Boyfriend, girlfriend, "partner," fiance'(e) - can we make sense of some terms here?

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Look out, 3Docs has her feathers in a tizzy . . . :bigyikes:

Seriously, though, I have seen so many posts here lately - several by Catholics, talking about their “partner” without giving any information about whether they are married to this “partner,” cohabitating with him or her, or engaged, or simply dating.

I therefore propose some terminology - wish I could talk mods into making it a “sticky” but that’s probably wishing for quite a bit 🙂 but at least maybe if I post these they’ll have a chance of catching on. Remember these terms are intended to be in line with Catholic teaching on marriage and sexuality. Here we go: :takeoff:
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1 - Spouse, Husband, Wife:** Terms denoting an individual with whom one has entered into marriage. Some on these Forums are in “irregular” marriages, i.e. those who are Catholic but married after a divorce, married only civilly, etc. But for the sake of conversation, I’d think these terms can be used. Some people like to think of their spouse as their “life partner” but they should also make the formal relationship clear by at least once using one of the conventional terms above. If you must use those corny DH/etc. abbreviations, I’ll cringe but I guess you have a right to under the 1st Amendment.:rolleyes:

2 - Fiance’, Fiancee’ - One to whom one is engaged with the intention of progressing to a spousal relationship.
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3 - Boyfriend, Girlfriend** - One whom one is dating, whether casually or seriously, to the exclusion of others.

I’ve harped about the overuse or confusing use of “partner” on other threads. I’ll reiterate my reasons for disliking it, and I know some of you will be thinking “Meh, I don’t care what she thinks” and I can’t stop you. But maybe I can help clarify some things for those who are merely confused what word to use.

“Partner” in modern society is so commonly used to refer to a relationship, whether straight or gay, in which the parties are having sexual relations and often sharing a domicile, but not according to the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman, or before they have been married (or as an “alternative” to marriage) if we’re talking about one man and one woman.

Just sayin’. :twocents:
 
I think partner means a live in situation in today’s slang.I believe that is inferred. Fiance also often is overused, with the couple using it to obtain some respectability, and the ‘engagement’ lasting forever and a day. Often there is a child or two already born into the relationship, they’ve gotten back together a few times, and there is a loose promise to marry, probably part of the make up period… :rolleyes:

Just a little cynical here…😊
 
I have become very skeptical of the term “partner” and hate its use in referal to a married spouse. Why not say husband or wife?

I also agree that fiance is overused as well. You are either engaged or you aren’t. I find a lot of couples in long-term relationships use “fiance” with their live in “partner” because as you said - they want some respectability when in fact marriage isn’t even on the table.
 
When I hear someone use the word “partner” in a romantic context, I figure they mean someone they are not married to but engaging in sexual intercourse with. If someone means something more respectable than this I definitely think they should choose another term, for the sake of their own reputation as much as anything else.
 
Years ago pre-marital sex was a shame. Now people, even Catholics, admit their pre-marital relationship without shame. What has happened? What has the world become?
 
Country_Gal said:
I think partner means a live in situation in today’s slang.I believe that is inferred. Fiance also often is overused, with the couple using it to obtain some respectability, and the ‘engagement’ lasting forever and a day. Often there is a child or two already born into the relationship, they’ve gotten back together a few times, and there is a loose promise to marry, probably part of the make up period… :rolleyes:

Just a little cynical here…😊
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I share your cynicism. I’d like to go back to a term that was proposed a couple decades ago – POSSLQ, pronounced “poss-l-cue,” standing for Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters.

Does anyone say “going steady” any more? Or “pinned,” in the context of university life?
 
This is an interesting thread. I never gave too much thought to the word partner, I always thought it was a catch all term used mostly informally and among peers. I never made a value judgement on people who use that term, I’ve used it but I tend toward intended or beloved. I don’t tend to think about or assume on who lives together or sleeps together.
 
My pet peeve are people calling their partner their spouse without being married or a fiance without a set wedding date. I have encountered many people who say their spouse, I ask when they got married and they said “oh not legally” or my favorite “it’s just a piece of paper”. No, it isn’t just a piece of paper but without it you aren’t spouses. With fiance/fiancee unless you have a set date then nope you are just dating.
 
I always thought the term “partner” refered to anyone with whom you were having sex, whether or not you lived with them or intended to live with them or marry them.
 
InLight247 said:
Years ago pre-marital sex was a shame. Now people, even Catholics, admit their pre-marital relationship without shame. What has happened? What has the world become?
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It took a carefully prepared plan to gradually convince people that shame no longer exists and to rely on the example of those around them as opposed to listening to the Church. I was there in the 1970s as distraught parents tried to convince their cohabitating children to get married. But some, brainwashed by those who called themselves Hippies and others, decided to exchange the truth for a lie. “Leave us alone!!! We’re grown adults!!! We’ll do what want!!!”

They needed to live their perverse lifestyle openly and woe to any who tried to tell them different.

Partner is a useless term.

Boyfriend or girlfriend living apart.

Husband and Wife.

That’s it. Time to be black and white. Time to expose the cohabitating life as the invalid lie it is and the open scandal it is.

