Catholic in a Lutheran family

  • Thread starter Thread starter Michael16
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
They are Lutherans, not Catholics, it sounds to me. And they are over the age of reason so any decision to become Catholic is theirs.

I can tell you from my own experience what my mother did. I was baptized Episcopalian and raised in that church. My mom was baptized Catholic and raised Episcopalian for some reasons I won’t go into here. She returned to the Catholic Church when I was an older child. I lived with my grandparents for many years.

My mom respected that I was Episcopalian and did not try to make me go to the Catholic Church. I went for events like my siblings baptisms or if I asked to go with them. She never asked me if I wanted to be a Catholic (but I think she should have, perhaps). What she did do is pray for me, be a Catholic example, have plenty of Catholic books in her house that I read through the years.

I entered the Catholic Church at age 25.

Talk to your kids, make them part of the conversation and decision. Respect their current faith tradition.
 
Last edited:
I would be more apt to simply say that we are going to a different church now and that’s it. It would be one thing if you were going halfsies with their mother, but I would think that splitting time with the grandparents would be really confusing to the kids. Certainly, going to grandma and grandpa’s church for special occasions would be acceptable, but people change churches, schools, etc all the time for various reasons. I would explain that we are going to a Catholic Church from now on and leave it at that. Given that they’ve already had a recent change in custody and housing, and are about to experience a new one, it’s hard for me to imagine that this would be such a big deal. Also, isn’t eight the age where they do first Holy Communion? It is in my area, but I know that isn’t universal. I would definitely not want to “skip” this year in order to give my parents another year of false hope that they can talk me out of becoming Catholic.
 
There are some great children’s resources on FORMED.org. While not disparaging the Lutheran faith, they might help make the Mass more understandable for your children. Evangelization begins at home. Ultimately, as parents, we are trying to convert them to a life of faith, not just while they are under our roof. I’ve never met someone who became and stayed Catholic through attendance at Mass alone. They need a deeper understanding of why we do what we do. It would also help to form peer friendships in the Catholic church. As they age into teens, that social element gets more and more important. Prayers for you all.
 
Michael16 said:
Thank you, mrsdizzyd. I want to take that position; but I still want to honor my father and mother by not taking too hard of a “ they’re my kids, so back off “ position.
Click to expand...
How about taking it step-by-step with the children AND the rest of the family? For right now, just tell the adults that you’ll be taking the children to Mass every so often, because that’s your Church. Period. That gives everyone some space to breathe and adjust.

What I would definitely put my foot down about, is no disparaging of the Catholic church. You’re not disparaging their faith, and you have every right to expect the same consideration from them.
 
You absolutely have the right to say they’re your kids and back off. Your parents cannot dictate which church YOUR children attend.
 
The difference between us and others is the True Presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. What I suggest is when everyone is in a room together, that you open up http://savior.org/ (desktop or laptop - site won’t work on phones) without their knowing what you’re doing, and see how they react. If they believe in the True Presence, encourage them to become Catholic.

A wonderful couple who both died of aggressive cancer were a lovely example of ecumenism. I grew up thinking the dad was Baptist. When I converted, and attended the 6:30am Mass, I was stunned. He was a daily communicant. I also saw them in Mass on Sundays. I don’t know how they did things, but they alternated between Catholic and Baptist, and I think the kids chose Baptist. They may not have been told about the True Presence, so there might still be something down in their hearts.

At any rate, use that website I posted, without their knowing what you’re doing, and see how they react. We’ve started to do this with persons with autism. One woman reported her non-verbal daughter became very still when she brought up the page.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/holyangels/id9.html/
 
A Catholic parent’s duty is to raise their kids as Catholic. You might get your family to convert to Catholicism, all of my dad’s family was Lutheran, than one of them converted to Catholicism, now almost all of them are Catholic. If it were me, I would point out that there was no Lutheranism, until a guy named Luther. Obviously, you’re the parent, so you know what’s best for your kids. They are, your kids.
 
Right. And while I can appreciate wanting to work with people and try to make everyone happy, either they are going to be raised one way or another. Doing this half-Lutheran-half-Catholic business is just confusing things and probably going to cause additional un-needed stress when the time comes to finally put the food down and say, “We’re Catholic now.” The grandparents are not likely to be happy with this decision, regardless of when it’s made. Might as well make it now and draw a boundary.
 
The children’s mother just passed away and the OP’s living situation is in flux.

Prudent transition is the better course I think.
 
Last edited:
From my perspective, it is more prudent to make sure the children don’t miss their formation during a year when they should be participating in a Sacrament. (I realize I’m assuming that is the case, and possibly it isn’t.) I can say from experience that my parent’s divorce put an end to my formation, due to the logistics of my custodial parent not being the practicing Catholic. My mother didn’t object to my dad raising me in the Church, but she wasn’t doing the work for him, and he never bothered to get me enrolled in PSR. Once second grade came and went, I felt completely alienated from the Church every time I went to Mass, because I could not receive when other kids my own age could. Personally, I would not allow the feelings of grandparents to create that situation for the OPs children. I’ve no doubt they will be allowed to go to communion in the Lutheran Church. I think giving in at this crucial moment is pretty much confirming that they will be raised Lutheran and is probably the least prudent option.
 
