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choose_to_love
Guest
Hey, I thought it was really funny, rwill.
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MtnDwellar
Guest
Made me smile. 
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rwillenborg
Guest
LOL!
mtn dweller and choose to love, you two made my day!! Thanks!
THANKS!
mtn dweller and choose to love, you two made my day!! Thanks!
THANKS!
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ManOnFire
Guest
Oh, sorry. Dry humor and sarcasm are difficult to detect on the internet without some parentheses to explain it. I actually thought you were having a meltdown. Don’t mind me.Yikes.
I was actually just trying to be funny.
I know, I know, don’t quit my day job.
I think my whole situation is rather funny. My atheist husband lives a charmed life while I can’t seem to chew gum and walk without falling into a sink hole and chipping my teeth.The good news is, when you’re ME, and someone presents you with the idea of the health and wellness gospel, they might as well be trying to sell me a bridge in Brooklyn. I’m not falling for it.
As additional evidence, I submit that the last time I tried mowing the lawn, I actually DID in fact trip in a sink hole (well, a gopher hole) and did, in fact, lose a front tooth. I ended up in the ER for both. I believe my guardian angel is asleep on the job. I don’t know…maybe he’s moonlighting at the corner pub as a piano singer.
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rwillenborg
Guest
So true.
As it turns out, I AM having a meltdown, but it’s completely unrelated to my husband and very much related to a non-wroking air conditioning unit.
Grr.
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Miserys_Fence
Guest
Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!
For you, it might just be that you’re with your kids all day and need (deserve!) a break from the constant noise and interaction. As for me–I’m just plain ol’ anti-social.
That’s why I’m looking into contemplative orders.Miz
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nickybr38
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): This thread is kind of distressing. I only read up to page 5 before I had to stop. I’m not attempting to judge anyone here, I just find it sad that Mass is treated so… dismissively.
- If we allow the people who attend Mass to deter us from going TO Mass, then we are giving Satan control. ‘Get thee behind me Satan’ = proper response (mentally I suppose since it probably wouldn’t be best in the middle of a social situation) when something happens in Mass that makes you feel you HAVE to leave.
- I would gladly spend my entire Sunday at Mass. There is no place more peaceful. If the homily is about family life then I take this as God’s way of trying to teach me something (perhaps for the future - if I get married, possibly to give a married friend advice… possibly to help me better understand those around me who ARE married). Although I have to admit my parish is fantastic and the only family oriented homily so far was on Father’s Day (which I expected). If I find myself ‘zoning’ out - which actually happened this Sunday but only because I had only had four hours of sleep - after which I dragged myself out of bed (gladly) to attend Mass - I try to pray. Usually redirecting my thoughts to God helps me to refocus on what He wants me to hear. Someone once told me to treat the homily as if it was written JUST for me, and I find that makes a HUGE difference in how I receive it.
- My understanding of Sunday is that it is the ONE day where we can focus our attention on God. During the week we work - there is no time to focus our mind properly… but then on Sunday all is quiet and we can be with God in prayer and in Mass. Perhaps if you cannot hear God it’s because you aren’t listening keenly enough.
- Yes, people visit after Mass outside of the church… I don’t join in. I walk past and go home. Not because I feel they wouldn’t receive me but because I have no interest in socializing. Every Protestant church I went to was focused on socializing alone and I feel the intense focus on socializing is dangerous, to say the least. People are NEVER the reason to be at Mass and NEVER the reason to leave Mass. God will reward you for going DESPITE your brothers and sisters who are treating you badly. Ultimately you are going for God - no one else.
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Sierrah
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Yes but don’t you think it’s sad that it’s because you have a boyfriend that you feel accepted in church and not for your own worth weather single or married.
I still feel I have no place and I’m on my own as ever. I’d rather be alone then be in a relationship just to be in a relationship though. The sad part is that as singles we have a lot to give but the church doesn’t seem to want it unless we are married or have a clerical vocation.
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Tantum_ergo
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Maybe in your parish, Sierrah. Now I’m lucky enough to live in a university town where our parish has a specific Young Adults (single) ministry as well as Seniors. I’m right between those two in the 40s to 50s range, but you know, that doesn’t stop me from participating in all sorts of parish activities while I’m between youth and seniorhood. . .Yes but don’t you think it’s sad that it’s because you have a boyfriend that you feel accepted in church and not for your own worth weather single or married.
I still feel I have no place and I’m on my own as ever. I’d rather be alone then be in a relationship just to be in a relationship though. The sad part is that as singles we have a lot to give but the church doesn’t seem to want it unless we are married or have a clerical vocation.
Are you sure that every single person you perceive as not ‘wanting’ you is doing so because “The Church” doesn’t ‘want’ single people unless they are willing to be unpaid drudges. . .and not because there might be some other reason? How much have YOU tried to be a part of things (and without seething resentment underlying which you feel you have ‘hidden’ out of politeness)? Is it possible it is your particular parish? I once worked at a very pleasant place in a job I was perfectly qualified for and had done successfully before. . .but even though the people there were perfectly ‘nice’ normal people, we just did not have a ‘fit’, and nothing I did ‘pleased’ them.
So I went on to another job, same general area, same TOWN even, and had a wild success. The people were absolutely no ‘different’–nice and normal–but the ‘fit’ was what mattered. It might just be that you would ‘fit in’ perfectly and enjoy yourself in another parish, even if absolutely NOTHING else changed in your life.
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CountrySinger
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I’m not just dating my boyfriend just to feel accepted ( I do love him a lot). That would be silly.Yes but don’t you think it’s sad that it’s because you have a boyfriend that you feel accepted in church and not for your own worth weather single or married.
I still feel I have no place and I’m on my own as ever. I’d rather be alone then be in a relationship just to be in a relationship though. The sad part is that as singles we have a lot to give but the church doesn’t seem to want it unless we are married or have a clerical vocation.
