Can someone explain courting?

[Advocatus_Fidei]

While you are kissing for fun the other person your kissing may be kissing for love, how do you think they are going to feel when you tell them they were just a bit of fun and drop them?

You have just proved my whole point about dating, thank you.

 

[agapewolf]

When you can’t say no, your yes means nothing.

While you are out kissing for fun, so is possibly your future spouse.

or maybe, they aren’t. Maybe you’ll be their first. No one to compare you to. You’ll be the only one to receive the honor of their kiss.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

My boyfriend and I call what we are in a courtship, be it a long one. But, we were really young when we started “dating.” Basically, we were friends with an extra title…he wasn’t even allowed kissing me for almost nine months after we were ‘offically’ dating. He has been courting me for almost 26 months, now. And, when financially able, we shall become engaged. We both strongly believe we will get married someday, potentially [and probably] before even I graduate from college (he won’t graduate until after I do, as I’m 19 1/2 months older than him). So, a long courtship is necessary. It’ll be probably closer to 2 1/2 or three years of “courting” then an engagment that is hopefully only slightly longer than a year. We’ll have been together four years if we can get married when we hope to…finances are all that’s holding us back. Well, that and the fact that he’s still a little under 18. No worries, though, when we get married he’ll be almost 20 and I’ll have just turned 21

Firstly congratulations.

As someone who has had to live the long courtship you are probably more aware than most of the difficulties involved and how much more preferable it would have been if at least one of you was already in a position to marry the other am I right?

 

[chevalier]

So my thoughts are that courting tends to describe in my mind a type of " dating" where there is less physical contact allowing the couple to get to know each other before that bond confuses the emotions…as well as allowing the family to be involved somewhat to see the person’s interactions with others. Hence I am pro-courting per say…

It’s just definitions and basically, if we were to be super-strict about definitions, then dating would probably be a type of courting (a way of doing it) except when not actually courting (because not interested in leading to marriage), so there… hey, after all, there is sense in keeping up the dichotomy. Oh well. anyway, I agree with the less physical approach to dating. I particularly like the flow of intellectual energies, I like how feelings can grow, how the mind stays in the right place (and the brain too) and no, it’s not like it’s bland, quite the opposite indeed. As for families, they tend to introduce normalcy and cut down on the solipsism which the couple risks and which leads to bad things. Besides, attending social events together gives the “legal” or formal side of it meaning and stresses on responsibilities, removes the ability to hide in shadow (and e.g. do bad things), it provides something to do and some contexts in which to form and express bonds, while not suffering from immediate risks of temptation so much… And there’s more accountability, more checks, more ability to face the truth. So yeah, I’m all in favour, despite my reservations concerning consent (full, free consent, by man and woman both and only, at least as far as mortals go).

While you are kissing for fun the other person your kissing may be kissing for love, how do you think they are going to feel when you tell them they were just a bit of fun and drop them?

You have just proved my whole point about dating, thank you.

That is a very important consideration indeed.

 

[Rascalking]

When you can’t say no, your yes means nothing.

While you are out kissing for fun, so is possibly your future spouse.

or maybe, they aren’t. Maybe you’ll be their first. No one to compare you to. You’ll be the only one to receive the honor of their kiss.

I simply cannot imagine not kissing someone until our wedding day. It is bizzare. Very, very, bizzare.

My future spouse? I want her to kiss other people. I want her to tell me why my kiss is the special one.

When you kiss your spouse, it’s different than anyone else-it’s much more magical.

Now, I know you’ll say, “You can say the same thing about sex!” And you can.

However, common sense dictates that there is a world of difference between kissing and other acts.

Whenever catholics argue about this it makes me cringe-literally. We need to pick our battles in the culture. We need to get a clue about what to debate and what to ignore.

 

[agapewolf]

I simply cannot imagine not kissing someone until our wedding day. It is bizzare. Very, very, bizzare.

My future spouse? I want her to kiss other people. I want her to tell me why my kiss is the special one.

When you kiss your spouse, it’s different than anyone else-it’s much more magical.

Now, I know you’ll say, “You can say the same thing about sex!” And you can.

However, common sense dictates that there is a world of difference between kissing and other acts.

Whenever catholics argue about this it makes me cringe-literally. We need to pick our battles in the culture. We need to get a clue about what to debate and what to ignore.

I wasn’t saying to not kiss anyone, even someone you are engaged to until marriage. Where did I say that? I didn’t

Perhaps you wouldn’t cringe so much if you would actually read what is said, and take it as it is meant, rather than adding your own agenda to it.

 

[LilyElain]

I simply cannot imagine not kissing someone until our wedding day. It is bizzare. Very, very, bizzare.

My future spouse? I want her to kiss other people. I want her to tell me why my kiss is the special one.

When you kiss your spouse, it’s different than anyone else-it’s much more magical.

Now, I know you’ll say, “You can say the same thing about sex!” And you can.

However, common sense dictates that there is a world of difference between kissing and other acts.

Whenever catholics argue about this it makes me cringe-literally. We need to pick our battles in the culture. We need to get a clue about what to debate and what to ignore.

Yes, but there is a very clear difference between kissing someone in a serious relationship that may not work out in the end and recreational kissing “for fun”…

 

[Rascalking]

I wasn’t saying to not kiss anyone, even someone you are engaged to until marriage. Where did I say that? I didn’t

Perhaps you wouldn’t cringe so much if you would actually read what is said, and take it as it is meant, rather than adding your own agenda to it.

Alright, I apologized. I misunderstood.

I’ve seen people say the “never kiss anyone but your spouse” on here, so I stand by what I said. And from reading your post, it’s pretty easy how someone could that impression.

My bad.

I’ll never forgive myself.

