CAF women: Do/would you run your clothing choices by your husband?

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Thanks for all the replies! Seems the discussion has focused mostly on the idea of the husband approving fashion choices, rather than the husband setting modesty standards for their wives. Seems this kind of thinking is very conservative and alien to most Catholics.

FYI for 1ke, the Bates are a semi-famous conservative Independent Baptist family that has 19 children and a “reality” show. They are friends with the more (in)famous Duggars but the family dynamics seem a little closer to normal, in that the married children are actually treated as grown adults who are free to make their own decisions.

OTOH, Jim Bob Duggar, patriarch of the Duggar family, seems to be have a lot of influence even over his married kids – even the daughters, who per their own patriarchal beliefs actually should be under the authority of their husbands now, not their father. But JB seems to have specifically approved suitors for his daughters who he knew he could effectively control, even after marriage.

Anyway – some who follow the Bates as “fans” and share some of their beliefs, seem to take it for granted that a married woman is under the authority of their husbands, and so if a woman’s husband is okay with, say, sleeveless tops and pants, then that’s fine, but if a husband voiced an objection, then the wife would be obliged to follow them.

Now, I know the idea that husbands have the same kind of authority over their wives as parents over their children is NOT a Catholic concept. But it did seem that it might be charitable for a wife to heed a husband’s concerns about modesty.

Especially since many on CAF do hold to a “traditional” or “complementarian” view of marriage that includes wifely submission, I wondered if women in such marriages do see issues of modesty as something that should be “submitted” to their husbands. So far, it seems the answer is no.
 
ToeInTheWater said:
Thanks for all the replies! Seems the discussion has focused mostly on the idea of the husband approving fashion choices, rather than the husband setting modesty standards for their wives. Seems this kind of thinking is very conservative and alien to most Catholics.

FYI for 1ke, the Bates are a semi-famous conservative Independent Baptist family that has 19 children and a “reality” show. They are friends with the more (in)famous Duggars but the family dynamics seem a little closer to normal, in that the married children are actually treated as grown adults who are free to make their own decisions.

OTOH, Jim Bob Duggar, patriarch of the Duggar family, seems to be have a lot of influence even over his married kids – even the daughters, who per their own patriarchal beliefs actually should be under the authority of their husbands now, not their father. But JB seems to have specifically approved suitors for his daughters who he knew he could effectively control, even after marriage.

Anyway – some who follow the Bates as “fans” and share some of their beliefs, seem to take it for granted that a married woman is under the authority of their husbands, and so if a woman’s husband is okay with, say, sleeveless tops and pants, then that’s fine, but if a husband voiced an objection, then the wife would be obliged to follow them.

Now, I know the idea that husbands have the same kind of authority over their wives as parents over their children is NOT a Catholic concept. But it did seem that it might be charitable for a wife to heed a husband’s concerns about modesty.

Especially since many on CAF do hold to a “traditional” or “complementarian” view of marriage that includes wifely submission, I wondered if women in such marriages do see issues of modesty as something that should be “submitted” to their husbands. So far, it seems the answer is no.
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Related:

Simcha Fisher has invented a “pants pass” that you have signed by your husband and that entitles you to wear pants.

simchafisher.wordpress.com/2010/09/15/pants-pass/
 
Xantippe said:
Taking husbands clothes shopping is generally deemed a human rights violation under the Geneva Convention.
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A husband taking his wife to shop for their wife’s clothing, on the other hand, can be very nice! 🙂
 
Xantippe said:
Related:

Simcha Fisher has invented a “pants pass” that you have signed by your husband and that entitles you to wear pants.

simchafisher.wordpress.com/2010/09/15/pants-pass/
Click to expand...
LOL! Okay, so it seems there ARE Catholics who subscribe to this thinking, but most of them are in the “mad trad” camp.

It’s interesting that CAF in general seems much more conservative than most Catholics I know in real life. But I guess CAF is still pretty mainstream compared to other parts of the Catholic internet.
 
Not always but sometimes I do.

I try to shop with him in mind. I know what he likes because he will tell me.

I do ask his opinion because I know he’ll be honest with me.

It’s usually only with more formal clothes like dresses, skirts and nicer tops.

I keep his opinion in mind but I’m the deciding vote.

I don’t think he’s ever criticized what I’ve worn. He will be quick to compliment an item he likes.
 
I dress based on what my husband finds attractive in me. I choose the shoes and clothes and he gets to pick which one he likes on me (except undergarments). I do have a problem on asking permission to spend on apparel, but it is something we came up together: we don’t spend/buy before consulting the other and, if the other disapproves, no spending or buying is done.

We are still newlyweds but doesn’t feel like it after pregnancy. But before pregnancy, I was focused on dressing to his liking (and keeping it modest) from undies to outwear. His opinion means a LOT to me. I want to always look pretty for him when we go out together and at home as well. But after pregnancy, I don’t have many options due to breastfeeding. I despise clip nursing bras sooo much, I never wear them. There is no pull down nursing bra that is padded! And to wear pads that could fall when nursing is so troublesome. Therefore, I wear two layers when going out, a stretchy blouse and the same stretchy sweater. And to make it worse, it makes me look fat. Right now, the best I can do to please my husband is to wear whatever he wants me to wear at home.
 
