Boyfriend is catholic but doesn’t practice

[aroosi]

Parlo italiano. Secondo me ti sei presa una bella cotta e da quello che scrivi questo ragazzo mi sembra il classico tipo da una botta e via. Se davvero vuoi arrivare vergine al matrimonio ed avere una vita matrimoniale cristiana, cerca un fidanzato nei posti giusti. Qualcuno che segua la propria fede seriamente, per esempio qualcuno attivo in movimenti ecclesiali ( CL, Focolarini, Neocatecumeni, Opus Dei, Associazione Papa Giovanni XXIII etc). Coraggio!

 

[anneramones]

Grazie per il commento.
Questo ragazzo è neocatecumenale. È nato in una famiglia di neocatecumeni e i suoi genitori sono molto rigidi e religiosi. Questo mi ha portato a pensare che lui potesse riavvicinarsi alla fede ma a quanto pare non è così…

 

[redbetta]

A guy that tries to grope you after knowing you three days isn’t relationship material. Also, if you guys can’t even agree on the fundamentals, this “connection” can’t be all that deep. When you distance yourself from this guy long enough to sober up, you will see that.

 

[aroosi]

Se lui e’ cresciuto in una famiglia neocatecumenale ed ha poi lasciato il cammino magari proprio per reazione e’ passato all’estremo opposto. Ognuno e’ quello che e’, non entrare in una relazione con l’aspettativa di cambiare l’altra persona. In bocca al lupo, spero tu possa trovare presto la persona giusta con cui condividere la vita e creare una famiglia serena. Un abbraccio grande.

 

[QwertyGirl]

I don’t agree with those here who state he isn’t relationship material. Could be he is great relationship material, but he just has never had boundaries and subscribes more to a secular idea of what is acceptable.

Have some conversations with him about what is important to you and why. Find out the same from him. Set your boundaries and let him know if he can’t respect them, then there can’t be a relationship.

Some of the best relationships I have ever had with people (both romantic and non-) are ones where we had to have a “meeting of the minds” early on. I highly recommend trying that.

You don’t say how old you are, but honestly you sound a little naive if you think you are going to meet up in a hotel room and there won’t be any expectation of sex (from him, at least). That typically isn’t how it works, especially early on in a relationship. If it is important to you to stay chaste, then this isn’t a good idea at all. Find an adult woman who can mentor you on these issues, because it sounds like you probably need it.

 

[angell1]

I know, it’s difficult these days, I experienced something similar years ago, please try to let this one go, it’s not worth it.

no, it’s not good enough that he doen’st believe in chastity but says tht he will respect your beliefs, we can do better than that, that is sitll not being on the same page at all, and he’s already demonstrated that he’s willing to push your boundaries, you will spend the whole relationship trying to fight off temptations and trying to make compromises with him

and like others have said, you can’t undo any of it once it’s done, I personallyh wish I had known better earlier on in life

 

[anneramones]

I agree with you. He is great relationship material but not for me. The fact that three days spent with him lead me to impure thoughts and acts proves this. He has chosen a secular way of life and doesn’t get mine.

 

[OurLadyofSorrows]

Now that I think will break it off I also fear about his reaction towards the faith. I feel that if I tell him I don’t want to continue because of our different ideas about sex this will drive him away from faith even more and I don’t want this

You are not responsible for his faith reaction.
Be honest, bear witness to your faith. If I may be honest, if a guy is really interested in the person and not ‘the goods’, more respect is shown in dating then ‘hey lets get a room’.
He works. He travels, he is quite capable of travelling to you, dating, staying in his own hotel while you stay at your home.
I see red flags of insincerity in him.

Continue to attend Mass, pray for a good husband and be patient.

 

[aroosi]

Could be he is great relationship material, but he just has never had boundaries and subscribes more to a secular idea of what is acceptable.

If he grew up in a Neocatechumenal Way family he knows exactly what are the boundaries and what it is expected. Just to give you an idea Neocatechumenal Way is to Catholics, a bit what Chabad is for Jewish people. Ultra orthodox, intense community life in a relatively closed environment, marry really young (often with other people in the same group) and have a bunch of kids.

You don’t say how old you are, but honestly you sound a little naive if you think you are going to meet up in a hotel room and there won’t be any expectation of sex (from him, at least). That typically isn’t how it works, especially early on in a relationship.

Exactly this!

 

[QwertyGirl]

If he grew up in a Neocatechumenal Way family he knows exactly what are the boundaries and what it is expected

that doesn’t mean, at all, that he knows what the boundaries are. All it means is he knows what he was told the boundaries are. There’s a good chance he has no belief or faith in that system. I still say honest conversation is the best route forward. I would not write somebody off just because their boundaries and mine are different at the moment in time we met each other. People do change.

 

[aroosi]

Knowing well that environment I would not be surprised if he may be purposely trying to do everything he can to show he is distancing him from his own family and religious background.
Yes people change but staying with somebody (especially a romantic partner) with the expectation the person will change is often source of misunderstanding and frustration.

 

[halogirl]

You already know the answer. This person is leading you into sin and by suggesting a room together is clearly after something sexual.

 

[jzea1992]

Then just don’t worry about finding a boyfriend. Focus on God and yourself and helping others.

 

[Dolphin]

We didn’t actually declare one another you are my girlfriend/boyfriend but we treat ourselves as such

This is the problem with our society, people are having all the affection and “fun” of relationships without commitment. Therefore it’s just mutual using of each other.

As Jason Evert has wisely said: some single people are acting as if they are married, some married people are acting as if they are single, and others have no clue if they are single or not.

 

[Dolphin]

That typically isn’t how it works, especially early on in a relationship

Exactly, and they aren’t even in a relationship in the first place so it’s friends with benefits which will lead to feeling used and heart break

 

[QwertyGirl]

Yes people change but staying with somebody (especially a romantic partner) with the expectation the person will change is often source of misunderstanding and frustration.

Giving someone a chance isn’t the same thing as expecting to change them, though.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Didn’t sound to me like they had any meaningful heartfelt conversations about much of anything. Making statements isn’t the same what I am talking about.

 

[QwertyGirl]

No wonder there always so many single people on here crying and whining about not being able to find a spouse.

 

[aroosi]

Seriously, this guy (met two weeks ago!) and that travels a lot for work, wants to meet her in a hotel half way (he doesn’t even bother to go see her in her own town!). Yes, everything is possible in theory, but here there are huge red flags that cannot be ignored. I am really afraid he is taking advantage of her naïveté and young age.

 

[halogirl]

This person is clearly not interested in respecting her chastity though. Doesn’t matter how many deep and meaningful conversations they have or don’t, that’s a huge red flag and not something that should be glossed over in favour of a seemingly deep connection