Can a 9 year old altar server be refused holy communion

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My son is 9 years old and worked hard through the summer vacation this year to train altar serving by waking up earlier than school hours to serve at daily mass. Now he wants to serve both at Saturday’s vigil mass and one Sunday morning mass. But his father (my hysband) complained to the pastor that he wants him to be seated next to him at a different church. The pastoral associate heard his complaint and warned me in front of the sacristy not to bring him to serve for Sunday mass as the father has the right and the 9 year cannot choose to altar serve against his father’s wish. This week my son insisted so I took him to mass on Saturday vigil and Sunday. The pastor told my son not to serve but I was in the pews otherwise I would have stopped my son. Seems like my son didn’t comprehend and served anyway. So the pastor denied my 9 old year old holy communion publically in the mass he was serving. Is this a grave public matter. Can we allow St Celsius to choose martyrdom at 9 yrs old but refuse a child be close to Jesus at the altar during mass? Note, this church has barely any altar servers which saddens my son a lot and he only serves if there are none available or if his name is on schedule.

For those who responded here is some more information
My post is not meant to complain or rant, but ask questions. I’m certain that my son was denied communion, it happened right on the altar in plain view, it would be very sinful of me to make it up. My reasons to post are: What is the message that is being conveyed to us during the mass? Are we more important than the real presence of Christ? Is the spiritual head of the family supposed to show/model to the child that God is above him and be happy that his son is choosing to serve God or just serve/force him to sit next to him? Does the mother have any say at all in this matter or is the father always right? How to interpret Matthew 19 (for this situation) where Jesus says let the children come to me? How to interpret the 10 commandments (for this situation) where God is above parents? Hopefully readers will use this as a context and answer or provide some spiritual guidance. Note, it wasn’t easy for me to post this hard situation but I did it with humility I have no hard feelings about the pastor I only want to make sure that my child learns well from this experience and does not get discouraged at such a young age. God bless you all.
 
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I understand that you were upset. But you need to talk to your priest, not complain here on Catholic Answers where we cannot help you. It does not seem that this was handled well, and you should make an appointment to talk to the priest about it.

You also need to talk to your husband, because your son seems to want to serve at the masses. You and your husband need to be on the same page.

And, you need to set some expectations with your son. And you may need to go with him up to the sacristy area to find out whether or not he should serve. There are a lot of moving parts in the story.
 
Wow. Lots to unpack there.
  1. Yes the Father is the spiritual head of the family.
  2. It’s not clear to me if this Church where this happened is the same Church your husband attends? Because you say "But his father (my husband) complained to the pastor that he wants him to be seated next to him at a different Church.
  3. If this Church is not the same as in point two, and your husband wasn’t there at the same Mass… then? I can’t see the issue myself.
If the boys Father was present, then yes, he should have been told not to serve and to sit with his Father as his Father wants and has stipulated.
  1. I don’t believe this is a reason to deny anyone Communion.
  2. First step is to speak to this pastor to inquire as to what happened and why your son did not receive Communion at that Mass. You may be surprised by the answer.
  3. Depending on the answer, if you are certain he was denied communion solely on the grounds he disobeyed the pastors instructions not to serve, then write to your Bishop.
But be certain of your facts! Do not accuse the pastor, just state what happened at the Mass, and what were the reasons given by the pastor for your son being denied communion. Leave out emotions, do not rant, do not accuse, be brief and be polite. Write no more than one page - Bishops are very busy.
 
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Thank you for your reply, I have posted some additional info, my post is not meant to complain or rant, but ask questions. I’m certain that he was denied communion, it would be very sinful of me to make it up. My reasons to post are: What is the message that is being conveyed to us during the mass? Are we more important than the real presence of Christ? Is the spiritual head of the family supposed to show/model to the child that God is above him and be happy that his son is choosing to serve God or just serve/force him to sit next to him? Does the mother have any say at all in this matter or is the father always right?
 
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From the information available it sounds like he was serving against his father’s wishes, which is a violation of one of the 10 commandments, and so could have been dangerous for the priest to give him communion since he was aware of the situation. I’m not suggesting your son intended to “dishonor his father”, but this is how I read the events in order to explain why a priest would publicly deny him communion. It may not have been to shame him, but for his own safety.

Again, just my way of reading things to try to help find a possible explanation, but I also feel like I’m venturing into dangerous territory here, so I’m the first to admit if I’m way off the mark.
 
Jacque said:
he pastoral associate heard his complaint and warned me in front of the sacristy not to bring him to serve for Sunday mass as the father has the right and the 9 year cannot choose to altar serve against his father’s wish. This week my son insisted so I took him to mass on Saturday vigil and Sunday.
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How does he “insist”?
 
Is your husband Catholic, and is he taking your son to a different Catholic parish, or a non-Catholic church?
 
I concur with the poster who said to bring this up to the priest in question.

I’m sorry, but coming onto a message board/forum with this story and the later questions, this seems to be turning into, wah this big old meanie publically DENIED A CHILD his RIGHT to communion, JESUS would have NEVER done such a thing, feed my emotionalism etc.

