Can anyone be friends with me here?

[MrSylvester]

BVM,

Can anyone be friends with me here? The thing is, I don’t have any friends and I have a lot of familial, spiritual and personal problems that to be honest have left me truly broken. I’ve really lost my will to live for sure and I’m having doubts about my faith and Mary again.

The thing is, I tried believing in myself and acting as if I wanted to do good but it didn’t work. I tried talking to my parents about their own problems i order to inspire them but I just ended up upsetting them and now neither of them want to talk to me. Not to mention I really have so social skills and I don’t know how to talk to people in public or how to divulge my problems without being seen as pathetic, clingy or weak.

I really am in a jam now. Can anyone please become my friend? I don’t have anyone to go to, not even a Priest because I don’t have a confessor. I haven’t been attending church lately to be honest because with all my doubts in the faith I lost a lot of my former fervor. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know what to do. I lost the will to live. The only reason I see to keep on living is to earn money in order to make myself survive but whats the point of that?

Another problem I have is that even though I do want friends, at the same time I’m really scared of having any because I don’t want to hurt them by saying something that would upset them or having them think that I am evil because of the things I used to do and for my temper. Can anyone help me? Thanks.

 

[Daisies88]

I am always happy to offer my friendship. If you would like someone to talk to, please feel free to send me a PM.

In the meantime, I will offer my prayers for your intention.

 

[BeaumontAlum]

Hello and welcome! I can somewhat relate to your issues, U really don’t have a temper but have had issues speaking my mind and voicing my opinion. Apparently I come across as condescending but most times its just my attempt at humor, which appearently I suck at. I don’t have many friends and as I have turned off so many people I remain reserved and somewhat anti - social.

I am not sure what your church situation is but I began posting here after years away from the church. When U found myself most put off by church and even Christ, I felt the need to pray more. I promise it was weird because I had very little faith, yet I was being called to pray. In that over time I felt stronger and more in touch I felt with myself. Out of the blue I contacted my local parish and setting up an appointment to speak with a priest was no problem.

I am somewhat new to this forum but if you can message me, please feel free. I would be happy to chat with you. I am much nicer via typing than in real life, I have the ability to censor myself! LOL!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope to hear from you soon!

 

[ChibiViolet]

Sorry to hear that. I’ll be your friend. I’ll also pray for you.

 

[Bl_Pope_Pius_IX]

Can anyone be friends with me here? The thing is, I don’t have any friends and I have a lot of familial, spiritual and personal problems that to be honest have left me truly broken. I’ve really lost my will to live for sure and I’m having doubts about my faith and Mary again.

Friends are a large and important part of our life. We must remember, that companionship is crucial to our happiness.People we can discuss things with, people we can trust. Friends are people who pray for us and we pray for them so that all may be sanctified in Christ. Friends are important.

The thing is, I tried believing in myself and acting as if I wanted to do good but it didn’t work. I tried talking to my parents about their own problems i order to inspire them but I just ended up upsetting them and now neither of them want to talk to me. Not to mention I really have so social skills and I don’t know how to talk to people in public or how to divulge my problems without being seen as pathetic, clingy or weak.

Public speaking is an acquired skill. One that I haven’t acquired either and one that must be practiced, refined, and primed. However, with public speaking, one must remember that authority is vital. For example I teach 7th grade Catechism. I’m only 17 and I’m trying to teach 12 and 13 year olds about the faith. They are unwilling to listen because I lack authority in my young age. So it is a skill that is acquired by practice, age, and intellect.

And concerning weaknesses, it is important to know of our shortcomings and the obstacles in our life. We must remember them in order to remain humble.

I really am in a jam now. Can anyone please become my friend? I don’t have anyone to go to, not even a Priest because I don’t have a confessor. I haven’t been attending church lately to be honest because with all my doubts in the faith I lost a lot of my former fervor. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know what to do. I lost the will to live. The only reason I see to keep on living is to earn money in order to make myself survive but whats the point of that?