So, when a young lady introduces me to her cohabitating partner, they have no right to talk about his side of the family or her’s. It’s a lie. They’re as unrelated to each other as I am to my next door neighbor. But thanks to a media where casual sex and cohabitation are presented as OK or neutral, more seeds are planted - just stop watching it.

Peace,
Ed
 
Sometimes I refer to my wife as “my partner” just to mess with people’s heads, because it’s ambiguous. ‘Is he gay? He said he has a partner.’
 
TeachCatechism said:
My pet peeve are people calling their partner their spouse without being married or a fiance without a set wedding date. I have encountered many people who say their spouse, I ask when they got married and they said “oh not legally” or my favorite “it’s just a piece of paper”. No, it isn’t just a piece of paper but without it you aren’t spouses. With fiance/fiancee unless you have a set date then nope you are just dating.
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I disagree to an extent about the fiancé without a date set. My husband & I didn’t immediately set a date after we were engaged. I think we picked it within a few weeks of him proposing, so it wasn’t long, but he was no less my fiancé before picking that date than he was after we picked it. Now if we are talking about one of those couples who have been engaged for years with no date in sight, then ok.
 
I must be the only person in the universe who still thinks of a business partner or two doctors in a practice or a bridge partner (“bridge” is a card game played in pairs) when I hear the term.

Aren’t there any types of pairs besides sexual anymore?
 
Pug said:
I must be the only person in the universe who still thinks of a business partner or two doctors in a practice or a bridge partner (“bridge” is a card game played in pairs) when I hear the term.

Aren’t there any types of pairs besides sexual anymore?
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Usually the context makes it clear when a person is not talking about one of these other kinds of partnerships.
 
Yeah, it’d be good to be specific, because nowadays, “partner” can mean pretty much anything. Point taken.

We have this a lot in Mexico, as well. People who are living together but not married routinely refer to their partner as “esposo” (husband) or “esposa” (wife). Apparently, they must feel some embarrassment. Otherwise, they would say the truth rather than telling people they are married when they are not.

So at least here, some still have embarrassment. In the US, there is not even embarrassment.

Well, we were told that in these times what would become normal would become abnormal and what was abnormal would become normal. Further many apparitions talked about all this, that women would lose feelings of delicacy, live with men without being married.
 
ClearWater said:
Yeah, it’d be good to be specific, because nowadays, “partner” can mean pretty much anything. Point taken.

We have this a lot in Mexico, as well. People who are living together but not married routinely refer to their partner as “esposo” (husband) or “esposa” (wife). Apparently, they must feel some embarrassment. Otherwise, they would say the truth rather than telling people they are married when they are not.

So at least here, some still have embarrassment. In the US, there is not even embarrassment.

Well, we were told that in these times what would become normal would become abnormal and what was abnormal would become normal. Further many apparitions talked about all this, that women would lose feelings of delicacy, live with men without being married.
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This reminds me of something Chesterton once wrote, which I only half remember. It was something along the lines that so far in history there has been a major distinction between people who are married and people who are not married, but in the near future the distinction would be between people who are married and people who are really married.
 
I was seeing on the forum that there was a quote on one:

Amy Farrah Fowler: “I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.”

As Catholics, it is part of our faith to follow it. Part of our faith is to follow the rules of our faith, 10 commandments, Magisterium.

If we know what the revealed truths are and are deliberately not following them, and encouraging others to do the same, one can wonder if one is even “Catholic”.

A good practicing Catholic does not oppose the Pope, rules of the Church, and especially doesn’t try to encourage others to oppose the Church, either.
 
ClearWater said:
Yeah, it’d be good to be specific, because nowadays, “partner” can mean pretty much anything. Point taken.

We have this a lot in Mexico, as well. People who are living together but not married routinely refer to their partner as “esposo” (husband) or “esposa” (wife). Apparently, they must feel some embarrassment. Otherwise, they would say the truth rather than telling people they are married when they are not.

So at least here, some still have embarrassment. In the US, there is not even embarrassment.

Well, we were told that in these times what would become normal would become abnormal and what was abnormal would become normal. Further many apparitions talked about all this, that women would lose feelings of delicacy, live with men without being married.
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LOL, you’re tellin’ us, Mexico is so great? 👍 I’d rather live where one can actually get a fair trial, and I won’t get killed by a druglord, thank you very much. Viva Estados Unidos!
 
Aelred_Minor said:
Usually the context makes it clear when a person is not talking about one of these other kinds of partnerships.
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True. I guess I mention it because I was left wondering about it just a few months ago, but I didn’t want to offend by asking. Usually I’m not left wondering, though, you’re right. (Wondering about if it means some vague type of romantic interest).
 
I detest the word partner. It denotes, to me, some type of object. Th two aren’t one. The other half sees their significant other as an “it” - it all feels quite juvenile, quite nihilistic, like the person using the word doesn’t know how to view the other human being.

skating partner
lab partner
partner in crime

I have similar feelings when the term “lover” is used in affairs. In this situation let’s call it like it is: sex partner/mistress/side dish.

Now upon reflection, I see how bizarre, ironic and messed up those two terms are used.
 
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