Birth Control

[heart4home]

Thank you. If people could read my mind it would be: “Coffee, fiance, wedding dress, coffee, kittens, fiance, wedding in less than four months”.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding.

However, if you are too disturbed to talk with your fiance, who you will no doubt go through many things with in your marriage, about something as minor as CM, well I’d question your readiness to commit for a life time to this man. I have been married for 25 years. Trust me on this.

If you want to be faithful to the Church’s teachings then you will either, be open to life, abstain, do your very best to learn everything you can about NFP and practice it including finding an instructor that doesn’t just brush you off, or make the choice to not be faithful to the Church’s teachings.

You know as a grown up, we need to be responsible for our own actions and path in life. If an instructor is not meeting your needs, instead of just writing off NFP, find a new one. Just like you have to do with doctors and dentists and other people that you depend on for help in life. Sometimes we even need to find a priest that we can relate or communicate with better. Not one that will just give us the answers we want to hear, but one who truly seems to be listening to us.

There is really nothing any of us can say to totally change your mind, or help you understand your messed up menstrual cycle. We can offer guidance but it’s going to be up to you and your fiance to discern what your marriage is going to be based upon and who you are going to follow. The way of God, or the way of the world.

Best wishes to you, as you make that discernment for you and your fiance’s marriage and life together.

 

[CountrySinger]

However, if you are too disturbed to talk with your fiance, who you will no doubt go through many things with in your marriage, about something as minor as CM, well I’d question your readiness to commit for a life time to this man. I have been married for 25 years. Trust me on this.

Uh, thanks? I guess.

We talk about everything else (but just like I don’t want to hear his bowel movements, he doesn’t want to hear about CM). I’m not “disturbed”, I just respect his right to carry on his day with thinking about mucus.

As for another teacher, in my area, there are none within easy transportation distance (I don’t have a car, and riding 3 hours to the nearest NFP class is not practical when I have a 2 hour commute every day). So online classes are the way to go.

My fiance tells me to not be afraid of having children. But I am. So it is better to have them not exist at all, than risk having me as a mother.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Uh, thanks? I guess.

We talk about everything else (but just like I don’t want to hear his bowel movements, he doesn’t want to hear about CM). I’m not “disturbed”, I just respect his right to carry on his day with thinking about mucus.

As for another teacher, in my area, there are none within easy transportation distance (I don’t have a car, and riding 3 hours to the nearest NFP class is not practical when I have a 2 hour commute every day). So online classes are the way to go.

You can learn Billings on line with a teacher! So when you move, you can still access the same method and teacher!

www.woomb.org

 

[Gingersnaps4]

I agree, if I wanted to get married and not have sex, I would marry a gay man.

Plus, going over my NFP charts, I might have one safe day that doesn’t involve a huge mess. Where do the NFP pushers think that ONE DAY is enough?! Geez, they must have no libido. When I brought it up to my NFP teachers, they just brushed me off. Way to make want to practice NFP. Planned Parenthood pays more attention their clients.

I still don’t see how limiting sex helps a marriage, or how talking about mucus helps romance. I don’t even want to think about it, much less talk to my fiance about it. IMO, it would be like someone talking about their bathroom habits. I don’t need to know about that. And my fiance doesn’t need to know about cervical mucus, it should NEVER cross his mind.

My husband would agree with you. He definitely would rather not have a daily report on the status of my private parts. And I would rather not give it. So far I’ve only said anything to him when I had my LH surge. I’m starting to think that only relying on OPK strips is the much easier route, for me at least. To be honest I don’t want to deal with all of that other stuff either.

I’m not a NFP fan at this point, obviously, but I will suggest you buy OPK strips if you can’t tell when you are ovulating. I can’t tell either but the OPK strips did show me.

 

[heart4home]

Countrysinger, you are 100 perecent correct on everything, word-for-word.

I’m a bachelor, so I don’t have a dog in the fight, but I find it deeply sad and patheritc how people seem to tell married couples-gleefully-that they can’t be intimate. It almost seems like people go out of their way to find reasons for them not to share their bodies! What is wrong with these people?

You should share your bodies every single day if you like and you should be open to the life that may result.

If you have a true grave reason for not being able to space or avoid a pregnancy, well then you can choose to implement NFP and yes that may involve having to spend some time apart with prayerful consideration until you can be reunited again in the marital act.

If you can’t sacrafice a little sex for the sake of your marriage and spouse, well good luck to you if you ever choose to get married.

