Catholic Church Lacks Genuine Help For Rape Victims From Catholic Prospective

[Lainey63]

I can vouch for the fact that no one (inc the priest) on a local level in my parish cares whether a victim lives or dies, much less how they feel or how they could be helped - even when the perpetrator is a repeat, registered offender and member of the parish, and the victim is the young teen daughter of a single mom. My daughter was accosted (on her way to Mass) by just such a monster last fall. He is an older, wealthy man (huge inheritance) who gives great amounts of money to the church. While he sits in jail, having plead guilty, he receives a visit from the priest or deacon and communion every Sunday. My daughter and I have all but begged for at least a prayer/vent session with the priest. His response is that he doesn’t get involved with civil matters between members of the parish. I bet he would if I were the one with a ton of money and the perpetrator was the poor one. sometimes it takes every bit of will power I have to remain Catholic.

A civil matter? A crime was committed. I can feel your hurt and anguish. My daughter was also raped and the local police dept except for one police officer was deplorable. No matter what any law enforcement agency says, unless a female is left a half dead on the side of the road…she still gets the blame and rape didn’t occur. I wouldn’t go back to that parish. I would find another one…if that is what is important to the pastor (money) then you are well aware that you are wasting your time, money & energy. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there are other victims. Men who rape or molest start when they are teenagers and have had multiple victims before they are caught for one. Keep trusting in God, the truth will come out. God knows what is going on and He will take care of you. Don’t let bitterness overcome you. Remember, The Blessed Virgin Mary had to watch her Son be brutally murdered, she knows exactly what you are going through. It will get better, there is help available I urge you both to do so. You can start by calling the Rape Crisis hotline…rape has not only a devastating affect on the person who was violated but also that person’s family members. God Bless.

 

[centurionguard]

I had no problem with this, in fact my priest was the one who helped me find one, as is the obligation of all priests. I think in the end you do not really know what you want, until that point comes, I really see no further need for this conversation.

I certainly dislike being insinuated as being insensitive with this manner in that is not my intent or others.

I certainly dislike being insinuated as being insensitive with this manner in that is not my intent or others.

Jermosh; nowhere in what has been talked about in this thread has insinuated you as being insensitive. If you feel hurt in some respect, it was seriously not my intention to have made you feel that way. And I mean that with all respect.

The difference between you finding the “right” help is remarkable. I for one am gladdened that you have found what you needed to bring strength to your soul and your mental resolve. You must admit though that not every rape victim has access to ((“compatible”)) resources whether in the secular world including the Catholic Church. Do you think that I have not made serious efforts including prayer already. I have been in secular group psychotherapy for the last six ruddy years. In my province NO male rape victim has dared come forward to seek professional help in ten years. Dam; I would be happy if I could join in a compatible therapy group with female rape victims. At least I could identify with people who suffer the same affliction. In my city there’s not even a Rape Crisis Centre for women. The situation is as bad as it gets. If you took time to research you would find that the problems I face finding compatible help very much reflects such help for the majority of male rape victims both heterosexual and homosexual in hopes of finding appropriate trained resources all across United States, Canada, U.K. and Australia which is extremely lacking with the exception of major cities. I have written letters to my own parish priest, the Knights of Columbus in my own country and the head office in New Haven, Conneticut. No response in six months.

What would give BOTH a Catholic female and male rape respite hope from a Catholic prospective I have tried already to articulate.

What would benefit the rape victim who is shattered inside is a form of spiritual counseling help that they would not normally receive otherwise from a homily, or a Mass. Most Catholics who are rape victims respect the idea that a priest is holy and that a kind endearing spiritual prayer and a personal blessing from the priest or even the sacrament of the sick would be beneficial to most rape victims if such actions were done in proper faith and tactfulness.

Jermosh; I wish you the very best.
The Peace of Christ

Chris

 

[marthagreys]

Lainey63,
Thank you so much for your post. Something you said really struck a chord with me - the part about there probably being other victims as well. My daughter has mentioned this so many times. This particular pervert has a long, documented history of sex crimes with the added element of death threats to the victim/victim’s loved ones if the victim ever tells.
The one consolation my daughter has in all of this is that at least people are watching him now. It had been so long since he had been in jail, that the community had kind of let it’s guard down. Who knows whether he really hasn’t offended in years or if victims are just too scared to report him, but at least the publicity of our case has made people aware that he is not rehabilitated, and is still very dangerous.
We’re seriously considering moving out of the area. We had considered it before, and this may be what tips the scale. We live in an area where parishes are few and far between - the next nearest one is nearly an hour away. While we’ve gone there several times in the last few months, it’s not practical to make it our home parish, and I have absolutely no faith in our local parish or priest - to the point that I grit my teeth and just endure Mass when we do have to attend locally.
My heart goes out to your daugher. Our saving grace was that local law enforcement and the prosecuting attorney were excellent. They couldn’t have handled the case better - not only with prosecuting the perpetrator, but also with helping my daugher and making every effort to make the whole miserable situation as painless as possible for her. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have the authorities fighting against us, too - that’s been our church’s role.
But I can so much identify with the pain of the victim being revictimized by people who should care, and are in a postition to help - at least minimally. If I’m working, and my daughter goes to Mass without me, it never fails that somebody makes a cruel comment - anything from insinuations that she somehow brought it on to outright accusations that she lied.
I guess I’ve just kind of come to the conclusion that some cases simply have to be settled in the courts of Heaven. We aren’t always going to get resolution here on earth, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t see our hurt, and it doesn’t mean that He has forgotten. The rosary has become our lifeline for the very reasons you stated. Thanks for th reminder that none of are alone. God bless.