I really suggest finding a confessor. Go back to mass and find your friend in CHRIST who, though He isn’t a “friend” He loves us and He wants you to overcome these doubts. Priests are there to foster your faith in Christ, go to him. Love the Office of the Priesthood because it represents the authority of Christ on earth: that ability to bring you into the fold,a nd when you fall, to bring you back. Depend on the Priest and allow him to form you as a model Christian. These problems you have convinced yourself you have will not be overcome alone. You need the strength of Christ.

Another problem I have is that even though I do want friends, at the same time I’m really scared of having any because I don’t want to hurt them by saying something that would upset them or having them think that I am evil because of the things I used to do and for my temper. Can anyone help me? Thanks.

If a friend of yours is unwilling to understand the context of what you say, and thus gets hurt by it, what kind of friend is that? This is a problem unheard of with Christ, for He understands us. He understands the parts that we don’t even understand about ourselves. Look to Christ, brother. He will chip away the bad parts from you. You are a diamond in the rough, allow God to polish you up a bit. I am reminded of a picture That shows Christ knocking on a door. The door has no knob on the outside, only on the inside. Thus, Christ will not inspire us and come into our hearts unless we allow Him and beckon Him forward. So do so! Beckon Christ into your heart to form you, nurture you, and to love you.

Feel free to PM me at any time.

I’m also discerning the priesthood so if you could pray for me, It’d be greatly appreciated.

 

[Gods_Peace]

 

[Viki63]

Brother,
making friends is getting harder, I’ve noticed. Lots of people only have online friends, which can be helpful but not as good a real live friends. I have only about 3 or 4 friends, who I rarely see. plus my family, who I mostly socialize with.
Someone posted that Christ isn’t a “friend,” I think this is an error. He can be one’s best friend.You can talk to him and tell him everything in your heart, and he listens. He intervenes in our lives also, we just have to trust him.
Please, go back to church. We are commanded not to forsake getting together with the brethren. Ask God to make Himself known to you.
Everyone wants friends. Join a volunteer group, offer your talents in some way, and people will be pleased to include you. Only once in my life has someone refused friendship, a neighbor who said she didn’t have time to include anyone else in her life. Her loss.
God bless.

 

[Trishie]

If you have issues that bother you and wish to correspond with others then you are welcome either to use Private Messages to anyone here whom you think may be able to give your support. Don’t worry about what others may think, they will probably be more understanding than you expect.

We all can make mistakes, as you feel you have, but hopefully things will work out with wise and kind effort and prayer.
May God bless you.

 

[Bl_Pope_Pius_IX]

Someone posted that Christ isn’t a “friend,” I think this is an error. He can be one’s best friend.

Allow me to clarify. My reason for saying that Christ isn’t our friend is because in the human sense, a friendship is a system of equality. Both friends love eachother in a sense of friendship both the same. But even if we love Christ as much as we can at all times for our whole lives (which is quite difficult to do), it will never come close to the love Christ has for us. So admittedly I could have clarified my meaning for what I said better. A quick google search yields that a friend is “A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts”. While we can trust and “like” God, we cannot know God in the same way He knows us. This was my reasoning for not referring to Christ as a friend, atleast in that sense of the word.

 

[MrSylvester]

Thanks everybody for your help and answers.

The thing regarding my prayer life is that, I lost my will to pray because I feel God and Mary just plain dislike me. I know its not true but I can’t get that feeling out. I am so flawed and am always screwing up that I’m taking all my failings as a sign that they don’t like me very much. My biggest fear is that when I die, I wouldn’t be amongst Mary’s favorite children. I’d be to the saints and Mary that friend whom nobody talks to because of his jerkass tendencies or some serious defect.

I also have very little confidence in myself. Not menaing to insult church teaching but I took Church teaching on humility wrong and I developed a loathing for myself. It came to a point where I didn’t beleive that I could do any good. Its true I didn’t pray much during those times and because of that, I blamed myself even more for my failings: I thought that it was God’s way of punishment for me for not praying. Even when I prayed, I still didn’t get what I want. For example,I tried praying the Rosary now and then but it enver truly stuck. The most I ever went with praying the Rosary was for three days.

