a DNA test and simply showing the judge the child which will be biracial when both parents are white, plenty of evidence the child is not his. If he waits until the child is born, signs the birth certificate and begins to raise the child for even one day then he could be stuck but he needs to fight right now or lose all hope of challenging later on.
He loves her and Catholics consider marraige a sacrament we promise before God. We don’t just bow out when we face difficulties and problems?!I don’t see why it would be difficult to prove if the child is black and the married couple are both white. And add to that the fact that the husband is medically infertile.
Almost everything you say here is true for any married couple with children, even when there has been no infidelity. Any time that a man gets married and has children, he takes the risk that his wife could have an affair, divorce him, take the kids and half the assets, and leave him on the hook for child support.
I would not consider this a good marriage. Regarding risk, people who have established that they are willing to cheat have a huge statistical probability to do it again.
I think that the OP is in a much better position to judge his wife’s contrition, his wife’s trustworthiness, and the strength of his marriage than either you or I are.
This is an incredibly insensitive post, which seems to have the sole intention of stirring up trouble for the OP. You don’t know a damn thing about what his wife will do in the future. He has stated that he wants to stay with her and that he trusts that nothing like this will happen again. I think he knows better than you do. You seem to be projecting some personal anger into this thread, and it’s not necessary. If the OP decides to raise this kid as his own, then anyone who sneers or makes jokes about the racial differences is a low person who shouldn’t even be on the OP’s radar. Bad things happen, and strong people move on and make the best of the situation. That is what the OP is trying to do.
You don’t personally know either of these people.
I think most of the responses here are insensitive actually, they are purely sympathetic to the adulterous wife and the child that is not his. As a Catholic I don’t agree with abortion, but outside of making sure that does not happen, I don’t think the husband has any duty towards the child at all. Someone needs to stick up for the husband and let him know he has other options. People are giving him all of this advice that could potentially destroy him. I haven’t seen any racial jokes myself here, I only made the comment that the race will only a be a factor that compounds the pain since it will be obvious the child is not his.
I agree that my lack of care was not justifiable excuse for her to have the affair, but that doesn’t make me faultless. Had I tried then instead of now, the temptations would not have interfered with our marriage. Mine being working all the time at my job, while hers was the comfort of a stranger. Both were wrong, it’s just that her mistake now has a large part in both our lives.
Thank you for your enthusiastic optimism, Liny. I came to this site to ask for help in my time of need. If I am open about my problems, it is only because I trust everyone here to talk about them. I don’t have the luxury of friends, but I do plan on telling my parents this weekend. I believe I’ll have to break the truth (or as much of it as I can) to them as delicately as possible. @SpidersfromMars has suggested that I should tell them we were separated when the affair happened. That isn’t a bad suggestion, and not too far off from the truth either.
You’re right, we do have to stop procrastinating and at least try to find the father. Consciously, I know that this is the right thing to do, but another part of me wishes to never see the man. There’s also the fact that my wife has a lot of regret about the affair, and doesn’t want to relieve it. Regardless, I will ask her if she would be okay with going back to this bar to find out as much as possible. I would accompany her, of course. For the sake of the baby’s health, as well as the Father’s right to know, we will at least try.
@holy face, I appreciate your concerns and understand that you’re only looking out for my best interests, but I’ve certainly felt no insensitivity from the general responses I’ve received. Most here have actually been very helpful. I ask that you please not presume to know the intricacies of my marriage and exactly what’s going on in our lives. To say that my wife will simply “walk all over me” is insensitive and somewhat insulting. It’s hard enough to deal with this situation without someone attacking the character of my wife and I. Again, I do appreciate your intent, I just ask that you understand where I’m coming from.
I agree with this. I don’t think they owe the one-night-stand man anything at all. The OP is going to be the child’s father, and even the law presumes that he is. Tracking down the guy helps absolutely no one–not the child, not the OP, and not his wife. I don’t believe there is any moral duty toward this man.
Your welcome! I am in the same boat as you, I don’t have friends either… I will be your friend
we can be “friends of the friendless” (from an episode of I Love Lucy) 