 

[BiologyBrain]

I apologize if you felt I was defending your priest. However, I tried to explain myself by saying I was giving the benefit of the doubt & that I thought he should have at least attempted to steer you in the right direction of someone he thought could help you. There is no doubt that the way you related the incident he was callous and unnecessarily rude.

There are people who care whether you live or die within your parish & throughout the world. You just may not know they’re there. Plus God definitely cares whether you (and your daughter) live or die and He will hear your prayers.

I still think that priests have the right (and possibly even the obligation) to send a victim of any crime to someone they feel is more qualified to deal with the situation as opposed to dealing with it themselves if they’re uncomfortable. I realize that the delay may cause some problems, but a compassionate priest would explain the situation kindly and gently guide the victim to the best counsellor as quickly as possible. Some priests have more experience and more of a ‘knack’ for dealing w/ certain things than others do. Its the nature of being human - we all have different talents. I would rather a priest be honest w/ me and direct me to someone who is more knowledgable in an area than have him try to fumble through on his own. Especially in a situation where care and compassion are of the utmost importance.

If counselling rape victims is so much a part of psychology training, why aren’t all psychologists rape counsellors? Some people are better at certain aspects of their profession than others. Victim’s advocates psychologists/psychiatrists get specialized training that many psychologists & psychiatrists don’t get or retain. In some aspects specialization makes things more complicated b/c you get passed from person to person until you find the right specialist. However, in the end, the treatment is better if someone specializes in that field.

Of course, that’s just my opinion & you’re free to differ & even think I’m being callous or defending wrongs.

 

[centurionguard]

Drawing upon a former post I made here at CAF about me being involved in psychotherapy I should like to elaborate on some theoretical suppositions I find difficult to accept by reason of apprehending my moral and theological beliefs in God through my Catholic faith. And last but not least apprehending my human soul which was once stripped of any likeness to my human identity. Because I know what it is like to have walked in life almost thirty years without a soul. That’s what my gang-rape and torture at gunpoint did to me.
One major aspect about my present psychotherapy is discrepancies with the fact of me being wedged amongst an incompatible group of people who are undertaking Dialectic Behavior Therapy and who are diagnosed with Personality Disorders. I myself have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of being Gang-Rape & Tortured at Gunpoint. To reiterate again Dialectic Behavior Therapy is for people with Borderline Personality Disorder which I do not have and have not been diagnosed with.
Why the miss-match of pairing me in a group that has (“NOTHING”) to do with rape affliction?
My biggest concern in all this is that I am being asked to accept the unorthodox concept of (“Radical Acceptance”).
There are a number of areas of concern within Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) which I find problematic. Much of Dialectic Behavior Therapy relies for its underlying philosophy on Buddhism and particularly Zen. “This is well acknowledged”, even amongst professionals who work in branches of psychotherapy. Zen practice has been around for thousands of years and derives directly from specific branches of Indian Yoga even before that. It has a long and well celebrated recorded history. However; (“Radical Acceptance”) is not directly an associated part of Buddhism. And in particular (“Radical Acceptance”) is at odds with particular branches of Buddhism, Zen in particular. In my research I was puzzled about this and had to give this quite a lot of thought, mainly because it just felt to me to be fundamentally wrong.
So what exactly is wrong with (“Radical Acceptance”)?
Before scrutinizing the concepts of Radical Acceptance in all fairness. I should first try to understand what it is and what is being meant by Radical Acceptance. However; as soon as I try to do this I am confronted with pragmatic rational difficulty. The concept of Radical Acceptance is vague, non-specific. It is over-generalized to the point where it is meaningless. (“No useful meaningful examples are given”), At least not any that I have been able to ascertain by “logical inference”. I have not yet got my hands on a copy of well known American Psychologist Doctor Marsha M. Linehan’s books but have read in depth exerts from Linehan’s various works on D.B.T. therapy on the internet and Canada’s Chapters Bookstore. Dr. Linehan often fails describing what Radical Acceptance means to any person suffering an affliction. Deriving from this Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) contrast is what I believe to be an erroneous flaw, and a further indication that actually no one (“really’) knows what Radical Acceptance means.
I did however; review a number of points that explained what Radical Acceptance is. Here are some quotes from the material.
(“1”) Freedom from suffering requires ACCEPTANCE from deep within of what is. Let yourself go completely with what is. Let go of fighting reality.
(“2”) ACCEPTANCE is the only way out of hell.
(“3”) Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to accept the pain.
(“4”) Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE.
(“5”) ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.
(“6”) To accept something is not the same as judging it good.
I would like to review these quotes. From (“1”) it states that Freedom from suffering requires Acceptance from ((“deep within”)). It is not at all clear what (“deep within”) is meant to mean. The same goes for (“what is”). (“Let yourself go completely with what is”) appears to be an injunction to ignore any internal sense of morality. In other words to be amoral. While this appears to be a bad thing, it is actually not such a bad thing. The truth is our personal moral sense is often too rigid and too puritanical to mesh with the events of a multicultural world with many different codes of morality.
Buddhism itself takes this stance. It is fundamentally amoral. This is the aspect that causes Christians the most difficulty. Christians expect to be told what to think, and to be told what is right and wrong. Buddhism refutes this role. Buddhism says that each individual has to learn to work this stuff out for themselves. Unfortunately this is not what happens in practice even in Buddhist societies. Humanity’s impulse to join with a peer group and in so doing adopt the injunctions of the peer group continually frustrate this aspect of Buddhism even in totally Buddhist countries such as Sri Lanka, Thailand and Cambodia. Even with Zen in the West everyone goes to the Zen Master expecting to be told what is right and what to do. The Zen Masters correct response to all this is “Just sit and meditate.” This is not an acceptable answer to many Christians who reject Buddhist teachings as a direct result of this reaction. Of course it is possible to be both Christian and Buddhist simply by doing what the Zen Master says. (“Let go of fighting reality.”) is again a meaningless slogan by itself. Without a full elaboration it is just a marketing sound bite, the sort of thing you hear on TV advertisements every hour.
From (“2”) “we have “hell”. Now I have to ask what does “hell” have to do with anything. We are discussing people’s emotions and reactions in the real day to day world, not someone else’s judgmental supposition of what they perceive someone else’s reality to be. The word “hell” has no place in this discussion. It is a direct connection to a puritanical train of thought. The implication of using the word “hell” is – (“do what I say or be damned.”) Whoever wrote this sentence obviously has difficulty with their own sense of power and control over their own life and surroundings including their own spiritual certitudes.