In my parish, I feel like my value is what I can give to the parish money-wise. They assume because I’m single I have nothing of importance to spend my money on. Apparently rent, food, etc aren’t important.
They are also trying to get me to be the third grade CCD teacher (never again, I taught it once, HATED IT). So basically I’m good for money and teaching the CCD class that no one else will teach.
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duffyk4
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Have they actually said something to make you feel that way, or are you maybe being a little presumptuous?I’m not just dating my boyfriend just to feel accepted ( I do love him a lot). That would be silly.
In my parish, I feel like my value is what I can give to the parish money-wise. They assume because I’m single I have nothing of importance to spend my money on. Apparently rent, food, etc aren’t important.
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CountrySinger
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Well, they sent a letter to the whole parish saying:
“People without a family should think about donating more to the parish during this time of financial difficulties”. Hmm… even as a single person I have two brothers, so I DO have a family. Shocker.
I prefer to give to my hometown parish, while I’m still looking for a new parish to call home. The one I go to the most is really really really bad. Plus they flood my mailbox asking for money.
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Norseman82
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Well, I do recall one workshop on Catholic Young Adult ministry that mentioned that one of the reasons young adult ministry was pushed was because parishes saw young adults as an untapped reasource that had disposable income (maybe those were not the EXACT words, but finances were a part of it).
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barb_finnegan
Guest
Right on, Sierrah, especially your last sentence!Yes but don’t you think it’s sad that it’s because you have a boyfriend that you feel accepted in church and not for your own worth weather single or married.
I still feel I have no place and I’m on my own as ever. I’d rather be alone then be in a relationship just to be in a relationship though. The sad part is that as singles we have a lot to give but the church doesn’t seem to want it unless we are married or have a clerical vocation.
I’m an ‘older’ single (mid-fifties). I live a very quiet and hidden life [or I try to with the ‘hidden’ part]. I think we singles are members of a ‘great invisible demographic’ in the Church.
Unless one is an efficient, organizing type, a ‘gung-ho leader wannabe’ always having their faces in ‘ministries’
, you’re OK and accepted. But if you’re quiet, shy, and tend to stay in the background, then you’re looked on as ‘an oddball’.Go figure…
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Sierrah
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I used to be that way but I make myself get out more but the shy still comes out at the oddest times.Right on, Sierrah, especially your last sentence!
I’m an ‘older’ single (mid-fifties). I live a very quiet and hidden life [or I try to with the ‘hidden’ part]. I think we singles are members of a ‘great invisible demographic’ in the Church.
Unless one is an efficient, organizing type, a ‘gung-ho leader wannabe’ always having their faces in ‘ministries’
Go figure…
Like yesterday I was driving up meet a group of people some I know some I don’t and I got a little twinge of shyness…just ignored it and pulled on in.
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3DOCTORS
Guest
That is one thing that if I could wave a magic wand I would wish for in every diocese – a singles group/ministry to fill that demographic gap.
I’ll probably be a senior before it would ever happen in real life!
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MaryRocks
Guest
Ditto to that! I have also found out that since I am in mid-thirties, some people have not offered to set me up because they think I have ‘chosen’ to stay single!Where can I find those parishes? In all the years I wanted to “meet a nice guy at church” maybe once or twice someone actually tried to fix me up!
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MaryRocks
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LOL! That is true, though mistaken (I’m a Catholic school teacher for crying out loud!)
I also ran into the view that ‘Young Adults’ are seen as a ‘volunteer’ resource. The YA ministry had to rather firmly remind our liason to the Archbishop that Young Adult does not mean ‘indentured labor!’! To be fair (I am no longer part of that diocese having moved, but they have made some changes and it does appear that they took our comments to heart)
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MaryRocks
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I love Mary Beth’s comment that many singles would love to know where the ‘out there’ is that we are always told to go!I used to be that way but I make myself get out more but the shy still comes out at the oddest times.
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3DOCTORS
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(hopefully not off topic) I have never in my life, for the record, had anyone in a position to help me get a date with someone whom I had wanted to be set up with.
Nor have any of the people others thought I would like been anyone* I* would have chosen.
This is just one example. I haven’t dated much at all, but it has always seemed that the ones I would pick don’t pick me and vice versa. I hate feeling like the whole process of meeting/getting to know/having an actual date come about is so out of my control, but I am trying to keep in mind that it is in God’s control if I have faith.
Granted, in my younger years, I was more picky about the things like looks that don’t matter as much as other qualities, but I’ve always felt “out of the loop.” I really wonder too if it has to do with sex (as in, not willing to have it outside of marriage). I’m so concerned that it has become “no big deal” in our culture and I don’t want to send out wrong vibes, nor end up in an uncomfortable situation.
So I end up wondering if I send off “keep your distance” vibes too much and whether I’ve unintentionally scared off some nice guy. Anyone else, especially gals, know what I mean?
Nor have any of the people others thought I would like been anyone* I* would have chosen.
This is just one example. I haven’t dated much at all, but it has always seemed that the ones I would pick don’t pick me and vice versa. I hate feeling like the whole process of meeting/getting to know/having an actual date come about is so out of my control,
but I am trying to keep in mind that it is in God’s control if I have faith.Granted, in my younger years, I was more picky about the things like looks that don’t matter as much as other qualities, but I’ve always felt “out of the loop.” I really wonder too if it has to do with sex (as in, not willing to have it outside of marriage). I’m so concerned that it has become “no big deal” in our culture and I don’t want to send out wrong vibes, nor end up in an uncomfortable situation.
So I end up wondering if I send off “keep your distance” vibes too much and whether I’ve unintentionally scared off some nice guy.
Anyone else, especially gals, know what I mean?- Status