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angel12
Guest
Calling your husband effeminate indicates that it is, indeed, a marital issue.
My prayers are for your son, who seems to be used by his parents against each other.
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My prayers are for your son, who seems to be used by his parents against each other.
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Jacque
Guest
Sorry I’m not a theologian, but that what is the dictionary meaning of effeminate. I’m giving you a lay person like mine impression of the word effeminate, which is soft on feelings. You are trying to put words in my mouth.
Only God is the judge, He knows my prayers for my husband, son, and the priest. I don’t need to justify them to you.
Only God is the judge, He knows my prayers for my husband, son, and the priest. I don’t need to justify them to you.
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OurLadyofSorrows
Guest
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Jacque
Guest
Soft on feelings is just that. Even my husband agreed that his feelings are weaker than mine in this situation. I dont hide my true feelings about him from him. Even I miss our son sitting with us but I don’t go crying to the priest for it nor do I leverage the 4th commandment for it.
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Jacque
Guest
Please dont judge. I don’t think the priest and my husband are guilty of what you copy pasted from the bible. They are definitely soft on feelings.
I even used the same word to my husband not to condemn him but to tell him he is being weak on his feeling but to man up and support his son. LOL even my husband didn’t react like the way you did. I too miss my son sitting next to us but I will not force him to sit next to us.
I even used the same word to my husband not to condemn him but to tell him he is being weak on his feeling but to man up and support his son. LOL even my husband didn’t react like the way you did. I too miss my son sitting next to us but I will not force him to sit next to us.
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OurLadyofSorrows
Guest
I am not judging. You might need to revise your use of this word and its application , when you said you are using it in the Biblical sense. To say this of a Priest is not good. To call other effeminates is a judgement.
You cant say one one hand you are using St Paul’s definition and then when shown what it means, say you are not.
If you want some advice, drop this word in its application to a Priest your son serves for, and a husband you are committed to.
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Jacque
Guest
So you think I brainwashed my son and put him on the altar just to get back to my husband. LOL.
How did you conclude that when I won’t force our son to sit next to us in church that I would force him to sit closer to Jesus at the altar.?
Sorry your reasoning doesn’t add up, especially because I too miss our son very much. I’m proud to be his mother because he chose God over us. I pray that he chosees God above everything all his life.
How did you conclude that when I won’t force our son to sit next to us in church that I would force him to sit closer to Jesus at the altar.?
Sorry your reasoning doesn’t add up, especially because I too miss our son very much. I’m proud to be his mother because he chose God over us. I pray that he chosees God above everything all his life.
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Jacque
Guest
Your advice is well taken I dont want this misunderstanding.
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angel12
Guest
Not that I said any such thing.
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Jacque
Guest
What’s your opinion? You think both the priest and the father did a very brave thing? Why didn’t they involve me and/or our son in their discussions. Given our son some coaching about how strongly they feel, what our son must do to satisfy them, and explained what public punishment they had in mind before hand if he didn’t comply. Instead our child goes every weekend serving at the altar both Saturday and Sunday for 2 months after putting his name on sign up sheet in advance, checking in with his father before each Mass and my husband reluctantly agreeing but saying he might complain someday at the church about his son not sitting next to him. On 9/22 the same priest asking our son to serve at the altar after having served on the altar on 9/21 while he offered the Mass. My husband complaining about his feelings to the pastoral associate on 9/22 without informing me nor my son. Then last Sunday our son serving after checking in his schedule at the sacristy like he always does but is denied communion in plain view as the congregation had still not lined up for communion and the priest drawing back the Eucharistic minister and telling him not to offer him the cup all the while next to the microphone. I’m sorry but I’m still not able to wrap my mind around this. My son tells me the priest was telling him something just before mass last Sunday and he isn’t sure what it was. I have asked my husband for a follow up, he now tells me that as per the priest one server cannot serve the same mass twice. In the meantime, I posted here to find out how common it is for young altar servers to serve multiple masses given the general decline in church attendance among young and can children as young as 9 be ever denied communion while they are serving for Saturday evening and then Sunday mass without fair warning?
My fault is that I didn’t want to get between the father and son. Now I am shocked that the situation escalated so fast. I still find it very hard to digest that all this happened and so fast.
My fault is that I didn’t want to get between the father and son. Now I am shocked that the situation escalated so fast. I still find it very hard to digest that all this happened and so fast.
