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DaisyNJesus
Guest
Hi,
I hope I am posting this in the right place. I am sorry if this will turn out into a rant, and a bit long.
I have been reading through lots of topics on the Catholic Answer Forums and find most of the posters serious and charitable.
So this is my first post, and I am sorry if some of you might find it a bit sad.
I am a diaspora Catholic and a convert. I converted at a young age. I did not have much Foundation in my former church tradition and I was rather hungry for the living God. What I am trying to say, I met some Catholics who told me a lot of new ideas and introduced me to a lot of private apparitions which I now find rather strange. I guess I was pulled in by the prospect that I too could experience God and communicate with him more directly… so I tried for a while to live a very strict life with hours of prayer and fasting, in the hope that I too would become as pious as the saints and have more of Him. I wasn’t well catechised, but after entering the Church I read a lot and am now a very informed Catholic. I do very much admire and amen so much of Catholic doctrine… it sure is a rich and secure body of teaching.
Unfortunately I do not feel at home.
I guess some Converts are convinced of everything and they turn out to be the best Catholics. But I always encounter the same doubts in my self, because I often feel more like a Protestant than a Catholic. There are certain emphasis within Catholic piety that I cannot understand, even after having read and prayed tons… Many catholics told me, it does not matter that you feel you cannot do this or that or sing this or pray that, but it does create a clear feeling of estrangement within me, and suspicion and unease.
Sometimes I feel like I would fit into a Pentecostal church more - I used to attend one, after I became Catholic -… Its the only place I felt at home with the people, where community was really alive, where the focus was really on Jesus and on all the Things he has done and can still do, instead of on intellectual and moralistic questions. I had friends there, we were happy about the faith, we sang, we studied the Bible, we saw miracles.
I feel that its almost like a culture… and I cannot understand the Catholic culture which to me seems to stress the intellectual ( like the scripes instead of the way Jesus was), to stress the suffering instead of all the healings that Jesus showed us in his Gospels, to stress Mary and the Saints when it comes to prayers, instead of trusting Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit and growing in their personal Love and power, and to stress the elitist clericalism, which for me seems very odd, when I think of the powerful testimonies from ordinary folkes within the other churches… people who even raise people from the dead, and who dont talk about holy orders, mortifications etc.
I am reading right now the book by Heidi Baker who could most be described as a pentecostal. She is a clearly a mystic, she had a vision where she was getting married to Jesus, yet she is a wife and a mother of two, a missionary in Africa who sees visions, hears from Jesus so much, and who have prayed for soo many people so that they got healed even from AIDS. People even get raised from the dead in her ministry…
How is that possible? How can a Pentecostal who probably lives in the deadly sin of contraception hear so much from Jesus and do such a splendid Work for him?
To be honest, Id much rather meet Heidi Baker and speak to her than the Bishop of Rome. I am just being honest. What people like her have, is what I desire… they have an intimacy with Christ, and they are so focused on the Gospels and imitating him, and their life looks like his. this latter part is what I would like to focus on. They dont just have the right Words about poverty, or about catechism, but they actually preach the Word, convert hundreds, heal hundreds (eg. Moslems who then become Christians because they were healed physically first)
Indeed I feel the Catholic suffering-“saint image” of Christ in the middleages, and the one that is shown me through people like Heidi Haker are two different views of God.
I ask myself, when Heidi Baker hears so much from Jesus, which is truly also evident from the fruits in her life, then why does he not call her to join the catholic Church? She is more an example than any catholic I have met, and Jesus does not tell her she needs the Eucharist… I ask myself why?
It might sound like a stupid question, but please, I would like to hear from people who have also experienced and read books about whats going on within other churches. Can anyone relate to my questions? I am not trying to provoke at all… Oh it would be much easier if the power and love of God was much less alive among “them” than within our circles… but it seems the opposite.
What do you say?
I hope I am posting this in the right place. I am sorry if this will turn out into a rant, and a bit long.
I have been reading through lots of topics on the Catholic Answer Forums and find most of the posters serious and charitable.
So this is my first post, and I am sorry if some of you might find it a bit sad.
I am a diaspora Catholic and a convert. I converted at a young age. I did not have much Foundation in my former church tradition and I was rather hungry for the living God. What I am trying to say, I met some Catholics who told me a lot of new ideas and introduced me to a lot of private apparitions which I now find rather strange. I guess I was pulled in by the prospect that I too could experience God and communicate with him more directly… so I tried for a while to live a very strict life with hours of prayer and fasting, in the hope that I too would become as pious as the saints and have more of Him. I wasn’t well catechised, but after entering the Church I read a lot and am now a very informed Catholic. I do very much admire and amen so much of Catholic doctrine… it sure is a rich and secure body of teaching.
Unfortunately I do not feel at home.
I guess some Converts are convinced of everything and they turn out to be the best Catholics. But I always encounter the same doubts in my self, because I often feel more like a Protestant than a Catholic. There are certain emphasis within Catholic piety that I cannot understand, even after having read and prayed tons… Many catholics told me, it does not matter that you feel you cannot do this or that or sing this or pray that, but it does create a clear feeling of estrangement within me, and suspicion and unease.
Sometimes I feel like I would fit into a Pentecostal church more - I used to attend one, after I became Catholic -… Its the only place I felt at home with the people, where community was really alive, where the focus was really on Jesus and on all the Things he has done and can still do, instead of on intellectual and moralistic questions. I had friends there, we were happy about the faith, we sang, we studied the Bible, we saw miracles.
I feel that its almost like a culture… and I cannot understand the Catholic culture which to me seems to stress the intellectual ( like the scripes instead of the way Jesus was), to stress the suffering instead of all the healings that Jesus showed us in his Gospels, to stress Mary and the Saints when it comes to prayers, instead of trusting Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit and growing in their personal Love and power, and to stress the elitist clericalism, which for me seems very odd, when I think of the powerful testimonies from ordinary folkes within the other churches… people who even raise people from the dead, and who dont talk about holy orders, mortifications etc.
I am reading right now the book by Heidi Baker who could most be described as a pentecostal. She is a clearly a mystic, she had a vision where she was getting married to Jesus, yet she is a wife and a mother of two, a missionary in Africa who sees visions, hears from Jesus so much, and who have prayed for soo many people so that they got healed even from AIDS. People even get raised from the dead in her ministry…
How is that possible? How can a Pentecostal who probably lives in the deadly sin of contraception hear so much from Jesus and do such a splendid Work for him?
To be honest, Id much rather meet Heidi Baker and speak to her than the Bishop of Rome. I am just being honest. What people like her have, is what I desire… they have an intimacy with Christ, and they are so focused on the Gospels and imitating him, and their life looks like his. this latter part is what I would like to focus on. They dont just have the right Words about poverty, or about catechism, but they actually preach the Word, convert hundreds, heal hundreds (eg. Moslems who then become Christians because they were healed physically first)
Indeed I feel the Catholic suffering-“saint image” of Christ in the middleages, and the one that is shown me through people like Heidi Haker are two different views of God.
I ask myself, when Heidi Baker hears so much from Jesus, which is truly also evident from the fruits in her life, then why does he not call her to join the catholic Church? She is more an example than any catholic I have met, and Jesus does not tell her she needs the Eucharist… I ask myself why?
It might sound like a stupid question, but please, I would like to hear from people who have also experienced and read books about whats going on within other churches. Can anyone relate to my questions? I am not trying to provoke at all… Oh it would be much easier if the power and love of God was much less alive among “them” than within our circles… but it seems the opposite.
What do you say?
