Well I guess since today is Saturday and he is out racing, and I am home by myself with kids and I don’t feel like loading everyone up to go to a graduation we were invited too, the issue is the racing! Maybe we will go to a park instead! However, tomorrow my son and I are going to a Tigers game, and he will be home with the rest so I will get a break.
If it factors in any, I also don’t care for the people he races with. I don’t really know them all personally (except his brother) but they all drink too much. His brother was almost killed in an accident while drinking. So sometimes I wonder if I have issues with the racing itself as much as the people he does it with??
I do try to get out to. We are members at the local Y, and I do use that a lot, but my 4 year old boy is a HANDFUL to say the least so I feel guilty leaving them for very long. My husband says I can do whatever I want whenever, but it is simply not that easy. He can do that, but I can’t assume he will be available to watch kids so I have to find and pay a babysitter (who always manages to let my house get completely trashed while I am away). And again I know they can be hard to manage so I feel guilty for leaving them with anyone other than my husband.
As a fellow Mom of 6, I do feel your pain and stress! ((((HUGS))))
I haven’t read to the end yet, but wanted to jump in while I could and offer you that hug, a big round of applause (You are doing fantastic - and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!) and a couple thoughts based on my experience (your mileage may vary).
Around about child 3, I noticed something - dh and I would get together with a few other couples at a cookout or something and it never failed … when one of us moms needed to step out, go to the restroom, pick something up from the store, etc., we’d go find the dad and specifically ask him to watch our children while we were busy. When the dads would step outside to the grill, make the store run, etc - they’d just leave.
That ended up being my wake-up call. Don’t get me wrong - I have a wonderful husband and he’s a fabulous, loving, caring dad. But it’s just not in his upbringing/nature to automatically assume responsibility for the moment-to-moment parenting with the kids. (Ex. He makes sure to know who the kids teachers are and what their report cards are like. He’ll help any of them with an assignment if asked. But it would never occur to him to check their backpacks for “forgotten” notes/homework/permission slips.)
Based on what I’ve read, he’s also like your husband in not being a “talk” kind of guy and when I’d try to explain I needed more attention, appreciation, approval, and assistance, he’d get all defensive.
After years of stress over this, I came to have peace with it to a degree by learning sometimes I need to simply leave the house and go do what I need to do. I try to play by his rules - giving as much notice as possible, writing my “commitment” on the calendar, carrying my cell phone for emergencies. But when the day/time comes for my hike, my movie with a friend, or whatever my personal time will be - I leave. I don’t check to make sure he’s got a sitter. I don’t call to remind him to do x,y, and z. And if he calls me about where something is or what should they have for lunch, I just express that I’m sure it’s there somewhere and he’ll figure it out.
You NEED time away from the kids because, ironically, they will never be this old again. And you don’t want to spend those precious days and hours suffering from burn-out, just making it through. You (and they) deserve to enjoy this crazy, crazy time
I say let your hubby have his auto hobby - but if he gets that weekend, then you get the next weekend, or three evenings or whatever to go do whatever you want to do. And from someone who’s been there - you may not even know what that is (apart from a long nap) - but pick somewhere anyway - and go. Don’t worry about not having showered (major luxury with kids around). Don’t worry about how you look. Embrace the fact that as a mom of 6, most other women will simply be impressed you’re out there taking the bible study class, square dance lesson, attending a lecture or whatever it is you go do. Don’t worry about whatever someone else thinks - cause they don’t have the guts and skills to do what you do
Alas, Between the Lions just went off and I have to make sure everyone’s out of their pj’s so we can head to the library (one of my favorite places - ours has a great kids zone). If it’s any comfort, I’m sure at least 2 won’t have their hair combed, I’ll have at least one stain on my shirt I missed seeing, and matching socks will be totally optional. Again (((hugs)))).
You are awesome!
)
Sure, she married him because he does sprint racing and goes out drinking until the wee hours of the morning…Even if he had this hobby when they met, that was 15 years and 6 kids ago…Time for a new hobby!