Lol. My loving husband is dependent upon me to approve his clothing.

If he had to dress me I would have a uniform of Eddie Bauer Jeans, Polo, and new balance tennis shoes with white socks, and probably tightly-whities for women. That’s so silly!

I’ve watched enough comedy to never ask him, “Does my butt look big in these pants?”
I’m also weary about fashion since same-sex men seem to be the power source behind today’s fashion. When men have persnickety fashion, I usually jump to the conclusion they have same sex attractions & are control freaks.
 
Well, what you are seeing here, ToeInTheWater is the freedom to discern for ourselves what is modest and what isn’t, what authority within marriage is more realistically about according to Catholic sensibilities. I will not say according to Catholic teaching because there is no teaching about men approving/disapproving of what their wives wear.

Catholic men, for the most part, have the good sense to let their wives make her own purdential judgments about modesty. Indeed, most men rely, to one degree or another, on their wives taste for their clothing. Catholics have no rules about what they can/cannot wear. Rather, we are expected to use good sense, a well-formed conscience, and discernment to decide such matters, whether we are married or single, male or female. 🙂
 
My husband’s preferences over um, “marriage bed” attire matters. His opinions often trump mine.

Other than that, I don’t just dress for me. I also dress for him, but he’s always liked what I wore and it’s not a problem. I don’t think it’s good for potential wives or current wives to comment that the husband’s opinion doesn’t matter. But as far as “permission,” that’s weird, and the ideas regarding headship and submission aren’t Catholic understanding at all.
 
Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21

A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife. 1 Cor. 7:4

Suffice it to say that how the principal of mutual submission and mutual authority of spouses over one another’s bodies applies to clothing choices is one decided on a case-by-case basis by each couple.

Angels do not tread into this territory unbidden, and neither do the wise! 😃
 
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for a grown woman not to make her own decisions regarding clothing. She may take her husband’s recommendations into account, but that’s a whole lot different than letting him pick out her clothes her like she was a small child.
 
Sunbreak said:
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for a grown woman not to make her own decisions regarding clothing. She may take her husband’s recommendations into account, but that’s a whole lot different than letting him pick out her clothes her like she was a small child.
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I think it depends on the marriage. Some husbands expect a certain level of submissiveness from their wives. Others don’t. My husband requests I don’t cut my hair (anymore, heh) and since he isn’t a wacko about it I think I am ready to oblige him on it for life. Unless a goat decides to chew it off or something.
 
ToeInTheWater said:
Thanks for all the replies! Seems the discussion has focused mostly on the idea of the husband approving fashion choices, rather than the husband setting modesty standards for their wives. Seems this kind of thinking is very conservative and alien to most Catholics.

FYI for 1ke, the Bates are a semi-famous conservative Independent Baptist family that has 19 children and a “reality” show. They are friends with the more (in)famous Duggars but the family dynamics seem a little closer to normal, in that the married children are actually treated as grown adults who are free to make their own decisions.

OTOH, Jim Bob Duggar, patriarch of the Duggar family, seems to be have a lot of influence even over his married kids – even the daughters, who per their own patriarchal beliefs actually should be under the authority of their husbands now, not their father. But JB seems to have specifically approved suitors for his daughters who he knew he could effectively control, even after marriage.

Anyway – some who follow the Bates as “fans” and share some of their beliefs, seem to take it for granted that a married woman is under the authority of their husbands, and so if a woman’s husband is okay with, say, sleeveless tops and pants, then that’s fine, but if a husband voiced an objection, then the wife would be obliged to follow them.

Now, I know the idea that husbands have the same kind of authority over their wives as parents over their children is NOT a Catholic concept. But it did seem that it might be charitable for a wife to heed a husband’s concerns about modesty.

Especially since many on CAF do hold to a “traditional” or “complementarian” view of marriage that includes wifely submission, I wondered if women in such marriages do see issues of modesty as something that should be “submitted” to their husbands. So far, it seems the answer is no.
Click to expand...
It depends a little bit on what the opinion of the husband actually is, however, I see it as a Catholic is morally responsible for their own modesty. So, even if the husband thinks it’s cool to have his wife flashing her business around for all the other guys to drool over, she is responsible for herself and is obligated to go a little more modest. On the other hand, if her husband is uncomfortable with her showing too much, then I think that should be taken into consideration. In my home life, however, it’s usually ME that’s the modesty police. Mr. Allegra seems to feel that once the work day is over for him, pants are suddenly optional. I have to work hard to preserve the innocence of my family as well as the rest of the neighborhood.
 
spunjalebi said:
I think it depends on the marriage. Some husbands expect a certain level of submissiveness from their wives. Others don’t. My husband requests I don’t cut my hair (anymore, heh) and since he isn’t a wacko about it I think I am ready to oblige him on it for life. Unless a goat decides to chew it off or something.
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Ha!

Yes, my husband likes long hair too. It’s not that I feel I have to “obey” him, but more that I know he likes it so what’s it to me?

And he’s starting to understand that I like it when he wears colors that aren’t black, gray, or navy. 😛
 
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