Breastfeeding...an Obligation?

[dwc]

Malia, the first part of my post was an attempt to answer your query about why an otherwise able woman might not breastfeed. “Able” wasn’t defined in your post and I took it in the strictest sense of physically able and so gave the example of women I’ve known who were able to breastfeed but chose not to for logistical reasons.The remainder of my post was directed at women who are self righteous bf advocates without considering other women’s circumstances. That was** not** directed towards you, at all.

Because children not breastfed aren’t as healthy

I’m not at all convinced this is true. Like I said, I breastfed all of mine, but most of my friends didn’t and my kids are no healthier than theirs, and I see no difference in bonding between me and my kids and them and their kids. My pediatrician encourages bf but when pressed, admits that the evidence of long term health benefits is nebulous. The most tangible benefit appears to be the immediate immunities passed during the initial post natal period.

The decision to bf can also have selfish motives. I loved the closeness I had with my babies, I loved they were dependent on me for nourishment, I loved how they bonded to me so closely. I also loved the feeling that I was doing all I could for my baby. This is all a huge emotional boon. With my second and third babies I also loved the excuse to actually sit down and put my feet up and relax on a regular basis. Many women breast feed exclusively for a very long time in order to postpone the period of infertility so they don’t have the inconvenience of periods and don’t have to worry about another pregnancy.

I think a woman’s motivations can be selfish either way, in the sense that they choose to feed their baby in a way that serves them as well. Given that the formulas are very good and mother and baby can bond with bottle feeding and it is unclear how much healthier bf babies are – if it’s ok for me to choose bf for convenience and bonding and emotional satisfaction and fertility prevention, why is another woman selfish for choosing bottle feeding because it’s more convenient for her or because its painful for her or whatever?

 

[movingmom]

I think there are many fanatics on this issue. I think a woman sould do what she can do best - either way. Guilting a woman into thinking her kid will be dumb, fat and sick on formula is a bunch of nonsense. If this were true, most of the kids brought up in the 1960’s would be morons with allergies. In any event, I nursed three of my kids for 6 months - that was all I could do and I’m ok with this - they are great healthy kids!

 

[mass4life]

Breastfeeding gives more respect to the natural law than bottlefeeding. God equipped mothers with breasts to feed their children, but of course there are exceptions to this “rule.”

The Art of NFP has a paragraph in it devoted to this exact topic, but I don’t know the page.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

coyote:

Off topic.

It’s not hard for me to say. I am not convinced that homeschooling is generally superior to out of the home schooling.

Ditto

 

[Michelle_in_KC]

anJayRN:

I think every mother should try to breastfeed for at least a year for the sake of her helpless child. Yes, I think she should make this sacrific. All women should feel obligated. It’s selfish not to. Because children not breastfed aren’t as healthy, so it’s definately a more selfish decision to bottlefeed, and being selfish is a sin.

I always find this claim interesting. Here’s why: I tried to breastfeed my first-born. We did absolutely WONDERFUL…until my milk came in. I didn’t know anyone who could help with my problem. I pumped for 3-4 weeks and kept offering the breast. She wouldn’t take it. It absolutely broke my heart. I can’t tell you how much I cried and wished I could nurse her. Pumping and always offering a bottle was not my idea of what true nursing was all about. I hung it up after those 3-4 weeks where basically, my baby girl only took the bottle…even though it was breast milk. I didn’t have a breastfeeding supportive doctor at the time (I now have a wonderful doctor who I believe will support my choices), and hadn’t taken any steps to put any kind of support network in place because I figured I wouldn’t “fail” at such a "natural process.

With dd#2, didn’t even try since I only had 6 weeks until I had to go back to work.

My girls are hardly ever sick. No ear infections. No nothing. Of course, they didn’t go to daycare (DH was SAHD for a few years). I think it is THAT (the daycare) that leads to more illness rather than lack of breastfeeding. I know MANY MANY women who breastfed their children and their children were in day-care and they got sick WAY more than my kids.

Anyway, I’m planning to become SAHM with our baby due in February. I’m taking steps now to put a support system in place to help me with breastfeeding. I’m attending LLL meetings NOW to get to know those who can help me. I’m reading up on breastfeeding and getting my mindset in the right spot for it.

I am determined to do it. But I am going into it with the knowledge of how hard it CAN be. So many breastfeeding advocates spew the “it’s so natural” and “it’s so easy” and “it’s how God intended it” that those who struggle with breastfeeding their children feel very inadequate as mothers and I don’t see that as a very Christian attitude. It’s never good to judge why someone is or is not breastfeeding. Just like we should never assume that a small family is small by their human choices.