 

[centurionguard]

From (“3”) we have (“Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to accept pain.”) Now the distinction here completely alludes me. For me pain(“IS”) suffering. There is no split between describing the two. Try and convince me or virtually any person in this world that pain is not suffering. The profound inanity of this statement raises a serious question. Why has no one picked up on this and challenged it? Are all the people being taught D.B.T. like dumb sponges that will accept anything that is dished out to them without question? If that is the case there is a serious problem. Any psychotherapist who thinks within themselves as their clients being a dumb sponge is a serious impediment to their being a genuine good therapist.
(“4”) “Deciding to tolerate the moment as a way of learning acceptance is actually a worthwhile statement”. When a Buddhist sits in meditative Zazen practice, they practice precisely this kind of acceptance every fraction of a second, particularly if your knees hurt so much it feels like they are about to crack apart. But Zen Practice demands that you sit with that pain and accept it. On a more mundane level of pain, if a bee comes into the room and alights on your nose while you are sitting in a meditative Zazen practice, again you simply accept that the bee is sitting on your nose. One who is meditating does not move to brush it off. Nor do they move in any way. Nor do they even disturb their awareness to think “I wish that bee would bugger off!” It would appear that famed American psychologist Doctor Marsha M. Linehan has latched onto this fundamental idea and tried to take it in the direction of her own existential psychoanalysis through Buddhist/Zen practices ignoring any modes of rational from Christian ideological thinking.
(“5”) (((“ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.”))) Here again we have this vague term (“what is”) which by lack of definition makes any discussion or common interpretation impossible. This statement looks very much like (“4.”) But it is actually very different. (“4”) is about tolerating the moment, which advocates making a choice whether to take some affirmative action or not in each instant of time as an event unfolds. This part of learning is about right (skillful) action. (“Acknowledging what is”) is something quite different. (“What is”) is a vacuous statement that includes too much. How can you possibly acknowledge something that is more than you can know or understand? That is just dumb acquiescence. Acknowledging something is a dumb agreement to something else particularly when one doesn’t even know quite what it is you are agreeing to. This is acquiescence in ignorance, the most dangerous form of ignorance. This is the way many people in society function most of the time.
(“6”) “To accept something is not the same as judging it good” So far the word “Radical” has not come into this discussion. So far this discussion has not distinguished between ordinary acceptance of typical life events like birth and death and sickness and aging, and more morally laden events such as rape, incest, torture and murder. This is the one sentence that defines the difference. (“With Radical Acceptance as opposed to ordinary acceptance”), we are being asked to accept an event which we personally judge to being immoral or unsound. If I do not judge the event of rape to be abominable in some sense then the event is not different to ordinary acceptance and there is no need to qualify this form of acceptance as “Radical Acceptance” rather than just acceptance.
What is it that is special about Radical Acceptance? Radical Acceptance requires any afflicted person to (“accept”) an event that, that person genuinely feels to be morally wrong in some way. Now it suddenly becomes unclear just what the word (“accept”) means in this context. How far is this word (“accept”) supposed to reach? What is it intended to include. Should a person with an affliction simply accept the harsh reality and affliction of murder, rape, or incest simply because it is a reality of life or do such victims do something to mitigate the situation? Do you complain afterwards? Do you complain at the time? ((“Hypothetically”)) What if I were very young child growing up in my adolescence and didn’t realize at the time that the love of my mother and father gave me was in fact brutal torture with a life engaged in sexual incest relations all throughout my childhood and well into my teen years. Maybe by the time I had reached the aged 20 before I suddenly realized that those acts of love were not really true acts of love at all but profound abuse. Do I simply accept the fact that these incestuous sexual relations happened and move on with my life ? And again hypothetically; how would I simply relate to my parents the same way I did as a child before I understood the hideous enormity of their actions? ((“What is this word “accept” supposed to mean in this context?”))
It quickly becomes clear that the use of the idea to (“Radically Accept") in this context becomes so vague as to be meaningless.

