Can You Really Have Two Many Kids?

[maria29]

I have to say that I agree with Jess, although I don’t have any children yet, so my opinions might change.

My parents had four kids, and we didn’t have a lot of money, although we never suffered. I paid my own way through university (although it’s cheaper in Canada than in the States). I started with scholarships, spent my savings when I ran out of scholarships, held down three part-time jobs at the same time, got bursaries, and finally got a student loan for my final year. My family helped with what they could. My parents gave me vegetables from their farm. My grandparents gave me two or three thousand dollars. My older brother helped me when I couldn’t pay the rent once or twice.

I think the lessons I learned from paying for college myself were really valuable, and I’d like my own children to learn those lessons too. I might match them dollar for dollar, if I have the money, but I certainly wouldn’t give them a free ride.

I’m doing my master’s degree now, and trying not to incur debt. People ask me how I can spend a thousand dollars a month on school without incurring debt. It’s difficult, but doable. I don’t eat out, ever. When I meet my boyfriend, we don’t go out, we meet at friends’ houses, or he comes to my house. If we watch a movie, it’s on my computer, not at the theater. If we eat pizza, it’s homemade. If we want to drink, it’s water or juice. I don’t have TV. I ride a bicycle to work. I don’t buy books or magazines. I stopped drinking coffee out. When my colleagues are going out for lunch, I run home to make mine.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my parents didn’t have the means to send any of us to college, but all four of us went, and now I’m pursuing higher education. If you instill the values in your children, they will find a way to live them. It’s like that saying, when there’s a will there’s a way.

I did all of these things as well and still can’t afford to be a SAHM thanks to my student loan debt. I don’t want my son if he decides to go to college and he is doing well to start out his life with a new wife who is forced to work because we didn’t help him out when we could.

My parents had no money to really help me out either so I worked 3 jobs, got scholarships and student loans. I would of had to put off getting married for 3-5 years to get my debt down to a manageable level and since we’d been engaged for 2 years already our priest advised against this.

I’d been charting before I got married and on our honeymoon we had a safe day and still got pregnant. I attempted to stay home for the first 6 months and towards the end it added more debt than it saved.

If I can help save my son and his wife from an existence like this where they can start with as little as debt as possible we’re going to. There will be conditions of course like that he must be getting certain grades and work during summers.

 

[valient_Lucy]

The bottom line is that it’s really no one else’s business whether a particular couple has or should have 1 child or 20 children. It seems incredibly arrogant to me to be making judgments that certain people shouldn’t continue to reproduce. The Church does not require married couples to use NFP or employ any sort of abstinence at all. Likewise, the Church does not require a couple to have a ‘large’ family either. The issue of whether a particular couple parents responsibly is a different issue. You can be an irresponsible parent of 1 child, or of 20. My dad is one of 14 kids, and they were dirt poor. He doesn’t even believe in God, but I’m sure if I asked him whether there were ‘too many’ kids in his family, he’d most assuredly say ‘no’ (the siblings are very close - my dad is one of the younger ones at age 60).

Amen. Each married couple should pray to determine God’s will for their family. We should not be angry at a family for having too few or too many children.

 

[boppaid]

No offense, Maria. I’m not saying that everyone should or can stay at home. I’m just saying that college debt DOESN’T have to be a reason that you can’t stay at home. My point was that parents shouldn’t feel guilt/responsibility for paying for a college education—there are definite ways for their children to pay for it if they want it that bad.
For example, if a person is going to go to college even though they know they want to stay at home indefinitely with their kids, they might think twice about going to college at all…I would have! If I had known how much debt I would cost our family (even though I can stay at home and we’re okay financially,) I would have thought twice about getting a degree. But in my situation I incurred half my debt in my first year…better to finish out.
Not everyone needs a degree, not everyone should have a degree and definitely not everyone should forsake having another child “just in case” their kid wants to go to college.

Jessica

Hi Jessica. I forget how old you are, but to say you regret getting your degree because you won’t use it is a little short sighted if you’re still young (30s). God forbid, what if you are widowed and need to support your children? You will be very grateful for your education then! Or, your husband could suddenly become unable to work, or some kind of emergency expense could come up that would eat away at your buffer, or, well, the list could go on. Thank God you earned your degree. You may be able to save your family someday because of it.

That said, I cannot think of ANY scenario where a person shouldn’t go to college. Blue collar worker? Still should go. My husband’s friend works in a factory and they will not promote anyone to manager who doesn’t have a degree. Besides, being an educated person is extremely important, and these days education seems to extend well past grade 12.

You also say, “if I had known how much debt I cost my family…” in this quote above, but previously you said you won’t pay for your children’s education because you did it and it worked out. It did work out, but there’s a ton of debt now incurred. I’m not criticizing, because I’m in the same boat. I am graduating from college at the crazy age of 36…19 years after I first began.(Yes, I took a long hiatus as you can see! ) I am incurring $40k in debt to do this. I wish I had gone when my parents had offered to pay for it, because it would put less strain on my family. However, in the long run, being college educated, I will be in a better position to help my family. My husband has been laid off for quite a while.

Anyway, I’m not picking on you. Just giving my thoughts and reactions to your post.

 

[boppaid]

I did all of these things as well and still can’t afford to be a SAHM thanks to my student loan debt. I don’t want my son if he decides to go to college and he is doing well to start out his life with a new wife who is forced to work because we didn’t help him out when we could.

My parents had no money to really help me out either so I worked 3 jobs, got scholarships and student loans. I would of had to put off getting married for 3-5 years to get my debt down to a manageable level and since we’d been engaged for 2 years already our priest advised against this.

I’d been charting before I got married and on our honeymoon we had a safe day and still got pregnant. I attempted to stay home for the first 6 months and towards the end it added more debt than it saved.

If I can help save my son and his wife from an existence like this where they can start with as little as debt as possible we’re going to. There will be conditions of course like that he must be getting certain grades and work during summers.

Maria, a beautiful and thoughtfelt post. I agree.