Can I date if I am meant to remain single/never get married?

  • Thread starter Thread starter pixiedusttough99
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
nunsuch said:
40.png
Anesti33:
I don’t know about you, but I would say that her posts so far are screaming out with a vocation to the religious life. She just doesn’t know it yet.
Click to expand...
Anesti, you DID suggest that her posts so far are “screaming out” with a vocation.
Click to expand...
Yes, because they are - have you read them? @Diaconia has, and he knows from vocations.

If I didn’t know any better, I would think that someone has created a fresh account, knowing full well the hallmarks of a vocation to the religious life, and fed us a fantasy story about a girl who has one and just doesn’t know it yet.
 
Last edited:
OP, while I generally agree that it might be fruitful for you to talk to your priest and a spiritual director about consecrated virgins/ other vocations, I hope you don’t take all these posts on here as some sort of pressure or as telling you that if you’re not going to get married, you must serve as a consecrated virgin or in some other vocation.

It’s okay also to just be single and live a good and holy life. I know people who have done this and are now older/ elderly.

I think sometimes there is a pressure from Catholics in parishes or on the Internet that if you aren’t getting married, then you must have a religious vocation, and if you aren’t doing either of those things then you’re somehow selfish or not serving the Lord fully. You want to avoid that kind of thinking.
 
You are 21 that is not a child. If you are just considering going on the 'date’s because your parents/aunt etc want you too don’t do it. If you are unsure if your vocation and you like the guy (for more than him being a Catholic) then go but as others say be clear that you are discerning a vocation to single life so you are unsure if you have the call to marriage. If hes a good catholic he should understand this though it may well put him off. If that is your intention (to put him off) don’t go. You must love your neighbour and treat everyone with respect.

A second point, the call to single life and dedicating oneself to serving God only in whatever way is very admirable. Please do not listen to people saying you can do that and be married etc. You can but it’s not the same. If you have that strong call, as you say…nurture it. You can discern a single life vocation…it can be taken further and you can even take vows of celibacy in Secular Institutes or Consecrated Virgins in the church and in both you still live in the world but are committed to serving Christ through celibacy. The advantage is that you have help from your group and you are recognised by the church which helps you put paid to awkward relatives and family questions should you choose to tell them. Third orders can help you too but they have married members too. Actually some Secular Institutes do too, but many don’t. But you can go it alone. Either way it’s a good idea to discern it before dating… ie decide in prayer if it’s really what God wants for you. It is a wonderful charism. Try reading ’ And you are Christ’s- Thomas Dubay’ it sounds as if it’s about religious but its says in the beginning it’s for all that choose celibacy (for the sake of the kingdom of God) . God bless
 
Last edited:
Tis_Bearself said:
I think sometimes there is a pressure from Catholics in parishes or on the Internet that if you aren’t getting married, then you must have a religious vocation, and if you aren’t doing either of those things then you’re somehow selfish or not serving the Lord fully. You want to avoid that kind of thinking.
Click to expand...
That is a shame, and those people are bad and wrong.

That being said, I think that applying a certain amount of pressure is a good thing. Young people especially can be reluctant to step outside of their comfort zone, and what they know, and see what life has to offer. This girl could have a really incredible life ahead of her as a sister. We simply don’t want to see her waste her golden opportunity. I would never say a person is wasted if she is a spinster who serves the Church. But our messages are about providing her the opportunity to discern and know what could be in store for her, and point her in the right spiritual direction.

I am a Knight of Columbus. One of our primary tasks is recruitment, and it is for this simple reason: many men do not become Knights because they have never been asked. (Some even believe that membership is by invitation only.) We want to give every Catholic man the opportunity to join us in service, because we believe in our mission. The same goes for any religious institute or diocese.
 
Well, I know a bit about vocations, especially women’s, as I have served on the Board of the National Sisters Vocation Conference. Pressuring is never a good thing, and is very different from encouraging. But the initiative has to come from the individual and from God, not from strangers on the internet.
 
nunsuch said:
Well, I know a bit about vocations, especially women’s, as I have served on the Board of the National Sisters Vocation Conference. Pressuring is never a good thing, and is very different from encouraging. But the initiative has to come from the individual and from God, not from strangers on the internet.
Click to expand...
I am curious how anonymous strangers could exert pressure in a voluntary forum, unless we staged some kind of widespread harrassment or bullying campaign.

As you can see plainly in her posts, this young lady has taken the initiative to serve her Church and grow in love for Christ. We, of CAF, are not taking her initiative but we merely wish to provide the information necessary to take her discernment to the next level. That’s a “take it or leave it” offer. Nobody is reaching through the screen and pushing her into the vocation director’s office, but right now, the Holy Spirit is exerting a fearsome pull.
 
No one thinks a first date, dinner and a socially distanced movie or such, is a commitment to marry.
 
Last edited:
pixiedusttough99 said:
I know dating a person doesn’t mean I will marry that person, but is it wrong of me to date someone without the intention of ever getting married
Click to expand...
I was 23 when my wife and I married. Until two months before the day of our wedding I had sworn to myself that I would remain single the rest of my life. I had dated a few girls but there need be no connection between dating and romance. We learn things from other people but dating is not a declaration of marriage, as you said. My mind was changed when I took a private retreat and said to God that unless he showed me plainly and without doubt that I was to marry, I had no interest in it whatever. Within a day or two I knew that I was to marry a girl at church who I had known for three years. We’d never even gone out together but 40 years later it’s still working out. So stick with what you really want. If its not the right path for you, it will be made known to you. Blessings. 🙂
 
Useless said:
I’m just wondering what service that is more important or helpful than being a wife and mother that you think you can render to the Church as a non-religious person.
Click to expand...
Are you saying that women (or men) who are unable to preproduce are of no use to the church?

