Can a man and a woman "just be friends?"

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johndelacruz said:
Has the asker of this question ever heard of St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi?

If not, look them up - their relationship can serve as a sort of model of godly and chaste male/female friendships.

You are emblematic of our over-sexualized culture - you really need to expand your study to get beyond your very limited and distorted view of friendship and human sexuality.

I think you believe all people in the world are like you and your friends - but this world is a much bigger and richer place than what you suppose.
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How about being friend-zoned? That is one of the most soul-crushing things that happen in life!
 
johndelacruz said:
Has the asker of this question ever heard of St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi?

If not, look them up - their relationship can serve as a sort of model of godly and chaste male/female friendships.

You are emblematic of our over-sexualized culture - you really need to expand your study to get beyond your very limited and distorted view of friendship and human sexuality.

I think you believe all people in the world are like you and your friends - but this world is a much bigger and richer place than what you suppose.
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I agree with this whole-heartedly. Our culture, particularly in the west is indeed over-sexualized. Capitalism has blown it out of all proportion to try and make money from our most primal desire - pushing in our faces unobtainable, fanciful images, manipulations and picking at our human insecurities. Capitalism/consumerism thrives on fear and insecurity. Fear of not being attractive, of not fitting in etc etc. It is quite quite depressing. Our culture is quite ill. A man and a woman should be able to be just friends but I accept that certain ‘conditioning’ can prevent this from being so. Overcome the conditioning is what I say…

I am going to read up on St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi as you suggested…
 
Of course! If this isn’t possible, then “platonic” has no name. I’m a guy who isn’t called to marriage, but that doesn’t mean I’m called to loneliness.
My female friends are single, divorced, and married. I cherish these friendships because they are freeing (but verbally defined from day one. Important!). You can totally be yourself without considering the direction of where the relationship might go. It just is, and that’s that! 🙂
If things start to get confusing, then be open and honest. You can either move on or fall in love. Nothing is lost through friendship. 🙂
 
geerz007 said:
Of course! If this isn’t possible, then “platonic” has no name. I’m a guy who isn’t called to marriage, but that doesn’t mean I’m called to loneliness.
My female friends are single, divorced, and married. I cherish these friendships because they are freeing (but verbally defined from day one. Important!). You can totally be yourself without considering the direction of where the relationship might go. It just is, and that’s that! 🙂
If things start to get confusing, then be open and honest. You can either move on or fall in love. Nothing is lost through friendship. 🙂
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How about being friend-zoned!?
 
Itullian-
Since you are the one who started this thread, and the one who seems to think that men & women cannot be friends, I am curious as to why you have not answered the question I have posed a couple of time now.

In your OP, you also include same-sex attraction, implying that 2 men or 2 women who identify as homosexual would have the same problem as heterosexual friends.
And I have asked what does that mean for people who identify as “bi-sexual”.
I know many people who are equally attracted (sexually) to both men & women.
Would you say that they should have no friends at all?

Sorry, but this is just absurd. If you can’t be friends with a member of the opposite sex, that is your problem and your loss.
itullian said:
i think thou ist being naive…
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itullian said:
well, if it takes a couple of saints,i rest my case.🙂
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i never said not to have opposite sex friends. just be aware that one party is gonna hope for more.
 
itullian said:
well, all is a big word. let’s say 99.99998 percent.👍
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You’re saying that if you had 1,000,000 female friends, there would be *only 2 *who wouldn’t interest you nor you interest them?

Buddy, I don’t think Brad Pitt could say that, and probably not even Angelina Jolie. Once a million different guys got to know her, a lot more than 2 would find her an interesting friend and yet be totally resigned to the fact (if not thankful for it) that they were never ever going to be her romantic interest, and she’d be the first to say so.

Also, it is not necessary that there be zero interest. It is only necessary that the interest be so clearly lukewarm as to not be a temptation. That is knowable.

Of course, there are those people who look at members of the opposite sex, see they are not sexually attractive or that they’re never going to be interested in a relationship with a sexual dimension to it, and dismiss them as not “friend material” right off the bat. Of course people like that are never going to have “just friends” among members of the opposite sex, because as soon as it becomes obvious that a friendship with the member of the opposite sex is going to be innocent, they don’t want it. That kind of person (or a person in that kind of a phase of their life) had better keep themselves constantly under surveillance of some kind when they are around members of the opposite sex that they aren’t free to marry. They are just a fire waiting and wishing to start.
 
One of my best lady friends is working towards becoming a nun and we have and are continuing to develop a wonderful friendship. I will say that if she didn’t desire to become a nun and would be open to having a relationship with a man I would have no second thoughts about pursuing her. At the same time I take comfort in the fact that I know exactly where she stands and I fully respect (and encourage) her for it. She has always been straight, direct, and even painfully blunt with her feelings towards and about me and we both see each other as a true brother and sister in Christ.

