Big family vs. small

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@Pattylt,

Only child seems much more confident in themselves because they had much more attention than a child with a sibling…
 
@Anicette , I think it’s a mixed bag. Yes, I had more parent time but also all my parents hopes and fears were focused on just me! I always felt so burdened at having to be good, get good grades, make them proud…things parents want for all their children but since I was the only one, I always felt that I carried the whole load.

I don’t know that I had a lot of self confidence. I usually felt like I was never measuring up. Plus, when I hit the rebellious teens, I rebelled on the one hand and felt tremendous guilt on the other. Maybe only children are just good at looking self confident…not actually being self confident! I sure could act innocent when I wasn’t! 😂
 
luvzkittenz said:
Since I’m pushing 40 next February, I don’t think I’ll be having any kids, and if I do have a kid, they won’t have a sibling, and I can’t get myself to cause my (hypothetical) kid to be lonely like that. I don’t feel like getting into my life story anymore right now, it’s just too long to type. I’m feeling worse the more I type too, realizing how sad my life is right now.
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God always start it small. And Sarah was way older than you. Read the bible and ask Him whatever your heart desire. Perhaps God is waiting to restore what was lost. Be patient and know He is God.

Read more bible stories. Examples: stories about how isaac, prophet samuel, john the baptist were conceived.

There is purpose for every child life chosen by God. At these stories, were difficult times where most other people did not believe God anymore.

God wants a big family who believe Him as The Father.
 
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Just curious if you ever told him that? No, Dominic is your responsibility? I would be tempted, but I might not be able to in real life.
 
Man, I should’ve. I fear crossing that fine line between fairly calling someone out and completely snarking off at them . . .

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Anicette said:
Only child seems much more confident in themselves because they had much more attention than a child with a sibling…
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In a weird way, I gained some confidence NOT having a lot of attention. I learned how to do things by myself without waiting for a parent to help. By age 5, I could open a can of Campbell’s soup and cook it on the stove. I knew how to look both ways before jay-walking over to see my friends across the street. This was the 70s/80s, mind you, before we parents were instructed to cushion and helmet our little snowflakes before chasing them around plastic safety structures at parks . . . :roll_eyes:

I’m a little relieved that I had more than one child because I may have been prone to overly doting on the first.
babochka said:
There are plenty of socially awkward introverts who grew up in large families! I have six and three of them fit the bill.
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Family therapists will caution us to be careful before making assumptions, e.g. only child = “spoiled,” middle child in big family = neglected, etc. The bottoms line is that for every stereotype out there, there are numerous exceptions.

I’m not disagreeing with you, just building on what you’re saying.
 
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blackforest said:
Family therapists will caution us to be careful before making assumptions, e.g. only child = “spoiled,” middle child in big family = neglected, etc. The bottoms line is that for every stereotype out there, there are numerous exceptions.
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I wonder what family therapists would make of big extended families.

If I didn’t fancy sleeping in my parents’ house, I would go down the street and sleep in my cousin’s house. My parents weren’t the only ones raising me and I grew up with cousins so birth order didn’t really matter. There was always someone older and younger than me.
 
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I grew up in a family of three siblings. Perfect size. Not too small and not too large.
 
Therapists are pretty rigorously trained in cultural considerations. For instance, while a white family in the U.S. might sneer at a 32-year-old male bachelor living with his parents, this arrangement is routine and normal in Latin America, the Mediterranean, and other parts of the world.
 
This is a man who may be overly cautious. Do keep in mind that I think we can say he knows more than the average CAF user on personal finance. Please ignore the gut reaction to point out his pessimism about retirement and just read the points he brings up in the article.

www.financialsamurai.com

How To Retire Early With Kids: A Nearly Impossible Task

Do you want to retire early with kids? I'm sorry, but it is nearly an impossible task. As a father of two children now, I look back and feel like retiring early without kids was a walk in the park in comparison. Retiring early with kids is at least three times harder than retiring without
www.financialsamurai.com www.financialsamurai.com

Random quotes:
“Relocate to a lower cost of living area. Consider joining the military, foreign service, law enforcement, or any organization that provides a pension. Send your kids to public grade school only. Negotiate a severance. Having a working spouse will solve the healthcare expense. Each year you delay retirement is one less year you have to pay for retirement and one more year you get to save for retirement. Having kids is worthwhile.”
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I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that his budget for a family of three allows for $300 a month for clothing, $600 a month for entertainment, but only $200 a month for charity.
 
I do not propose he is moral, I propose he has knowledge about finance.
 
I’ve noticed that the bigger the family, the bigger the problems. It’s just my experience and what I’ve seen and I know it won’t be a popular opinion here.
 
OKComputer said:
I’ve noticed that the bigger the family, the bigger the problems. It’s just my experience and what I’ve seen and I know it won’t be a popular opinion here.
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Well you certainly increase the odds - but that’s just basic math. I think it’s worth the risk! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
 
OKComputer said:
I’ve noticed that the bigger the family, the bigger the problems. It’s just my experience and what I’ve seen and I know it won’t be a popular opinion here.
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I think this is true, if the parents are dysfunctional. And I think most parents are! Honestly, I think that if a family has mostly functional parents, a strong school, and a strong religious life, that’s an unbeatable combination! But not commonly seen, especially in our decaying secular culture.
 
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Loud-living-dogma said:
I think this is true, if the parents are dysfunctional. And I think most parents are! Honestly, I think that if a family has mostly functional parents, a strong school, and a strong religious life, that’s an unbeatable combination! But not commonly seen, especially in our decaying secular culture.
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We all have our “issues.” I tell my kids I know I’m not perfect and it’s okay if they notice that too, lol. They don’t have to pretend their mom is flawless. I’m big on the concept of naming mistakes and apologizing. I think kids are pretty forgiving as long as you aren’t expecting them to pretend “everything is roses” when it’s not. They’re not dumb - they know imperfection when they see it. But I’m not going to let my fear of being an imperfect mom stop me from trying!!
 
Oh I agree. I don’t expect perfection in parents. By “functional” parents, I mean that they are:
  1. Married (to each other)
  2. Not suffering addictions
  3. Not living in direst poverty
  4. Decent human beings trying to raise other decent human beings with the help of God Almighty.
 
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