I’d leave it to the OP whether changing churches would be considered a “hard line” for his children. Given the circumstances, I would think most 8yo really wouldn’t think much more of it than one of many changes that are happening at the same time. When I was 8, I didn’t even notice the difference between a Lutheran and Catholic Church. It sounds like he’s most concerned about the sensitivities of his parents, which I would think most people would agree are not something to spend a year or more going to a Church he no longer feels is best for his kids over.
 
The mother JUST died?

My goodness let the dust settle. This is an incredibly hard time for OP, his extended family but most importantly those poor children.

They will be in shock now. When they are older do they want to remember this time as a battle for their faith? Or where their family were gentle, kind and understanding? I’d be really careful you don’t damage their faith in God completely with this.

I would leave them with their lutheran community for now. They need support and familiarity and those communities are usually very good at providing this. I’d introduce catholic traditions slowly and subtly. Read stories on saints at night, catholic prayers etc. Take them to their church and then go to yours alone to set an example. Once they have been given time to grieve and life without mum becomes the normal only then would I attempt a faith shift.

OP I am truly sorry for your loss. I am sorry your children have to live without a mother. I will pray for your journey as a parent. Be kind to yourself and them. God is compassionate and will understand the delicacy of this situation.
 
If you just present your faith to them and don’t push them in any direction and end quarrels with your parents (kids know and dislike that a lot) one day the decision to go to a Catholic church on Sunday will come from them. And your parents reaction might just be different if it is coming from them. Usually grand parents give in a lot more to the kids as they would do to their own children.
And as for your parents (mine are atheist and I get needles and pins from mom with every occasion) as long as you convince them that you do not want leave the Lutheran church but you want just be a Catholic (emphasis on what you want to do and fade out to the negative of what being a Catholic implies to the Lutheran faith) and you avert all quarels away from them trying to make you say what is wrong with being a Lutheran and closer to where you found hope and comfort, things will get smoother. If your parents see you all back together and if they understand that you need your faith or else you crumble they will just back off. I mean in theory. But it does give rewards. From my experience avoiding theological issues in your family when the spirits are hot is key.
Prove to them that your faith is not something that divides you all as a family. Don’t turn it into a landmark position.
 
You can bring them alternatively to the two Church, why not?

But they cannot be Lutherans and Catholics. A choice must be made. As they are Lutherans, and doesn’t seem to want to be Catholics, I think your own options as a father are limited.

My condolences for their mother.
 
Last edited:
I am 58.

My maternal grandparents were Methodist. Naturally, my mother was Methodist as well. In any case, my father would never consult his mother- and father-in-law as to how to raise my sister and me. King Papa (I say this lovingly) ruled the house. He was Southern Baptist. That meant the rest of us would be Southern Baptists.

I would suggest you get out of your current living situation as soon as possible.
Stop discussing this issue with your in laws. Stop giving them the power to influence you.

You are King Papa. You are in charge of your family. As King Papa, you determine how your children should be raised. Lovingly transition your children to the Catholic Church.

I hope this helps. God bless you.
 
Last edited:
The decision of whether or not your children are raised in the Catholic Church and become Catholic is not your family’s to make. It is yours and your children’s.

It may take you and your children moving out of your father’s house at some point. For now, you may wish to allow them to attend both churches. But at some point, you will need to be firm about your desire to raise them Catholic and stop going to the Lutheran church.
 
Peace,
New beginnings! Go slowly! There are prayers, the Rosary, at first. Don’t make it a Control thing.
Remind them that Luther was a Catholic monk. Our doctrines are similar. Update yourself on differences & similarities. Are you,to bring them to Lutheran services,on your visitation weekends.
Here’s an idea! Can you work on your marriage? Unless remarried, it’s possible to heal hurts & the family is saved. Have the eyes & heart of God.
But, if remarried, we can’t unscramble eggs. Just a thought…
After a few months, our Christmas masses, could be the one, to start exposing kids to our side. I like to shake things up in a good way. Can you join them for the Lutheren service?? Only, if you can be Jesus, in your intent. Joining together for a total family worship!!
I’m sorry, that your family is fractured. Rise above pettiness.
It’s not clear, do you have sole custody now? If all week ends are yours, wait a month before a dramatic shake up. When beginning the transition, make it fun. Show similarities. Your kids love their other family. Try & love that family w them.
In Christs love
Tweedlealice
Merry Christmas.
 
Just wanting to clarify – the mom just died?

Keep things as normal as possible. Even after JFK was assassinated, Jackie still had JohnJohn’s birthday party.

The kids may have friends in the Lutheran Sunday School or church. Don’t disrupt that. If it were me, I would want to go down in history as being the best transitioner in the world. I would use the compassion that comes from my communion, which is Jesus, to make sure those children still feel loved, help them understand that mommy still loves them but she won’t be coming back, and everything else is going to stay the same. And what a great Christmas gift Jesus just gave mommy – to go home to live with Him.

From my own life – both moms are deceased now. Both residences have become cold buildings. The mother is indeed the heart of the home, and that’s why Jesus gave us Mary. Don’t forget to implore her to be the mommy of your home now.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top