacking. My fiance’s family lives in a remote part of Scandinavia (heavily secular and non-practicing Lutheran) – and sometimes they don’t have a priest available to say mass at all so at times they have to rely on their spirituality in the home to carry them through these times.