Right now, I have a lot of family problems. My mother doesn’t want to talk to me because I otherwise coldly called her out for always picking petty fights with my dad and thinks she hates me, my sister enver comes to talk to me even when I beg her to and my dad is upset with me for refusing to meet his otherwise jerk of a brother (my dad loves us all but he jsut doesn’t realize what a abd influence my uncle is on others. I haven’t seen him for 4 years BTW). My mums biggest problem is that she is always so bitter because she’s scared that me and the others don’t love her. She wants attention even though we do give it to her and she enver acknowledges her faults or defects. At all. She thinks that if I criticize her about whining about this or that then I hate her; its driving me literally insane. I think I truly lost it because in all frankness, I’m always having shivers and triggers that make me feel as if I’m getting sexually harassed when in fact I’m not. I was enver abused or anything but there were these two bullies in school (both boys BTW) who would always sexually harass me just to tick me off. I’malways thinking ultra violent thoughts just to remove these triggers and I always end up getting depressed and thinking of myself as a completely irredeemable monster because I can’t solve my own problems or take care of myself. I really do think my mind is unstable btw.

Those are my problems in a nutshell. Please help me because I’m very depressed. Thanks.

 

[Bl_Pope_Pius_IX]

Thanks everybody for your help and answers.

It is my pleasure.

The thing regarding my prayer life is that, I lost my will to pray because I feel God and Mary just plain dislike me. I know its not true but I can’t get that feeling out. I am so flawed and am always screwing up that I’m taking all my failings as a sign that they don’t like me very much. My biggest fear is that when I die, I wouldn’t be amongst Mary’s favorite children. I’d be to the saints and Mary that friend whom nobody talks to because of his jerkass tendencies or some serious defect.

Since you have already realized that what you feel about God and Mary not liking you is false, then you should pray MORE. This is indeed the devil at work, thus you must counter him by praying and realizing God’s love by beginning to love yourself. Our Lord and Our Lady love you as more than their friend, they love you as their child. They love you totally and unceasingly. You must enter into a deeper love of God through prayer.

I also have very little confidence in myself. Not menaing to insult church teaching but I took Church teaching on humility wrong and I developed a loathing for myself. It came to a point where I didn’t beleive that I could do any good. Its true I didn’t pray much during those times and because of that, I blamed myself even more for my failings: I thought that it was God’s way of punishment for me for not praying. Even when I prayed, I still didn’t get what I want. For example,I tried praying the Rosary now and then but it enver truly stuck. The most I ever went with praying the Rosary was for three days.

The Rosary is a great praying tool. It is indeed commendable that you attempted to pray it, but that isn’t enough. Try on and try further. Be not afraid for God may not give you what you want, but God will grant you what you need. Pray on until it becomes natural and that NOT to pray it seems strange and foreign. The Rosary is a beautiful way of meditation, something I think everyone could do more of.

Right now, I have a lot of family problems. My mother doesn’t want to talk to me because I otherwise coldly called her out for always picking petty fights with my dad and thinks she hates me, my sister enver comes to talk to me even when I beg her to and my dad is upset with me for refusing to meet his otherwise jerk of a brother (my dad loves us all but he jsut doesn’t realize what a abd influence my uncle is on others. I haven’t seen him for 4 years BTW). My mums biggest problem is that she is always so bitter because she’s scared that me and the others don’t love her. She wants attention even though we do give it to her and she enver acknowledges her faults or defects. At all. She thinks that if I criticize her about whining about this or that then I hate her; its driving me literally insane. I think I truly lost it because in all frankness, I’m always having shivers and triggers that make me feel as if I’m getting sexually harassed when in fact I’m not. I was enver abused or anything but there were these two bullies in school (both boys BTW) who would always sexually harass me just to tick me off. I’malways thinking ultra violent thoughts just to remove these triggers and I always end up getting depressed and thinking of myself as a completely irredeemable monster because I can’t solve my own problems or take care of myself. I really do think my mind is unstable btw.

I wont comment on family issues as I am not qualified to, but you may want to seek out a priest for confession and tell him. I really REALLY encourage confession. It might even be best to set up an appointment so you can spend more time on some of these issues.

Again, if you’d like, feel free to send me a PM.

