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Blue_Rose
Guest
One of them was at risk of being homeless and the only option was to sleep in the spare room of the partners house?
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Mongol
Guest
Absolutely! Living in the same house =/= sexual sin.
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JamalChristophr
Guest
I think it would be highly imprudent and a near occasion of sin. At the very least, a person who seriously loves God and is striving for holiness should ask the permission of their spiritual director and/or confessor…
"Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour. " 1 Peter 5: 8
God Bless You.
"Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour. " 1 Peter 5: 8
God Bless You.
C
Corki
Guest
Probably not sinful IF there is no other choice and IF it is for a very short time. But it should be considered only after discussing it with the couple’s pastor or the person they are doing marriage prep with. By itself, it may not seem to be bad but it has a lot of implications and possible consequences.
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Corki
Guest
Contrary to what many seem to think on CAF, sexual sin is not the only kind of sin.
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Memaw
Guest
It can give scandal. I had a cousin that let her deceased sister’s husband live with her for awhile after his home flooded. She was upset cuz his own kids wouldn’t give him a place to stay. I know for a fact he slept on the sofa, I was there in the morning when he was still asleep. But everyone in the family talked about her behind her back and they “knew” just what was going on. I tried to correct them but they just thought I was being naive. God Bless, Memaw
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Gertabelle
Guest
There’s the key phrase – “the only option.”
Are there really no other options? What about a friend’s couch? What about the spare room of a family in the parish? What about the couch in the rectory (for a man)?
Before we got married, my now-exhusband (who lived across the country) had to live on a friend’s couch for a month because his lease ended a month before our wedding. This family had a dad, mom, two children, and an aunt living in their apartment – but they made room for one more person in need.
Even as a single mom, I can think of several friends I could call on to let my son and me have a place to stay for awhile if we were suddenly homeless. (We have no family in the area.)
And I have a spare room that I have loaned to those in need of a temporary place to stay.
I have heard this argument before – that one person in the relationship had to move in because there was no place else to live, or to save money before the wedding, etc. – when there really were other options, such as living with family. What it really came down to in those situations, is that the couple wanted to live together (and swore up and down that there was nothing sexual going on), not that they didn’t have any other options.
Now, if the case really is that there are in fact no other options - (none, zero, nada, zilch)… well, I agree with other posters, that they should speak with their pastor first before taking action.
And just as an aside, I have discovered in my life that those who live in poverty are waaaay generous with their couch, or a spot of floor for friends – the poor understand real needs and often rally to help those in need. Some people like to say, “Our friends are too poor to help.” Maybe the problem isn’t poor friends, so much as an unwillingness to ask for help. Before saying there is no other option than for a dating couple to cohabit, the couple should seriously evaluate their options and attitudes, and then seek outside advice.
Please don’t tell me I’m just being heartless, or proposing that sexual sin is the only type of sin. I’m answering the question realistically, from a Catholic perspective, and from the approach that all sin is to be avoided, as well as occasion for sin.
My two cents’…
Gertie
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Blue_Rose
Guest
But what is worse, scandal or sleeping on the street?
The latter could potentially lead to death where I live.
The latter could potentially lead to death where I live.
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Memaw
Guest
Doesn’t he have a family? There are shelters. Does he have a job?? IF not, why not. God Bless, Memaw
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maryjk
Guest
Sad, since a normal person wouldn’t see scandal in this case. Just a generous person helping out a person in need.
I do see the sin of detraction, on the part of the family.
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Blue_Rose
Guest
Can a unmarried man and women even share a house (such as in housemates when you are students) who are not a couple? Or is this another ‘near occasion of sin’ or scandal?
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Gertabelle
Guest
Of course we should protect the homeless! Of course we should do what we can to help friends or family who are in danger of homelessness!
The question is, are there really no other options than for a dating couple to live together? As someone else asked, if not, why not? Does the couple really not have any other friends to ask for help? If not, why not? What does it say about their choices and their relationships if they are only dating and still don’t have any other friends, or family, or family of friends to help out?
If this is just a hypothetical, fine.
But if this is reality, then these two people need to reach out to others for help. They need to expand their world beyond each other and be willing to swallow their pride and ask for help.
And of course, if death is the only option left, give the man or woman the spare room for the night! Duh! But in most situations, there are in fact other options, just pride or desire getting in the way.
Again, my two cents…
Gertie
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Corki
Guest
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Blue_Rose
Guest
Great answer!
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Marysann
Guest
Is this a hypothetical situation or a real one?
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Blue_Rose
Guest
Hypothetical.
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twf
Guest
Does it change the situation if it is simply a single woman taking in a single man for a short period of time? The answer on CAF always seems to automatically be single man and woman living together = scandal and near occasion of sin. After hundreds of threads on this topic I’m still not convinced its always that simple. I, as a man, certainly have many women friends who I would never ever in a drunken stupor be remotely sexually interested in. The presumption that near occasion of sin is always at play bugs me. In terms of scandal, non-romantic, platonic roommates of the opposite sex is so common now (at least where I come from), there’s no reason why anyone would assume they are sexual partners if they state they have separare rooms. Does it make a difference if there is 30 years between the man and woman? What if they are cousins? What if they are second cousins? (Canonically able to marry, but socially unlikely).
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Blue_Rose
Guest
I want to know the answer to this too.
I live with a parent and can’t afford to live on my own so if I could no longer live with them it’s likely I would have to have housemates. No other relatives would take me in or could, due to living on the other side of the country or are unsafe to live with. My female friends are either living in crowded family homes or with their partners and that’s not an option.
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Memaw
Guest
Oh but a normal person would. That’s the problem. It isn’t ‘normal’ for and unmarried couple to live together. It might be acceptable with our society now but it is NOT normal. And it does give scandal. There are always other options. God Bless, Memaw
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SuperLuigi
Guest
Whenever cases of living together come up, I would advise talking to a priest. The sin of scandal should not be underestimated.
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