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aroosi
Guest
Wow this discussion is getting really nasty!!!
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CilladeRoma
Guest
The bottom line here is that your son has no “right” to serve at the altar
He chose to disobey a direct order from the priest not to serve.
The priest gets to make the rules, and sadly we are only getting your side of the story.
I’m sorry you and your son have been hurt and angered by this, but I do believe the root of this problem is marital. You and your husband need to learn how to communicate a little better. Your son is not a pawn in the game if wills, but that is exactly how you and you husband are treating him.
He chose to disobey a direct order from the priest not to serve.
The priest gets to make the rules, and sadly we are only getting your side of the story.
I’m sorry you and your son have been hurt and angered by this, but I do believe the root of this problem is marital. You and your husband need to learn how to communicate a little better. Your son is not a pawn in the game if wills, but that is exactly how you and you husband are treating him.
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whatistrue
Guest
You are publicly calling your husband weak, and prioritizing a 9 year old’s “rights” over the opposition of the man you chose to marry and you say it is not a marital issue? Think again.
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OurLadyofSorrows
Guest
I think you should have this conversation with your hubby, without your child present. Tell him of your confusion. He might be confused too, or might feel serving at Mass should be a couple of times a month, rather then more often.
You guys need to be on the same page, and might need to compromise. Then tell your son, together, as husband and wife, when your son , his son, can serve and ensure he fills out the roster appropriately.
I would also teach your son some listening skills so he understands the priest.
Has anyone asked why he was not given Communion? It could be a very different reason.
Adults do not have to inform children of their feelings.
I myself am confused at how your son came to be serving, there are a couple of different accounts here I am not following. That is unimportant though.
It is better for a man to be soft on feelings, ie showing care and concern and sensitivity, then for a cold heart and uncaring attitude, You are fortunate. It is a blessing.
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Lou2U
Guest
^^ What Cajun just wrote.
This is a marital issue, OP, because neither you or your husband are willing to compromise and come to an agreement. The resentment you are holding against your husband is clear to read in your later posts. I do think getting an objective outsider such as a counselor will help you.
I didn’t initially comment on your thread because I didn’t know the answer myself, but I did lurk. I can see how much your son serving means to you and to him, but if it makes your husband so unhappy, you should work it out with him rather than criticise him for “running to the Priest” or for being weak.
This is a marital issue, OP, because neither you or your husband are willing to compromise and come to an agreement. The resentment you are holding against your husband is clear to read in your later posts. I do think getting an objective outsider such as a counselor will help you.
I didn’t initially comment on your thread because I didn’t know the answer myself, but I did lurk. I can see how much your son serving means to you and to him, but if it makes your husband so unhappy, you should work it out with him rather than criticise him for “running to the Priest” or for being weak.
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1ke
Guest
And you still haven’t told us WHY your husband wants your son in the pew and WHY he doesn’t want your son serving.
WHY is very important here.
WHY is very important here.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
That is actually between the 9 year old and the priest. It is no one else’s business any more so than it is the child’s business why an adult did not receive.
When my son was a server there were times he did not receive. I would not have asked why, that is not my business.
blackforest
Well-known member
A healthy marriage wouldn’t involve your husband acting out like this without taking your own perspective into account. Parenting decisions must be made in unison.
You’re free to say no, of course, but hear me out. Would it be possible for your son to put off altar serving for a year until you and your husband get this sorted out? Continuing to serve under these circumstances may make him confused at best and miserable at worst, either way detracting from what should be a sacred experience for a child.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
A child who has seen the Church turned into a battlefield, well, I cannot think that is good for their spiritual future.
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Horton
Guest
You keep talking about your son’s “rights”. Serving on the Altar is never a “right”, it is a privilege. I believe you have distorted view of what your 9 year old boy is entitled to, even to the point of placing blame on everyone but your child. Your child was told NOT to serve by the priest, your child disobeyed what the priest told him. Presumably the priest denied your child communion due to his disobedience. But yet your child is completely blameless in this matter.
The idea that you refuse to let this be a teaching moment for your 9 year old child speaks far more about who is in charge in your family, a 9 year old child. You state this is not a marital issue, but it is far worse, it is a major family issue. This is not a father-son issues, it is a mother who lets a 9 year old child rule and disobey his father and his priest. Who else does he get to disobey?
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