CAF women: Do/would you run your clothing choices by your husband?

[pensmama87]

Mr. Allegra seems to feel that once the work day is over for him, pants are suddenly optional. I have to work hard to preserve the innocence of my family as well as the rest of the neighborhood.

 

[spunjalebi]

Ha!

Yes, my husband likes long hair too. It’s not that I feel I have to “obey” him, but more that I know he likes it so what’s it to me?

And he’s starting to understand that I like it when he wears colors that aren’t black, gray, or navy.

ROFL, are our husbands twins???

 

[Xantippe]

Ha!

Yes, my husband likes long hair too. It’s not that I feel I have to “obey” him, but more that I know he likes it so what’s it to me?

And he’s starting to understand that I like it when he wears colors that aren’t black, gray, or navy.

When I was a newlywed, one of my first acts in office was to sift through husband’s collection of about 30 yellowing white (!) shirts and to slowly start introducing actual colors into his wardrobe.

 

[Xantippe]

It depends a little bit on what the opinion of the husband actually is, however, I see it as a Catholic is morally responsible for their own modesty. So, even if the husband thinks it’s cool to have his wife flashing her business around for all the other guys to drool over, she is responsible for herself and is obligated to go a little more modest. On the other hand, if her husband is uncomfortable with her showing too much, then I think that should be taken into consideration. In my home life, however, it’s usually ME that’s the modesty police. Mr. Allegra seems to feel that once the work day is over for him, pants are suddenly optional. I have to work hard to preserve the innocence of my family as well as the rest of the neighborhood.

Funny!

My dad did that when I was growing up. Way too long, too, considering that I have memories of him doing it when I had to have been at least 9 or 10 years old.

 

[Momof9inFL]

My husband really likes me in dresses. I usually wear a sundress or something sleeveless when we are together. I wear shorts or jeans around the house while he’s at work.
He usually calls before he comes home so I have a chance to change so I look good for him.
He says he likes that.

 

[Sarcelle]

This is hilarious! Though, personally I don’t need one as I’m a size 22…problem solved lol!

Simcha seems to have ignited a tempest in a teapot with her post on women wearing pants. One particular poster was particularly vehement defending her view that women must only wear skirts. I wonder what this woman would say about the shalwar kameez the traditional dress of India and Pakistan.

 

[MJJean]

My husband requests I don’t cut my hair (anymore, heh) and since he isn’t a wacko about it I think I am ready to oblige him on it for life. Unless a goat decides to chew it off or something.

Me, too! And I have been “accused” of being too submissive/dependent by some friends and some family. But I don’t see it that way at all!

I’ve had long hair since I was a child because my mother liked it. I cut it a few times to something more manageable,the shortest being shoulder length when I had DD2.

When I met DH, my hair was back down to the middle of my back and it’s now down past my rear pants pockets. DH has begged, pleaded, and then decreed I cannot cut my hair. He loves it. It’s glorious. One of my best features. How could I do that to him? On and on. He’s such a drama queen about it.

So, knowing how much it means to him, I haven’t cut my hair and I won’t. I still get to complain about what a pain such long hair can be, though!

 

[Book_Worm]

Sooooon.

Would you like to borrow my animated bleach bottle? It has a tendency to tip itself spontaneously and spill its contents on unattractive shirts.

 

[Book_Worm]

I had long hair when I met DH and cut it when I was pregnant with DD. It’s soft and fine and has to be washed every day, which meant an inordinate time spent blow drying, curling and styling every day.

When I asked DH if he missed my long hair, he replied that he loved me far more than he loved my hair, and if having short hair made my life easier, that was what was important to him.

That might be one of the reasons we’ll celebrate 48 years of married life next month.

 

[Tomyris]

Hmmm.

“Does this make me look fat?”

He regards all such questions as a trap and there is a look of terror and anxiety when I ask ANYTHING about clothes. “What do you think of this on me?” in the store will cause heart palpitations and prayers that the floor will open up and he will be swallowed up to escape his doom. He is thinking that he has no exit and no refuge. Maybe I hate it and will be mad if he likes it, or vice versa. Why am I asking him? Not that I go clothes shopping with him. I am not sure that would be possible. For him there is barbed wire and armed guards around the women’s sections of stores, and it is heavily mined. He tiptoes past, eyes averted lest he be dragged into it. He will wait in the aisle for me, but more likely head to hardware or automotive, which have the properties of removing girl-cooties. If I head for the aisle where he is waiting with sad, basset-hound eyes, three dresses, in my arms, smiling, he is “no hablo, seniora”. Ask him? What?

