Can a man and a woman "just be friends?"

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Litcrit said:
Perhaps there was a misunderstanding here. I do not divulge intimate details of my marriage to anyone at all, their sex notwithstanding. I have no marital troubles to talk about to anyone, as I happen to be very happily married. I only noticed that this general sentiment, as well as the general sentiment of loving and respecting my husband, seems easier to share with my male friends, perhaps because they like and respect him too. Discussing marital issues in my case will refer to mentioning how my husband and I communicate, how we arrange our lives together, what he’s been up to lately (fishing, sports, music, that sort of thing), and matters of marriage and human sexuality in more general terms, as pertaining to religion or philosophy or whatnot.
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That is not what you said. You quoted me when I said.
Originally Posted by Moore11
But my male friends and I have a special bond, we help with marital issues, sympathize with each other with fathering issues and are comrades. I would find it odd if another woman and I were discussing marital, family and sex issues as I do with my male friends.
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Then you said,
This is truly the case for my male friend and myself as well. In fact, I can only be this close to and open with those female friends who do not see themselves as some stereotypical representatives of the female gender because I cannot discuss marital and family issues with women who take an “us vs. them” approach that many women (and I suppose men too - but I haven’t encountered it personally as much) do.
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“Oh, those men, they’re so useless/lazy/inept” - there are far too many women only too ready to say this. I prefer talking to men about my husband - they seem to be better able to appreciate and respect him like I do.
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Seems different than fishing and sports.
 
My experience:

I’m a guy, and when I was a teenager, I met a girl. We’ll call her “Sue.”

I was somewhat attracted to Sue in a romantic sense, based on her virtues, temperament and beauty. However, Sue did not feel a romantic attraction towards me. Thus, I did not pursue her romantically. However, we did become great friends, sharing much about our lives - celebrating together in happy times and mourning together in not-so-happy times.

Several years later, Sue was hosting a party. At this party, I met her cousin, we’ll call her “Mary.” I became romantically interested in Mary from the moment we met. She shared a similar personality and temperament to Sue, and was also quite beautiful. Mary felt likewise about me, and we became engaged, and we married just recently.

The way I like to look at it is that Sue was placed in my life for many reasons, one of which was to “prepare” me to meet Mary, the woman I was called to marry.

I dare not claim to know the mind of God, but I get the sense that Sue was part of God’s plan for me. Such did not change when I became married to Mary, she remains a very important person in my life and I would not forsake that friendship just because I am married.

I was capable of controlling any romantic feelings that I had for her before I was married, so I am certainly capable of controlling them now that I am married.
SRLAUREL said:
I am really astonished that folks are tending to make sexual urges and romantic feelings more powerful than a commitment to integrity and Christ-like love. Is this simply a way to excuse one’s transgressions (“I couldn’t help myself!”)? Is it an ignorance of the nature of love or the fact that we are made for love even apart from sexual love? Whatever it is about it is a cynical and destructive approach to the human being’s capacity to love in Christ.
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Thank you, Sister.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
My experience:

I’m a guy, and when I was a teenager, I met a girl. We’ll call her “Sue.”

I was somewhat attracted to Sue in a romantic sense, based on her virtues, temperament and beauty. However, Sue did not feel a romantic attraction towards me. Thus, I did not pursue her romantically. However, we did become great friends, sharing much about our lives - celebrating together in happy times and mourning together in not-so-happy times.

Several years later, Sue was hosting a party. At this party, I met her cousin, we’ll call her “Mary.” I became romantically interested in Mary from the moment we met. She shared a similar personality and temperament to Sue, and was also quite beautiful. Mary felt likewise about me, and we became engaged, and we married just recently.

The way I like to look at it is that Sue was placed in my life for many reasons, one of which was to “prepare” me to meet Mary, the woman I was called to marry.

I dare not claim to know the mind of God, but I get the sense that Sue was part of God’s plan for me. Such did not change when I became married to Mary, she remains a very important person in my life and I would not forsake that friendship just because I am married.

I was capable of controlling any romantic feelings that I had for her before I was married, so I am certainly capable of controlling them now that I am married.

Thank you, Sister.
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So Sue friend-zoned you? Last time I checked, getting friend-zoned is very painful.
 
Crescentinus said:
So Sue friend-zoned you? Last time I checked, getting friend-zoned is very painful.
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Yes, but it all turned out for the best, as you can see!

I see that you want to discuss “friend-zoning”, but I am not sure what you want others to say. Do you have any questions about “friend-zoning”?
 
Crescentinus said:
Seriously? You don’t what that term means? :eek:
/stunned
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I looked it up on a rather vulger site and it seems to be a youthful slang about being put in a zone by one person while the other wants a romantic relationship.

Remember there are people older than 20 on this site!😃
 
Crescentinus, what is your question about the “friend-zone”? I looked back through the thread and I didn’t understand the question so please pose it again. I would be happy to address it, if I can.
 
Crescentinus said:
So Sue friend-zoned you? Last time I checked, getting friend-zoned is very painful.
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Friend-zoning is simply one aspect of this thread. It implies that there was attraction at some point. That is a subset of all relationships with no attraction. What is your point?
 
Crescentinus said:
No, you’re innocent. 🙂
BIG difference. 👍
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One of the things that shocked me on this thread is the presuppositions people have. I am not innocent, far from it. I just am probably older than you and in reality it is you who are probably the more innocent one. I try to keep up with slang as I am a youth minister and have been known to employ words from urban dictionary. But you assume a lot when you think that everyone uses the same cool, hip, far out, groovy,awesome, rad, ill, sick, and totally gnarly words you do.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Yes, but it all turned out for the best, as you can see!

I see that you want to discuss “friend-zoning”, but I am not sure what you want others to say. Do you have any questions about “friend-zoning”?
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In your case, it turned out for the best.
In my case, it turned out for the worst.
Am I missing something? :eek:

Yes, I have a few questions.
  1. How on earth does one live through the soul-crushing experience where your romantic advances get spurned with the words “Let’s just be friends”?
  2. How does one get past the depression caused by it?
  3. Why is it that none love me, for who I am? (Irrelevant question on the outside, relevant question in context.)
 
Crescentinus said:
In your case, it turned out for the best.
In my case, it turned out for the worst.
Am I missing something? :eek:

Yes, I have a few questions.
  1. How on earth does one live through the soul-crushing experience where your romantic advances get spurned with the words “Let’s just be friends”?
  2. How does one get past the depression caused by it?
  3. Why is it that none love me, for who I am? (Irrelevant question on the outside, relevant question in context.)
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None of these questions is relevant to this thread, which is obvious. Thus, I implore the other posters not to respond in order to keep focus on the actual OP.
 
Baelor said:
Friend-zoning is simply one aspect of this thread. It implies that there was attraction at some point. That is a subset of all relationships with no attraction. What is your point?
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My point? It’s painful!
 
Baelor said:
None of these questions is relevant to this thread, which is obvious. Thus, I implore the other posters not to respond in order to keep focus on the actual OP.
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Perhaps Crescentinus could create a new thread. I would be happy to talk about those things in another thread. 🙂
 
Moore11 said:
One of the things that shocked me on this thread is the presuppositions people have. I am not innocent, far from it. I just am probably older than you and in reality it is you who are probably the more innocent one. I try to keep up with slang as I am a youth minister and have been known to employ words from urban dictionary. But you assume a lot when you think that everyone uses the same cool, hip, far out, groovy,awesome, rad, ill, sick, and totally gnarly words you do.
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I don’t use Western slang that often since I do not live in the West.
Also, the dating and hook-up culture predominantly in the West has given us such weird terms as “friend zone” and “speed dating”.
 
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