Being open to a third child

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Praying and letting God in doesn’t result in…baby…for everyone.

The answer isn’t always have a baby.

I’ve felt like I’ve been in the complete opposite side by thinking about having another until reality hits me…through the most blunt and random ways possible.
I mentioned the idea of wanting another kids to a friend…who is probably the most open to life mother I’ve met…and she bluntly reminded me that my work schedule is not conducive to an infant. She’s right…7 day overnights works with school age kids but not an infant.

I thought…maybe I can quit…until bill paying time hits a day later and I’m bluntly reminded that I definitely need to work because we need to pay down some of the debt we’ve accumulated.

I know this is God’s way of saying…not right now!
 
KCmedtech said:
Praying and letting God in doesn’t result in…baby…for everyone.

The answer isn’t always have a baby.

I’ve felt like I’ve been in the complete opposite side by thinking about having another until reality hits me…through the most blunt and random ways possible.
I mentioned the idea of wanting another kids to a friend…who is probably the most open to life mother I’ve met…and she bluntly reminded me that my work schedule is not conducive to an infant. She’s right…7 day overnights works with school age kids but not an infant.

I thought…maybe I can quit…until bill paying time hits a day later and I’m bluntly reminded that I definitely need to work because we need to pay down some of the debt we’ve accumulated.

I know this is God’s way of saying…not right now!
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Working 7 days a week is not healthy. Do something for your kids and your sanity today. You can find better ways to pay off debt even if it takes longer. My friend’s husband missed his older children’s entire childhoods that way.
 
No thank you…my schedule works just fine.

I don’t listen to strangers on the internet about my personal life
 
KCmedtech said:
No thank you…my schedule works just fine.

I don’t listen to strangers on the internet about my personal life
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Good for you, I guess. I’m not the one who will bear the brunt of it, so it doesn’t really matter in the end. Just sad for your kids.
 
Well…you don’t know what my schedule actually is do you?

If I said I worked 7 on and 7 off…and had entire weeks off to spend with my girls…you’d have a different opinion
 
Even better with vacations because I take off 7 days and I suddenly have a 21 day vacation.

Okay…back on topic.
 
KCmedtech said:
Well…you don’t know what my schedule actually is do you?

If I said I worked 7 on and 7 off…and had entire weeks off to spend with my girls…you’d have a different opinion
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Nope. It’s just not healthy even if it is convientent .
 
Suit yourself…but please don’t imply that I’m not caring for my children or that they are missing out on me as a parent.

That is insulting.
 
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Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
He can be sad about not having more children. That’s 100% fine. Being sad his wife is struggling…fine. But being sad about her finding pregnancy hard is like being sad she requires sleep.
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I was expressing sadness about the first especially and to a certain extent the second. Pregnancy (and post-partum) being very hard for moms is something I fully acknowledge!
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Having to work in the very limited time that they get to see you isn’t good for them.
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When I said I do some work evenings and weekends - I was referring to time when they are asleep. Otherwise we make a point of having dinner as a family… enjoying time together on weekends etc.
 
DisorientingSneeze said:
She should be allowed to feel however she wants about it as long as you are following church teaching
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Thank-you for your feedback. I understand that csection recovery is difficult. Having children in general can also be described as difficult.
The comment re church teaching is certainly part of my struggle. Yes we use NFP… but use of NFP should involve serious reasons to avoid pregnancy. I can appreciate a perspective that says that our situation includes serious reasons… but I am honestly not sure about that.
 
TechieGuy said:
I’m not the one who wants help in convincing his wife to undergo a pregnancy that will require her to have ongoing medical intervention with a delivery that would require abdominal surgery in order to have another newborn to care for just after getting her current youngest out of toddler stage.
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What I actually asked for was: “Appreciate any (name removed by moderator)ut from women especially on how I can be more supportive and encouraging to enable both of us to be more open to God’s will.”
Being open to God’s will is just that… being open … that is not necessarily the same as ‘trying to get pregnant’ … it means ending a conservative use of NFP… which could result in pregnancy - then again - especially at our age might not… I acknowledge that pregnancy and a baby would have its difficulties… that I in turn would need to step up to offer all of the support possible… but I think there are plenty of examples in our faith of people who have perhaps hesitantly been open to God’s will despite difficulties. What I am grappling with is… to what extent is that what we are called to do?
 
midori said:
Now I’m spending the next three years paying attention to the family that’s right under my nose, and trying to be the wife and mom I’m supposed to be, rather than obsessing over being the champion of someone who doesn’t exist yet
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Thank-you for your feedback.
 
Your wife is 40 years old. She might very well not want any more children, and it is completely understandable at her age. There are risks involved. Complications, too, it sounds if a C-section is likely.

Enjoy the two you have and don’t let this issue come between you and your wife. The two you have deserve parents who are happily married.
 
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Psalm30 said:
Openness to procreation doesn’t require actively trying to get pregnant (as long as they use NFP and not contraception). There’s nothing wrong with being honest with oneself and saying, “I can’t handle this right now.”
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If a couple is very conservative in the use of NFP - is that open to procreation? An honest question - not being rhetorical.

I see a difference between specifically trying to get pregnant and ending conservative use of NFP. I feel a tug on my heart to the later, not necessarily the former.
 
Clementine14 said:
I think it’s a bit different when it’s the husband who wants more- as helpful as a husband may be, he cannot do any of the work of being pregnant, delivering a baby, or breastfeeding. This is not to say that a woman should not pray and discern with her husband, but being pregnant is really very difficult sometimes- physically, emotionally, mentally, in every way. OP, if your wife has to visit the doctor twice a week to maintain a pregnancy on top of that, it’s a lot to ask. Add in the fact that you’re 40, and she may have concerns about her age and related risks and complications. It’s certainly okay to be sad about the thought of not having another baby- but really, try to understand her fears see that they are quite real and legitimate.

Pray that God allows you both to see what is right for your family, which may or may not be another child. And let it be for awhile.
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Thank-you for your thoughtful comments. Appreciate it.
 
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