If you beef is, that you want to have all the fun without ever having to be open to life, or maybe just once or twice in a lifetime of marriage, well maybe you should spend some time in prayer thinking about whose issue that really is, and why you feel that way.

You’d be surprised how many women spend years on the pill, planning exaclty when they will have their two children only to be devastated that when they come off the pill they can’t conceive.

The marital act, doesn’t automatically equal conception. There is really only a week a month for most when they can conceive and just do an internet search for “trying to conceive” and see how many try every single month at the right time and yet can’t for some reason.

Being able to conceive a new life is a blessing. Don’t just assume that you will be so blessed and don’t make it seem like it’s only a blessing, when you say it will be.

 

[CountrySinger]

You can learn Billings on line with a teacher! So when you move, you can still access the same method and teacher!

www.woomb.org

Thank you! I saved that link as a bookmark.

 

[heart4home]

My husband would agree with you. He definitely would rather not have a daily report on the status of my private parts. And I would rather not give it. So far I’ve only said anything to him when I had my LH surge. I’m starting to think that only relying on OPK strips is the much easier route, for me at least. To be honest I don’t want to deal with all of that other stuff either.

I’m not a NFP fan at this point, obviously, but I will suggest you buy OPK strips if you can’t tell when you are ovulating. I can’t tell either but the OPK strips did show me.

Truthfully you don’t have to go into extreme details unless he’s wanting you to. You can simply say. Yes or No. I may or may not be fertile today. Whatever your code may be.

As you age, hopefully you will become more comfortable with your own body. I know for some it can all seem overwhelming. Trust me however, if you’ve never been pregnant and hope to be some day, you’ll learn a lot more things about your body then you ever imagined.

 

[jilly4ski]

I guess I don’t understand the “limiting married couples sex is bad” argument of those against NFP. There are many times when a couple limits sex: illness, schedule differences, tiredness, absence, after childbirth, etc.

(The space/time as a barrier argument is also absurd, because by that logic we are all contracepting right now. A couple can always morally decide not to engage in the marital act).

Like MaryGail said, a married couple doesn’t normally have to limit their sex, but they have to accept the natural consequences of their actions, i.e. babies.

 

[heart4home]

Uh, thanks? I guess.

We talk about everything else (but just like I don’t want to hear his bowel movements, he doesn’t want to hear about CM). I’m not “disturbed”, I just respect his right to carry on his day with thinking about mucus.

As for another teacher, in my area, there are none within easy transportation distance (I don’t have a car, and riding 3 hours to the nearest NFP class is not practical when I have a 2 hour commute every day). So online classes are the way to go.

My fiance tells me to not be afraid of having children. But I am. So it is better to have them not exist at all, than risk having me as a mother.

I do hope you are actually in some sort of counselling, with a priest or other Christian counselor that can advise you better than any of us. If I recall from earlier in this thread you had some issues with your own mother. It seems that maybe working through those and hopefully being able to accept that you do not have to repeat the sins of your mother would be best before marrying in the Church.

Perhaps, disturbed was not the right word, but I think it’s easy to pick out one word so you can just discard the rest of the message. The word does have various meanings and I obviously meant concerned or bothered by talking to him about it. Not that you are mentally disturbed as in an illness.

If you don’t want to discuss CM with your soon to be husband, and he’s open to life it seems from what you are saying here, then really the decision of if or when to come together will be mostly yours anyways and he’ll have to trust you on it without hearing all the details.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

Truthfully you don’t have to go into extreme details unless he’s wanting you to. You can simply say. Yes or No. I may or may not be fertile today. Whatever your code may be.

As you age, hopefully you will become more comfortable with your own body. I know for some it can all seem overwhelming. Trust me however, if you’ve never been pregnant and hope to be some day, you’ll learn a lot more things about your body then you ever imagined.

I have 4 kids

I found out the cm and temperature readings wouldn’t work for me and I was getting frustrated and depressed over it and I felt like I didn’t measure up, so I’m glad that I’m not messing with it anymore. I finally had the LH surge yesterday so I feel some new hope about it all. I had the surge right when I was ready to give it up so maybe it’s a sign, who knows. I definitely don’t like NFP but hopefully it will be easier after a while. I am one of those people who will try to follow a rule even if I don’t agree, just in case it is a sin !