 

[fin]

Hi MrSylvester,

I’d be glad to be your friend. Feel free to send me a PM. In the meantime, I pray for you and your intentions and remember them at daily Mass.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

It breaks my heart to see someone say they’ve lost the will to live. Count me in as someone you can PM if you wish. Nothing shocks me, and I am extraordinarily difficult to offend. I cannot say that I know what you’re going through, but there are elements of your story that I can relate to completely.

The only advice I can give you at this point is what others have said: pray more, go back to church, find a priest to confide in and confess to. The last suggestion is particularly close to my heart, as I have a relationship with my parish priest that I simply cannot imagine doing without.

In times of spiritual desolation, the worst thing you can do is change your routine. If you were already praying, keep praying. If you were already attending Mass, keep attending Mass. Stopping these activities may accelerate the rate at which your desolation deepens and thus make it much more difficult to emerge from.

I will remember you and your intentions in my daily prayers and at Mass (I go to Mass every day except Saturday). God bless!

 

[Anemone1]

BVM,

Can anyone be friends with me here? The thing is, I don’t have any friends and I have a lot of familial, spiritual and personal problems that to be honest have left me truly broken. I’ve really lost my will to live for sure and I’m having doubts about my faith and Mary again.

The thing is, I tried believing in myself and acting as if I wanted to do good but it didn’t work. I tried talking to my parents about their own problems i order to inspire them but I just ended up upsetting them and now neither of them want to talk to me. Not to mention I really have so social skills and I don’t know how to talk to people in public or how to divulge my problems without being seen as pathetic, clingy or weak.

I really am in a jam now. Can anyone please become my friend? I don’t have anyone to go to, not even a Priest because I don’t have a confessor. I haven’t been attending church lately to be honest because with all my doubts in the faith I lost a lot of my former fervor. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know what to do. I lost the will to live. The only reason I see to keep on living is to earn money in order to make myself survive but whats the point of that?

Another problem I have is that even though I do want friends, at the same time I’m really scared of having any because I don’t want to hurt them by saying something that would upset them or having them think that I am evil because of the things I used to do and for my temper. Can anyone help me? Thanks.

Something I read in St. Faustina’s diary - when she was alone and felt like she didn’t have a friend, this is when God was trying to draw her close to Him. Think about it. Perhaps God is drawing others away so he can become close to you. St. Faustina’s view was that people who occupied their time with meaningless chatter could not be silent to hear God talk… Talk little to others and much to God, she said.

I say this because I sort of found myself in a similar position… Having moved to a new town and it was hard to make friends… And people that I did get to know ultimately did not become close friends… But I look now, and this is when I began to come very close to God.

(I’m not saying that friendship is bad… just that maybe He is trying to draw you close to Him.)

You can PM me… I doubt your past could be much worse than my own.

 

[MrSylvester]

Thanks everyone! I’ll try opening up to the Blessed Virgin more and more.

 

[MrSylvester]

Hey guys, do you know how I can make my sister talk to me? I don’t want to make her sound like the bad guy or anything but I literally never did anything to her that might give her a reason to ignore me, I never did. I had a few personal problems in the past when my spiritual life was just beginning and was more devout than I am today and at that time, she refused to talk to me because of how drastically I changed (even though she still DIDN’T talk to me or spend a lot of time with me before that). Its not a question of her not talking to me so much as a question of ignoring me. She doesn’t hate me per se, she just doesn’t care about me. I’m 18 and she’s 15 BTW and live under the same roof.

I always tell her to spend some time with me because we envier spend time with each other but she always says she’s busy (yeah, in the summer chatting to friends on the computer), when she promises that she’ll come, he always goes out with her friends instead without bothering to tell me that she can’t come today (read: she does this every single time) and when she does spend time with me, she only stays for about 20 minutes at most and the next day, when I tell her to come with me again, she says that she already spent time with me this week and if I call her out on all this, she says that I’m making it up or that I’m a liar.

