Can I date if I am meant to remain single/never get married?

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pixiedusttough99 said:
My talents are needed at my parish and the world, serving God, not going out with men and thinking about raising a family.
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Am I sensing a false dichotomy here between serving God productively & raising a family? I know secular culture views children as a Sort of hobby (hence you only have as many as you find personally fulfilling & then hubs gets snipped). But Catholics don’t view it that way. Marriage and Having children IS a mission-field. I’m working for God 24/7 BECAUSE I have a spouse and kids - not in spite of them. That is the typical vocation of younger women unless you’re called to religious life. You aren’t more productive in Gods kingdom by remaining single! “The world” -which you say needs your talents- IS served by a family. It IS served by a loving marriage. These aren’t personal pursuits Or distractions from a spiritual focus. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding you but you seem to be separating the Church and productive work for God in the Church vs marriage and family. Marriage is a sacrament, though. Single life is not. Im not saying you have to get married, but if you’re avoiding it to serve God in a more focused way, you may want to delve into the Theology of the Body & church teaching on the sacrament of matrimony a bit more!
 
Jen7 said:
You aren’t more productive in Gods kingdom by remaining single! “The world” -which you say needs your talents- IS served by a family. It IS served by a loving marriage.
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Marriage is good, virginity is better. Marriage does serve God and uses talents. But virginity “for the sake of the kingdom” is better., even if it is not a sacrament!
 
Because the poster’s profile says they’re a “Sacred Virgin and canon lawyer.” So they would seem to be boasting a bit here assuming it’s true.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Because the poster’s profile says they’re a “Sacred Virgin and canon lawyer.” So they would seem to be boasting a bit here assuming it’s true.
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Boasting? No, it is like a priest coming on and saying that the priesthood is part of the hierarchy. It simply is a fact.

Assuming it is true? Yes, I assume it is true because I base my assumption on what the Church has consistently taught. First, the Fathers of the Church were unanimous on this subject. Read St. Augustine on Virginity and he will give a great explanation as to why we honor virginity and he contrasts this to marriage. Augustine had to navigate tricky waters because he needed to acknowledge against some heretics that marriage is good, not bad. This he did. He also had to go against other heretics who thought that virginity was equal to or less than marriage. This he also disproved.

Next you have many statements of Popes to the effect that marriage is good, virginity is better. Of course, one must understand that “virginity” here means “virginity for the sake of the Kingdom”. Not something that is reducible to a physical state. Christian virginity requires the absence of consented venereal pleasure and dedication to God “for the sake of the Kingdom”.

So, let’s look at a couple of things. This is a quote from Pope Pius XII in Sacra Virginitas:
  1. This doctrine of the excellence of virginity and of celibacy and of their superiority over the married state was, as We have already said, revealed by our Divine Redeemer and by the Apostle of the Gentiles; so too, it was solemnly defined as a dogma of divine faith by the holy council of Trent,[57] and explained in the same way by all the holy Fathers and Doctors of the Church. Finally, We and Our Predecessors have often expounded it and earnestly advocated it whenever occasion offered. But recent attacks on this traditional doctrine of the Church, the danger they constitute, and the harm they do to the souls of the faithful lead Us, in fulfillment of the duties of Our charge, to take up the matter once again in this Encyclical Letter, and to reprove these errors which are so often propounded under a specious appearance of truth.
Note that Pope Pius XII states it is dogma that virginity for the sake of the kingdom is higher than marriage. That was part of the whole point of his encyclical, to go over once more why the Church teaches what she has always taught.

John Paul II repeated the fact that virginity for the sake of the Kingdom is superior to that of marriage. Marriage is good. Virginity is better. This does not denigrate marriage, it acknowledges marriage to be a very good thing.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Says who, you? What is your source for this?
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Says the Church. E.g. the Council of Trent:

CANON X.-If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.

Say the Fathers of the Church. Say a lot of other very knowledgeable theologians throughout the history of the Church.
 
Define ‘date’. In other words, what distinction would you put on dating relative to going out with a friend of the opposite sex?
 
I understand them quite well; it’s just not a great simile for a woman to use in a Catholic discussion.

There are many others you could have chosen.

It seems like you are trying to set yourself up as an authority on the matter of virginity, to be honest.
 
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SerraSemper said:
I am a sacred person, and an example of another kind of sacred person is a priest or a religious.
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Is this an appropriate way for a consecrated virgin, a priest or a religious to describe themselves? I’ve honestly never heard any one of those types of people refer to themselves in this manner.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Is this an appropriate way for a consecrated virgin, a priest or a religious to describe themselves? I’ve honestly never heard any one of those types of people refer to themselves in this manner.
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Why the antagonism? The Rite of the consecration of virgins contained within the Roman Pontifical clearly states that the virgin is “constituted a sacred person”.

I find it interesting that you are not challenging the substantive things that I am saying about virginity but are nitpicking on my character and credentials.

The fathers of the Church used the term “sacred virgins”. A virgin set aside to God by the bishop was a “virgo sacra”. The current rite again emphasizes the “sacred” part by stating that the virgin is “constituted a sacred person” by the anointing of the Holy Spirit. I use the word “sacred” to indicate what I am, because I am not a lay virgin. I do not use the term “consecrated virgin” as much because many people use the word “consecrated” to mean “self-dedicated”. And the Fathers don’t generally use the term “consecrated virgin”, like I said, they general use the term “sacred virgin”.

And for the record, I honor and esteem lay virgins because they dedicated themselves to the service of God. I admire the lay virgins St. Rose of Lima, St. Kateri Tekakwitha, St. Catherine of Siena, and all the glorious virgins who chose to renounce marriage for the “sake of the Kingdom”.
 
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I think it’d be wrong to romantically date if you honestly intend that it NOT possibly lead to marriage. However, if you’re young and possibly open to marriage even if you think you’re more likely called to singlehood, it’s fine to date. Key point being you’re open to being called to a marriage vocation and you haven’t ruled it out yet, that you’re still discerning.
 
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to the OP: I believe it is a good thing to get to know eligible men. Friendship is a good thing. Making friends and going out in groups or even one on one can be very helpful in the discernment process. I have known too many who have left the priesthood or religious life to get married. It seems to me that some of them left because they didn’t know how to recognize infatuation or attraction thanks to rigorously avoiding friendships and dating. Let loose, they didn’t catch the signs. Better to know and discern now than when in a committment.
 
Dating is to discern marriage. If you are planning on remaining celibate for the Kingdom, you shouldn’t date… it can be a distraction… and if God wants you for Himself, it is beautiful and special to keep your heart all for Him 🙂 typically people who are discerning a vocation other than marriage, do not date. I think it might help you to look at different vocations and discern where God wants you to serve Him
 
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