 

[agapewolf]

BTW,

Living counter cultural is not bizarre at all to those who do it. Saving sex before marriage is VERY bizarre in this world. But so very right.

 

[Rascalking]

BTW,

Living counter cultural is not bizarre at all to those who do it. Saving sex before marriage is VERY bizarre in this world. But so very right.

Yes, it is. On both accounts. And there is a huge difference between the two-kissing and sex

 

[agapewolf]

Yes, it is. On both accounts. And there is a huge difference between the two-kissing and sex

Again, I NEVER said they were the same.

You completely missed my point. you are making a judgement of “bizarre” in the worldly sense. It is NOT bizarre to people who live this way, fully integrated living counter culturally.

 

[chevalier]

Yes, but there is a very clear difference between kissing someone in a serious relationship that may not work out in the end and recreational kissing “for fun”…

Yes, or even what it just has a charge of feelings it expresses. But when it’s just a lip exercise, it’s meaningless.

Yes, it is. On both accounts. And there is a huge difference between the two-kissing and sex

Yes, there is, but it doesn’t make kissing a recreational activity.

 

[Rascalking]

Yes, there is, but it doesn’t make kissing a recreational activity.

Hahahah! No, it’s not something I signed up for at the rec league that year.

 

[ac_claire]

I disagree. How’re you supposed to get tyo know a woman well enough to to marry if you don’t date and find out X person isn’t good person but Y person is. Courting is antiquated and I haven’t met a person that does it.

There’s been a few in the thread already, here’s one more. That’s how I ended up married to my husband too. We never “dated” in the traditional sense.

But really this hostility to courtship because it’s “antiquated” doesn’t make sense to me. It’s really not antiquated. Practically speaking, courting today isn’t going to look the exact same way it did in the 19th century. It’s not all that different from dating. It just is more chaste and presupposes a specific goal in mind: finding someone to marry.

I will never, ever let my children “date” when they’re in high school. How normal some random people may think it is is of no consequence. Christians aren’t really supposed to be “with the world” every step of the way anyhow, are we?

 

[Rascalking]

. Christians aren’t really supposed to be “with the world” every step of the way anyhow, are we?

Ma’am-

How are we supposed to save any souls if we’re not part of the world?

I embrace the world-I just show them how a Christian should live in it.

You can be in this world and still be Catholic…

 

[ac_claire]

My boyfriend and I call what we are in a courtship, be it a long one. But, we were really young when we started “dating.” Basically, we were friends with an extra title…he wasn’t even allowed kissing me for almost nine months after we were ‘offically’ dating. He has been courting me for almost 26 months, now. And, when financially able, we shall become engaged. We both strongly believe we will get married someday, potentially [and probably] before even I graduate from college (he won’t graduate until after I do, as I’m 19 1/2 months older than him). So, a long courtship is necessary. It’ll be probably closer to 2 1/2 or three years of “courting” then an engagment that is hopefully only slightly longer than a year. We’ll have been together four years if we can get married when we hope to…finances are all that’s holding us back. Well, that and the fact that he’s still a little under 18. No worries, though, when we get married he’ll be almost 20 and I’ll have just turned 21

One of my best friends is in a situation similar to this. I believe, as the Church advises, that long courtships generally aren’t advisable. But in the course of life there are always some situations that prove to be exceptions to the rule. Like you seem to be, and I hope you will continue to be.

 

[Coco82]

I think my words were misconstrued. Let me clarify for anyone who needs it: By kissing for “fun” (not my term) I meant kissing in a long term relationship out of marriage, not kissing ANYONE. I’m not endorsing kissing in casual relationship, but people do have serious relationships that can last a year, 2 years, etc. People will engage in these sort of relationships whether Catholic or not.

 

[ac_claire]

Ma’am-

How are we supposed to save any souls if we’re not part of the world?

I embrace the world-I just show them how a Christian should live in it.

You can be in this world and still be Catholic…

Who said anything about not being a part of the world? I believe I said, “Christians aren’t really supposed to be “with the world” every step of the way…”

Of course we’re all part of the world. What’s that old saying? Christians are to be in the world, but not of the world. That means, our values will very frequently (if not always) be contrary to the popular values that rule the secular world. The *same *world which we still live in and enjoy. In fact, we’re called to be signs of contradiction to the rest of the world, and that’s primarily how we evangelize. By our lives and example, right? Doesn’t make us any less citizens of the world or any less human.

The apostles and early Christians were reviled and hated, and called many different and worse things than “antiquated” and “old-fashioned”. It comes with the job as far as I can tell. Here’s the scripture I was thinking of:

John 17: 14-19

14** I have given them thy word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.** 15 I do not pray that thou shouldst take them out of the world, but that thou shouldst keep them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. 17 Sanctify them in the truth; thy word is truth. 18 **As thou didst send me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. **

 

[StrugglingGrad]

Restricting what your children do and controlling them will only make them more angry and rebellious. Kids need freedom at that age. It’s best to talk to them about sex early on, so they know what to do. My parents ingrained it into our heads that we weren’t old enough until we were out of the house.

 

[Coco82]

Restricting what your children do and controlling them will only make them more angry and rebellious. Kids need freedom at that age. It’s best to talk to them about sex early on, so they know what to do. My parents ingrained it into our heads that we weren’t old enough until we were out of the house.

Good point! Of kids want to date they will, they’ll sneak around and do it behind their parents’ backs, so what parents need to do is be open w/their children andd discuss such issues and make sure their kids know right from wrong on these issues, ie. date but don’t have sex (or depending on a family not just w/any guy…don’yt misconstrue this). Teach to respect themselves so they can make the right decisions and have a firm mooral leg to stand on, not allowing it won’t work though.