Catholic gal dating Muslim Man

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Happynoodlecat,
I am a Catholic married to a Pakistani muslim for 15 years. This marriage made my Catholic faith stronger. I was a cradle Catholic before getting married. I had no understanding of the jewel that I had in Christ.

I married my husband thinking that love will conquer all. I did not even think through what will happen if we have children. All I knew was that I will remain Catholic and he will remain a muslim and all would be well with the world.

The first few years of marriage were a major adjustment. When we bought our first house, my husband told me never to put a crucifix inside our house. I obeyed. I bought rosaries and small crucifixes, but they were inside drawers. However, I was never allowed to put a crucifix in our bedroom. Several years later, it wasn’t me that bought a crucifix in our house, but our son. He had made a crucifix for easter and had given it to me. Uncannily, my son put it in my bedroom. Thus we had a crucifix in our bedroom for a while.

A saving grace in our marriage was that his close relative in the US lived 600 miles away from us and that his parents have died several years before we met. I say this because interference from relatives were minimal, although if we do visit his relatives, my husband gets indoctrinated of what a muslim does or does not do.

One summer, we visited his relatives. We stayed there for three days and one of those days fell on a Sunday. Of course I requested my husband to go with me to find a church in the city. we went looking for a Catholic church, but got there after mass ended. So we went home. After my husband’s relative found out where we went, his relative told me that “You will burn in hell for going to church.”

This started me in a search for an understanding of my faith. I started to pray more and started going to mass more. I noticed that the more I prayed, the more harmonious my life became. A few years later we were blessed with a son. My struggle started because he wanted his only son to become a muslim. I said nothing, but prayed hard. It took him a year and a half before he allowed my son’s baptism.

Same thing happened when my son started school. He wanted to put him in a secular school and then take him to the mosque for his sunday school. I did not say anything, yet I prayed and prayed. Somehow, by the grace of God, he agreed to put him in a Catholic school. There was also an incident where he wanted to take my son to the mosque. We were all dressed up to go to the mosque, suddenly, my son had hives all over his body. It ended with him going to the mosque and my son and I to the hospital.

When it was time for my son’s first communion, again I said nothing, but I prayed. This was the time that he had his first heart attack. He went to the hospital and this hospital transferred him to a catholic hospital as the catholic hospital had better cardio facilities and doctors. While they were doing the procedure on him, his heart stopped for a few seconds, meanwhile I was outside praying. A few days after the procedure, he brought the communion topic up. He said that my son can attend his first communion. I hurriedly filled out the communion slip. It was close to a week before his communion. Phew!

So you see, happynoodlecat, by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am able to bring my son up in the Catholic faith, against all odds. However, I still believe that it is better if a husband and wife belong to the same faith. Otherwise, you will be unevenly yoked. I pray for the day that my family can worship together as one. Moreover, if his relatives in Pakistan knew that my husband’s son is being brought up as an infidel, it will be a great scandal, such that if ever I visit pakistan, it will be my demise.

Take care happynoodlecat. Marriage requires a lot of compromises and cannot be taken lightly. My advice is to pray and ask for Mary’s intercession. Do not make any decision that you have not offered to the Lord first. Actually, let HIM make the decision for you. Pray the St. Michael the Archangel prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten you. God Bless You.
 
Thank you for this piece of information, it’s called convalidation.
The convalidation is the process by which the couple is able to correct the lack of form of their civil or out-of-the-Church marriage. It adds validity where there was invalidity before.

When both parties are Christian it is also the point where the Church recognizes the marriage as Sacramental. When one spouse is non-Christian, the marriage is never Sacramental but can be made valid.
 
As a Catholic, the general expectation is that you will marry a Catholic, however, marrying a non-Catholic is permitted, providing that it is done in a Catholic church, with a Catholic ceremony, that the non-Catholic promises never to interfere with your religion or encourage you to lapse in it or convert away from it and that all children will be raised as Catholics. This is the teaching of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church also teaches that only Catholicism has the full and complete truth (you won’t hear many people saying this anymore, but it is still the Church’s teaching). You should not believe, as a Catholic, that Islam is “just another path to God”, if you wish to be a Catholic (even if for no other reason, if you accept that, then you accept that there is no reason why he is not right and you are wrong). For this reason, you should feel no reason to attend his ceremonies. Also, however, you should feel no obligation to attempt to convert him, or try to bring him to Mass, as this will quickly do great damage to your relationship.
 
As a Catholic, the general expectation is that you will marry a Catholic, however, marrying a non-Catholic is permitted, providing that it is done in a Catholic church, with a Catholic ceremony, that the non-Catholic promises never to interfere with your religion or encourage you to lapse in it or convert away from it and that all children will be raised as Catholics. This is the teaching of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church also teaches that only Catholicism has the full and complete truth (you won’t hear many people saying this anymore, but it is still the Church’s teaching). You should not believe, as a Catholic, that Islam is “just another path to God”, if you wish to be a Catholic (even if for no other reason, if you accept that, then you accept that there is no reason why he is not right and you are wrong). For this reason, you should feel no reason to attend his ceremonies. Also, however, you should feel no obligation to attempt to convert him, or try to bring him to Mass, as this will quickly do great damage to your relationship.
Wait a Second Wait a Second! HOLD THE PRESS! How about this one religion hosts the marriage and the other raises the children. GREAT problem FIXED.
 
