Boyfriend, girlfriend, "partner," fiance'(e) - can we make sense of some terms here?

[Mulligan2]

I detest the word partner. It denotes, to me, some type of object. Th two aren’t one. The other half sees their significant other as an “it” - it all feels quite juvenile, quite nihilistic, like the person using the word doesn’t know how to view the other human being.

skating partner
lab partner
partner in crime

I have similar feelings when the term “lover” is used in affairs. In this situation let’s call it like it is: sex partner/mistress/side dish.

Now upon reflection, I see how bizarre, ironic and messed up those two terms are used.

I have no problem with the word ‘partner’. However someone else wants to use that word is fine with me.

 

[Midwest88]

Years ago pre-marital sex was a shame. Now people, even Catholics, admit their pre-marital relationship without shame. What has happened? What has the world become?

Modernism and post-modern thinking. Humans will justify anything in order to gain a better light, if it ever went public, for their reputation and to reduce any guilt.

In my social, there’s a co-worker. Daughter is 19 yrs old. Where they live legal drinking/adult age is 18. You know where this can lead. She seemingly made good decisions, was really a standout in terms of her acting talent (her dad is her manager), but apparently once she turned 18 and later 19 she really embraced the “drinking culture.” I don’t think she got drunk every weekend, or if she ever did, but every time I saw a picture of her (post 18 b-day) she always had an alcoholic drink in her hand. Watching a movie with friends? Wine. Add in duck face while holding wine glass close to face. Concert? Beer. When she went to the States to do promo for a film, this March, she complained that she couldn’t drink at the after party. Uh oh. Someone can’t attend a social event without a buzz or a sip. It also doesn’t help that her mom is trying to be her friend - just 30 years her senior. Rumor says she’s pregnant. I’m not blaming the alcohol exclusively, but the culture of her home country and her lax attitude towards it probably was a factor if rumors are true.

Add to the fact that she tries to appear more mature than she actually is, in taped interviews, it’s partially a surprise (yet not). What really gets me is she’s in the public eye. Why on earth would you have sex and risk pregnancy when A) you’re that young and B) when you CAN’T work as a pregnant woman? Sigh. Then again I guess when you have no films lined up to do for the rest of the year you succumb to stupidity.

I have no problem with the word ‘partner’. However someone else wants to use that word is fine with me.

Okay.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I disagree to an extent about the fiancé without a date set. My husband & I didn’t immediately set a date after we were engaged. I think we picked it within a few weeks of him proposing, so it wasn’t long, but he was no less my fiancé before picking that date than he was after we picked it. Now if we are talking about one of those couples who have been engaged for years with no date in sight, then ok.

I’m talking those who are engaged for years, often have kids but haven’t set a date. A few months is different than years to me.

 

[Country_Gal]

I’m talking those who are engaged for years, often have kids but haven’t set a date. A few months is different than years to me.

Exactly. There are a lot of people, sadly, who are waiting until it’s not financially beneficial to them to remain unmarried, related to government provided benefits. Our government discourages marriage.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Exactly. There are a lot of people, sadly, who are waiting until it’s not financially beneficial to them to remain unmarried, related to government provided benefits. Our government discourages marriage.

I’ve seen that a lot and it frustrates me. Our government is very anti Catholic because it basically punishes those who do the right thing by marriage and the wrong thing by having kids out of wedlock.

 

[3DOCTORS]

This is an interesting thread. I never gave too much thought to the word partner, I always thought it was a catch all term used mostly informally and among peers. I never made a value judgement on people who use that term, I’ve used it but I tend toward intended or beloved. I don’t tend to think about or assume on who lives together or sleeps together.

I like “intended” or beloved" - they sound a little quaint but in a good way - like they’re poised on the verge of making a comeback.

My pet peeve are people calling their partner their spouse without being married or a fiance without a set wedding date. I have encountered many people who say their spouse, I ask when they got married and they said “oh not legally” or my favorite “it’s just a piece of paper”. No, it isn’t just a piece of paper but without it you aren’t spouses. With fiance/fiancee unless you have a set date then nope you are just dating.

It’s funny, people will drive a car but you don’t hear them saying they “don’t need a piece of paper” to prove they should be allowed to drive on public streets and roads. In fact, most are proud to get that driver’s license (and definitely don’t want the other piece of paper aka a traffic ticket! ) The problem with this “paperless” attitude when applied to mating is that it rejects the social and communal aspects of marriage, the commitment to think things through responsibly and be thankful for the privilege of being married like a real adult.

LOL, you’re tellin’ us, Mexico is so great? I’d rather live where one can actually get a fair trial, and I won’t get killed by a druglord, thank you very much. Viva Estados Unidos!