One of the best things about this friend of mine is that because she knows me in this way she is avid about setting me up with someone who IS available and just as compatable with me but in the way of a relationship.

I think the lesson here is in her vocation, within two years she’ll enter into the “Nun-hood” as I jokingly refer to it and she’ll be out of my life in the flesh. But I would greatly prefer that rather than making mistakes like I had in similar situations like this in the past where I selfishly (read: foolishly) pursued a female out of my desire for a relationship only to lose them altogether.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
…And I have asked what does that mean for people who identify as “bi-sexual”.
I know many people who are equally attracted (sexually) to both men & women.
Would you say that they should have no friends at all?

Sorry, but this is just absurd. If you can’t be friends with a member of the opposite sex, that is your problem and your loss.
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A bit defensive, no? But since you seem to think you’ve gotten an unanswerable case, I suppose a response should be made. People who identify themselves as bisexual (or homosexual for that matter) have a profound problem with with sexuality IS. It should be no surprise that this condition causes other relationship problems. This is why such an inclination is described as a “disordered inclination” in church teaching.

Another point of clarification here is that many of us are posting from the point of view of married people. Single people have no reason NOT to develop deep friendships with single members of the opposite sex. If it turns into something more … GREAT! But marriage is a pledge to exclusive intimacy with the beloved. That spousal intimacy is not merely physical. Adultery doesn’t just happen one day. It starts via far more benign looking forms of intimacy that sneak up on the participants. If you think you are immune, … good luck. 😦
 
Baelor said:
Is that even true in your own experience? I feel so bad if that is really the case. 😦
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Oh, man, here we go again. Baelor is weeping for those of us who have healthy lives.

Baelor, you may disagree, you may have a separate viewpoint but from what I’ve seen of your debating skills this is a tactic that is beneath you. It is transparent, and given to promote an emotional response and to discount others views. I don’t feel SO BAD for the previous poster as I have no information given that indicates a pitiful view.
 
Moore11 said:
Oh, man, here we go again. Baelor is weeping for those of us who have healthy lives.

Baelor, you may disagree, you may have a separate viewpoint but from what I’ve seen of your debating skills this is a tactic that is beneath you. It is transparent, and given to promote an emotional response and to discount others views. I don’t feel SO BAD for the previous poster as I have no information given that indicates a pitiful view.
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To each his own, but I could not consider healthy or well-adjusted an individual who is incapable of interacting with the opposite sex on a platonic basis, which itullian has essentially stated outright he is incapable of doing.
 
Baelor said:
To each his own, but I could not consider healthy or well-adjusted an individual who is incapable of interacting with the opposite sex on a platonic basis, which itullian has essentially stated outright he is incapable of doing.
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Poppycock. He nowhere says he runs and hides if a woman says hello to him.

There’s rather a large difference between “interacting” with a member of the opposite sex and having a deep friendship. The difference is NOT hard to see, which suggests you are ignoring it to score illegitimate debating points.
 
manualman said:
Poppycock. He nowhere says he runs and hides if a woman says hello to him.

There’s rather a large difference between “interacting” with a member of the opposite sex and having a deep friendship.
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Let me rephrase to address your valid response.
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Baelor:
To each his own, but I could not consider healthy or well-adjusted an individual who is incapable of having deep friendships with the opposite sex on a platonic basis, which itullian has essentially stated outright he is incapable of doing.
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Baelor said:
To each his own, but I could not consider healthy or well-adjusted an individual who is incapable of interacting with the opposite sex on a platonic basis, which itullian has essentially stated outright he is incapable of doing.
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In my married family life experience friendships with women are usually professional and casual in nature. I think you are painting with a broad brush here. When my wife goes out of town I don’t have a poker night with the neighborhood women. My interaction with the opposite sex is definitely satisfied by my wife, my mother, my three little girls and my female dog. My dearest friend is my wife. My other friends are men. Because we share common experiences and perspectives. That is a strong friendship bond, and probably what makes a good friendship… It isn’t as" Equal opportunity" as you would like to think. I understand you are probably around college life a lot and the rules and experiences are definitely different in that arena. If you dont believe me just try being a friend to a married woman with a jealous husband:D
 
Baelor said:
Let me rephrase to address your valid response.
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That does clarify your position more accurately, I suppose.

I also suppose I’ll just have to live with the the burden of your diagnosis of me as a maladjusted, unhealthy guy. Pass the Paxil…😛
 
Moore11 said:
My interaction with the opposite sex is definitely satisfied by my wife, my mother, my three little girls and my female dog. My dearest friend is my wife. My other friends are men.
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That is fine. My statement was about capability, not about actuality.
 
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