Because that’s not how it works…? 🤷

When you believe in a religion, you don’t just use it for ceremony and then pass off all the responsibilities and details of life to others who believe whatever they want. When you are Catholic, raising your children Catholic is an unavoidable and unnegotiable responsibility, just as I would imagine raising their children Muslim is for Muslims.
 
Because that’s not how it works…? 🤷

When you believe in a religion, you don’t just use it for ceremony and then pass off all the responsibilities and details of life to others who believe whatever they want. When you are Catholic, raising your children Catholic is an unavoidable and unnegotiable responsibility, just as I would imagine raising their children Muslim is for Muslims.
Very well said, thank you dzeremi:thumbsup:

Catechism of Catholic Church also states that.

God Bless.
 
i wanted to say thank you for the advice and information given.
I also read the book “muhammad and jesus” as suggested by Malgosia. it was a fascinating book and I learned alot not just about Islam, but Christianity as well from another person’s perspective.

However, the relationship ended due to him raping me.
 
However, the relationship ended due to him raping me.
:eek: I’m speechless…to be honest.

I’m so sorry this happened. Did you report him to the authorities? Put your trust in † God Our Father in heaven †, and try not to let the incident eat you inside out. You know what i mean.
 
i wanted to say thank you for the advice and information given.
I also read the book “muhammad and jesus” as suggested by Malgosia. it was a fascinating book and I learned alot not just about Islam, but Christianity as well from another person’s perspective.

However, the relationship ended due to him raping me.
Oh my, i hope your ok, God bless you and keep you safe in his protective embrace.
 
:eek: I’m speechless…to be honest.

I’m so sorry this happened. Did you report him to the authorities? Put your trust in † God Our Father in heaven †, and try not to let the incident eat you inside out. You know what i mean.
No I haven’t. I’m rather afraid to…

sigh i’m trying very hard to trust in God…but it’s not going very well. I feel ashamed and dirty anytime I go near a Catholic church.

I feel like i’m hitting a brick wall.

:banghead:
 
No I haven’t. I’m rather afraid to…

sigh i’m trying very hard to trust in God…but it’s not going very well. I feel ashamed and dirty anytime I go near a Catholic church.

I feel like i’m hitting a brick wall.

:banghead:
First things first. Visit a gynae to determine if everything’s alright. Then file a police report. Who knows? He could do this to another unsuspecting girl.

The Church is full of sinners, so there is nothing to feel dirty or ashamed about. This is exactly why we have the Church. She is Our nurturing Mother and She will listen to our cries for help. She will understand our pain and listens to our prayers and will relate them to Our Father. The only thing you need to do is show up at Church and pray. The healing will take place soon after. 🙂
 
First things first. Visit a gynae to determine if everything’s alright. Then file a police report. Who knows? He could do this to another unsuspecting girl.
I’m waiting on lab results. I was in denial about the whole situation until i described what happened and when my symptoms started appearing to my doctor.
D: i still find it very hard to accept the fact that the man that I loved so dearly raped me.
I’ve been talking to my parents about it too, they’ve been quite helpful, especially my dad. His threats about castration cheered me up quite a bit.
The Church is full of sinners, so there is nothing to feel dirty or ashamed about. This is exactly why we have the Church. She is Our nurturing Mother and She will listen to our cries for help. She will understand our pain and listens to our prayers and will relate them to Our Father. The only thing you need to do is show up at Church and pray. The healing will take place soon after. 🙂
I don’t really know how to explain it. I…don’t know, I just feel unworthy as a Catholic to go in there. I mean I know nobody’s perfect and that’s why we go there, but…it’s heartbreaking.
My mom suggested that I go talk to the priest that lives on the same floor as me in the dorm.
 
No I haven’t. I’m rather afraid to…

sigh i’m trying very hard to trust in God…but it’s not going very well. I feel ashamed and dirty anytime I go near a Catholic church.
I am very sorry to hear that things turned out as they did!! There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for you to feel that way, none whatsoever!!! If you cannot talk to a Priest, which could be understandable, perhaps meeting and speaking with a Sister would be better. But whatever you do, PLEASE look to the Church as your SAFE HAVEN!!
I feel like i’m hitting a brick wall.
:banghead:
You have suffered a trauma, and a great one at that. PLEASE do not feel that you are at fault. Do not stay away from the Church!!

I will remember you in my prayers!!
 