When I was younger I would sometimes ask him if something was immodest. I never got a straight answer.

 

[on_the_hill]

My wife often asks my opinion about what she’s wearing. Usually it’s, “Does this look o.k.?”
and my answer is usually, “Um…yeah.”

 

[MJJean]

Hmmm.

“Does this make me look fat?”

He regards all such questions as a trap and there is a look of terror and anxiety when I ask ANYTHING about clothes. “What do you think of this on me?” in the store will cause heart palpitations and prayers that the floor will open up and he will be swallowed up to escape his doom. He is thinking that he has no exit and no refuge. Maybe I hate it and will be mad if he likes it, or vice versa. Why am I asking him? Not that I go clothes shopping with him. I am not sure that would be possible. For him there is barbed wire and armed guards around the women’s sections of stores, and it is heavily mined. He tiptoes past, eyes averted lest he be dragged into it. He will wait in the aisle for me, but more likely head to hardware or automotive, which have the properties of removing girl-cooties. If I head for the aisle where he is waiting with sad, basset-hound eyes, three dresses, in my arms, smiling, he is “no hablo, seniora”. Ask him? What?

When I was younger I would sometimes ask him if something was immodest. I never got a straight answer.

I got such a laugh out of this! I’ve had a rough day, so that laugh meant a LOT!

 

[maryjk]

Ha!

Yes, my husband likes long hair too. It’s not that I feel I have to “obey” him, but more that I know he likes it so what’s it to me?

And he’s starting to understand that I like it when he wears colors that aren’t black, gray, or navy.

I just recently cut my hair, “short.” It still reaches my shoulders, but it is much shorter than I have ever had it. At least during my married life.

I don’t care one way or the other, and my husband loves it long.

I only cut it because I have lupus and it has just been too much to wash, dry and style it. It ended up just hanging there.

 

[SusanneT]

My husband really likes me in dresses. I usually wear a sundress or something sleeveless when we are together. I wear shorts or jeans around the house while he’s at work.
He usually calls before he comes home so I have a chance to change so I look good for him.
He says he likes that.

Good for you !

 

[SusanneT]

So…in some Evangelical or Fundamentalist circles, there is this idea that a husband actually has a strange quasi-parental role in his relationship with his wife. They interpret ideas of Biblical submission, as actually requiring the wife to “get permission” from the husband for actions such as getting a job, making certain shopping choices, etc., much as a child would get permission from a parent.

And one aspect that I hadn’t really questioned before, is the idea that a wife should run her clothing choices past her husband, and defer to his opinions.

For example, one of the married Bates girls, Alyssa Webster, has taken to dressing in tank tops and jeans since her marriage. Some Bates fans have questioned these choices, which are not considered “modest” by Mrs. Bates herself, none of the unmarried daughters dress that way. But interestingly, many have defended her by stating, “Alyssa is married now, if her husband is okay with it, then who are you to judge?”

Now, some may merely be stating this meaning that Alyssa is likely considering her husband’s opinions, and charitably deciding to dress in a way the husband prefers, and would not be one to wear clothes that her husband considers immodest. (She’s still more “modest” than Amy Duggar, though I know Amy never followed the Duggar rules anyway.) But I think some actually believe, that the husband does have the right to unilaterally demand that his wife, say, wear only long skirts, or not wear pants. And that a submissive wife would follow those demands without question.

Interestingly, some have also twisted the idea of wifely submission to state that if the husband demands a wife wear revealing clothing, either for his own visual pleasure, or so he can display her as a trophy, then the wife is obligated to follow that as well — that any sin of immodesty falls on the husband, not the wife.

I doubt that is Catholic teaching, but I’d be interested to know, do any of the women on CAF run their clothing choices by their husbands?

Not individual items but I do try to wear things my husband likes and yes when we got engaged we did discuss modesty and his expectations for me.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Not individual items but I do try to wear things my husband likes and yes when we got engaged we did discuss modesty and his expectations for me.

So on the 75th post I finally get a poster who says “yes” to this question. Very interesting. Was this just something you were personally convicted to do, or do other women in your “traditional” Catholic circle also do this?

Also, do you see this as a matter of charity and goodwill to a spouse, meaning your husband also considers your preferences when it comes to how he dresses? Or is this a matter of obedience to an authority figure? What if your husband’s expectations regarding modesty, were stricter or looser than yours?