 

[Ana]

Hi OP!! I am so glad you posted this. I have started a couple threads concerning the lack of resources for victims of sexual crimes. My perspective comes from that of a child sexual abuse survivor. I am interested in contributing to this discussion, but I have a very busy day today IRL. I do intend on returning to discuss this more indepth. I also can share some ways I was able to come to a place of spiritual peace concerning my past abuse. Secular resources were helpful in validating my pain, and recognizing the myriad of ways that the consequences of my past abuse saturated my present life. But they are NOT HELPFUL at all for the spiritual healing that I needed. Not only are they not helpful, they are potentially spiritually dangerous.

I will share with you some starting points on your path to healing WITHIN the Church, while at the same time acknowledging the GREAT NEED for a ministry for those with a need for sexual healing.

I disagree that this is not the responsibility of the Church. These types of assaults do not just affect the body, but penetrate to the very depths of the soul, and the soul IS the responsibility of the Church, not secular psychologists.

When there is a ministry for healing for those who are grieving, for the poor, the sick, for those suffering from SSA, for those recovering from an abortion, for those who are seperated or divorced … the lack of acknowledgement from the Church can feed and further isolate these victims who struggle with shame and “keeping the secret.”

Kudos to you and others on this thread who have shared their stories, though I am sorry you have these stories to share in the first place. It is not easy to share such a personal and painful experience, especially on a public forum where it is easy to run into a lack of compassion that can be very painful to one who is vulnerable. I wanted to acknowledge your bravery and gumption and to offer my encouragement. Do not give up hope!! Healing is in store for you!!

Got to run, but be filled with joy that God loves you and desires your complete and total healing from your painful experience.

 

[centurionguard]

Hi OP!! I am so glad you posted this. I have started a couple threads concerning the lack of resources for victims of sexual crimes. My perspective comes from that of a child sexual abuse survivor. I am interested in contributing to this discussion, but I have a very busy day today IRL. I do intend on returning to discuss this more indepth. I also can share some ways I was able to come to a place of spiritual peace concerning my past abuse. Secular resources were helpful in validating my pain, and recognizing the myriad of ways that the consequences of my past abuse saturated my present life. But they are NOT HELPFUL at all for the spiritual healing that I needed. Not only are they not helpful, they are potentially spiritually dangerous.

I will share with you some starting points on your path to healing WITHIN the Church, while at the same time acknowledging the GREAT NEED for a ministry for those with a need for sexual healing.

I disagree that this is not the responsibility of the Church. These types of assaults do not just affect the body, but penetrate to the very depths of the soul, and the soul IS the responsibility of the Church, not secular psychologists.

When there is a ministry for healing for those who are grieving, for the poor, the sick, for those suffering from SSA, for those recovering from an abortion, for those who are seperated or divorced … the lack of acknowledgement from the Church can feed and further isolate these victims who struggle with shame and “keeping the secret.”

Kudos to you and others on this thread who have shared their stories, though I am sorry you have these stories to share in the first place. It is not easy to share such a personal and painful experience, especially on a public forum where it is easy to run into a lack of compassion that can be very painful to one who is vulnerable. I wanted to acknowledge your bravery and gumption and to offer my encouragement. Do not give up hope!! Healing is in store for you!!

Got to run, but be filled with joy that God loves you and desires your complete and total healing from your painful experience.

Hi Ana;

Thank you for your heartfelt support. Look forward to hearing from you again.

Have a Blessed Day

Yours in Christ
Chris

 

[marthagreys]

Ana,
I just have to echo Chris’s words, and add my own “thank you” for this well-expressed, helpful post. You may never know how helpful your word are to me right now. Thanks again, and God bless.
Martha

 

[Lainey63]

Hi everyone, here is a link to Grief to Grace it’s a new program for people who have been sexaully abused and it is by the same people who started Rachel’s Vineyard. grieftograce.org/founders.html

 

[Ana]

I am sorry it took so long to get back here. I see that lainey posted a resource for retreats for those who are struggling with consequences of past abuse. I have not attended a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat, but heard they were very efficacious. I am sure through their ministry they have encountered many women who have been sexually abused in some way, and thus I was not surprised to find the “Abuse to Abortion Connection.” I am encouraged that they have expanded their wings to offer a path of healing to those who have suffered traumatic abuse. This is long needed, and I hope this ministry grows into a refuge for those previously left without help. It looks like they have some retreats this spring, and that they hope to offer some publications in the future to go along with their retreats. I hope these publications will be made available to those who are unable to attend the retreats as well. This is GOOD NEWS!! Thank you Lainey for posting it, and we should all keep this infant ministry in prayer.

I would like to respectfully disagree with those who have said that our soul can not be touched. I feel that it is exactly in our soul that the wound is the most dangerous. These types of trauma, affect our very spiritual make-up. In the same way the body (and mind) may have been mangled and beaten, so is the soul. When our soul is mangled, it goes to serve that our spiritual walk will be affected as well. Our ability to receive and live in God’s love has been radically altered, and it is almost as if we were made to be a spiritual cripple, not unwilling to walk the path before us, but UNABLE.

Chris, I have also wondered why God did not allow them to just kill me. It seemed it would have been more merciful to have let me die. Then to have let me think I was okay, and to get married and have children who were depending on me, only to find out I was too damaged to parent in a healthy way, to allow my husband to physically express his love to me. I felt like I had all that was good in me stolen, and in it;s stead I was left with an infection poisoning everyone and everything I touched. I found out later, in a sense this was true. Until healing could take place, I was simply a vessel in which the consequences of the abuse continues to pass through. Like someone rang a gong, deep in my soul whose resonance continued forever.

