Can a man and a woman "just be friends?"

[irishOntarian]

A pollhas been done and EVERY woman said YES and every man said NO!

I take the men’s word on it and my personal experience. NO. Never had a guy friend who didn’t eventually start hopi g for more. Not one.

Can I break the record and be the first guy to say Absolutely Yes!!!?

Edit: And in regard to some of the comments on here, I could mention that I’m sixteen and quite in control of the way I interact with girls, ie. I’m not going to do anything stupid and I don’t have to lock myself in a closed room to keep it that way! However, I’m homeschooled and raised in a strongly Catholic parish. Go figure

 

[itullian]

a more complicated subject than you thought, :ehh:

 

[irishOntarian]

a more complicated subject than you thought, :ehh:

I know. I’m focusing more on how things ought to be than how they really are

 

[Rose71]

It’s not complicated at all! It just depends entirely on the man and woman in question: their personalities; their upbringing; their expectations and their emotional state.

The comments about the workplace have been interesting. I used to work for many years in a really happy office, with a fantastic bunch of people and we all got along famously. We used to have lots of works nights out, where generally, spouses / partners didn’t attend - including some over-nighters.

For all of us (and going back to the 1st paragraph - this is crucial) we were mature, responsible people who loved our work and genuinely enjoyed working with one another. Nobody would have ever dreamt of spoiling the atmosphere or the mutual repsect and trust we all had for one another. Had the group dynamic been different - then yes, things would have been different.

Now, there are a few men and women in the circle I mix in who have a very different outlook on life and really haven’t ever seriously contemplated the idea of men and women being friends! I definitely think having close male friends who I can confide in (and they in me) has helped me understand how men tick a lot more.

My male friends fall into quite distinct camps:

1. Colleagues - who I’ve known a while and have a great working relationship with because I am essentially a team player
2. Men who regard me as a sort of surrogate little sister / daughter and like to look out for me!
3. Men who treat me like a big sister / mum and like to talk to me because they can get a female perspective e.g. when asking for ideas on buying presents / arranging days out with the women in their lives…or asking for advice / moral support if they are single and have their eye on someone.

:thumbsup:Bottom line is - they all know I am a practising Catholic; I go to Mass and any hint of a sexual advance from an attached man would result in a swift kick where it hurts! There is no ‘grey area’ with me - they know precisley where they stand and I find I am accepted and respected for it.

Ultimatley, it is up to each individual to take responsibility for his or her feelings and emotions. They say its the ‘quiet ones’ that one has to watch and I think there is a lot of truth in that saying People who are naturally friendly, outgoing and even flirtatious with people they know well are generally least likely to misread signals or become over-analytical.

I know a few adulterers - and they are the lest likely ones! They are fully paid up members of the Beige Brigade! Their logic is that because they ‘felt something’, they ‘couldn’t help it’ and they then judge everyone else by their own slack morals and lack of willpower!

 

[fbl9]

Can I break the record and be the first guy to say Absolutely Yes!!!?

Edit: And in regard to some of the comments on here, I could mention that I’m sixteen and quite in control of the way I interact with girls, ie. I’m not going to do anything stupid and I don’t have to lock myself in a closed room to keep it that way! However, I’m homeschooled and raised in a strongly Catholic parish. Go figure

You seem to have a strong faith as well?
Without grace for myself i would say no way.
With grace yes.

 

[EasterJoy]

You seem to have a strong faith as well?
Without grace for myself i would say no way.
With grace yes.

Grace is necessary for purity, yes, but an amount beyond the lot given to humans as a group is not necessarily required for thwarting a sexual attraction that is not there or simply cannot be acted upon.

IOW: Atheists do have opposite-gender platonic friendships. It happens.

 

[LSK]

:thumbsup:Bottom line is - they all know I am a practising Catholic; I go to Mass and any hint of a sexual advance from an attached man would result in a swift kick where it hurts! There is no ‘grey area’ with me - they know precisley where they stand and I find I am accepted and respected for it.

!

Now this sums it up nicely…

 

[Cristiano]

Yes! I also think that there are also some cases where the man and/or the woman are incapable of being just friends, just look at some of the people with attachment disorders.

 

[savedbygrace92]

Now this sums it up nicely…

I think so too.

I’ve noticed that the dynamic of my friendships with boys outside of church is more prone to turn into one person crushing on the other. There have been a few boys I met outside of church that I didn’t even know that well but they would keep flirting with me even when I didn’t flirt back. On the other hand, I have much much closer and deeper friendships with boys in church (in fact, they probably know a little too much about me -_-), but I have never once gotten the impression that they wanted to be more than friends.

 

[fbl9]

Grace is necessary for purity, yes, but an amount beyond the lot given to humans as a group is not necessarily required for thwarting a sexual attraction that is not there or simply cannot be acted upon.

IOW: Atheists do have opposite-gender platonic friendships. It happens.

ddd

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

So if you have an opposite sex friend-------watch out, if you’re not after them, they’re after you. :yup:

What say you?