To the other posters, the topic has really been sidetracked into the idea of the role of a spouse when it comes to general fashion choices, But the above is really what I was referring to.

I also find it very interesting how Catholics who identify as “traditional” and hence are more hostile to Protestants than those who don’t, often ironically espouse social values that are closer to those of Protestant fundamentalists than to the “non-traditional” Catholics.

 

[Della]

Actually, ToeInTheWater, I addressed your concerns directly here: forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=13284764&postcount=50. It’s easy for a single post to get “lost” in such a long thread.

And I think you need to explain in what ways traditional Catholics are “hostile” to Protestants if you are going to make such a sweeping statement.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Actually, ToeInTheWater, I addressed your concerns directly here: forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=13284764&postcount=50. It’s easy for a single post to get “lost” in such a long thread.

And I think you need to explain in what ways traditional Catholics are “hostile” to Protestants if you are going to make such a sweeping statement.

Sorry for overlooking that post, Della.

Maybe “hostile” was a poor choice of wording, but I have noticed that many who identify as “traditional” Catholics are quite happy to judge Protestants as “heretics”, many openly state that they disagree with “modernist” Catholics regarding ecumenism, some seem to sincerely believe that all non-Catholics, including Protestants, have a guaranteed reservation for a room in Hell, unless they officially convert and join the Catholic Church.

Now, it seems some may grudgingly accept that a “savage” living in a jungle somewhere who has literally never heard of the Catholic Church ever, has a chance to slip in through the “Invincible ignorance” loophole.

I’m not saying all who identify as “traditional” believe this, but certainly many have a “my way or the highway” attitude that again, ironically, reminds me of many fundamentalists who think that, say, all mothers MUST stay at home with the children, or that all women MUST wear skirts to be modest, that there can be no exception made at all. See the Duggar women, for example, and how they do literally everything wearing skirts.

 

[Della]

Sorry for overlooking that post, Della.

Maybe “hostile” was a poor choice of wording, but I have noticed that many who identify as “traditional” Catholics are quite happy to judge Protestants as “heretics”, many openly state that they disagree with “modernist” Catholics regarding ecumenism, some seem to sincerely believe that all non-Catholics, including Protestants, have a guaranteed reservation for a room in Hell, unless they officially convert and join the Catholic Church.

Now, it seems some may grudgingly accept that a “savage” living in a jungle somewhere who has literally never heard of the Catholic Church ever, has a chance to slip in through the “Invincible ignorance” loophole.

I’m not saying all who identify as “traditional” believe this, but certainly many have a “my way or the highway” attitude that again, ironically, reminds me of many fundamentalists who think that, say, all mothers MUST stay at home with the children, or that all women MUST wear skirts to be modest, that there can be no exception made at all. See the Duggar women, for example, and how they do literally everything wearing skirts.

Well, Pope Francis recently stated that any religion can produce fanatics. I’ve met and dealt with many Fundamentalists with those very same attitudes. It’s a failing and a trap many fall into. Satan loves to put people against one another–not so much for legitimate reasons but for petty ones, because the petty ones lead more surely to sin. We must be patient with those who have such attitudes and pray for them. They have fixed their hopes, not on Christ, but on being “correct”–a form of idolatry that is insidious and destructive.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Well, Pope Francis recently stated that any religion can produce fanatics. I’ve met and dealt with many Fundamentalists with those very same attitudes. It’s a failing and a trap many fall into. Satan loves to put people against one another–not so much for legitimate reasons but for petty ones, because the petty ones lead more surely to sin. We must be patient with those who have such attitudes and pray for them. They have fixed their hopes, not on Christ, but on being “correct”–a form of idolatry that is insidious and destructive.

I saw that, I also saw that the general reaction on CAF was “What is the Pope talking about, it’s only those crazy eeeevil Muslims who do that”. And actually, most of the people having that reaction weren’t even “traditional” Catholics.

But I do agree with you, that the problem with fundamentalism in Christianity, is that those who practice it are actually idolizing being “correct” over Christ Himself.

Also, while I actually find the EF Mass to be fascinating, I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable attending one as a non-Catholic, though I’m sure not all who attend are “mad-trads” who have the attitude that “People who attend the EF are better Catholics” who’d never miss Mass, never divorce, never use even NFP, except for perhaps a truly life or death situation, etc.,

That’s what I meant by “hostile”.