Being a single woman my whole life, there are many important things I can offer. Although I want no children of my own, I love them and currently lead three children’s groups at my parish. I also help with organizing events, not only for children, but all ages and faith based. Retreats, dances, adoration, collecting items for needy mothers and fathers, Mass on the grass and many more events. And not only am I also an active volunteer in the liturgical sense (Lector, Eucharistic Minister, Sacristan, Altar Server, funeral assistant) and work part time on the weekends as an Audio/Visual crew member, I am the volunteer secretary to our future pastor. He considers me his right hand woman because I am young, energetic, lively, confident, female of color, and up to date with all the issues before they even get to him. I notify him of any problems or how people feel about certain events or homilies. I am allowed to speak on his behalf as well (I feel like Joseph when pharaoh appointed him in charge of all) so long as I let him know what is being said and any progress being made. You really want to know how much I am trust? Really want to know how highly they think of me? I have the master key to the church as well as our off-site center.

I do not need to be a wife or have children to be a help to the church. I do it in my own God given way. I use the talents I have been blessed with the share His light with those around me. I love what I do. I have a lot of “power” you could say, but I never think of it that way. God has placed me in this position because I am a good fit for it. And I show my appreciation at the start of the day with morning Mass and at the end of the day with adoration for 1 hour.

Bring a nun is too restricting for me. I have been to their retreats and family nights, and being there just isn’t for me. All they do is pray. Prayer is good, but the convents around me don’t do anything else. I am a strong believer in acting on what you pray for. I want world hunger to end, I start with the homeless in my area. I ask God to give me graces, I go an earn them.

So, yeah. I love what I do. It is rewarding for me because God has placed me here. I never asked to be trusted so much or to be anyone’s right hand woman. I have always asked God what His will for me was. When I discovered it was to be a volunteer at my parish and remain single in order to serve Him better, that’s when I felt the happiest I had ever been.
 
MAYBE you’re not really meant for a consecrated life. God is trying to lead you to a direction that He wants you to be in. Why don’t you give it a try? If you’re going to become a mother, you can still serve God and you can lead your wonderful children to God. We don’t know, maybe someday all of them will become a nun or a priest just like what happened with St. Therese’s family.
 
With all due respect, this is the second time you’ve insisted that some young woman on here should think harder about having a vocation because you’ve somehow decided it sounds like she might have one. This is really not a good way to encourage young women into discerning vocations, and it comes off rather disrespectfully like you’re suggesting the woman here doesn’t know her own mind.

If I were a young woman myself, I would not welcome these kinds of comments and they would not get me to think harder about a vocation. Rather, the opposite.
 
Last edited:
Well, then it’s a good thing that you are not the young woman herself! And I saw a distinct lack of “due respect” in your post.
 
Last edited:
Again, I’ve been there. I thought about becoming a “sister” until I was about 13. I spoke with many of the “sisters” there and it just doesn’t to call me. I was 14 is when I truly decided it wasn’t for me. A “sister” came to my Confirmation retreat to talk about vocations and I had never been so bored in my entire life. They just pray for people and make the host for communion. That’s it. I’d rather be out in the world and doing something besides praying and making rosaries and hosts.
 
All I wanted to know is whether or not it is wrong for me to date with no intention of marriage 😦
 
No, it is not wrong for you to date.
Besides, how can you possibly know for sure that you never intend to marry if you never date anyone? You are young yet. Don’t try to decide too soon what direction your life will take. Life can surprise you.
 
I hate to break it to you, but people who are active in the Catholic Church pray. Every day. Several times a day. Because that’s what Christians do, we have a close and personal relationship with God through prayer. Not to mention the saints, angels, and the Blessed Virgin Mary. So whether you say a Rosary, a Divine Mercy Chaplet, or the Liturgy of the Hours like religious, you’ll need to pray often. It won’t be as regimented as religious life, but it still needs to be active and intentional.

If you don’t pray, then all your other apostolic work is empty and fruitless. I can’t stress this enough. This is more important than dating.
 
Last edited:
Anesti33 said:
If you don’t pray, then all your other apostolic work is empty and fruitless. I can’t stress this enough. This is more important than dating.
Click to expand...
I agree! Like I said, I attend morning Mass then go to adoration in the evening. I love prayer, I pray novenas all the time as well and a rosary every night. I know prayer is a very powerful tool, which is why I host children’s and young adult adoration at my church. I just believe that God helps those who help themselves. I’m not going to pray for an end to world hunger then not do anything about it. I’m going to be proactive and help those less fortunate then myself. I organize a homeless shelter at my parish every winter. The “sisters” I have seen just pray all day. This is the Carmelite order by the way.
 
pixiedusttough99 said:
The “sisters” I have seen just pray all day. This is the Carmelite order by the way.
Click to expand...
The Carmelites are a contemplative order, not an active order.
Their primary job is prayer.
There are numerous active orders whose primary job is helping those in need in some manner.
For example, Franciscan orders, including secular orders, tend to be active. There are many others. These orders do pray, but not like Carmelites or other contemplative do.

Even if you are not feeling a vocation right now. It’s good to know what these other sisters do, so you should perhaps get to know some of the other orders.

But you do not have to work at discerning a vocation to them in order to learn about them. If you do feel called, fine, but not wishing to marry right now does not automatically mean you have to start discerning some religious vocation.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top