I may tease her some times and act goofy around her but I never act goofy around her friends: in fact, she and mum used to tell me to stay out of the way when her friends are over so as to not supposedly make a fool of myself and by making a fool of myself, (this really, really makes me mad), they mean by talking about my interests like religion, the Blessed Virgin, anime, reading, comic books, etc… they say that people will think of me as weird because nobody here knows anything about the stuff I like and that people will stare at me in public. I may sound like I’m dramatizing this but thats literally what my mum said; she says the last bit every single damn time I show any interest other than cooking. I called her out on her rubbish and coldly told her to jus leave me alone and talk to people the way I want to. My mother also doesn’t like me getting out and guess this: when I go out, I never go out to the disco or anything because I don’t want to involve myself in that ****. I just take walks in the park or around town to relax and read a book in peace and while she lets my sister go out with her friends, she doesn’t want me to. Seriously, my mother thinks I’m retarded or something and I’m not kidding when I say. So what if I always wear long pants even in summer? Nobody is idiotic enough to try to pass a law making it illegal to wear pants in summer you know.

Right now, the only stable relationship I have is with my dad and grandparents. They understand that my quirks and interests are completely normal. In fact, my dad loves hearing me talk about religion and watches anime with me all the time while my grandparents are very kind people. My mother does love me a lot but her logic is to be perfectly honest, a load of fermented rubbish and her clinginess is not healthy whatsoever either for her or for my life. Can anyone please help me? How do I talk to her without having her say that I hate her or ignore my opinions? Lately, I’ve been very bitter about all this and it made my current relationship with her decay even more. What should I do? Thanks.

 

[akela135]

I also have very little confidence in myself. Not menaing to insult church teaching but I took Church teaching on humility wrong and I developed a loathing for myself. It came to a point where I didn’t beleive that I could do any good.

This sounds like me from 4 or 5 years ago! This type of feeling can be very hard to correct in oneself and I have to be very vigiliant to stop from falling back into it. My own personal way of combating this is to care for animals. They are very non judgemental and are dependent on me. I feel I can bring them happiness and joy they otherwise wouldn’t have, especially since I adopt all my animals from the shelter. Now obviously that won’t be the case for everyone, but you should try looking for something you can do to help in some way. Even if it is small and focus on the good it does, it might help give you something else to live for and think of. There are many charity organizations you could get involved with that would love the extra help and you’d get a chance to meet people who share interests.

I’d love to be your friend, you can PM if you like! I’m a big anime fan, collect manga, love to read all types of books, I prefer Star Wars to Star Trek, play xbox all the time, love going to mass and volunteering around my parish, and of course I raise a large collection of animals! I’m sure we could find something to talk about

Also on the subject of your sister, I’m sorry she and you don’t spend more time together. I only have one sibling, my brother. We were really close and played together often as kids. When he became a teenager he became a popular kid at school, while I strongly a nerdy kid. It became uncool to associate with me and he never wanted me around. Most of his friends didn’t even know he had a sister! Anyway, him and I hardly talk any more, only when we both happen to be at my parents place at the same time. I’d like to see him a bit more but I have to respect he lives his own life that just doesn’t include me. As hard as it could be, you might give your sister some space and see if she misses seeing you and seeks you out instead. I had the most luck with my brother when I left him alone. He’d come find me in my room when he wasn’t hanging out with his friends to just chat and keep in touch.

 

[MrSylvester]

This sounds like me from 4 or 5 years ago! This type of feeling can be very hard to correct in oneself and I have to be very vigiliant to stop from falling back into it. My own personal way of combating this is to care for animals. They are very non judgemental and are dependent on me. I feel I can bring them happiness and joy they otherwise wouldn’t have, especially since I adopt all my animals from the shelter. Now obviously that won’t be the case for everyone, but you should try looking for something you can do to help in some way. Even if it is small and focus on the good it does, it might help give you something else to live for and think of. There are many charity organizations you could get involved with that would love the extra help and you’d get a chance to meet people who share interests.

