Can I date if I am meant to remain single/never get married?

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Useless said:
Both of you just decided to be single forever?
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Yes. What is wrong with that? There are many single people who became saints, just like there are many married people who also became saints.

Paul says “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband” (1 Cor. 7:34)
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Do YOU want to date and spend time with the man?
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He is a nice gentleman sometimes, but can be moody just as often. That is not something I like very much. Maybe I would give him a chance, but I am just not interested in the idea of marriage nor am I looking into it.
 
Irishmom2 said:
You do not have to be in love with someone to date them.
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I understand that, I’ve just never seen these men (who have never been Catholic by the way) as protentional partners.
pixiedusttough99 said:
I can see how you may think you are too young to marry and not interested, but I don’t think you are too young to date.
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No, I am definitely not too young to date, but I am just not interested in the idea of marriage and I feel that dating is to see if this person is who God wants in your life. But I feel God calling me to be single which is perhaps why I’ve never been interested in anybody. I feel very complete in Him when I attend Mass and volunteer with the youth and attend bible study. I love planning events and fundraisers. My talents are needed at my parish and the world, serving God, not going out with men and thinking about raising a family.
 
Hmm, interesting situation. We had a young lady who identified as an “asexual lesbian” who asked many of the same questions.

At your age, the most important task should be to discern your vocation. You have discerned against marriage. Okay then. Move on and discern the religious life or the order of Consecrated Virgins. Consult with a spiritual director and start inquiring to religious institutes that have interesting charisms. I don’t know if you have a college degree, but you can enjoy an excellent career in education, social work, food production, or many other activities which women religious engage in. Or, you could be cloistered in quiet contemplation of the Blessed Sacrament and sing the Liturgy of the Hours.

Since you have discerned against marriage for now, it is not proper for you to date. Dating is designed to lead to marriage by bringing a man and woman together in friendship, they exchange ideas and hopes and dreams, and they begin to build a future life together. This is not the life you want, so it would be prudent to explore what else the Church has to offer you as a faithful Catholic. It would be frivolous to join with a particular single man and spend time doing activities together. You may be preventing him from the priesthood or religious life as well.
 
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pixiedusttough99 said:
Yes. What is wrong with that? There are many single people who became saints, just like there are many married people who also became saints
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I’m just wondering what service that is more important or helpful than being a wife and mother that you think you can render to the Church as a non-religious person. If you were planning on being a nun or pursuing some other religious vocation, fine, but you didn’t say that.

The fact that people who were incidentally single became saints has nothing to do with your intention to remain single.

You’ve said that you want to be single so you can have more time to volunteer for the Church. But nothing you can do as a non-religious would be as valuable to the Church as getting married, being a good wife, and raising good, Catholic children. It sounds to me like you only want to render the service to the Church that you personally find convenient, and not what the Church actually needs.

That’s why I think you should spend more time considering your intentions. Are they really for the good of the Church, or are they only for the good of you?
 
pixiedusttough99 said:
I know dating a person doesn’t mean I will marry that person, but is it wrong of me to date someone without the intention of ever getting married OR should he ask me out, I accept and see if this is what God really wants for my life?
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Will you be upfront with anyone you date telling them this relationship romantically will never go anywhere because you have no intention of marrying anyone.
 
pixiedusttough99 said:
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Tis_Bearself:
Do YOU want to date and spend time with the man?
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He is a nice gentleman sometimes, but can be moody just as often. That is not something I like very much. Maybe I would give him a chance, but I am just not interested in the idea of marriage nor am I looking into it.
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I mean, frankly you may just not yet have met a man you’re interested enough in yet. I wasn’t really interested in marriage until my late twenties. Falling in love changed that.

I think you pretty much have the advice here to go by: feel free to go on a few dates to see if that new experience adds data that changes your mind about anything right now; but stay honest about your intentions and if you’re still not feeling it after a few dates, don’t continue. There’s no need to marry this specific man either way (and if you’re certain you’re not at all interested, no need to go on even one date with him; although the fact that you posted here and are even considering it does make it seem (to me) that you might be at least a little interested).