I am Not saying the OP herself is doing this, but that the tone and specifics could easily BE TURNED into this, and not do anybody any good.

Please, OP, shut down the thread and talk to the priest. It’s the best thing to do.
 
Good question, he wakes up by himself and gets ready also by himself for Mass. He gives me regular reminders and does all the chores and homework before time. During his summer vacation he woke up an hour earlier than his school days to serve daily at the altar. But for school we have to wake him up.
He wishes to go to daily mass and is sad because it conflicts with his school. I haven’t told him about masses that are super early in the neighborhood, if I did so I am sure he would insist to go for daily mass.
He reads the Bible daily and goes for monthly confession unlike his father. I get amazed by the insights he offers after reading the bible and also by questions thereafter. He also introduced me to praying the litany of the saints daily. Since he was little he loved the idea of receiving communion and used to plead to receive it. One priest on seeing his persistence asked me if he could give him the unconsecrated host when he was 6. I was uncomfortable with the idea and said he needs to learn patience. Unfortunately at that time I didn’t know I could check with the bishop as he knew his prayers since he is 5 years old.
 
Yes he is catholic. The different church is also catholic but my son also want to serve at the altar if one else is there at that church too. But my husband insists that he needs to sit in the pew. I feel like I am caught in the middle.
 
It seems to me that what is bothering you the most is that Communion was denied to your son publicly. Maybe you really care a lot about what other people think of your son. Maybe you are afraid they thought he committed mortal sin and that is why he was denied? Honestly, most people have their own problems and don’t even notice if the altar server is having Communion or not. Plus, it is nobody else business; at most, since he is nine, people could likely assume he accidentally drank or eat something less than one hour before Communion. I am
more concerned that you, your husband and your priest are not on the same page about how frequently/where/when/with whom your child (yes, he is still a child) should attend Mass and/or be an altar server.
 
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I think that you, your husband and your son need to have a sit down with your Pastor.
Something is off here. I have never heard of a Catholic father not wanting his son serve at the altar.
 
I think your son sounds wonderful, so maybe explain to him that the servers are scheduled and he is to serve when he is scheduled. But like others have said, you and his father should meet with the pastor to hash this out.
 
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Jacque said:
My reasons to post are: What is the message that is being conveyed to us during the mass? Are we more important than the real presence of Christ? Is the spiritual head of the family supposed to show/model to the child that God is above him and be happy that his son is choosing to serve God or just serve/force him to sit next to him? Does the mother have any say at all in this matter or is the father always right?
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And again— my advice is to talk to your pastor and your husband.

You are upset, and you are on here posting instead of communicating with those involved in this situation.

This is something you are going to have to work out yourself. It’s a prudential matter.
 
Jacque said:
The pastoral associate heard his complaint and warned me in front of the sacristy not to bring him to serve for Sunday mass as the father has the right and the 9 year cannot choose to altar serve against his father’s wish. This week my son insisted so I took him to mass on Saturday vigil and Sunday. The pastor told my son not to serve but I was in the pews otherwise I would have stopped my son. Seems like my son didn’t comprehend and served anyway.
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Your son disobeyed the pastor. He disobeyed the pastoral associate. No matter where you were, your son should have found you in the pews and sat with you during Mass.

I agree with @1ke, you and your husband need to get on the same page. Altar servers are scheduled and your son needs to follow that schedule. This may be a good time for your son to learn the virtue of obedience.

I believe the priest has the right, or rather the duty, to deny communion to one he believes to not be properly disposed to receive.
 
You and your Husband must discuss this issue together and then talk with the Parish Priest TOGETHER.
 
Brian_K said:
he was serving against his father’s wishes, which is a violation of one of the 10 commandments
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This is what I was thinking as well. The priest saw his serving as disobedience.

I highly recommend a phone call to the priest to get clarification and to ask him your questions, since we are all guessing.
 
Jacque said:
Does the mother have any say at all in this matter or is the father always right?
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Your husband might be asking “Does the father have any say at all in this matter, or is the mother always right?” Your son, apparently with your cooperation, disobeyed his father, the pastor, and the pastoral associate.
I’m not saying public denial of communion was an appropriate way to handle this – frankly, I wonder why he was allowed to be there at the altar in the first place – but your son obviously needs to learn obedience.
 
Horton said:
Your son disobeyed the pastor. He disobeyed the pastoral associate. No matter where you were, your son should have found you in the pews and sat with you during Mass.
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I believe the fire for serving in his soul comes from God. And aren’t we to follow God whenever His will is in conflict with someone elses will? It’s almost as if my parents or priest told me not to go into religious life - I’d still need to go through with it if it’s my vocation.

So PLEASE lighten his fire and desire for God in the Mass, and DON’T kill it!! Most kids his age aren’t like that, so thank & praise God and do God’s will - which is to help him grow closer to God, not further away from Him. Also, speak with your pastor about why he was denied Communion, as he shouldn’t be.
 
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