 

[StTommyMore]

Um-“My only reason for saying that”? You can’t read my mind either. But apparently, since you can, share those powers with the rest of the world.

Ironically, I didn’t really say my opinion about ABC and NFP. But since you seem to know about me-why don’t you tell me my opinions about it?

I defended her because I thought your comment about her was incorrect. Period.

Her comments were far from being open minded about NFP. It isn’t mind reading, it is the abilitiy to discern motives through words and actions. It isn’t that hard to do.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

I agree, if I wanted to get married and not have sex, I would marry a gay man.

Plus, going over my NFP charts, I might have one safe day that doesn’t involve a huge mess. Where do the NFP pushers think that ONE DAY is enough?! Geez, they must have no libido. When I brought it up to my NFP teachers, they just brushed me off. Way to make want to practice NFP. Planned Parenthood pays more attention their clients.

I still don’t see how limiting sex helps a marriage, or how talking about mucus helps romance. I don’t even want to think about it, much less talk to my fiance about it. IMO, it would be like someone talking about their bathroom habits. I don’t need to know about that. And my fiance doesn’t need to know about cervical mucus, it should NEVER cross his mind.

Marriage is not going to be a ticket to endless sex. You’re still going to have to practice chastity and in many ways getting married will only make that much more difficult. I know that my wife and I have 1 week of safe days on average and then you throw in kids, business trips, visiting parents ect and opportunities practically vanish. And then even when the stars all align and we’re left alone the only thing that we have the energy for is sleep. Believe me sleep is the new sex when you use NFP.

It isn’t fun, or glamorous, or romantic in any way. I don’t want you to be deceived. It is something that you do because you have to. you might want to reevaluate the reasons you’re using NFP as a newlywed.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Thank you! I saved that link as a bookmark.

No problem…I used their charting services. If you put in the wrong stamp, they correct you. I learned billings on my own. It wasn’t very difficult.

 

[heart4home]

I have 4 kids

I found out the cm and temperature readings wouldn’t work for me and I was getting frustrated and depressed over it and I felt like I didn’t measure up, so I’m glad that I’m not messing with it anymore. I finally had the LH surge yesterday so I feel some new hope about it all. I had the surge right when I was ready to give it up so maybe it’s a sign, who knows. I definitely don’t like NFP but hopefully it will be easier after a while. I am one of those people who will try to follow a rule even if I don’t agree, just in case it is a sin !

Well then perhaps I misunderstood your discomfort with checking for other symptoms etc.

Are you new to NFP. It may take you a while. I’ve been marreid 25 years and have a large family and truthfully have only done a very basic, type of NFP, as I know my body and symptoms well and 99% of the time we are open to new life anyways.

However, I wanted to add, that I have found sometimes just going through the motions and doing what you have been taught is right, will open a door to let the Holy Spirit work in the area and one day you may find yourself a proud defender of NFP. If I may suggest, perhaps even pray for that.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

Well then perhaps I misunderstood your discomfort with checking for other symptoms etc.

Are you new to NFP. It may take you a while. I’ve been marreid 25 years and have a large family and truthfully have only done a very basic, type of NFP, as I know my body and symptoms well and 99% of the time we are open to new life anyways.

However, I wanted to add, that I have found sometimes just going through the motions and doing what you have been taught is right, will open a door to let the Holy Spirit work in the area and one day you may find yourself a proud defender of NFP. If I may suggest, perhaps even pray for that.

Yes I a new to NFP. My Dh and I want to concvert to the RCC and I would like to at least be following the rules if we do. However beyond staying away from abortifacients my Dh does not agree at all which complicates things a bit. As someone new, I have a question… I know it would really strain my marriage if we end up with as little sex as some of these posters say. I don’t know much about NFP but it seems like something is wrong if you only have a week out ofthe month that is safe. I’m hoping for 4 days of abstaining after the surge for ovulation, is that unrealistic of me? Women usually ovulate just once a month right?

 

[catharina]

Thank you.

So the answer is basically “b/c God said so”?

Not “said so.”
Rather God SAYS so.

The Church is a living teacher TODAY.

 

[jilly4ski]

Yes I a new to NFP. My Dh and I want to concvert to the RCC and I would like to at least be following the rules if we do. However beyond staying away from abortifacients my Dh does not agree at all which complicates things a bit. As someone new, I have a question… I know it would really strain my marriage if we end up with as little sex as some of these posters say. I don’t know much about NFP but it seems like something is wrong if you only have a week out ofthe month that is safe. I’m hoping for 4 days of abstaining after the surge for ovulation, is that unrealistic of me? Women usually ovulate just once a month right?