 

[deb1]

Michelle in KC:

I always find this claim interesting. Here’s why: I tried to breastfeed my first-born. We did absolutely WONDERFUL…until my milk came in. I didn’t know anyone who could help with my problem. I pumped for 3-4 weeks and kept offering the breast. She wouldn’t take it. It absolutely broke my heart. I can’t tell you how much I cried and wished I could nurse her. Pumping and always offering a bottle was not my idea of what true nursing was all about. I hung it up after those 3-4 weeks where basically, my baby girl only took the bottle…even though it was breast milk. I didn’t have a breastfeeding supportive doctor at the time (I now have a wonderful doctor who I believe will support my choices), and hadn’t taken any steps to put any kind of support network in place because I figured I wouldn’t “fail” at such a "natural process.

With dd#2, didn’t even try since I only had 6 weeks until I had to go back to work.

My girls are hardly ever sick. No ear infections. No nothing. Of course, they didn’t go to daycare (DH was SAHD for a few years). I think it is THAT (the daycare) that leads to more illness rather than lack of breastfeeding. I know MANY MANY women who breastfed their children and their children were in day-care and they got sick WAY more than my kids.

Anyway, I’m planning to become SAHM with our baby due in February. I’m taking steps now to put a support system in place to help me with breastfeeding. I’m attending LLL meetings NOW to get to know those who can help me. I’m reading up on breastfeeding and getting my mindset in the right spot for it.

I am determined to do it. But I am going into it with the knowledge of how hard it CAN be. So many breastfeeding advocates spew the “it’s so natural” and “it’s so easy” and “it’s how God intended it” that those who struggle with breastfeeding their children feel very inadequate as mothers and I don’t see that as a very Christian attitude. It’s never good to judge why someone is or is not breastfeeding. Just like we should never assume that a small family is small by their human choices.

I bf three of my four children. Although I think that breast milk is best, I realize that there are a variety of reasons that women don’t breastfeed. I would rather a woman bottle feed then feel that she has to breastfeed and build up resentment toward the whole process. There is a difference between encouragement and pressure. A woman should be encouraged and supported in her desire to bf, she shouldn’t be pressured or made to feel guilty.

as far as your individual problem…were you offering the bottle to your baby before your milk came in? You don’t need to do this. You baby will get all the nurishment that they need from the colostram that is being made in your breast. The nurses encouraged me with my first baby to give him a bottle until my milk came in(this was 16 years ago) Guess what? He never wanted my breast! So, I gave up in frustration. I waited to offer a bottle to my other children until I had established a good nursing routine. I was more succesful with them and bf each a year.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I disagree with some of the arguments being presented
Two things:
We are called to do what is best (morally), strive for perfection, to be saints, but we will fall short (we are sinners). This does not mean we should automatically try to do the minimal in everything we do. We could fall into lukewarmness. If we land on good instead of best, ok, but we must be careful to not land on bad.

Another thing, being selfish is a sin and is immoral.

Now, with respect to breastfeeding, I think each case is unique and the reasons behind the decision to bf or not in each case is what really matter.

 

[Michelle_in_KC]

deb1:

as far as your individual problem…were you offering the bottle to your baby before your milk came in? You don’t need to do this. You baby will get all the nurishment that they need from the colostram that is being made in your breast. The nurses encouraged me with my first baby to give him a bottle until my milk came in(this was 16 years ago) Guess what? He never wanted my breast! So, I gave up in frustration. I waited to offer a bottle to my other children until I had established a good nursing routine. I was more succesful with them and bf each a year.

No…we never did. But I believe the nurses in the hospital offered formula from a cup. I was not as forceful as I now think I should have been about not giving the baby anything and bringing her to me (or leaving her with me all the time) so that her only comfort/nourishment came from me. I don’t know if that is what caused the problem.

Now that this is my third baby, I know how to be more forceful about what I want and need with regards to the doctors/nurses/ hospitals/etc. And, I’m no longer worried about being a pain in the you-know-what to hospital staff…they better do what I want with regards to my baby and feedings. As they say, “live and learn.”

I just don’t think all the talk about how “natural” and “easy” breastfeeding is was all that helpful in the process of breastfeeding in a difficult situation.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

selfish doesn’t = immoral

but being selfish is immoral

 

[kamz]

ok, ok,
But, if you don’t breastfeed are you sinning??
Is it a moral obligation from God?? Please, are you God? No your not and moms are under ENOUGH pressure in life and enough stress without having to worry if they are sinning or if they are immoral for not breast feeding their baby, that is a pretty harsh judgement to hand down, please don’t cast your stones at me.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

kamz:

ok, ok,
But, if you don’t breastfeed are you sinning??
Is it a moral obligation from God?? Please, are you God? No your not and moms are under ENOUGH pressure in life and enough stress without having to worry if they are sinning or if they are immoral for not breast feeding their baby, that is a pretty harsh judgement to hand down, please don’t cast your stones at me.

