Can an unmarried Catholic couple live together if

[runningdude]

Marriage is more than a sexual union, a fact often drowned out in today’s society. Marriage is properly the maintenance of a household, the protection of both members, and the raising of any children resulting from the union.

Dependence on an unmarried partner is a circumvention of marriage. If a couple has reached a point that the only way to prevent abject poverty is to move in together, except for perhaps the most brief of transitional periods, then the couple has already been behaving irresponsibly.

Such a couple should strongly consider marriage. If the current poverty of one member would be considered a barrier to marriage, then moving in together would most certainly not be called for.

 

[twf]

My wife and I “lived” together before marriage in a sense (though we never once had sex). We spent the majority of the time in different countries for work reasons throughout our engagement (and dating for that matter), and would only see each other for a couple weeks once every month or two. When together, I slept in one room (with adjoining bathroom) and she and her mother shared the other room / bathroom across the hall. My confessor was well aware of the situation. If in the OP’s scenario one of the parents also lived with the party taking in the homeless party, would that change the response of most posters on this thread?

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

One of them was at risk of being homeless and the only option was to sleep in the spare room of the partners house?

Generally, no. The problem with asking such a question is that the devil is in the details.

 

[Kelfa28]

Hubby and I lived together before we got married.

We also began the conversion to Catholicism once we got engaged. That was about 3 years after we had met and 2 years after we had moved in together.

I was pregnant. I was also not working. My husband was making the money and supporting us.

In our case? There was NO OTHER OPTION.
My parents had just moved into a 55 plus community that did not allow any under that age to live there…even to couch crash.
My in-laws are divorced and my MIL rents a bedroom out of a friend’s house. FIL lives in a one-bedroom apartment that he smokes in regularly.

The rest of our family lived out of state.

Our wedding was about 9 months out and I was due before then.

We had consulted with both our new parish priest and the priest who was marring us and they both agreed that is wasn’t wise for us to move apart at this point. It would have caused too much heartache and stress.
Plus, I wasn’t about to separate my new born daughter from her father for any reason. Especially one so trivial as scandal…no offense.
Hubby and I were not sexually active the entirety of our engagement…the second we started attending Mass and started RCIA.

Best advice?
Talk to your priest. See what he says about the situation.

We talked to two and both agreed it was wiser for us to live together.

 

[Isca]

I would hope that no-one would rather see a close friend or relative go into a hostel or shelter if they have a spare room they can let them use. I can’t see why this is a problem, except for the kind of people who like to gossip about other folks in an uncharitable way.

The people concerned will know it is possible to live completely chastely with a member of the opposite sex, and that’s all that matters. God will always know what is in their hearts.

 

[Kelfa28]

I would hope that no-one would rather see a close friend or relative go into a hostel or shelter if they have a spare room they can let them use. I can’t see why this is a problem, except for the kind of people who like to gossip about other folks in an uncharitable way.

The people concerned will know it is possible to live completely chastely with a member of the opposite sex, and that’s all that matters. God will always know what is in their hearts.

This is what I was thinking.

My husband told our parish priest he wasn’t kicking his very pregnant fiancé out of his apartment in order to avoid scandal. Where would I go? A shelter? A stranger’s couch? For close to 9 months? He said, no way. My place was with him where he knew I was safe, happy and healthy.

We understood and accepted the Church’s teachings on sexuality before marriage and we were faithful to it.

I agree with the Church teaching’s pre-marital sex and co-habitation. I don’t agree that one should consider shelters or a stranger’s couch over a more comfortable living arrangement that includes celibacy.

 

[FrenzyJen]

It would give more scandal to let others think that you’d rather your significant other live on the streets.

 

[maryjk]

Oh but a normal person would. That’s the problem. It isn’t ‘normal’ for and unmarried couple to live together. It might be acceptable with our society now but it is NOT normal. And it does give scandal. There are always other options. God Bless, Memaw

Its normal to send a man who has had a flood to a homeless shelter? Rather than allow him to stay in a spare bedroom?

Sorry, that is just wrong. We are to love our neighbor.

I would hope that no-one would rather see a close friend or relative go into a hostel or shelter if they have a spare room they can let them use. I can’t see why this is a problem, except for the kind of people who like to gossip about other folks in an uncharitable way.

The people concerned will know it is possible to live completely chastely with a member of the opposite sex, and that’s all that matters. God will always know what is in their hearts.

Exactly, I couldn’t imagine sending a friend or relative to a homeless shelter, if I had a spare room. Heck, they could sleep on my couch.

 

[Memaw]

Hubby and I lived together before we got married.

We also began the conversion to Catholicism once we got engaged. That was about 3 years after we had met and 2 years after we had moved in together.

I was pregnant. I was also not working. My husband was making the money and supporting us.

In our case? There was NO OTHER OPTION.
My parents had just moved into a 55 plus community that did not allow any under that age to live there…even to couch crash.
My in-laws are divorced and my MIL rents a bedroom out of a friend’s house. FIL lives in a one-bedroom apartment that he smokes in regularly.

The rest of our family lived out of state.

Our wedding was about 9 months out and I was due before then.

We had consulted with both our new parish priest and the priest who was marring us and they both agreed that is wasn’t wise for us to move apart at this point. It would have caused too much heartache and stress.
Plus, I wasn’t about to separate my new born daughter from her father for any reason. Especially one so trivial as scandal…no offense.
Hubby and I were not sexually active the entirety of our engagement…the second we started attending Mass and started RCIA.