I hope this was just a post made quickly and not thought through; otherwise, IMO you owe ClearWater an apology for stereotyping her country and her people. A country may have its problems and you’re certainly entitled to live where you do, but I think we need to represent our own country well by being tactful and diplomatic in what we say about other countries. :twocents:

 

[Country_Gal]

I

I hope this was just a post made quickly and not thought through; otherwise, IMO you owe ClearWater an apology for stereotyping her country and her people. A country may have its problems and you’re certainly entitled to live where you do, but I think we need to represent our own country well by being tactful and diplomatic in what we say about other countries. :twocents:

lI didn’t like the insulting post that somehow the US was morally inferior. I’ll apologize as soon as I’ve receive one.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

LOL, you’re tellin’ us, Mexico is so great? I’d rather live where one can actually get a fair trial, and I won’t get killed by a druglord, thank you very much. Viva Estados Unidos!

Wow This is horribly offensive and shows a lack of knowledge and understanding of Mexico and it’s culture. Pure stereotyping.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

lI didn’t like the insulting post that somehow the US was morally inferior. I’ll apologize as soon as I’ve receive one.

1. She didn’t say that the US is morally inferior. She made the observation that cohabiting is still looked down on there, unlike here in the US. That’s a pretty accurate observation.
2. I think most catholics would consider Mexico morally superior. It is a very catholic country that holds traditional family values dear.

 

[Kamaduck]

1. She didn’t say that the US is morally inferior. She made the observation that cohabiting is still looked down on there, unlike here in the US. That’s a pretty accurate observation.
2. I think most catholics would consider Mexico morally superior. It is a very catholic country that holds traditional family values dear.

I didn’t know that any Catholics considered the US morally superior to anywhere. I’ve always heard us described as a wicked, wicked nation.

EDIT: Although I think most people think we’re better than, say, North Korea.

I do think 3DOCTORS’s terms would make discussion easier, but I already use them anyway. I generally assume cohabitation when the word “partner” is used.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

“partner” N. 1. Someone who you lose tons of money with in some sort of business arrangement.
2. Someone who keeps you company on a wagon train. Often used by gunslinging John Wayne types. Usually used after the word “howdy.”
3. A same sex love interest.

“Fiancee”
N.1. A french dish usually served with fish and white wine.
2. A person with whom one is living with. Used to give credibility to a living situation where no credibility is deserved.
3. The mother/father of one’s out of wedlock child.
Syn. Baby momma/daddy.

“Boyfriend”
N.1 A person whom one generally is around and talks to on the phone.
2. A teenager.
3. A person who is ones love interest at the time but is going to end in some sort of fantastic drama that will forever change the lives of all involved.

And now for my favorite!

“Girlfriend”
N. 1. A BFF of some sort of woman/girl. Used overzeaolosly and oddly. Knows no age barriers.
ex. Girl: " My girlfriends and I like to share pants and giggle."
NOTE: THE CONVERSE DOES NOT APPLY WITH “BOYFRIEND” EX. GUY: “MY BOYFRIENDS AND I LIKE TO SHARE PANTS AND GIGGLE” This sentence has a completely different meaning.
2. Someone who a guy is dating.
3. A friend of a homosexual male.

“Husband”

1. N. One who does dirty chores, messes up the toilet seat and disappears for months at a time in the fall for some mythical game called “football”

"Wife. "
2. N. The most loving, wonderful person in the world. As pure as can be and absolutely holy and beautiful.

“Spouse.”
N. 1. A husband/wife gender neutral.
2. A fun word to say. “Spouse.” Come on say it under your breath, you know you want to. Say it 10 times…

 

[Luvz2travel]

I think partner means a live in situation in today’s slang.I believe that is inferred. Fiance also often is overused, with the couple using it to obtain some respectability, and the ‘engagement’ lasting forever and a day. Often there is a child or two already born into the relationship, they’ve gotten back together a few times, and there is a loose promise to marry, probably part of the make up period…

Just a little cynical here…

A lady I work with has four kids with a guy that she’s now engaged to??? Why is people will have the committment of bringing a kid into the world yet don’t seem to want to commit to marriage.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Hoosier Daddy, is that your “modern dictionary” there? This thread probably does need some humor.

I have heard more heterosexual couples use “partner” in recent times, though usually they go with boyfriend or girlfriend, or fiance’/fiancee’ - although an “engagement” can span decades now . . . It’s also true that while straight guys can’t say “boyfriends,” I can speak of my “girlfriends” (I make sure to use the plural and if I’m only referring to one I say “one of my girlfriends” just to be clear . . . maybe a bit OCD there but since I’m a never-married of middle age I just feel more comfortable letting it be known that I’m straight). And we gals can dance together in a group but straight guys generally don’t.

For the record, I don’t use the word “partner” with gay or lesbian unions. I will use “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and I can’t remember if I may have on occasion used “significant other” but if I did it wasn’t often. This has been my MO for many years. If gay “marriage” is legislated the way the trend has indicated it probably will be, I don’t know how I will handle that. It may be that it never comes up for me specifically; I don’t currently know any same-sex couples planning to “tie the knot.”