Hold your horses… did you read my other post before throwing your stones at me? I never said any of the things you just mentioned.

 

[kamz]

I just have to say, if people think breastfeeding is an obligation how about staying home with your kids? Personally I think all mothers should stay home, so, even if they choose to work, for selfish reasons…are they sinning?
How about homeschooling, public school, Catholic school??
I feel if you have a Catholic school in your town you should send your kids to it, my personal opinion or moral obligation??

You can open a big ole can of worms and start finger pointing and saying… you are sinning or not filling your moral obligation because you don’t breast feed, stay at home with your kids, send them to a Catholic school or homeschool them…etc. etc.
Where do we draw the line? When were we made God?

 

[kamz]

lifeisbeautiful:

but being selfish is immoral

I agreed with your posts up until you quoted me on the last one.

And all I can say is, I give my everything to my children and I chose not to breast feed any of my kids, medically I could not but belive me, if threre was nothing wrong with me I still would not have breastfed my kids, I simply had no desire, none, does that make me a bad mom? Says who? I did not have any desire to breast feed my kids but I love them more than I can begin to express, I would lay down my life for them, you know, your a mom but I will not breast feed them, simple and plain and I am the most non selfish person I know, I give 100% of my life to my kids, but I don’t give them my breast
How can someone not feel hurt if they feel someone is saying they are immoral, not a good mom or even a selfish mom if they didn’t breast feed because the thought simply wasn’t appealing to them? I think the whole thing is silly and blown way way way out of proportion.
And I’m directing this to anyone who would dare say that a mother is immoral or sinful for not breastfeeding if there was nothing preventing her from doing so.
C’mon, we are supposed to support fellow moms not tear them down, do you ever see this stuff in Parents magazines? They do polls about breast and bottle and stay at home mom or working moms and the moms get just nasty, they are in their minds “so right” that they say the most hurtful things about others moms.
I don’t want to throw rocks, if a woman wants to breast feed, AWESOME, you go girl!!! You want to bottle feed, AWESOME, you go girl, man, lets start supporting eachother in life and stop stabbing eachother in the back. At the end of the day, we are all mom’s who love their kids very, very much and we all want the very best for our children weather we breast or bottle.
We are moms and that is what brings us together

 

[MaryB23]

This is a very touchy subject for me and I have a very hard time not getting upset when I think about it. I breastfed my first baby for 5 days. I went into it thinking I was going to breastfeed and he got no formula in the hospital but he never latched on well. But he had an incredible suck and he tore my nipples to shreds. And after my milk came in he never really latched on again.

I took so many hot showers and pumped to get the excess off first and make it easier for him but nothing worked. The last straw was when he hadn’t eaten in 12 hours and started sleeping constantly and was lethargic through diaper changes. I couldn’t even call the pediatrician’s office because I was so upset. I had to call my husband at work and have him call the ped’s office. I ended up giving him the milk I had been able to pump (a whopping 2 ounces ) and he sucked it down in no time. I tried a couple other times to get him to eat but he still never latched on. I quit breastfeeding. I was a nervous wreck and crying constantly.

Like Michelle said, breastfeeding isn’t always easy. It was easier with my second son, but I couldn’t do it and take care of a 12 month old as well so I quit after a week with him, too. I guess a better woman than I could have, but I couldn’t. If I have another baby I really want to give it another try but honestly, I’m so nervous about going to a LLL meeting and the whole idea of bfing gives me knots in my stomach.

I will admit, though, there is a selfish part of me that is very happy I gave up breastfeeding my older son because chances are I wouldn’t have my second son if I had kept nursing. Everything happens for a reason.

Sorry for the long post.

ETA that I still feel guilty sometimes for not bfing my first son. I’m not sure what the moral obligation is here, but maybe I didn’t do enough and that’s why I feel guilty. I’ll be very interested in what the apologist has to say about this.

 

[kamz]

MaryB23:

This is a very touchy subject for me and I have a very hard time not getting upset when I think about it. I breastfed my first baby for 5 days. I went into it thinking I was going to breastfeed and he got no formula in the hospital but he never latched on well. But he had an incredible suck and he tore my nipples to shreds. And after my milk came in he never really latched on again.

I took so many hot showers and pumped to get the excess off first and make it easier for him but nothing worked. The last straw was when he hadn’t eaten in 12 hours and started sleeping constantly and was lethargic through diaper changes. I couldn’t even call the pediatrician’s office because I was so upset. I had to call my husband at work and have him call the ped’s office. I ended up giving him the milk I had been able to pump (a whopping 2 ounces ) and he sucked it down in no time. I tried a couple other times to get him to eat but he still never latched on. I quit breastfeeding. I was a nervous wreck and crying constantly.