I was so angry. I felt that I had done what I needed to do by accepting what had happened to me as a child. FINE, it happened, I was resigned. What more did God want? What? He wants me to praise him and thank him in all circumstances? This really was a sticking point for me. I accepted it, but thank Him? C’mon now. who would? I sought out a spiritual director and at the first session, he asked me what the Resurrection meant to me personally in my life.

That was what was the beginning of my healing journey. One wrought with Depression, PTSD, body flashbacks, temptations to suicide, eating disorders, and self injury. Realizing there were a whole lot of mes in me was quite unsettling as well. But in the end, by the grace and love of God I have been brought to a place where I can honestly say if I could change my life and eliminate what happened to me, I would not. God has used what was intended to destroy me to transform me into a place where I can see the beauty that has come from my suffering. Not in spite of my suffering, but BECAUSE OF my suffering. In fact, when I was able to see what he had done with my pain, I was sorry I could not suffer more for him, for he repays 100 fold in consolation and joys.

I want to assure you that there is a purpose to your suffering, no matter how much that may seem hard to believe right now. That you have been hurt, but God will use this suffering to make you a more beautiful soul, more able to reflect more clearly his image. But first, your soul needs to be healed. The distortions and belief systems that were altered by the trauma need to be transformed, and that is what will come through the suffering if you do it WITH HIM. Even if it seems He is not there, He is. Even when it seems like all is lost, CLING to the foot of that cross and DO NOT LET GO!! He is there and he is strengthening and purifying you. There is no wrong way on your journey IF YOU TRUST HIM, you will end up where you belong. You will one day lift your head and find that even though it seemed you would never make it, that it seemed sometimes you would die on your way … you made it to the top … and the view is such as to make all the pain seem a distant blur among battles waged and won as you find your renewed self in the victory of Your Savior.

 

[Ana]

Martha, i wanted to acknowledge your tremendous pain in the fact that this did not happen to you, but to your lovely and precious child. I cannot ponder your pain without crying. For I am a mother, and I know through a different but severe trauma with one of my children how difficult it can be. I have heard that no one suffered more than Jesus, except maybe Mary. Lean on her as you make your way through your pain, and attempt to console and strengthen yourl ovely daughter through hers… She knows bettter than anyone, what it is like to see her child brutally attacked. To see Him be abandoned by those that were supposed to love Him. She exemplified a model for us in her trust in God at that moment, in her quiet yes, that entailed her heart carrying a pain so deep, that if it were not for the Holy Spirit to sustain her, she would have died. I beleive the Holy Spirit has and will continue to sustain you, and all others who taste and share in the cup of bitterness. I cannot say that I have been brought to the same type of healing yet, concerning the trauma to my child (thus my weeping.) But I believe with all of my heart, mainly because of my healing in the other area, that God has a purpose through this as well. And as i continue to carry this cross, I know it will end where it is supposed to…in victory and for His glory. I cling to my mothers hand and with her I sit at the foot of the cross and try my hardest to be a consolation to my son, as she was to hers.

 

[Ana]

Catharina, I see that your daughter was raped as well. I am so sorry and I did not mean to exclude you when I addressed Martha. So many precious souls have shared their hurts here and I am having a little trouble remembering names as I get to know everyone here.

Dori, what horror!! I actually think I have run across you before a few years ago. If not I ran into someone that shares almost the same details of your horrific experience. Except this person also had her privacy violated by publishing personal details in a local paper. Was this you? Also, I am sorry to hear of your husbands reaction to what happened. I can only imagine how detrimental it was to your recovery to have your husband suggest an open marriage. (FUME) Similar to hanging form a cliff by your fingernails and instead of reaching down to offer you a hand up, he steps on your fingers.

Which reminds me of something I meant to bring up with Martha earlier. Shame on that mean and hard hearted priest. I am going to remember him in prayer, because a person in his position is held more accountable. C’mon let’s pour hot coals on his head shall we?

I am also sorry about the comments and insinuations your daughter has had to endure. I was raped by my uncle when I was 17. I pressed legal charges, and was immediately abandoned by my extended family as they flocked around him like a wounded pidgeon. I am sorry you had to experience that type of rejection when you were so needy.

 

[catharina]

Catharina, I see that your daughter was raped as well. I am so sorry and I did not mean to exclude you when I addressed Martha. So many precious souls have shared their hurts here and I am having a little trouble remembering names as I get to know everyone here.

Dori, what horror!! I actually think I have run across you before a few years ago. If not I ran into someone that shares almost the same details of your horrific experience. Except this person also had her privacy violated by publishing personal details in a local paper. Was this you? Also, I am sorry to hear of your husbands reaction to what happened. I can only imagine how detrimental it was to your recovery to have your husband suggest an open marriage. (FUME) Similar to hanging form a cliff by your fingernails and instead of reaching down to offer you a hand up, he steps on your fingers.

Which reminds me of something I meant to bring up with Martha earlier. Shame on that mean and hard hearted priest. I am going to remember him in prayer, because a person in his position is held more accountable. C’mon let’s pour hot coals on his head shall we?