Conversely, feel free (encouraged, even) to find a spiritual director, and begin discerning about the possibility of becoming a religious sister or consecrated virgin. Consecrated virgins living alone and working in the world do exist. It’s an intentional and public commitment to a state in life (though I think it might be a renewable thing instead of until death?), and human persons thrive spiritually when we make and keep commitments. This might be something worth looking into (again, under the guidance of a good spiritual director).
 
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Vico said:
Dating seems to be pointless for one that intends to both be chaste and not marry.
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I think the question here is whether a person age 21 who isn’t indicating a strong call to a celibate religious vocation can be truly sure at that age of their intention to not marry.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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Vico:
Dating seems to be pointless for one that intends to both be chaste and not marry.
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I think the question here is whether a person age 21 who isn’t indicating a strong call to a celibate religious vocation can be truly sure at that age of their intention to not marry.
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I don’t know about you, but I would say that her posts so far are screaming out with a vocation to the religious life. She just doesn’t know it yet.
 
Hannah,

There are so many clues in this thread that God may be calling you to Consecrated Life.

I would encourage you, today, to call the parish priest and make an appointment to visit with him. He can help answer questions and help you discern what God wants for you.

Your life is yours; and the best life you will have is by doing what Jesus wishes of you - not your Mom or Aunts.

God comes to you disguised as your own life. There are many things going on in your life that indicate this may be what He wants of you. No one is more useful to the Church than a Sister or Nun. Full stop.

I will pray for you, make an appointment today,
Deacon Christopher
 
I’d say date this guy. Another guy if he comes along. There’s no reason to know that you might not enjoy it!

Maybe he speaks one of your love languages (words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time), and you realize that it’s something you want in your life. This particular person might not be ‘the one’ you marry, but gotta walk before you run…
 
The “sign” of a vocation to religious life is NOT just a disinterest in marriage! That would make the call a negative one (call “from”) rather than a call TO.
 
nunsuch said:
The “sign” of a vocation to religious life is NOT just a disinterest in marriage! That would make the call a negative one (call “from”) rather than a call TO.
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Yeah that’s not why we’re saying that she has a vocation.
pixiedusttough99 said:
I can focus on serving God and being at church
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pixiedusttough99 said:
doing what I love: being at church and volunteering.
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pixiedusttough99 said:
Paul says “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband” (1 Cor. 7:34)
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pixiedusttough99 said:
But I feel God calling me to be single
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pixiedusttough99 said:
I feel very complete in Him when I attend Mass and volunteer with the youth and attend bible study. I love planning events and fundraisers. My talents are needed at my parish and the world, serving God
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pixiedusttough99 said:
Hi! Yes, I am young (21F), but ever since I was young, I have had this incredible desire to remain single. I believe that if I stay single, I can focus on serving God and being at church, whereas if I get married and have a family, I’ll be more focused on them instead of doing what I love: being at church and volunteering.

Ever since I turned 21, my mom and aunt have been speaking with me about marriage and boys. I’ve had my crushes, admittedly, but never felt anything strong enough to make a move or go on a date. I have rejected several men, not only because of lack on interest, but none of them were Catholic.

There is finally a Catholic gentlemen who is possibly interested in me. My mom and aunts have been wanting me to dress more girly, try new hairstyles and be nice to him, in hopes that he asks me out. I would give him a chance, but I just don’t know if it’s right.

I know dating a person doesn’t mean I will marry that person, but is it wrong of me to date someone without the intention of ever getting married OR should he ask me out, I accept and see if this is what God really wants for my life?
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Your mother and aunts should not be pressing their wishes on you and it is wrong of them to do this. It is 100% your decision if you want to date or not date and if you feel you have a vocation to be single or religious then it would be good to speak with a spiritual director more about this.

As far as the dating thing: as long as you have an openness to the possibility that you’ll change your mind about it, then I think it is okay to date. If you have no openness from the very beginning then it would be charitable to make sure the other person knows in advance that it is a friendly get-together and nothing more than that.

Peace.
 
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Anesti33 said:
I don’t know about you, but I would say that her posts so far are screaming out with a vocation to the religious life. She just doesn’t know it yet.
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Anesti, you DID suggest that her posts so far are “screaming out” with a vocation.
 
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