Like Michelle said, breastfeeding isn’t always easy. It was easier with my second son, but I couldn’t do it and take care of a 12 month old as well so I quit after a week with him, too. I guess a better woman than I could have, but I couldn’t. If I have another baby I really want to give it another try but honestly, I’m so nervous about going to a LLL meeting and the whole idea of bfing gives me knots in my stomach.

I will admit, though, there is a selfish part of me that is very happy I gave up breastfeeding my older son because chances are I wouldn’t have my second son if I had kept nursing. Everything happens for a reason.

Sorry for the long post.

ETA that I still feel guilty sometimes for not bfing my first son. I’m not sure what the moral obligation is here, but maybe I didn’t do enough and that’s why I feel guilty. I’ll be very interested in what the apologist has to say about this.

If this is a moral obligation, I would like the POPE to make a stand on it and say as much, we are told what the Church teacing is on everything else, why not this?
I’m very interested and do hope that the apologists will answer.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

kamz:

I just have to say, if people think breastfeeding is an obligation how about staying home with your kids? Personally I think all mothers should stay home, so, even if they choose to work, for selfish reasons…are they sinning?
How about homeschooling, public school, Catholic school??
I feel if you have a Catholic school in your town you should send your kids to it, my personal opinion or moral obligation??

You can open a big ole can of worms and start finger pointing and saying… you are sinning or not filling your moral obligation because you don’t breast feed, stay at home with your kids, send them to a Catholic school or homeschool them…etc. etc.
Where do we draw the line? When were we made God?

Like I said, read the other post. I never said any of the things you mentioned. I just stated two facts: We are called to be saints and being selfish is a sin. I can back these two facts up with Church Documents if you are interested.
Now with regards to the topic of this thread and the others you presented, let me put it this way: Each case is unique and the reasons behind the decisions people make on these topics are what matter. This is not like lying, which in itself is wrong, regardless of why you do it.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

kamz:

If this is a moral obligation, I would like the POPE to make a stand on it and say as much, we are told what the Church teacing is on everything else, why not this?
I’m very interested and do hope that the apologists will answer.

The Church is very kind and only has “rules” that are necessary. It leaves most decisions up to us. We should make important decisions based on prayer, information we have gathered from reliable sources, our conscience, and also with the help of our spiritual director.
Life is full of decisions to be made, some times we make the right ones, others we don’t. In the end we are responsible for our actions and our decisions.

 

[beckyann2597]

:twocents:
I have Breastfed both children for two years. I don’t think it is a moral question. My mom is a lactation consultant and she always says, yeah - breastfeeding is ideal. There are a slew of medical journal papers saying so. But if you can’t, don’t beat yourself up about it. Breastfeeding makes bonding with the child easier because you have to touch it when you feed it. But bottlefeeding moms who touch the baby and hold and snuggle the baby when giving the bottle bond just as much. It doesn’t make the kids any “better” in the long run, although there really are nutritional reasons breastmilk is better. Problems arise when a bottle is proped in a crib to feed a baby and there is no parenting going on.
I was too lazy to bottlefeed. I can’t imagine having to get up in the middle of the night to feed a baby. I always enjoyed feeding in my sleep, literally. I would wake up with a full night of sleep and no bottles to wash! Of course breastfeeding is not an obligation, it was just the best for me and my family.

 

[kamz]

I have Breastfed both children for two years. I don’t think it is a moral question. My mom is a lactation consultant and she always says, yeah - breastfeeding is ideal. There are a slew of medical journal papers saying so. But if you can’t, don’t beat yourself up about it. Breastfeeding makes bonding with the child easier because you have to touch it when you feed it. But bottlefeeding moms who touch the baby and hold and snuggle the baby when giving the bottle bond just as much. It doesn’t make the kids any “better” in the long run, although there really are nutritional reasons breastmilk is better. Problems arise when a bottle is proped in a crib to feed a baby and there is no parenting going on.
I was too lazy to bottlefeed. I can’t imagine having to get up in the middle of the night to feed a baby. I always enjoyed feeding in my sleep, literally. I would wake up with a full night of sleep and no bottles to wash! Of course breastfeeding is not an obligation, it was just the best for me and my family.
[/quote]

thank you

 

[deb1]

I am feeling very bad for the women that didn’t bf. They are getting a major guilt trip. I bf my children, but I don’t think that any woman should feel guilty if she didn’t bf. Her reasons are really none of my business.