I am also sorry about the comments and insinuations your daughter has had to endure. I was raped by my uncle when I was 17. I pressed legal charges, and was immediately abandoned by my extended family as they flocked around him like a wounded pidgeon. I am sorry you had to experience that type of rejection when you were so needy.

Ana, in fact you must have confused my posts with someone else’s.
I have no daughter who was raped. I have no daughter at all.
I’ve worked with many young girls and young women who were rape victims.

My sympathy to you for you difficult experiences and memories.

 

[Ana]

Ana, in fact you must have confused my posts with someone else’s.
I have no daughter who was raped. I have no daughter at all.
I’ve worked with many young girls and young women who were rape victims.

My sympathy to you for you difficult experiences and memories.

…and I was trying to be so careful with the names!! Thank you for your sympathies.

Chris, I attempted to PM you, but you are set not to receive them.
I wanted to ask you if you have ever been through deliverance counseling? It was VERY helpful for me. It seems that crimes like this very often can result in different forms of demonization. Not that we automatically get possessed or anything, but that often it leaves many hooks for them to *hang their hats." This alone was probably the best thing I did, cause it kind of cleared the way for healing to take place, as well provided me with the spiritual and emotional tools I needed. I went through deliverance counseling with Bro. John through the The Legion of St. Michael, but when I checked it said that they are not accepting clients right now. If you were interested I would keep checking back. Bro John is amazing and has a lot of experience counseling victims of sexual trauma. He does over the phone counseling and he really knows his stuff. He does this for no money though we can make a free will donation. It has been probably three years since I have spoken with him, and still when I think of him, I am filled with gratitude. I can honestly say, if it were not for his spiritual guidance, I do not believe I would be standing here today.

 

[centurionguard]

Ana:

I want to assure you that there is a purpose to your suffering, no matter how much that may seem hard to believe right now. That you have been hurt, but God will use this suffering to make you a more beautiful soul, more able to reflect more clearly his image. But first, your soul needs to be healed. The distortions and belief systems that were altered by the trauma need to be transformed, and that is what will come through the suffering if you do it WITH HIM. Even if it seems He is not there, He is. Even when it seems like all is lost, CLING to the foot of that cross and DO NOT LET GO!! He is there and he is strengthening and purifying you. There is no wrong way on your journey IF YOU TRUST HIM, you will end up where you belong. You will one day lift your head and find that even though it seemed you would never make it, that it seemed sometimes you would die on your way … you made it to the top … and the view is such as to make all the pain seem a distant blur among battles waged and won as you find your renewed self in the victory of Your Savior.

Greetings Ana;

What you have efficaciously taken time to share is resemblance to so many crossroads that echo from my own personal human experiences and within the depths of my own soul being drawn inwards endeavouring to embrace the spiritual beauty of God’s love for me. Undoubtedly; coupled with a feeling of personal regret, it is most apparent that God has a much greater embrace on my soul than I should have realized long ago. Having gone through so many years of deep pain and despair I wish I could have reciprocated more love than I did back to God. It is something of immense importance that I must be ever cognizant of and make earnest effort to improve with God’s merciful graces by increasing a fervent prayer life than is current in my life.
In hindsight I have no doubt in my faith that God has been close to me all throughout my life even in the darkest shadowed events of my life when I felt deathly alone in my sufferings when I had blindly perceived God had actually abandoned me. But; in reality I have felt that on many occasions, even years in my life after my torturous gang-rape when I thought I had no soul whatsoever. Perhaps it is an important necessity that God should test my being through many burdened trials and sometimes very heavy crosses to bear. If it be for no other reason but strictly a test like that of Job in the Old testament; so God can find out if I still loved my Creator with all my mind, with all my heart, and with all my soul regardless of what inhumanities I would be subjected to in the (“ Dark Night of the Soul”), which in effect is what Saint John of the Cross and Saint Theresa of Avila make mention of in the mortification of the primitive human senses. I was gang-raped at the age of twenty-three. Being a heterosexual male I had so many aspirations. I had so much wished I could have found a special Catholic woman with a big heart to love with all my heart, beautiful children, a decent job. It was not meant to be. When I was thirty-three when I started reading every catholic spiritual book I could get my hands on. I always had a fond love for the writings of the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen. He wrote much about human suffering. (“He made a beautiful simplistic analogy once about signing your name on a blank cheque. The cheque itself symbolized your own personal human sufferings big and small. The fact of having your signature on this cheque made it valueless. Sheen went on to say that if individual humans were to allow Jesus to Co-sign His signature on this cheque it would become infinite in value”).
That short lesson has always played on my mind for some reason. The Cross of Christ is always before us throughout our seemingly short journey in our lives. How many times have I tried to walk away from that Cross only to come full circle. Looking in hindsight it was probably a bigger blessing than I could fully comprehend. The fact that Jesus would choose to confront insignificant me with His Cross time and time again. Acceptance of His Cross and all that it mystically symbolizes for me and the immense difficulty of joining my painful gang-rape to His Cross (“is”) and has been a bigger challenge than I ever dared imagine. Yes; I have felt besieged by many plagues all my life/ or is it that I have been paradoxically blessed with so many health illnesses. Diabetes, Angina, Arthritis, Asthma, Seizures, Chronic Back Pain and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Recently six weeks ago having had extensive blood test at the local hospital I went to see an Oncologist and am scheduled for further testing for the possible prognosis of pancreatic cancer. Sigh ! Maybe our Good Shepherd wants to take me home early. In my human weakness I would be lying if I didn’t mention that I was entertaining fears. Being a heterosexual man I feel like an oddball sharing much vulnerability, considering that most men would feel less of a man doing so.
I don’t think it would be lacking in insight to say that most married women have the inner wisdom to see beyond the emotional walls that their spouses hide behind. Physically/Mentally my energy is drained by so many illnesses and PTSD. But in truth though I am beginning to see that my illness is not what is paramount. Many loved ones in my family are terminally ill. Some with cancer and A.L.S. disease. Perhaps God has put me in the position I am presently so that I should reach out with my heart to those who very ill physically and mentally. Perhaps this is where I too will find the inner strength I need.