I’ve had more female friends than male ones. I can name only one or two I’ve had feelings for. The other 90%?

Friend zone and they stay that way for good reasons.

I think people are ignoring the fact that personality types have this wonderful tendency to transcend genders.

I can be good friends with a strongheaded woman who shares my dislike for the narcissistic pigs of our generation. That doesn’t mean its enough for romance.

 

[feed_me]

I think that starting out as friends is the best thing in a relationship. Most relationships fail because they are based on physical attraction only. If you start out as friends you have a better foundation in the relationship, because you get to know that person better without the lust getting in the way. Lust will be there, its always there, but as being friends starting out, you get to see clearly the difference between lust and love.

 

[Crescentinus]

I think that starting out as friends is the best thing in a relationship. Most relationships fail because they are based on physical attraction only. If you start out as friends you have a better foundation in the relationship, because you get to know that person better without the lust getting in the way. Lust will be there, its always there, but as being friends starting out, you get to see clearly the difference between lust and love.

Question. What if one got friend-zoned?

 

[feed_me]

Question. What if one got friend-zoned?

Then most of the time it means that the girl is stuck in a addiction of getting her heart broken. She is so use to it that it is all she knows, and all she chases after. She thinks for some reason that it’s there when it isn’t, and the devils just basically lead her on to chase a mirage. Because of that she goes into a downward spiral of relationships, and heartbreaks, untill she realizes that there is nobody for her, and gives up, and she hates the world, or just gives it up every time, and he has you at a point where he can get you to turn on God and use you for whatever he wants freely. Remember the devil wants you with him, so he does what need to be done to get you with him, or after digging deeper she knows that you aren’t the one, depending upon her past. Not everybody that is Christian clicks with each other.

 

[irishOntarian]

I would tend to agree that intimacy begets more intimacy - but how does this automatically translate into sexual feelings and sexual activity? Unless the notion of it is somehow always lurking just beneath the surface? You know, some of us really don’t function in this manner.

Think about a mother and a son - if they see each other and talk a lot and share hopes and dreams, will they become sexually attracted to each other? No, because that’s not even an option.

Friendship is a big deal to some people. Something like kinship. Something you don’t translate into sexual attraction just because there’s sharing and intimacy.

I actually sort of cringe when I hear the words “just friends.” It implies there’s an element lacking.

There’s nothing lacking from my relationships with my friends.

That’s exactly what I hoped to hear from someone.

 

[Happy_Convert]

Hi All:

I’m going to have to go with a big “maybe” on this one! If both parties are single and unattached, this arrangement can work fine, provided that both parties agree to it and both understand that nothing more than friendship is on offer here. If, as often happens, one person wants to “move to the next level” and the other still only wants to be “just friends,” haeatbreak may well ensue. If either party, or both parties, are already married, this arrangement becomes potentially much more problematic. It goes without saying that the spouse(s) should be comfortable with the situation. In any case, one would want to jealously guard one’s heart and mind from the temptation that can arise so easily in this situation. No friendship is worth violating your marriage vows for. Finally, beware of emotional affairs!

 

[itullian]

Happy Convert is mostly right.

 

[feed_me]

Happy Convert is mostly right.

And I’m left out? :crying: :bighanky:

 

[Gandalf]

I looked it up on a rather vulger site and it seems to be a youthful slang about being put in a zone by one person while the other wants a romantic relationship.

Remember there are people older than 20 on this site!

this has nothing to do with this but the gay gene thing-I asked my local bishop who is the archbishop and he said that the church teaches that a person is born gay they are then to live a life of chastity. and here is what the catechism says-it even says that God has called them to life a chaste life so the fact that the ARCHBISHOP told me the church teaches a person is born gay is actually true and he knows more than u so there my friend u are wrong. God Bless

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

 

[Chesterton18]

Here’s my take, from personal experience. I’ve purposefully avoided dating. I also haven’t really had any close female friends. It seems to me there’s a connection here, especially since I find it easier to get along with women than with men. I am in a state of constant anxiety with women I’m not attracted to (what if they like me? Have I laughed too loud? Smiled too bright?); I’m a state of constant exertion with women I am attracted to (what if they don’t like me? Am I laughing loud enough? Smiling bright enough?). When romance isn’t in the air, I’m worried that it will be; when romance is in the air, romance is in the air (and friendship isn’t). It may be unconsummated romance but it’s romance nonetheless. This all makes for unease and tension. I will say, however, that it seems a lot easier to have friendships with women who are unavailable: lesbians, girlfriends, wives. Not entirely easy but easier. Those situations impose barriers and limitations of their own, which set the boundaries of the relationship in a way that’s fairly concrete. Not as much worrying involved. But I’d be extremely uneasy about seeing an unattached woman, repeatedly, alone. I don’t think it works. God bless those who think it does and have managed to work it out, but for me it’s almost unfathomable.