well said. without my reasoning, how I came up with that hypothetical question is confusing. I wanted to propose a a marriage scenario that at least followed along directive of “Marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordained toward the begetting and educating of children” even though that is not personally how I feel, I figured it’s at least half a step in the right direction.
side note: I had a perfectly fine childhood. no abuse whatsoever. my parents are happily married, we all get along fine, there is no bad blood, i’ve never had any issues like that.
That being said, here’s my reasons, although I don’t want them to be the center of discussion which is why I did not get into them in my original post:
- kids are annoying to me
- i love dogs. any mothering instinct i have is expressed through taking care of my dog
- i think it’s narcisstic to want one’s own children when there are so many out there who already who need parents. (like, what, your genes are so awesome, you think you’re better than them?)
- on the subject of genes…mine suck. my mom passed on her slow metabolism, frizzy hair, and bad skin to me. those characteristics of mine have caused me a lot of anguish. I know those problems pale in comparison to others but that doesn’t make me like them any more! anyway, why would i purposely bring a child into the world who will most likely be as miserable as me with their physical appearance?
- i take several medications. they cannot be taken while pregnant. I have tried stopping each of these medications individually under my doctor’s direction and every single time the symptoms returned within a few days. (although i was on like 9 and now I’m only on like 6 bc 3 I was able to stop without the return of symptoms). in other words, either my baby would come out deformed or damaged, or I would spend the entire pregnancy very very sick. not to mention, the illness is genetic, and could likely be passed on to this poor kid.
I could actually go on and on but that’s enough for now.
Hi samiam,
Sorry, I’m late to this party and I didn’t get to read the posts following this one so I might be redundant but:
Just think how much you desire to be loved. How happy you would have been if your parents loved, aherrished and affirmed. If you grew up knowing that for 2 people in this world you are the most special person. Imagine not having to glance twice at yourself before leaving the house because you have all the love you ever needed. Imagine how contagiously positive and confident and optimistic you would be if you grew up with all that support and love.
Now, why would you want a child? To be able to offer him/her all that love and admiration and appreciationthat each human deserves regardless of their physical traits or abilities.
In this society, we have grown to be purely utilitarian, to , love" people only if they produce pleasure, money, lust etc but God called us to love authentically and unconditionally in a self-giving way. We should be compassionate and helpful to those who have less instead we marginalize them and allow them to live alone and scorned. It is not ok for us to be this cold-hearted.
If you have God’s love in your heart- i know you are agnostic/atheist but i can tell from your posts your heart is right - you can love beyond measure. And if a child has that amazing, unconditional love he is the most blessed child on earth!! So few children are loved as they should be, even if they are genetically " perfect".
My second child was born with a huge hematoma on his head which maked him look very deformed, i had no idea what it was initially and when I saw that huge bulge on his head I felt my heart bursting. I felt i wanted to love him for all the people who would not and to shield him in my arms forever. Of course, the bump went down with time but for a long time I was overcome by an " excess" of love because I felt he needed it more.
Now, for you personally, you say you have a slow metabolism- in a family of 5 super skinny people I managed to be the one “blessed” with that as well so for a long time I was on the chubby side. Though it is genetic 2 things help enormously: diet and exercise. I dont think I could ever be a size 0 but i am no longer overweight for many many years.
Frizzy hair, my sister was the lucky one with that and though it’s tiresome, she grew her hair long and uses mousse and it looks great.
There are so many solutions to most of our esthetic imperfections but even if there aren’t we can love and have the right to be loved and that’s the core essential of our existence.
And honestly, the least attractive people in the world, if they have a great personality, they are still loved.
As for having our own children, it’s certainly not because we think they’re great. Catholis do not go by “survival of the fittest”, rather we accept children as a blessing from God and are entrusted to lead them to sanctity with love and sacrifice no matter what shape or form they come in.
Every Christian should be open to adoption if that was God’s plan for them, whether they have children or not. We have friends who have 3 of their own and adopted 3 more. The impirtant part s to be open to new life.
God bless you and I hope one day you will realize how precios you are in His eyes!