 

[Lainey63]

Centurianguard

It is well known by those who have experience in sexual abuse counseling that the effects on a male, especially in the case of gang rape are much more devastating to to males. I don’t know if you knew realized that. I surf alot on these forums, and I didn’t got back to read your posts again but I do hope that you are continuing with therapy. Sometimes, what helps me is just to imagine myself at the foot of the cross and embracing it, kissing the wounds on the feet of Jesus and just gazing into his eyes. Not really praying, just being. I also say the prayer to the Precious Wounds of Jesus…to heal the wounds of my soul. They both give me some peace and hope. I know that many times I pray for children that they are protected against predators and for the parents of missing children, who are standing at the foot of the cross with Mary. I will be praying for you that you are healed; mentally, spiritually and physically. I know that for me they are all intertwined. Also, the beautification process for Archbishop Fulton Sheen is in full gear right now, maybe you ought to pray to him.
I remember I got to listen to a bunch of his talks about 20 years ago. But the one thing I remember is this he said that in the least likely places you will find Christ. That is one of the reasons He was born in poverty in a stable.
Just a little note-one gift that I have been recently given is that I can feel the Love of the Cross and the affection from Jesus that exudes from the Cross. I used to cringe about the carrying my cross and how much it hurts and how hard it is…but I am now finding that I am attracted to the cross…because of the Love He has for us. This has really amazed me.

 

[centurionguard]

Centurianguard

It is well known by those who have experience in sexual abuse counseling that the effects on a male, especially in the case of gang rape are much more devastating to to males. I don’t know if you knew realized that. I surf alot on these forums, and I didn’t got back to read your posts again but I do hope that you are continuing with therapy. Sometimes, what helps me is just to imagine myself at the foot of the cross and embracing it, kissing the wounds on the feet of Jesus and just gazing into his eyes. Not really praying, just being. I also say the prayer to the Precious Wounds of Jesus…to heal the wounds of my soul. They both give me some peace and hope. I know that many times I pray for children that they are protected against predators and for the parents of missing children, who are standing at the foot of the cross with Mary. I will be praying for you that you are healed; mentally, spiritually and physically. I know that for me they are all intertwined. Also, the beautification process for Archbishop Fulton Sheen is in full gear right now, maybe you ought to pray to him.
I remember I got to listen to a bunch of his talks about 20 years ago. But the one thing I remember is this he said that in the least likely places you will find Christ. That is one of the reasons He was born in poverty in a stable.
Just a little note-one gift that I have been recently given is that I can feel the Love of the Cross and the affection from Jesus that exudes from the Cross. I used to cringe about the carrying my cross and how much it hurts and how hard it is…but I am now finding that I am attracted to the cross…because of the Love He has for us. This has really amazed me.

Hi Lainey;

My Sincere Appreciation for your valued (name removed by moderator)ut;

I have always had a great love for Archbishop Fulton Sheen’s writings. Not unlike some of the many teachings of modern day Saint John Vianney who was ahead of his time.
I think much same is true for Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. Beautiful prolific writer and speaker. (“Divinity Is Always Where One Least Expects To Find It”)
This speaks of so much about inspiring Hope and Faith when seeking out God in troubled times of spiritual unrest. Sheen makes that statement speaking about the Mystery of the Incarnation in the second chapter in one of his greatest book publications in 1958 entitled (“The Life of Christ”). Of all his publications this book is amongst his best penned treasures. Without the Cross of Christ none of us will find true Happiness.
Not the illusive happiness of this world. But of that which lies beyond this mundane world in Christ Jesus. If we are to be true followers in Christ we will never be separated from His Cross of Love and what it symbolized in the humble service towards others.

Kind Regards
Chris

 

[centurionguard]

…and I was trying to be so careful with the names!! Thank you for your sympathies.

Chris, I attempted to PM you, but you are set not to receive them.
I wanted to ask you if you have ever been through deliverance counseling? It was VERY helpful for me. It seems that crimes like this very often can result in different forms of demonization. Not that we automatically get possessed or anything, but that often it leaves many hooks for them to *hang their hats." This alone was probably the best thing I did, cause it kind of cleared the way for healing to take place, as well provided me with the spiritual and emotional tools I needed. I went through deliverance counseling with Bro. John through the The Legion of St. Michael, but when I checked it said that they are not accepting clients right now. If you were interested I would keep checking back. Bro John is amazing and has a lot of experience counseling victims of sexual trauma. He does over the phone counseling and he really knows his stuff. He does this for no money though we can make a free will donation. It has been probably three years since I have spoken with him, and still when I think of him, I am filled with gratitude. I can honestly say, if it were not for his spiritual guidance, I do not believe I would be standing here today.