Yes, that is unrealistic. In fertile mucus sperm can live up to 5 days. That means that if you have sex 5 days before you ovulate you could still get pregnant. Depending on the method their are different rules for abstaining. But it is usually not the after ovulation when the method “fails” but the change to being fertile after your cycle starts.

 

[CountrySinger]

No problem…I used their charting services. If you put in the wrong stamp, they correct you. I learned billings on my own. It wasn’t very difficult.

Thank you again for your kindness. If it wasn’t for my fiance, I wouldn’t be looking into NFP. Any previous relationships (before I reverted), I used the pill, condoms, and the morning after pill (just in case I felt unsure). But of course, I was brought up that babies were bad, and that smart women avoided them like the plague.

I do think that babies are cute. I’m usually the one making faces at babies at Starbucks and making them laugh, or talking to the little kids the usually come up to me (I must put out a candy smell). But one of my own? I don’t think I could handle it! My friends and family say I would be a wonderful mother. I must have a clone out there if people think that.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

Yes, that is unrealistic. In fertile mucus sperm can live up to 5 days. That means that if you have sex 5 days before you ovulate you could still get pregnant. Depending on the method their are different rules for abstaining. But it is usually not the after ovulation when the method “fails” but the change to being fertile after your cycle starts.

The marquette method doesn’t say anything about that many days of abstaining and I’m sort of basing what ive been doing on that. After recording my surge this month I was planning on abstaining for 24 hours before it happens next month as well, but i wasnt planning on almost 2 weeks. I wonder if this is a good idea for me after all then. If I have to choose between a non abortifacient BC and straining my marriage I will choose the former. It would be different if he were like-minded but I would basically be “cutting him off” in this case because when you add in the abstaining during the period that really doesn’t leave any time to be intimate at all. that will cause a lot of discord if a husband isn’t on board with it.

 

[happymommy]

Thank you again for your kindness. If it wasn’t for my fiance, I wouldn’t be looking into NFP. Any previous relationships (before I reverted), I used the pill, condoms, and the morning after pill (just in case I felt unsure). But of course, I was brought up that babies were bad, and that smart women avoided them like the plague.

I do think that babies are cute. I’m usually the one making faces at babies at Starbucks and making them laugh, or talking to the little kids the usually come up to me (I must put out a candy smell). But one of my own? I don’t think I could handle it! My friends and family say I would be a wonderful mother. I must have a clone out there if people think that.

I too have used the pill and condoms. I regret it everyday! I didn’t know any better, I truly didn’t. I didn’t find learning NFP to be hard. However, I will tell you this…sex is better when you have nothing between you and your husband! physically ( condom ), emotionally ( pill ) I had finally given myself to him 100%! Don’t deny your husband or yourself that.

You have been blessed with a man who loves you, wants to spend the rest of his life with you, wants to care for all of your needs. He is going to need to know about your body, what it does and how it works. We humans aren’t always neat and tidy. After you are married for awhile, you will see each other do things that aren’t that pretty! You will clean up messes that you had not ever planned on doing. But that’s life, it’s messy! You act like a grown up and you move on. If you do have kids, your DH is going to see a mess that will make your mucus very easy to talk about! I had some trouble after the birth of our first daughter. Started bleeding heavily at home and was taken to the ER, 3 days in the hospital getting blood transfusions. DH had to clean up what looked like a crime seen in our home! Poor guy had to call my mom to find our how to get blood out of our mattress. It was bad. He never complained, never said a word. Just did what needed done. I have something called Andenomyosis, it causes me to cramp terribly, have very heavy periods. My DH is so understanding of this. If I couldn’t talk to him about how I was feeling, he wouldn’t be able to help me. Is it the highlight of our day, no. But again, that’s life. He has IBS, again, not something people want to talk about, but you do.

Really, there are times when you don’t have sex! Just because you are married, doesn’t mean it’s going to be a daily thing, sorry. The rules to NFP are not that hard. If you don’t like your teachers, go to a different class, learn a different method. Read about it, but don’t base your opinion of it on one couple, who apparently wants to have a large family. That doesn’t mean that NFP fails or that you have to do the same. Our NFP teachers are older, their kids are all grown, married and are having children of their own. Some might look at them and say, gross, they are still having sex!!