I’d love to be your friend, you can PM if you like! I’m a big anime fan, collect manga, love to read all types of books, I prefer Star Wars to Star Trek, play xbox all the time, love going to mass and volunteering around my parish, and of course I raise a large collection of animals! I’m sure we could find something to talk about

Also on the subject of your sister, I’m sorry she and you don’t spend more time together. I only have one sibling, my brother. We were really close and played together often as kids. When he became a teenager he became a popular kid at school, while I strongly a nerdy kid. It became uncool to associate with me and he never wanted me around. Most of his friends didn’t even know he had a sister! Anyway, him and I hardly talk any more, only when we both happen to be at my parents place at the same time. I’d like to see him a bit more but I have to respect he lives his own life that just doesn’t include me. As hard as it could be, you might give your sister some space and see if she misses seeing you and seeks you out instead. I had the most luck with my brother when I left him alone. He’d come find me in my room when he wasn’t hanging out with his friends to just chat and keep in touch.

I’ll try doing that. We both have a cat and a dog, the cat who loves me very much and is very fond of me. I’ll try giving my sister space. To be honest, I seldom enter ehr room and only do so sometimes for like 5 minutes at a time before she tells me to leave. Sometimes, I barely enter and she still wants me to leave. Thanks everybody.

 

[shainski]

Hey guys, do you know how I can make my sister talk to me? …

I always tell her to spend some time with me because we [never] spend time with each other but she always says she’s busy (yeah, in the summer chatting to friends on the computer), when she promises that she’ll come, he always goes out with her friends instead without bothering to tell me that she can’t come today (read: she does this every single time) and when she does spend time with me, she only stays for about 20 minutes at most and the next day, when I tell her to come with me again, she says that she already spent time with me this week and if I call her out on all this, she says that I’m making it up or that I’m a liar.

I may tease her some times and act goofy around her but I never act goofy around her friends: in fact, she and mum used to tell me to stay out of the way when her friends are over so as to not supposedly make a fool of myself and by making a fool of myself, (this really, really makes me mad), they mean by talking about my interests like religion, the Blessed Virgin, anime, reading, comic books, etc… they say that people will think of me as weird because nobody here knows anything about the stuff I like and that people will stare at me in public.

Your sister is 15!

As such, she has certain interests - and the things that interest you do not interest her right now. Maybe in a few years - your interest will align - but you cannot make her be interested in what interests you. And you certainly can’t do it by insisting that she should be interested.

I’m going to put this in perspective. I have younger children. My two boys are 7 and 6. The 7 year old likes to play with his playmobil characters - and my 6 year old is mostly into sports. They have some common ground.

But my 7 year old is often whining that nobody will play playmobil with him. When he can entice one of his siblings to play, he quickly gets controlling on how they should behave - until they can’t stand it and leave.

You simply can’t get someone interested in what you have to offer by whining that they should be interested. If anything, it will make it seem so off-putting that it will drive away any interest that they might have had.

So, you have to find common ground. What does your sister enjoy doing? (other than talking to her friends on the phone?). At 15 and 18, you and she may not have a lot of common ground. You might have to dig deep to put yourself in her area of interest. That all may change as you both mature.

When you do make people want to spend time with you, over time, they may show interest in other things that you have to offer.

and when you say about your mother

while [my mother]lets my sister go out with her friends, she doesn’t want me to.

are you saying that your mother doesn’t want you to go out with your sisters’ friends - or your own? I can think of several reasons while she might behave that way about either situation.

You imply that your mother enjoys it when you spend time cooking with her. Well, that would be where i would start. When you do another activity with someone, you are spending time together. When you spend time together, you have an opportunity to talk about lots of other things - without the appearance that your are forcing them to enjoy your interests.

I wish you well. Time may take care of a lot of these things. Develop your interests in lots of activities.

Pray that God will help you develop those interests. You may find that you can be a fascinating person.

 

[LSK]

May I give you some feedback?

It has been my experience that no one can make anyone do anything unless they are willing to lay hands upon them or use a weapon. Somehow, I don’t think that is what you want to do regarding your sister talking with you.

I may be wrong, but it seems as if you are placing a lot of emphasis on ‘feeling’ (I feel this way and I fee that way and so I do this or I do that). I understand that feelings are important, but this sounds as though you have determined that only when you feel a certain way will you do certain things, i.e. pray or attend Mass or go to confession.

Might I also suggest that the focus on what a bad person you are is pride in reverse? It is not that you have taken humility too far; rather, you have discarded it completely and become the absolute worse person ever - and not only is that not true it is a little boastful, wouldn’t you say?

Just a thought. What do I know?