Hi Ana;

Sorry about some of my settings being turned off. If you so choose I think you’ll be able to PM me now. You had mentioned Deliverance Counseling. The only place I heard about this is in one of Father Micheal Scanlan’s books (“1980”) on Spiritual Warfare. (“Deliverance From Evil Spirit’s”) In the late 1980’s I had the privilege of meeting him twice in person. Once in my home country Canada and once at a huge F.I.R.E. rally at the campus University of Steubenville in Ohio, U.S.A. In fact Father Scanlan then president of the university signed the book I purchased while I spoke with him. His book does implicitly mention about people who undergo various bouts of depression. It does not however speak about rape affliction. The book speaks about the evil spiritual forces at work that undermine temptations, failures, and numerous difficulties that hinder are spiritual growth and seeing God inside our day to day lives. I had read this book decades ago and completely forgot about it. I thank you for speaking about it. I’m going to re-read this book. I never heard about The Legion of St. Michael. Do you know if Brother John does correspondence via an Internet link ? Any help would be appreciated.

Kind Regards
Chris

 

[Ana]

Ana:

What you have efficaciously taken time to share is resemblance to so many crossroads that echo from my own personal human experiences and within the depths of my own soul being drawn inwards endeavouring to embrace the spiritual beauty of God’s love for me.

Of course, Chris. This is what you were created to do. And because you do this … no, strive for this, you can be at peace knowing that you are cooperating with God’s will as best as you are able, according to the grace He has given you thus far. Not only that, but that you are progressing, even amidst the darkness.
It is apparent through your beautiful abilities of expression, that he has brought you very far already, and proven by your very soul “endeavoring to embrace God’s love,” you can rejoice in anticipation of the fullfillment of God’s will for you. God’s will for you is victory.

Undoubtedly; coupled with a feeling of personal regret, it is most apparent that God has a much greater embrace on my soul than I should have realized long ago. Having gone through so many years of deep pain and despair I wish I could have reciprocated more love than I did back to God.

Chris, you are realizing this now because God has helped you to see something you were NOT ABLE to see then. You cannot regret personally something that was not your fault. You loved him as much as you could. Your ability to receive (and consequently reciprocate ) God’s love was SERIOUSLY altered by that tragic event, and even our earthly wounds take time to heal. If our legs were broken, would we feel badly that we didn’t run a marathon for God?

You are called to love yourself the way God calls you to love you, and that is with his love. Be merciful to yourself as he is, and look on that young man in you with love and compassion!! Chris, my heart, you are a survivor whether you feel like one or not. You are here aren’t you? Alive? That’s all it means to survive, is to make it through something, to continue existing. You can survive a fire, a car wreck, a gang rape … What you are looking for, what your soul (responding to God’s grace) is striving for and won’t settle for less … IS VICTORY. Victory, my dear brother in Christ, you can be assured of, and it is what God wants for you. Believe. It is true.

It is something of immense importance that I must be ever cognizant of and make earnest effort to improve with God’s merciful graces by increasing a fervent prayer life than is current in my life.

You are absolutely right. We should all do that, but it is important to remember that we will never earn God’s love. The sense of shame and contamination that can come from sexual violence, is a consequence of the sin. It creates obstacles in our ability to love God by altering our belief system. Lies get put in there that cloud the sight of the truth. It is important to listen to your own thoughts and combat those lies with the Truth of God’s Church. Satan tries to use your experience to confuse you … to block His Truth!

I can only share what some of my lies were … I am gross and disgusting. God does not love me. I want to die. I hate myself. I hate my vagina. I hate men. I hate God. God hates me. I am a sexual object. I am here for others sexual pleasure. It was my fault. I should have done this or that. I hate sex. The world is a dangerous place. It will hurt me. I can’t protect myself. I will fail. I am a horrible person, wife, mother, daughter, friend … everything. I am crazy. I am better off dead. I am not good for anything. Everything I touch goes bad, etc. etc. Your’s will be different. Even if at the time, we don’t deep down believe these truths. It is VITAL that we CHOOSE to believe it. The effect will follow. (just like your siggie.)

I recommend studying intensely the Church’s teachings on human sexualtiy. Especially, Pope JPII’s Theology of the Body. The deeper we understand God’s purpose for our sexuality, the better we will be at combating and replacing those lies with the truth, at the very depths of our soul. This is where secular psychology cannot reach, but GOD CAN!! Satan is the father of LIES. I firmly believe lies are the seed of sin and it’s consequences continue to resonate as long as there is a lie to keep it alive. (Even the acts of your perpetrators began with a lie. Somewhere deep inside they BELIEVED they had the right to do what they did.) Eliminate the lies, one by one, leaving no roads for these consequences to travel on. In their stead is the rock solid foundation of God’s Truth. And that is what you need to stand on, to make it through this storm.

In hindsight I have no doubt in my faith that God has been close to me all throughout my life even in the darkest shadowed events of my life when I felt deathly alone in my sufferings when I had blindly perceived God had actually abandoned me. But; in reality I have felt that on many occasions, even years in my life after my torturous gang-rape when I thought I had no soul whatsoever.

In hindsight because of the growth you have already experienced. An observation that I am sure will become even more apparent in it’s truthfullness, as you continue to grow and will be realized in it’s fullness in Heaven. I have a scritpure verse I would like to share with you concerning attempts at soul snatching, and God’s response. I need to find it, it’s somewhere in the Old Testament, but suffice it to say … God wins.

cont.