I was an English major in college and I know that the culture shapes the words, coins new ones, gives new meaning to old ones, and so on. And then those words come to take on a life of their own and to influence the culture in turn. Witness what has happened with “pro-choice,” for example, or “a woman’s right to control her own body.” I hear now that “pro-choice” may be supplanted by “reproductive justice.” Very clever move on the part of abortion advocates, since who wants to be against justice?!

But I digress. Back to the “partner” word discussion.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Meh, I’m a straight, married female and I use ‘partner’ and have done so since we moved in together, then throughout our engagement, and now as a married couple. My partner refers to me as the same.. I don’t see a big deal with it, and since everyone knows we’re married they know who I’m talking about. If I use ‘partner’ with a stranger and they think I’m cohabiting or a lesbian I don’t care. If I don’t know them why worry about what they think?

 

[3DOCTORS]

Meh, I’m a straight, married female and I use ‘partner’ and have done so since we moved in together, then throughout our engagement, and now as a married couple. My partner refers to me as the same.. I don’t see a big deal with it, and since everyone knows we’re married they know who I’m talking about. If I use ‘partner’ with a stranger and they think I’m cohabiting or a lesbian I don’t care. If I don’t know them why worry about what they think?

It may not to you given your belief system, but I’m mainly addressing the Catholics and Christians here who at least should reflect on how their terminology is coming across and possibly encouraging their fellow Catholics and Christians to follow the secularized world’s ways instead of their religion’s ways.

But to draw a broader net, in some ways it would still be more clear if there were some consensus on terminology between peoples of different beliefs as well. That’s more difficult to come by, certainly, when not all the same values are shared, but it would make it easier to know what’s being spoken of in a thread title. Some of the threads I’ve seen lately have Catholics talking about “my partner” without any further clue as to their relationship situation, yet they’re wanting Catholic advice and relationship advice combined. Then a bunch of people hop in with relationship advice but not necessarily in a Catholic context.

When I read one of these threads, it might be 15 posts in or more and I’m going “Okay, so what’s the situation? Are you two cohabiting? That needs to be addressed first.” If you aren’t Catholic, this may seem weird to you or that I’m some kind of busybody, but really I’m doing what as a Catholic I’ve been called to do or not do. If a couple is living in sin according to Catholic definitions, I’m going to need to know that in order to know how to minister to them appropriately.

 

[Country_Gal]

If I hear someone call their spouse their partner, I would assume their ideology leans to the left. Conservative folk just don’t use that sort of terminology. You can tell a lot about people from how they use the language. Grammar, inflection, terminology, all those things reflect the outlook, education, background, socio/economic standing, etc.

 

[Magdalen2013]

And what about those of us elderly ladies who moved in with another elderly lady to save money?

When we decided to do that, both of us had had falls with no one in the house to help us or call 911, we were lucky those times that we WERE able to get to a phone. (Note: a few years after we’d moved to our new house, my friend fell on the ice in our driveway and broke her wrist, and I got to call the paramedics for her, and took her to all her medical appointments since she couldn’t drive.)

What would you want me to call her? I use “partner” but in truth we’re more like sisters. And now my mother is unable to live alone, so she’s living with us as well.

Not every “co-habitation” has immoral purposes.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

If I hear someone call their spouse their partner, I would assume their ideology leans to the left. Conservative folk just don’t use that sort of terminology. You can tell a lot about people from how they use the language. Grammar, inflection, terminology, all those things reflect the outlook, education, background, socio/economic standing, etc.

That’s a pretty dangerous (and irrelevant) assumption to make. I’ve met many politically conservative people who say ‘partner’ when referring to their spouse. Heck, my boss is one of them. I would be willing to bet it’s more regional/cultural than political.

 

[Country_Gal]

That’s a pretty dangerous (and irrelevant) assumption to make. I’ve met many politically conservative people who say ‘partner’ when referring to their spouse. Heck, my boss is one of them. I would be willing to bet it’s more regional/cultural than political.

I don’t think it’s dangerous at all, unless your definition of danger differs wildly from my own.

Perhaps it’s a regional thing. Are you, per chance, in Calif?

As far as calling my idea “irrelevant”, I think relevancy is obviously in the eye of the beholder, whether they be blue or brown.

 

[Magdalen2013]

And what about those of us elderly ladies who moved in with another elderly lady to save money?

When we decided to do that, both of us had had falls with no one in the house to help us or call 911, we were lucky those times that we WERE able to get to a phone. (Note: a few years after we’d moved to our new house, my friend fell on the ice in our driveway and broke her wrist, and I got to call the paramedics for her, and took her to all her medical appointments since she couldn’t drive.)

What would you want me to call her? I use “partner” but in truth we’re more like sisters. And now my mother is unable to live alone, so she’s living with us as well.

Not every “co-habitation” has immoral purposes.