Best advice?
Talk to your priest. See what he says about the situation.

We talked to two and both agreed it was wiser for us to live together.

Scandal is never trivial. That’s the problem today, many think it is trivial. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Isca]

Memaw, scandal is trivial when there’s no actual scandal going on. Gossiping about people is the real problem, as too many people are over-interested in what other people are doing, without putting their own houses in order first.

IMO, we should be charitable and never judge on things like this. We never know what is really happening in other people’s homes.

 

[Memaw]

Memaw, scandal is trivial when there’s no actual scandal going on. Gossiping about people is the real problem, as too many people are over-interested in what other people are doing, without putting their own houses in order first.

IMO, we should be charitable and never judge on things like this. We never know what is really happening in other people’s homes.

If that is true then why is there even such a sin as scandal. We are responsible for what others think of our actions. It makes them think it is acceptable to live with someone without the benefit of marriage. What kind of an example is that to our young folks?? Not to many years ago a respectable Catholic, or any other Christian for that matter, would never have ever done such a thing. Today anything goes, so we justify any ole thing we want and say its OK. And even brag about it! I don’t think soooo. God Bless, Memaw

 

[JamalChristophr]

The topic of having co-ed housemates is a different issue, however. I suppose I would say that it is not ideal but sometimes perhaps necessary. It would depend on a number of things. When I lived in Europe, it seemed quite normal to me. And there was no scandal involved. It’s not a simple issue, though, and depends on a number of things.

God Bless.

 

[Memaw]

Memaw, scandal is trivial when there’s no actual scandal going on. Gossiping about people is the real problem, as too many people are over-interested in what other people are doing, without putting their own houses in order first.

IMO, we should be charitable and never judge on things like this. We never know what is really happening in other people’s homes.

We are to judge the actions of others but not their eternal destiny. This ‘don’t judge’ thing is out of whack! God Bless, Memaw

 

[Isca]

But if there is actually nothing going on, there is nothing for anyone to be scandalised about! It’s what other people are imagining out of a lack of charity, not the actual situation which may be perfectly chaste and respectable.

We can’t judge anyone if we don’t actually know the facts. Even then, I personally don’t believe we should judge.

 

[twf]

Scandal is never trivial. That’s the problem today, many think it is trivial. God Bless, Memaw

Memaw - are you saying that their priest misled them and that the man should have sent his pregnant fiancee to a shelter somewhere until they got married? To me that would have caused FAR bigger scandal…people whispering “look how hateful and uncharitable Catholics are…”. Scandal isn’t just about presumption of sex.

 

[Memaw]

Memaw - are you saying that their priest misled them and that the man should have sent his pregnant fiancee to a shelter somewhere until they got married? To me that would have caused FAR bigger scandal…people whispering “look how hateful and uncharitable Catholics are…”. Scandal isn’t just about presumption of sex.

The scandal is in not getting married in the first place, long before she got pregnant and they decided to become Catholic. At least then it would have been respectful in the eyes of society and the Church. The Church does recognize marriages of non Catholics. I’m sure the priest was trying to help them get things right finally. And she did say they respected the Churches teaching on chastity before marriage. I give them a lot of credit for that. I am not judging them, but just trying to see our responsibility in the situations we get ourselves into. Defending the teachings of the Church is never being uncharitable. Trying to help people understand and avoid situations like this, is being charitable. God Bless, Memaw

 

[maryjk]

But if there is actually nothing going on, there is nothing for anyone to be scandalised about! It’s what other people are imagining out of a lack of charity, not the actual situation which may be perfectly chaste and respectable.

Exactly.

Just because someone’s mind runs in the gutter, doesn’t mean that everyone’s life runs there.

It would be like saying since I have only one child, I am giving scandal. I mean with only one child I must be using contraception, right?

 

[Memaw]

But if there is actually nothing going on, there is nothing for anyone to be scandalised about! It’s what other people are imagining out of a lack of charity, not the actual situation which may be perfectly chaste and respectable.

We can’t judge anyone if we don’t actually know the facts. Even then, I personally don’t believe we should judge.

What about the example being set for others, especially the young. Aren’t we responsible for that?? They don’t know whats going on, or not going on, behind closed doors. If auntie can live with a guy, why can’t I. We need to take responsibility for our own actions. God Bless, Memaw

 

[maryjk]

What about the example being set for others, especially the young. Aren’t we responsible for that?? They don’t know whats going on, or not going on, behind closed doors. If auntie can live with a guy, why can’t I. We need to take responsibility for our own actions. God Bless, Memaw

Actually the example is, “When someone is in need, we provide” Or maybe, “Love thy neighbor.” Or, “Do onto others.”

All of those are the example we give when we allow someone in need to move into our homes.

The problem is, it seems that your relatives instead were giving the example of detraction or gossip. That is too bad. Since they had the perfect opportunity to explain the Christian love your cousin was showing.

 

[Memaw]

Actually the example is, “When someone is in need, we provide” Or maybe, “Love thy neighbor.” Or, “Do onto others.”

All of those are the example we give when we allow someone in need to move into our homes.

The problem is, it seems that your relatives instead were giving the example of detraction or gossip. That is too bad. Since they had the perfect opportunity to explain the Christian love your cousin was showing.

No the thread is "Can and unmarried Catholic couple live together if…"God Bless, Memaw