I’m waiting on lab results. I was in denial about the whole situation until i described what happened and when my symptoms started appearing to my doctor.
D: i still find it very hard to accept the fact that the man that I loved so dearly raped me.
I’ve been talking to my parents about it too, they’ve been quite helpful, especially my dad. His threats about castration cheered me up quite a bit.
Well, this is a fact of life, nowadays, unfortunately. I’m just sorry that it had to happen to you. Your dad’s concerns are genuine and i would feel the same way too, if my daughter (if i had one) went through the same horrible things you did. But beneath all that anger he has right now, i am sure he’s a sane, descent man.
I don’t really know how to explain it. I…don’t know, I just feel unworthy as a Catholic to go in there. I mean I know nobody’s perfect and that’s why we go there, but…it’s heartbreaking.
My mom suggested that I go talk to the priest that lives on the same floor as me in the dorm.
It is heartbreaking. Even for me to read what you wrote, from thousands of miles away. Talking to a priest will be good and comforting. Trusting in God will be best. Have faith, cat. We are praying for you, brother RobHom and everyone else reading your posts.👍
 
words can not express how sorry i am to hear this.

please find a support group to help you with this horrible event that happened to you. most rape victims feel that somehow in someway they might have been responsible and you are going to need others that have been through what you have gone through to help you work out the mess of emotions you must be feeling. i am so sorry and believe me if i could find that man, i am sure i’d have to spend a year in confession (or jail) because Lord only knows what i would do to that disgusting, cowardly excuse of a man.

i kind of know what you mean about feeling weird in the Church, but that is because She sets the bar so high, but we ALL fall short. if you had ever gone to Catholic school or attended a St Paddy’s day parade, you’d know for sure that the Church is most definitely a hospital for sinners. talk to a priest or nun. i have gone into confession many times sure i was going to corrupt them with the latest sins i had to confess, but they have heard it all and have always been very kind, down to earth and understanding. i always try to explain why i did or think what i do and that really helps. and every time i feel like a weight has been physically lifted from my body. i’m not saying that you need to confess anything, cause obviously you did nothing wrong, but i just shared that to let you know that they are there for you.

i’m here for you too if you ever want to talk or just vent. please PM me anytime.

again, i am so sorry and promise i will keep you in my prayers.

much love,
jen
 
happynoodlecat;4071845:
I should also note that he’s a rather lax Muslim. Very modern sort of guy and very respectful. He enjoys drinking a nice beer once in a while with me. 😃 But he staunchly refuses to eat anything containing pork, which I respect, though it amuses me. :rolleyes:
I can’t give you the Catholic perspective, but it would concern me that he is “a rather lax Muslim.” That fact was obvious before you mentioned simply because he is dating you. And if he’ll abstain from pork but drink alcohol it shows that he’s not really serious about his religion. If he’s not serious about his religion, do you think that in the long run he’ll be serious about yours?

And are you sure that later down the road he might take a less compromising position towards his religion, and might become harder in his implementation? And what if you decide to get more serious, and you don’t like what he is teaching your children?

Just between you and me, I don’t trust guys like this. (And I’m a Muslim!!) But if you’re not planning to get married for another two years… there’s a lot that can happen in two years. 🤷
http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon14.gif Well said Sister Amy, you are totally right.
 
😦 Sister happynoodlecat, its a very shocking incident to hear :eek:, what on earth that evil man wanted!, why the rape, there are thousands of prostitutions on the streets for his evil lust, why he took advantage of your love & trust to end it with his sexual desire :banghead:.

Very sad indeed, very sad, where is the true faith in God, where are the moral values :nope:…

May God be with you Sister happynoodlecat.:gopray2:
 
Happynoodlecat, if anything, this should draw you closer to God for your healing. I know that may sound weird, but honestly, when I myself was traumatized, I only wanted God in my life and no one else. He brings great comfort in times of distress. Just trust in him, he will help you heal both mentally and physically.
Jesus is the best physician! 👍
 
I am very sorry to hear how this turned out for you. Please understand that you have done nothing wrong and turn to the Church in your time of need. You should not feel ashamed to enter a Church for any reason, we are most welcome in our time of need. In the end this will make you a stronger person and you will one day find a man who is worthy of your love and will treat you as you deserve or better 😉 .

Also, turn this “man” into the authorities. You, most likely will not be his last victim. I found stories like this to be rather common in relationships of Muslim men and non-Muslim women while during the time I spent in Asia. Whether it be the rape of non-Muslim girlfriends, the sexual exploitation and rape of non-Muslim women told they had recieved work or study visas and then had their passports confiscated, or the sexual exploitation or rape of non-Muslim domestic helpers. Often it seems the non-Muslim woman is viewed as someone for a good time before he marries a good muslim woman. It is sick and disgusting outlook, but it is widespread. Please report this “man” before he does this again.
 
You have my prayers and you have touched my soul.

Paul said that we should not be uneavenly yoked. I see this as being your problem. Please get help for what happened.

You should walk into the church with your head high. What occured was not a sin and it was not your fault. You should bow before God because you, like all of us, are a sinner. But the important thing is that you are welcome home in the Church at any time. We would love to have you back.
 
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